Dare Me

by Parker Blue

  “Why Micah? He could have the same problem, since he’s an incubus.”

  “Okay,” Shade said, his expression suspicious, like he didn’t believe the reason for my objection. “Would you give it up to me, then?”

  “What if I need it?” I protested, groping for time.

  “If Micah and I agree you need it to protect the Underground, we’ll let you have it.”

  “That only works if you’re there when I’m in danger,” I protested.

  Distrust and something that looked like disgust joined the suspicion on his face. He opened his mouth, and I was absolutely certain I didn’t want to hear what he was going to say next, so I preempted him. “Okay, I’ll do it,” I said. “I’ll give it up after we get rid of Emmanuel.”

  He looked relieved. “Good.”

  “So what are you going to give me in return?”

  “Huh?”

  I’d surprised him there. “I’m giving up something very important to me, something that could protect the Underground and all the demons in it. What are you giving up?” I was hoping he’d offer to feed Lola. Maybe if we shared lust again, he’d remember how good we were together, remember how much he’d once cared for me. And maybe I wouldn’t have to rely on disturbing cowboys with way too much sex appeal.

  His mouth twisted in an expression I couldn’t decipher. “I’m giving up . . . you.”

  “Huh?”

  He shook his head. “I mean, after sharing memories and emotions with you, I realize that it’s vital for you to get your mojo back with Lola. To do that, you have to feed often.”

  “Yes?” I prompted him, wondering where this was going.

  “Austin is the best solution,” Shade said stiffly. Pain and regret flickered through his expression, then he hardened his face as if he wanted it to spread to his heart. “I want you to feed on him as often as possible until Lola is at a hundred percent.”

  “What?” I couldn’t believe my ears. Was he giving up on us?

  No, Fang said. HE’S DOING WHAT HE THINKS IS RIGHT, EVEN THOUGH IT’S KILLING HIM. ACCEPT GRACIOUSLY, VAL.

  I gulped, not least because it was exactly what I wanted to do. “I guess you haven’t left me much choice.”

  YOU CALL THAT GRACIOUS?

  Heck, it was the best I could do with the shock I felt.

  Shade’s answering smile was sad. “I do insist. Just . . . don’t enjoy it too much, okay?”

  I couldn’t promise that and realized I didn’t want to. I also realized I was tired of waiting for Shade to make up his mind. If he didn’t commit to something soon, I was done with him.

  I shook my head, not promising anything. “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

  “Yes, that and something else.”

  “Okay, what is it?”

  “I want to talk about one of your spells.”

  “Huh?” That came out of left field. “Which one?”

  “The demon exorcising spell.”

  “What about it?”

  His mouth firmed, and he looked very, very serious. “I don’t want to be a shadow demon anymore. I want you to take it out of me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Val

  I JUMPED TO my feet, accidentally knocking over the lamp as I did so. I gaped at Shade, not caring if it made me look like an open-mouthed fish of a dork. “You’ve got to be kidding me. No way.”

  That came out a whole lot louder than I intended. The breaking lamp and the tone of my voice got the attention of the hellhounds in the room. The adult ones, anyway. The only thing the puppies could think about at this age was Mama and milk.

  Sharra showed up in the doorway, too, all golden swirly. “What’s going on?”

  “Your idiot brother wants me to exorcise the demon in him.”

  NO WAY, DUDE, Fang said. He sounded shocked.

  Shade looked stubborn, like he was totally resolved to do this stupid thing no matter what we planned to do. “Yes, Fang. Way.”

  “You can’t,” I protested. “You don’t know what it’ll do to you.”

  “You exorcised the demon from Elspeth,” he said, still stubborn. “She seems all right.”

  “Yes, but the demon warring with the vampire inside her was driving her crazy. Removing her demon made her more sane, not less.”

  “And it’ll do the same for me,” Shade insisted.

  “You’re not insane,” I practically shouted at him. “Or maybe you are, for even remotely thinking this is a good idea.” I glanced at his sister, who was still standing in the doorway, hoping she’d back me up on this. Unfortunately, I couldn’t read her expression with those whirling ribbons of light.

  “We’re not insane,” Sharra said, her voice sounding strained. “But we are a danger to everyone around us.”

  “Huh? How do you figure?”

  “If it wasn’t for us, Emmanuel wouldn’t be here looking for us, wouldn’t be randomly killing demons and vampires in San Antonio.”

  “Wrong,” I said. “He’d still be killing demons and vampires wherever he was. And he’d eventually get to San Antonio on his quest for world domination.” Before they could respond, I added, “And we need you to get rid of problems like him.”

  “Problems which we caused in the first place,” Shade reminded me.

  “Your father did,” I protested. “Not you.”

  “A shadow demon did it,” Shade said. “And since shadow demons are a conduit to bring evil into this world, and we’re the only known shadow demons, it only makes sense to get rid of that conduit forever.”

  Sharra crossed the room to grasp her brother’s hand. “He’s right. No shadow demons, no threat of new full-blooded dangerous demons entering into our world.”

  “But we have to get rid of Emmanuel first, and we need you two to build a portal for us.”

  Shade nodded. “Yes, we’ll do that first, then you do the exorcism so we’ll never risk demons crossing over again.”

  “But, but . . . you don’t know what it will do to you. I used the spell on Gwen, only to get Lily out of her, and on the demons because they were unwillingly turned into vampires. And that was only to save their sanity.” Mixing demon and vamp blood made anyone crazy, unless, it seemed, you were a full-blooded demon. “You don’t know what will happen if I remove your demon.”

  “I know we’ll be fully human,” Shade said stubbornly. “And that’s enough for me.”

  “Yeah,” Sharra said wistfully. “Not have to worry about interdimensional energies covering our features . . .”

  Shade nodded. “Not have to worry that losing my temper could bring about an apocalypse.”

  HE’S ALSO THINKING HE WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT KILLING HIMSELF TO KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING, Fang let me know.

  None of this had to happen. Couldn’t Shade see that? Desperately, I said, “You can’t do this without knowing exactly what it will do to you. You don’t know how deep it goes into your psyche, how it might totally screw you up. You might really, really, regret it.”

  Sharra snorted. “Isn’t that our decision?”

  “No, it’s mine. As keeper of the encyclopedia, I’m the one who would use the spell, and I think this is a really bad idea.”

  “As Paladin, you should be all over this, wanting to keep the Underground and the rest of San Antonio safe. What’s the problem?” Sharra demanded.

  Sorry, that was the wrong card to play. “Okay, let’s look at it that way. As Paladin, defender of the Underground, why would I want to lose my greatest assets? A shadow demon can not only banish evil overlord types to another dimension, but can heal other demons in the organization without threatening exposure of their true nature to real humans. Why would we want to give that up?”

  Shade frowned, concentrating, then hi
s face smoothed out. “If you removed everyone’s demon with your exorcism spell, there would be no need for a Demon Underground. Everyone would be normal, human, able to live in the human world without fear of discovery. Isn’t that what we all want?”

  Oh, crap. He had a point.

  NO, Fang said, sounding appalled. IT’S NOT WHAT EVERYONE WANTS. THE DEMON PART OF THEM MAKES THEM SPECIAL, UNIQUE. A LOT OF THEM ENJOY THAT. AND IF YOU TAKE IT AWAY, THEY WOULDN’T BE SPECIAL ANYMORE.

  “Being special is overrated,” Shade said.

  THAT’S YOUR OPINION, Fang countered. I, FOR ONE, WOULD NOT WANT TO BE A MERE DOG.

  Heck, no. He wouldn’t be Fang then.

  Princess jumped up on the bed, ignoring the cries of her puppies, to lay her paw on Shade’s hand and look at him imploringly. ME, EITHER, Princess said. AND IF YOU LOSE YOUR DEMON, YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO TALK TO ME ANYMORE. THAT WOULD BE HORRIBLE FOR YOU.

  A brief flash of pain crossed Shade’s face as he petted his dog’s silky soft head. “Yes, that would be horrible and a steep price to pay. But I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and it’s something I have to do.”

  “No, you don’t,” I said. “I’m the one who would have to do it, and I refuse. I won’t be held responsible for such a stupid decision.”

  “Why, Val?” he asked, looking puzzled and a bit put out. “Don’t you want me to be normal, to be like everyone else? The rest of you can pass easily. For Sharra and me, it’s very difficult. Don’t you want what’s best for me?”

  Was he implying I wanted to keep him a demon for my own special purposes, so I could keep him to myself?

  PRETTY MUCH, Fang confirmed.

  Well, that sucked. And could I even say it wasn’t true? Yes, I liked the fact that Shade was part demon, just like me. It gave us something in common. If his demon was gone, would we still have that connection?

  I shook my head. No. Regardless of what it would do to our relationship, or lack thereof, I couldn’t do it. “Of course I want what’s best for you, and the organization. I’m just not convinced this is the right thing to do.”

  “But if I didn’t have to worry about my emotions getting loose and creating portals, we could be together,” Shade said.

  I closed my eyes. That was incredibly tempting, and I felt myself wavering for a moment, then realized my objections still held. What good was a live boyfriend if he had pudding for brains? “It’s an unknown, too dangerous.”

  “What would convince you?” he asked.

  I wasn’t sure anything would, but I gave it some thought. “We just don’t know enough about how it would really affect you,” I protested.

  “Well, there’s one way to find out. Do it.”

  “Unfortunately, it’s irreversible,” I shot back. “Listen, I exorcised the demons from those guys in Austin who were turned into vampires. It’s not exactly the same thing, but how about you talk to them, see how they’ve been coping with living without their demons?”

  Sharra patted Shade’s hand. “It’s a good idea. We might get some idea of what we’d be getting into. We don’t want to go from one bad situation into a worse one.”

  “Okay,” Shade said. “But if it looks like a viable option, I want you to do it.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I hedged. “And I want to get Micah’s opinion as well.”

  “Good,” Shade said, as if the issue were settled.

  DON’T WORRY, Fang said. PRINCESS IS GOING TO DO EVERYTHING SHE CAN TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT.

  Well, that was good because I really didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to examine my motives too closely, but the main thing was, I had a very bad feeling about it. “The former demons are now part of Lisette’s branch of the New Blood Movement. I’ll talk to Austin, see if we can arrange to meet with the vamps whose demons I exorcised. But I won’t do anything until we’ve dealt with Emmanuel. We might need you to banish him to another dimension.”

  “Thank you,” Shade said sincerely. “You’ll see. This will be the best thing to do.”

  I sincerely doubted it, and I hoped to forestall any other attempts to make me do it. I shrugged and left the room, hoping to find Austin.

  He wasn’t in my room anymore, thank goodness, but he was in the living room, reading a book.

  I felt a little shy, but decided to act as though nothing had happened between us. Briskly, I said, “There’s been a new development.”

  Austin shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Vampire hearing.”

  “What do you think?”

  “It doesn’t really concern me, but I think you’re right to get more information before you proceed with something so potentially dangerous.”

  I sank down onto the chair across from him. Now why couldn’t Shade see that? And why did he want to do it, anyway? Curious, I asked, “If you could have the vampire part of you removed, would you do it?”

  “It’s not an option, so I don’t worry about it.”

  “Come on, you have to have an opinion.”

  He thought about it for a moment. “I do miss some things about being human . . . being warm, eating real food, feeling the sun on my face. But it’s a trade-off. Losing those things gave me virtual immortality.”

  “So you wouldn’t do it? What if you get tired of living?”

  “I could always just walk into the sun. Growing old . . . doesn’t look like much fun. But I don’t know that I’ll ever get tired of living. I’ve seen so many advances in my lifetime. The inventiveness of the human mind is endlessly fascinating. Who knew, a couple of hundred years ago, that we’d be able to travel in space, talk with people face to face in another part of the world with a small portable device, or exceed the speed of sound?” He gave me a half smile. “I’m always wondering what we’ll invent next.”

  “Maybe a way to annihilate ourselves forever.”

  “Maybe. I’ll wait and see.”

  That was an interesting perspective, one I’d never considered. And maybe I even envied him his immortality.

  “What about you, Val? Would you give up Lola if you could?”

  Hmm, must be time for philosophy. “Maybe. If you’d asked me a few months ago on my eighteenth birthday, there would have been no question. I would have said absolutely yes.” Then, I’d longed for nothing more than to be a normal teenaged girl like my half-sister, Jen. “But now that using the spells weakens Lola, I see how much I rely on her. I’d really miss her if she was gone.” Not to mention being unable to speak to Fang. Unthinkable.

  I shrugged. “Besides, too many people know me as the Slayer, and I’ve created enemies. I’d hate to be without any ability to defend myself.” I’d have to start over, in a new place, with no one who knew anything about me. I wasn’t sure I could do it.

  “So, why don’t you want to remove Shade’s demon? Because you think you’d lose him?”

  “Boy, you don’t have a very good opinion of me, do you?”

  “On the contrary, I have a very good opinion of you. What I don’t get is why you have such a good opinion of him.” He shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, he’s a good guy, but you have to admit he’s a bit messed up.” He slanted me a curious glance. “Is it some maternal instinct, wanting to nurture the broken boy back to health?”

  I snorted. The last thing I felt for Shade was maternal. “Not hardly.”

  “Then what?”

  I shrugged. All I had to offer him were cheesy greeting card sayings. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”

  “The heart can change,” Austin reminded me. “Especially if it gets rejected or hurt often enough.”

  Boy, he hit the nail on the head there. “You speak from experience?” I asked curiously.

  “No, observation.”

  Well, I still had hope. “I’m hanging in for the long haul.”


  “Good to know. I’m a long haul kind of guy myself. I can wait.”

  I shot him an alarmed glance. “I was talking about Shade.”

  “I know. But when are you going to stop loving people who can’t love you back?”

  Wham—that one really hit home, and I didn’t have an answer for him. I just gaped at him.

  He continued softly, “You’ll eventually figure out that he’s too broken for you to fix, or too caught up in his abandonment issues that he’ll leave you rather than risk you leaving him again. When that happens, I’ll be here for you, Val.”

  “So, what do you have to offer?” I asked incredulously. “The wonderful experience of watching you stay young forever while I grow old and die? How lovely for both of us.”

  “It could be. And I offer much more than that. Respect, an understanding of how special you are, and . . .”

  “And what?” I asked, fascinated and flattered despite myself.

  He leaned over and kissed me softly. “And love, Val. I’m falling for you.”

  Oh, crap.

  Chapter Thirty

  Val

  I DIDN’T KNOW how to deal with an amorous vampire, except to ignore him, so that’s what I did. I made myself so busy I didn’t have time to talk or think about Austin, his offer, or his arrow-to-the-heart insights. It was too disturbing, especially since he made me feel all warm and fuzzy about being appreciated and loved for who I really was.

  Forget that. Shade loved me, too. He had to. But could I wait until he got his act together so he could prove it?

  Later, while it was still daylight, Micah, Lt. Ramirez, Austin and I gathered together in the darkened penthouse to lay out a plan to take Emmanuel down. After a good sleep, my brain was a little clearer, and I assumed everyone else’s was, too.

  I started. “We’ve identified Emmanuel’s security as Diesel, the Albuquerque Paladin, and his hellhound, Max.” Before anyone could ask, I added, “We assume he’s being controlled by Emmanuel.” I couldn’t imagine a Paladin—or any demon—helping the blood demon otherwise. “And Max is going along with it only to keep Diesel from getting killed.”