by Amy Harmon
Leave it to Jessa to say it how it was. Taycee almost smiled. Almost. Until she looked beyond Jessa and caught two wary blue eyes looking back at her. She swallowed. “Finished?”
“You’re timing is perfect.” The door opened and Jessa got out of the car, turning back to Jake. “Thanks, Jake.”
He nodded.
Jessa offered Taycee a sympathetic look before walking across the parking lot to her car. Taycee slid into the passenger seat and closed the door, shutting herself into an almost eerie silence. Jake stared straight ahead, his elbow hanging out an open window. Minutes ticked by, coating the car in discomfort.
He finally broke the silence. “Yes, I read the blog and saw the pictures.” A pause. “In case you were wondering.”
Taycee closed her eyes. Great. Now he thought she was here to deal with collateral damage, which she was, but it was also more than that. She’d wanted him to hear the truth from her, not some lousy gossip blog that exaggerated everything.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, not knowing what else to say.
In front of them, a maple tree moved gently in the wind, sending shadows darting across the sidewalk. She focused on the shadows. “I owe you an explanation,” she said, “and I hope you’ll hear me out.” Then she started at the beginning, telling him everything. How she’d wanted out. How she’d never gotten over her teenage crush. How she’d gotten Luke voted off the show. And how she’d wished she could fall for Jake instead.
“I should have told you sooner,” Taycee said. “I wanted to. I even planned to at some point. But there was too much on the line, and the fear of you walking away held me back. It was so wrong, I am sorry. If I could rewind the past few weeks and do things differently, I would.”
Jake shot her a hard look. “Of course you say that now, after everything went down the way it did. But the only reason you’re sitting here is because of those pictures. You never would have told me otherwise—or, at least not until after the final vote. Instead, you let me believe that you were into me, that you wanted me to stick around after the show.” His head shook slowly as he peered out the windshield. “You played me, and like an idiot, I fell for it.”
Taycee reached a hand toward him, and then withdrew it. The last thing Jake probably wanted right now was for her to offer comfort. Not when she’d been the cause of his anger. “You’re not an idiot, Jake Sanford. Far from it.”
Jake continued to stare out the window, his hands resting low on the steering wheel. “What gets me is that I had no idea. Looking back, I can totally see it—the way you started joking around every time the topic got serious or when I went in for a kiss—but at the time”—he shook his head again—“how could I have been that clueless?” His gaze flickered to her for a second and then back toward the building. “You should have told me, Taycee. I would have told you.”
He sounded so sure, so confident, but would he have told her? Really? He made it out to be so easy. So simple. Tell the truth. But life wasn’t easy or simple. It was complex and hard and filled with a million questions that had no clear answers. There were no directions or warnings that stated, “This is what you should do” or, “Bad idea. You’ll be sorry.” Sometimes you just had to make a decision and sometimes that decision was wrong.
Jake twisted his head to look at her. “Was any of it real? At all?”
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I do care about you. You’re the kind of guy I would have fallen hard for if I hadn’t already…” She couldn’t finish. The last thing he needed to hear right now was a reminder of why they’d never had a chance.
Jake nodded again, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Well, as Jessa put it, what’s done is done. And since I can’t do anything to change the past, I might as well do something to change the future.”
“Yeah,” Taycee said. “That sounds like something Jessa would say. Only less dry and more abrupt.”
A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth before his expression turned solemn once more. “She was right, though. And since I’m the type of guy who finishes what he starts, I’ll show up for the interview. I’ll even play the part of the supportive, understanding, second-place bachelor who is still mature enough to be happy for the bachelorette. Those farmers will not lose that money because of me.”
Taycee felt a moment of relief before the pain struck—the kind of pain that came from knowing she’d wounded someone who didn’t deserve it and couldn’t do anything to fix it. There was no antiseptic or Band Aids to slap on him, no words of comfort to offer, and no kiss to make it all better. All she could do was walk away and let it heal on its own.
She wanted to tell him thank you. That he was a good man. That even if things had worked out differently, she wouldn’t deserve him anyway. But all of it sounded so trite—words meant to heal but really only made it worse.
With a tug on the handle, she pushed open the door. Stepping out of the car, she gave him one last look that she hoped would convey her apologies and gratitude. Then she left to go find Miles.
* * *
Taycee closed her apartment door with a soft click and leaned back against it. Her head still throbbed and her body ached like she was coming down with the flu.
Her conversation with Miles had gone pretty much the same as it had with Jake, although Miles had tried to joke off the hurt and lighten the heady feeling in the room. But Taycee could still see the pain in his eyes.
With a sigh, she kicked one sandal off, and then the other. Forcing her feet forward, she headed for her room.
“Hey, sis.”
Taycee started as a dark shadow emerged from the kitchen holding a drink. A Diet Coke. Caleb took a swig before leaning against the doorway in the dim light. “About time you showed up,” he said.
Had it only been a few days ago that Caleb had dropped the news of his engagement? It seemed like years. What had been such earth-shattering news at the time was now a tiny weed in a meadow filled with Stinging Nettle.
Taycee walked around the couch and plopped down, too tired to remain standing. Her head fell forward in her hands. “I figured you’d gone back to California.”
“Not yet.”
“Where’d you stay last night?”
“Luke’s.”
“Oh.” The one person Taycee couldn’t stop thinking about. Why couldn’t Caleb have stayed at Luke’s another night? Why couldn’t he have already flown back to Phoenix. She wasn’t in the mood for another argument or to hear about yet another one of her many flaws. More than anything, she ached to be alone. To curl up on her bed in her favorite yoga pants and let the silence engulf her. “What do you want, Caleb?”
“To apologize.”
Taycee stilled at his words. Caleb was never serious. Even when he messed up, he always found a way to apologize in a teasing way, as though it would somehow speed up the process of things returning to “normal.”
She peeked at him, not quite sure how to take the sincerity.
He plopped down next to her. “Don’t be too shocked. Jenny told me I needed to say sorry and make it sound like I meant it.” He paused, and then quickly added, “Because I do.”
A laugh bubbled up inside of Taycee. The kind of frenzied laugh that coupled humor with a desperate need for release. It started off as a snicker and grew into a series of giggles.
“What’s so funny?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just loving the fact that there’s a girl out there who can say jump and you ask how high.”
“As if,” he scoffed. “I just thought she happened to be right about this. That’s all.”
The laughter died, and Taycee stared at her hands. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before. I feel like I missed out on an important chunk of your life.”
Caleb leaned against the back of the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table. “It wasn’t that big of a chunk actually. I’ve known her for a while, but we’ve only been going out a few months.”
Taycee twisted her head to study he
r brother. So much about him was still the same. His care-for-nothing appearance. His dry sense of humor. His laid-back attitude. But there was now a depth to him that she hadn’t noticed before. He’d grown up a little—not enough to change the things Taycee loved most about him—but enough to add a level of maturity that complimented him. Whoever this Jenny was, she’d been good for her brother. That much was obvious.
“I want to meet her,” Taycee said.
“Why? So you can tell her she’s making a big mistake? I don’t think so.”
A smile found its way to her mouth as she scooted over and laid her head on Caleb’s shoulder. “No. So I can thank her.”
“Thank her?”
“For being a good influence on you.” Taycee paused. “And okay. So maybe I do feel a duty to let her know what she’s getting herself into.”
Caleb’s arm locked around Taycee and a finger jabbed into her armpit, making her squeal. “Stop it!” Taycee cried between painful giggles.
“Take it back.”
“Okay, okay, I take it back.” There was nothing worse than being tickled by Caleb, especially since he wouldn’t stop until she finally did as he asked.
He let her go. “Don’t ever forget that I will always be your big brother.”
Taycee poked him in the stomach that had softened a little over the years. “Big is right.”
“You’re asking for it.”
“I know, I know.” Once again, her head dropped to his shoulder as she fought to keep her eyes open. Her body had never felt so tired. So devoid of energy.
“So how’s Shelter’s bachelorette?” Caleb asked. It was like he’d read her mind and asked the worst possible question he could have asked.
Taycee groaned. “Let’s just say I’ve made a mess of everything and leave it at that.”
“How?”
“Don’t you understand what ‘leave it at that’ means?”
Caleb’s arm came around her once more, this time in a side-hug. “Sounds like someone has some splainin’ to do.”
The last thing Taycee wanted was to relive the night all over again. “No. If I tell you, you’re just going to do your best Dad rendition and say, ‘Don’t you know that honesty’s the best policy?’ and make me wish I’d never told you. So no, I’m not going to explain anything.”
“Hmm… Taycee Emerson actually lied?” Caleb grinned. “I don’t believe it. What could you have possibly lied about?”
“It’s more about what I didn’t say than what I did.”
Caleb laughed. “And what, exactly, didn’t you say?” He made her sound like a drama queen who was freaking out over a little white lie.
Taycee succumbed to the bait. “Only that I fell for a bachelor who got voted off weeks ago while still dating the remaining bachelors, even though I had no intention of ever getting serious with any of them.”
A grin spread across Caleb’s face as he pumped his fist in a triumphant gesture. “It’s Luke, isn’t it? I knew it!” When he caught Taycee glaring, the grin left his face and he quickly lowered his hand. Then he shrugged. “So why not tell the truth now? Maybe if you fess up and explain what really happened, people might actually understand. Okay, so maybe not the bachelors that you’ve been stringing along, but the viewers might.”
“Might?” Taycee muttered. “There’s some encouragement for you. Sure, I’ll just march into that interview and say, ‘Hey, sorry I lied to everyone, but the truth is I’ve actually been in love with my brother’s best friend for years, and now that he’s back and finally paying attention to me, I really don’t care about the show or the rest of the bachelors anymore. But we still need your money, so please vote anyway, even though whoever wins really isn’t going to win anything.”
“Seriously?” Caleb asked. “You’ve liked Luke all this time?”
Taycee’s eyes closed. Out of all that, Caleb would zero in on that one little bit. She blamed her exhaustion on her slip-up. Why did he have to be such a lawyer anyway—always pressing for answers in a way that made people blurt them out? “What am I going to do, Caleb? Even the truth won’t make it okay. People are calling the show a fraud and asking for their money back.”
Caleb gave her shoulder a pat. “Stop beating yourself up about it and just explain to everyone what really happened. That’s all they really want anyway. A good, solid reason for your actions. Make them understand why you did what you did and things will work out fine. You’ll see.”
No, she didn’t see—especially not when it came to Luke.
“I messed up with Luke, too,” Taycee admitted, knowing that was the biggest reason for her misery. More than anyone else, she needed Luke to listen, to understand, and to forgive.
“I’m beginning to feel like a broken record,” Caleb grumbled, “so I’ll say this one more time and never again. Explain. And. Things. Will. Be. Fine.”
If only it could be that easy.
Chapter Thirty-eight
On the set of Wake Up Denver, Michael Roik leaned forward in his comfortable leather armchair. “So, Taycee, what’s it like going from the beloved bachelorette saving her town, to someone who manipulated the viewers by pretending to be something she’s not?”
Only an hour earlier, Taycee had walked into the studio with some serious trepidation. She’d been interviewed by news stations before, but this was different. It had a much larger audience and felt more intimidating. Now, however, only ten minutes into the interview, her trepidation had been replaced with anger. Michael had done nothing but attack her character and belittle Shelter Springs.
“What did I pretend to be exactly?” she asked, her voice hard.
“Available.” The way he said it made it sound like she was an idiot for not knowing that.
“But I was available.”
Michael settled back in his seat with a seedy smile. “Let me tell you how this looks to the rest of us since you can’t seem to grasp the implications.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say—”
“Twenty bachelors were initially chosen, but a couple weeks before it began there was a last minute add-on. A bachelor from Shelter Springs, of all places. And, according to several reliable sources, you were the one who made that suggestion. Is that correct?”
Taycee shifted in her seat. Okay, so maybe it did look bad. “Yes, but—”
“Here’s what people are saying,” Michael said. “That you had feelings for Luke and possibly a relationship going on before the show started, so it made sense to add him as one of the bachelors.” He leaned forward. “But when he got voted off, that put a kink in your plans, didn’t it?”
Michael knew nothing. All he cared about was showcasing Taycee and Shelter Springs in the worst possible light. He was on a mission to uncover some nasty, manipulative person, and nothing she could say or do would change that, especially since he wouldn’t let her get a word in edgewise. “You’re wrong. I never—”
Michael held up a hand. With his horrid triumphant smile still in place, he faced the camera. “As you all know, the two remaining bachelors, Jake Sanford and Miles Romney, have agreed to join us today.”
Taycee lifted her eyes as Jake and Miles sauntered onto the set. Jake, with his confident air, and Miles, with his black cowboy hat and boyish grin. She hadn’t spoken to either of them since the night she and Jessa had attempted to right a wrong. But here they both were, as promised. Would they really be supportive runners-up, or would it now be three against one?
Miles pulled her up into a big bear hug, saying, “Don’t worry, we got your back,” and then Jake followed suit. He reached for her hand and held it in his as they sat down—Miles on one side, Jake on the other.
Michael cleared his throat, his squinty eyes absorbing the affection. “Welcome, gentlemen. Glad you could make it.”
Jake nodded. Miles said nothing.
Michael crossed one leg over the other. “Miles, let’s start with you. How do you feel about the recent turn of events regarding Luke Carney and Taycee Emerson?
Miles caught Taycee’s eye for a moment before returning his attention to Michael. “I feel about how anyone else would feel if a girl they liked had eyes for someone else. It’s a blow, but that’s life for you. Feelings aren’t always mutual, so when they go south, ya gotta accept it and move on.”
Michael turned to Jake. “What about you, Jake? From what I can tell after reading all the comments, you were the clear favorite. Any thoughts?”
Jake shrugged. “I have to agree with Miles on this one. Of course it was a disappointment, but Taycee found a better fit for her with one of the other bachelors, and that’s that.”
“Yes, but how do you feel knowing you really had no chance to begin with?” Michael prodded. “Especially after all the time and money you sacrificed to be on this show? You’ve got to be a little miffed by that.”
Jake shrugged. “I might be if I actually believed it.”
“What do you mean?”
Jake leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, relinquishing Taycee’s hand. “Taycee may have had feelings for Luke before this all started, but I had a chance to change her mind. Each of us bachelors did. If any of us had been a better fit then those feelings would have changed. Happens all the time, actually. But it didn’t with her, which also happens. It’s the ups and downs of dating. It’s life.”
Apparently Michael didn’t like that answer because he frowned. “You’re telling me that you don’t you think it was wrong for Taycee to become the bachelorette when she already had a bias or preference for one of the bachelors?”
“They weren’t dating at the time the show began.”
“How can you be sure they weren’t dating?”
“Call me naïve, but I believe Taycee. Besides, Luke had been gone for a decade and had only just moved back to town.”
“You’re pretty loyal for a guy who’s just been played.”
Jake shot Taycee a look before answering. “I’ll be honest. I was pretty upset at first. But when I heard her side of the story and gave it some thought, I started to wonder how I would have reacted in the same situation. I mean, this wasn’t just a show about finding love, it was about saving farms and homes and people’s livelihoods. If there hadn’t been so much on the line, I’m positive Taycee would have dropped out the second her relationship with Luke started to get serious.”
