Unpredictable

by Shantel Tessier

  I can’t hold back the tear that runs down my cheek. “I’m sorry, Missy.” My voice breaks and her entire face pales.

  “No,” she cries shaking her head. “He wouldn’t leave me,” she sobs as she struggles against Slade.

  I look up at him and nod my head to let her go. As soon as he releases her, she crawls to him, pushing me out of the way. “Please. Tate,” she begs. “Please don’t leave me.” She looks around the room as we all stare at her. Each and every one of us having our own personal mental breakdown of his loss. “Why aren’t you doing anything?” she yells, and I swallow the knot in my throat

  “I love you,” she sobs placing her head on his bloody chest. She starts to perform CPR on him herself as she tells him to stay. To be with her. To fight, to live, for her. It’s all too much.

  I place my hands on top of hers, stopping her. “No,” she shouts, frantically trying to push me away.

  “Missy,” I snap, grabbing her hands. I stand and yank her up with me. She fights me with all she has, but I drag her to the other side of the bakery and press her up against the wall, trying to use my body to block her view of his bloody body lying on the floor.

  “Stop. I can save him,” she sobs into my uniform.

  I wrap my arms around her. “I’m so sorry, Missy.” I cry as well.

  “He died. In my dream. It felt so…real,” she says bringing me out of my memory. She was right. She could save him and she did. “What if he had…?” By some miracle, he came back to life for her. I had shot and killed his bastard of a stepfather. He wasn’t the first person I killed, and he sure as hell won’t be the last. I can only imagine what kind of nightmares she still has over that night. Even if it was months ago.

  “You can’t live by what if. Or why not?” I interrupt her. “The future is unforeseen, Missy. You can’t change what’s already meant to happen.” Tate didn’t die that day. He did jump in front of that bullet to save her life, but he didn’t die. He saved her, and she saved him. The love they have for each other is so adorable it’s sickening at times. And lucky me, I get to see it every day. Not! But I would trade anything I have to see my best friend happy, even if it does make me sick at times.

  “But it didn’t really happen. That’s the thing. I literally woke up sweating with my heart pounding. And he was right there beside me.” She shakes her head as if to clear the thought that he died. “I don’t know why I would dream that,” she whispers. “That was so long ago.”

  “We sometimes fear what we don’t want to lose.” I’ve never known loss. That kind of loss where you lose someone you love. But I feel loss every day. I feel other people’s loss and it kills a little piece of me every time.

  I reach over the table and take her water, suddenly needing to wet the dryness in my mouth. The sight of the little girl lying dead and bloody in the street keeps slipping into my mind. Mix that with the memory of my friend dying as I had my hands on him, and it’s earth shattering.

  She smiles as I take a drink. “When will you fall in love?” she asks.

  “Excuse me?” I ask as I choke on the water.

  “When are you gonna fall in love, Parker?” she asks sweetly with a smile.

  “I’m immune.” Thank God for that.

  She laughs. “It’s not a disease,” she argues. “In my dream, Slade said that any of you guys would have done that for the girl you loved. Any of you would have jumped in front of that bullet.”

  My face softens, and I give her a cocky smile. “Missy, I put my life on the line every day for people who I don’t even know. One doesn’t need love to put others’ lives first.” I may be a prick, but I made an oath to protect the ones who need it. Even if that means putting my own life in danger. It was the easiest decision I’ve ever made in my life.

  She thinks about that for a few seconds before she speaks. “Okay, then. Answer me this.” I nod. “For some reason, you deny yourself the opportunity to love a woman, yet you love Tate.”

  “Now that’s diff…”

  She interrupts me. “In my dream, you cried. A lot! You took off time from

  work to stay here with me. But I could see you grieving as well. You missed him because you loved him as a brother. Now, I know a brotherly love is different than what you would feel for a woman, but why would you deny yourself one more than the other?”

  “Easy. I don’t want to know that feeling.” I speak the truth with no hesitation.

  “What feeling?”

  “The one you had in your dream. The one that ripped your heart out and left you feeling less than yourself. By loving Tate, you give him power over you. A power to destroy you in the end.” It’s true. I don’t want to feel that type of loss. I’d rather be the one to turn and walk away than to be the one crying that someone had the power to leave me vulnerable and alone.

  “But what about the other feeling?” she asks.

  “What other feeling?” I ask as my eyes start to get heavy. So tired.

  “The one I felt when I woke up and realized that I never lost him. He was right there the entire time, and my world was right again. He may have the power to destroy me, but he also has the power to heal me. Isn’t that feeling worth it?”

  My eyebrows pull together at her words. It doesn’t matter what kind of hope that feeling gives you. Everyone dies. Everyone falls out of love at some point. That feeling is not made to last forever.

  I stand and smile down at her, ready for this conversation to be over. “You look like shit,” I say, and she laughs because she knows it’s true. “And for the record,” I say before I start to walk away, “it’s not worth it. You can’t miss what you never had, Missy.” With those words, I walk back to my bedroom holding the ice pack to my bloody nose.

  I throw the ice pack onto my bed as I start to undo my shirt when the visual of that little girl lying face down in the road returns. It won’t leave my mind. Then I remember the blanket I stepped on.

  My head snaps up. “The blanket...” I take off out of my room and run back outside. I grab the blanket out of my cop car and head straight to the laundry room. I gently wash it off in the sink. I have an unbelievable urge to vomit as the blood runs over my hands and down the drain, but I hold it down. The bad thing is that I’ve seen worse than a dead child lying in the road. Hell, I’ve been the one doing the killing. Never a child but aren’t we taught that a life is a life? No matter whether they are two or fifty, it never gets easier.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath as the copper smell fills my nose. After a few deep breaths, which do nothing to calm my nerves, I look back down at the blanket as I turn off the water. I wring it out.

  I then turn and place it in the washing machine. I set it to delicate and press start. I stand there with my hands on the washer and my head hung as I take a deep breath. My fucking nose still throbs and my head still pounds. I’m exhausted. But there’s one last thing I need to do before I can even think about going to sleep. I shove off the washer and head toward the front door.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  PARKER

  I walk into the back door of Angel’s Bakery, which Samantha, my best friend Slade’s wife, owns. I remember the first time I met her. I hadn’t seen Slade in a couple of years. His little brother, Micah, had called and invited me to Las Vegas for his bachelor and bachelorette party. It was there that I found out my best friend from high school was also getting married.

  “Dude. I cannot believe you are engaged. What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have any idea how much pussy we could be getting tonight? We could have one crazy fucking party back at our hotel room. And when I say party, I mean orgy. Hell, we probably could have done those two girls in the bathroom at the bar.” I can’t believe it! The man in front of me, my best friend since high school, is engaged. I thought I would never see the day because we used to get girls left and right. Hell, I just saw him for the first time in two years at the bar at our casino a few hours ago and already had two women ready and willing to go. And what doe
s he say? I’m engaged. What the fuck?

  He shakes his head with a smile. “We used to have parties like that.”

  “Exactly! That’s what I’m saying. Imagine how crazy they would be here in Vegas. Vegas, man.” I lean my head back and close my eyes. “We could have one badass party. I’ve been dreaming about it for weeks. Women, naked, some lying on the countertop as we drink liquor off of their big fucking fake tits.” I grab my own chest for reference. I open my eyes and stare at our friend Josh. “Come on, Josh, help me out. You know what it would be like.”

  Josh throws his hands up in the air. “Don’t get me involved in this conversation. I’m with someone.”

  “Fucking pathetic.” I sigh. “What the fuck happened to you two?” Then I look over to a friend of theirs that I just met, Tate. “Please tell me you are single.”

  Tate nods his head. “Absolutely.”

  “Thank God, I have someone to chase pussy with.” I turn my head and look over the busy club. I sit up straighter in my chair and point the tip of my beer over to the bar area. “Like look at that fucking hot piece of ass.” I lean over further to get a better look. She’s dressed in a fuck-me red dress that makes me think easy access.

  “Fuck, she is hot,” I say as my dick already starts to harden.

  Slade gets my attention as he stands from the table. He starts to walk away when I speak. “Where are you going?”

  He gives me a cocky smile.

  “You’re taken.” Then I smirk. “Or are you?” The fucker may be engaged, but he’ll never be faithful. Men like us just don’t settle down. We don’t choose one woman when we can have several.

  My smile grows as he walks right up to the woman as if he knows her. He leans down and whispers into her ear and she smiles up at him as if he just told her his greatest secret. I sit up straighter and rub my hands together as she starts to follow him back to our table. As she gets closer, I can see how hot she truly is. She has bright green eyes and long dark hair.

  “Parker, meet Angel.” Slade gestures to her once he reaches our table.

  I smirk. “Hello, Angel.” I look her up and down, but my eyes linger on her tits. “You don’t look like an angel to me but I would love to spend all night getting a piece of heaven.”

  Slade clears his throat to get my attention. “This is my Angel.” He wraps his arm around her and pulls her into his side.

  I look back and forth between them a few times wide-eyed. His Angel? What the fuck does that mean?

  “Angel, this is my friend, Parker.”

  She reaches her right hand out. “Hello, Parker. It’s nice to meet you,” she says sweetly but loud enough to be heard over the music.

  “Wait.” I continue to look back and forth between them. “This is your fiancée?” No fucking way.

  She laughs. “My name is Samantha. You can call me Sam.”

  “You lucky son of a bitch. Why didn’t you say that when I pointed her out?” I finally reach my hand out to shake hers. I’m actually jealous of the son of a bitch.

  *****

  I moved back to St. Louis right after Las Vegas. I’ve been here ever since. I got to see them wed and I got to see them have a beautiful little girl, who I look at as my niece. It’s truly been amazing to see their love grow. But like I said, love isn’t for everyone.

  I see her baking my favorite brownies. I swear I’ve gained ten pounds since she opened Angel’s Bakery.

  “Hey, Parker,” she says cheerfully. “Get in a bar fight last night over someone’s wife?” she muses with a smirk as she looks at my nose.

  I try to give her a smile, but it’s weak. The child weighs heavily on my mind. I allow my eyes to fall to her tits that hide behind her sweater and apron. “I bet Slade misses those big tits from when you were breastfeeding, huh?” I try to crack a joke. I have given Sam shit since the first day I met her. And she usually throws it right back.

  Her eyes narrow at me, and I let out a sigh. I’m trying to be a dick. That’s who I usually am. “I, uh…I came to ask you for a favor,” I say, trying to swallow my pride. A favor is like love. It can be used against you.

  “Oh,” she says surprised. “Of course,” she answers without even knowing what it is that I want her to do. She’s nice like that. “What do you need?”

  “Well…” I run a hand over the back of my neck taking a deep breath. “I worked a case last night. There was a fatality.” Her smile falls. “I want to do something for the family.” I try shrugging off the idea that I’m trying to be nice for once. I’m not known for niceness. “I thought of maybe taking them some food.” That sounded stupid saying it out loud. “Anything. But I don’t know how to cook anything besides mac n’ cheese.” I chuckle at my unease.

  She nods her head. “I’ll take care of it,” is all she says before she looks back down at her brownies.

  “Thank you,” I say softly before turning around to leave this awkward conversation.

  “Parker?”

  I turn back around to face her, but she doesn’t look up to me. “Did you…Did you have to…?”

  I know what she’s trying to ask. She wants to know if I was the one who killed the person. I killed a guy who once tried to kill her and Slade. And given the chance, I would kill the bastard again. “No,” is all I say before I turn and leave.

  *****

  Walking back into our house, I stop when I hear Tate and Missy giggling in the living room. They sit on the couch like the love-struck couple they are. And I refrain from rolling my eyes.

  “You just getting off work?” Tate asks.

  That question tells me that Missy hasn’t told him about our conversation in the kitchen from earlier. “No. I had to go handle something.” I watch Missy smile and giggle as she cuddles up to Tate’s side. “Do I dare ask what you two are doing?”

  “We’re waiting for my friend, Katherine, to call me back. She picks up her bridesmaid’s dress today,” she says excitedly. “But for some reason she isn’t answering her phone.” She frowns.

  The wedding. I forget about that. It’s in two weeks. “Please tell me she’s single.” I could use some new pussy. And I’m the only single groomsman. Slade has Samantha. Slade’s brother has Holly. Our other friend Josh is married to Samantha’s best friend, Courtney. I’m the only smart one left. Single and ready to mingle, as they say.

  “She is,” Missy says with a smile. “But please don’t have sex at our wedding,” she begs. “I don’t want our wedding to be a repeat of Sam and Slade’s.”

  “What was so wrong with that?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  “Seriously?” she asks with a knowing smile. “You slept with Holly’s cousin in the hall closet.”

  “At least I was discreet about it.” Lie. I regretted it right afterward. The bitch instantly wanted more from me than just my cock. And that was the only thing I was offering her.

  They laugh. “And you kissed my mother…?” Tate says as he arches an eyebrow as if he still needs to ask me about that.

  I point a finger at him. “That was a total accident,” I say truthfully. I needed Holly’s cousin to think that I had another bitch already lined up when she wouldn’t quit following me around. I chose the first hot woman I saw—how was I supposed to know that was his mother?

  “Just keep your dick in your pants for three hours,” Tate adds.

  “Three hours?” Holy hell. “What kind of wedding are you two having?”

  “That is the wedding and reception combined, Parker,” Missy informs me, and I refrain from rolling my eyes.

  “I’m not promising anything,” I say truthfully.

  Missy leans over and whispers into Tate’s ear and I place my hands on my hips as if I’m a teenage girl who’s being talked about. “What did you say?” I question. There’s really no telling. I’m not Missy’s favorite person in the world. She hates that I fuck around and I hate that she moved in. Okay, hate is a strong word. I don’t hate that she moved in, I hate that she scares away most of the
women that I bring home to fuck.

  Tate looks up at me and smiles as he throws his arm over her shoulders. It’s so crazy to see his tattooed, muscled-up arm over her creamy skin and small frame. They couldn’t be more different, but different just works for them. “What is it?” I ask again, wondering what she could have said to him.

  “We want you to be the first to know,” he says with a smile.

  The first thought that comes to mind is that they’re gonna move. Or that they just want me to move out? It’s understandable; he and I were both single when I Never mind I think I just figured moved in so I can see them wanting this place to themselves.

  “We’re having a baby.” He smiles bigger than I’ve ever seen before, and he then bends down and kisses her on the head and she giggles. It’s disgustingly cute.

  “What?” I ask shocked. “I didn’t know you guys were trying,” I add.

  “We weren’t,” Missy says excitedly. “It just happened.”

  I can’t help but smile; they are so excited. They’ve been through so much. They’ve already lost one baby. I’m excited for them, and I’m not even a part of their family. Well, not biologically anyway.

  “That’s great,” I say walking over to the couch. I give Tate a manly high five and then bend down to give Missy a big hug. “That’s great, guys. I’m the first one to know?” I ask, remembering what they had said.

  “Yes. Can you please keep it a secret?” Missy asks. “We don’t wanna announce it until after the wedding.”

  “Absolutely,” I say, nodding my head. “Congratulations,” I say before turning around and heading to my room, allowing the lovebirds alone time.