Unpredictable

by Shantel Tessier

  “What would I have said?” I’m sorry I can’t love you? I’m fucked in the head? My father died, and I refuse to cry for him because he’s in a better place?

  He takes another few steps until he is standing right in front of me. My heart pounds in my chest, and I’m having trouble swallowing. I just need to leave.

  His hand comes up and cups my face and my eyes fill with tears. I close them tightly. I feel the wave of sadness wash over me. My body starts to shake and I slap my hand over my mouth to stop the sob that wants to come out.

  I keep my eyes tightly shut as I feel him lift my sunglasses to the top of my head. “It’s okay to cry, Kat,” he says softly.

  I shake my head, refusing to let it out. To let the dam break. “Open your eyes.”

  I close them tighter. “Please?” he begs. “Open them,” he demands this time.

  I try to calm my nerves and take a deep breath before I slowly open them to look up at him. His eyes look into mine and his glasses now sit on top of his head as well. “It’s okay to fall, Kat.” His brown eyes that I have missed so much look deeply into mine. “I’m here to catch you.” I blink and a tear runs down my cheek.

  “Why is it so hard?” I ask softly.

  “Letting go?” he questions with a frown.

  I shake my head. “Letting others in?” Why do I want to refuse him? Why do I want to tell him to walk way? When, truthfully, I want to let him in.

  I drop my head to look down at the grass below our feet and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me to him. I inhale his scent and realize just how much I have missed him.

  “Kat.”

  “I can’t count on you, Parker,” I whisper. I truly believe that but the hard part is that I want to. I want to believe that I can.

  “I’m standing right here, Kat. I’ve been standing here all along.” He kisses me on the top of my head and hugs me tighter. “Come on.” He pulls away and I quickly wipe away a few tears that had fallen. “I’ll take you home.” He grabs my hand and I allow him to pull me away from the only man that I’ve ever known how to love. The only man that I thought deserved love more than anyone.

  I look around for his truck but don’t see it. I don’t speak as he places me on my passenger seat of my car before he gets behind the wheel. I lay my head against the cold glass of the car just like I did the day in the hospital after he fell. It’s crazy how that was only a month ago. How much my life has changed since then. How much I’ve lost since then. I watch my father’s grave get smaller and smaller through the window. My heart breaks. Literally feels like it has been ripped from my body, but something happens when I feel a warm hand grab mine. I look over at Parker, but his gaze remains straight ahead, not speaking as he drives my car. I then look down at his hand holding mine as they rest on the center console and it makes me feel better. It makes me feel loved. But what does that mean? Where are we going to go from here?

  *****

  He walks into my house and I go straight to my bedroom. I want out of this dress. I want out of this black cloud of grief. I’ve never been that girl who fell to her knees and cried her eyes out. I just never was, and I think I’m seriously broken inside. I feel loss. I feel sadness. But I just don’t show it on the outside. Maybe Parker was right when he called me a coldhearted bitch.

  I walk into my closet and undress, before hanging it back up. I then grab a big t-shirt and walk out of the closet to see Parker standing in my doorway looking at me intently.

  “I’m okay,” I assure him. “You don’t have to stay. I can take you home?” I offer.

  He just stands there with this look of sadness on his face. And I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking damn, why is this girl so fucked up? He sighs heavily and hangs his head as he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  “I didn’t ask you to be.” It’s not like he let me down. No one could have predicted my father would have a heart attack.

  He pushes off the doorway and walks up to me. He reaches up and runs his hand through my hair. “You shouldn’t have had to ask me.” He licks his lips and swallows. “I told you I loved you and then I ran from you.”

  “Parker…”

  “Just listen, please.” I nod. “I should have proved it to you. I shouldn’t have ran.” His other hand comes up to cup my face. “Someone has hurt you, Kat. I don’t know if you think you don’t deserve love. Or if you just don’t want love.” I swallow nervously. “I know you’re not ready. And I also know that we don’t know what we are doing.” His eyes search mine. “But I know that what I feel for you is real. And I know you have to feel something, too.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I do feel something.” I open them and look up at him. “But…do you believe two people can bring the worse out in each other?” I ask.

  He tilts his head to the side as if my random question just threw him off. “Yes.”

  I do, too. “Do you think I bring out the worse in you?”

  He lowers his head down to mine. His eyes look deep into mine as he whispers, “No, Kat. You bring out the best in me.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  PARKER

  I’ve never seen a woman like her before. One that can hold in so much at once. At times, it’s as if she’s a robot—detached. She can literally shut off and lock you out. It’s terrifying. I have fallen in love with someone who could walk away from me and never think twice about me.

  I was sitting on the couch in the living room holding Pus Puss texting some random bitch that I was hoping would try to keep Kat off my mind when I overheard Missy crying in their bedroom. I had walked down the hallway and knocked on their door. She opened it and had big tears running down her face. She informed me that Kat’s father had passed and I felt my heart get ripped out. I was so selfish. I had cussed her, called you horrible names because she had hurt me, but I didn’t know her reasoning for refusing to love me back. I knew she had a lot of shit going on, yet I was still selfish.

  I had made up my mind right then that I wasn’t gonna let her walk away. I was gonna keep trying. How many times does a guy fall in love? I’m hoping only once. And I found her. I’ve watched all of my friends fight for their love and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

  “I’m not asking anything from you.” I want her to understand that I’m not expecting her to take me back at this exact moment. I don’t expect her to take off her shirt and lie down on the bed for me. I just want her to know that when she’s ready, I’ll be here.

  “But where do we go from here?” she whispers.

  “We’ll take it day by day. Okay?” I ask and she nods. I lean in and kiss her on her forehead. I feel a little better knowing that she’s not gonna push me away. That she’s gonna allow me to prove it to her.

  I reach into my pocket when I hear a cell phone ring, but it’s not mine. “It’s mine,” she says quickly wiping her eyes and then goes over to her purse. She answers it, and I can hear a woman’s panic voice on the other end.

  “Slow down,” Kat says quickly. She stands in the middle of her bedroom looking down to the floor as she listens to what the woman has to say. “Bring her over here,” she says all of a sudden. “Does he know where I live?” she questions and I can feel the vibe in the room change.

  I walk over to her. “You both can stay here,” she offers. “Okay. I’m home so come on over now.” She hangs up.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “I have this friend. She’s a nurse up at the hospital.” She starts to walk out of her room and down the hallway and I follow after her. “She’s been seeing this cop. Well, her and her daughter spent the night over at his house last night and I guess Megan, her little girl, found a bag of drugs in his room.”

  I grab her shoulder and pull her to a stop. “Who is she seeing?” I demand.

  She looks up at me with wide eyes. “I don’t know his name.”

  “Are you sure it was drugs?” I’ve been trying to find who is selli
ng drugs on the force for over two years now. I’ve killed two and a third was killed while in jail.

  “I wasn’t there, Parker. But she is on her way over now if you want to ask her.” She then turns around and continues to walk into her spare bedroom. She rips off the comforter and then the sheets.

  “What are you doing?” I question.

  “I’m gonna wash the sheets so they have clean sheets to sleep on.”

  I stand back as I watch her clean her house and wash sheets and I finally see her for who she is. She has a big heart, she truly does. She wants to help people. Her dad. Her friends. People she doesn’t even know. I mean, she’s a nurse, and it’s in her nature. She likes to feel needed. I think I just figured out how I’m gonna show her that I love her.

  *****

  I sit on her couch when the doorbell rings. “Can you get it?” she yells from her spare bedroom.

  I get up, make my way over to the front door, and open it up to see a brown hair, brown-eyed woman and a little girl.

  “Uh,” the woman says as she looks up at me. She looks scared for a few seconds and then a smile spreads across her face “You came up to the hospital,” she says and I nod, remembering the Viagra. Then it drops off her face. “Is Kat here?”

  “Yes.” I step out of the doorway. “Come in.”

  We enter the living room the same time Kat returns from the hallway. “Aunt Katty,” the little girl says excitedly and runs to her. Katherine bends down and picks her up. She smiles as she hugs her tightly, and I think it’s the first genuine smile I’ve ever seen from her. It’s beautiful.

  “Hey, princess.” She kisses her cheek. “What have you been up to?”

  “Mommy got me a new Barbie,” she says excitedly.

  Kat looks at her with a surprise face. “Please tell me you brought it?”

  “I did.”

  Kat squeals like a little kid and I can’t help but chuckle. “Well, let me talk to your mommy for a little bit and then we will play. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She walks out of the room still carrying the little girl and her friend turns to stare at me.

  “So, what’s up with you and my friend?” Kat chooses this time to walk back into the room.

  “It’s serious,” I say matter-of-factly and her friend smiles. I look over at Katherine and give her a big smile. Gonna prove it.

  “Enough about us. What happened?” she asks walking over to the couch. Her friend looks around the room as if she’s looking for something. “Don’t worry.” Kat waves her off. “Megan is in the spare bedroom watching a movie.”

  Her friend sighs. “We’ve been staying with him.”

  “Who is him?” I ask and they both look over at me with a go to hell look on their faces.

  “Parker is a cop,” Kat informs her, and her eyes widen in panic.

  “It’s okay,” I say seating myself next to her. “I won’t let him know I found out through you.”

  “No. That’s not why I’m surprised.” She looks over at Kat. “Thought you hated cops? Now you’re serious with one?”

  “It’s complicated,” she mumbles, and I smile. “Anyway…?”

  “I was in his bed this morning while he was in the shower. Megan came into the room and crawled into bed with me. She wanted to play a game on my phone, but he had placed it on his nightstand last night. She opened it up and pulled out this plastic baggie full of these dark yellow pills.”

  “Dark yellow?” I question and she nods her head.

  “Well, I didn’t think much of it at first. I put it back and shut the door. About two minutes later, he came out when his cell phone started ringing on his nightstand. He answered it and started to walk out of the room. Megan said she was hungry, so I got out of bed and went into the kitchen. I thought it was weird when I saw him out on the back porch on the phone. I stepped into the laundry room which sits right off the kitchen.” She looks over at me with soft eyes. “I was being nosy.” She looks back at Kat. “I opened the little window in there, and I could make out a few things of what he was saying.”

  “Which was?” I ask.

  “He said that a seller was coming in this weekend. And he wanted to know how many the guy on the phone wanted to buy.”

  “Who was he talking to?” Kat questions.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t get to see the caller ID before he answered it.”

  “What is the name of the guy you’re dating?” I ask.

  “Perry.” She looks down at the floor in shame. “He’s a narcotics officer.”

  “Do you know him?” Kat looks at me and I shake my head.

  “That name doesn’t ring any bells.” I stand from the couch. “I’m gonna go into work. I’ll be back.” I go to leave but then stop. “Can I borrow your car?” I ask. I had ridden with Tate and Missy to her dad’s funeral. I stayed out of sight until it was over and everyone else had left.

  “Yeah. The keys are hanging up by the front door.” I walk over to her, give her a soft kiss on the lips, and then leave.

  *****

  I walk into the precinct and make my way back to my captain’s office. He’s on the phone as I walk in and gestures for me to sit down. I sit patiently as he finishes his phone call.

  “What do you need, O’Hare?” He hangs up his phone.

  “I think I have some information about the drugs we’ve been searching inside the precinct.”

  The door swings open and I turn to see Mason stick his head in. “Captain?” He looks at me. “Sorry. What are you doing here during the day?” he asks before his eyes look me up and down. “Looking like you just came from a funeral?”

  “That’s because I did.”

  “Oh.”

  “Who passed away?” Brad, my captain, asks.

  “My girlfriend’s father.” So, we haven’t put a label on it yet, but it’ll happen eventually.

  They both stare at me blankly. I sigh. “Yes, I’m seeing someone. It’s quite serious,” I add with a smile then turn to face Brad. “I was at her house when her best friend called her and said that she thinks her boyfriend, who is a cop, is buying and selling drugs.”

  “That’s a very big accusation,” he says. “What makes her think that?”

  I sit back in my chair. “Her little girl found a baggie of dark yellow pills in his nightstand. And then she overheard him talking to someone on the phone about a seller coming into town this weekend.”

  He pulls out a piece of paper and pen. “Write down the name and the department. And anything else you know. Then get to work.” Then he looks up at his door. “What did you need, Mason?”

  “It can wait,” he replies quickly and then I hear the door shut.

  *****

  A week. It’s a fucking week and I haven’t found out anything. The cop doesn’t exist. Well, there isn’t a Perry in narcotics. I had Kat’s friend look through pictures, but of course, her boyfriend was not in there. I even ran the cell number that she had for him, but it went to a burn phone. The guy is as fucking smart as he is stupid. I’ve been at a loss and very on edge. The weekend has come and gone, therefore the cop and seller have already had their exchange and the captain is down my throat. Literally. He’s had me working days and nights. I haven’t seen much of Kat, but she’s been busy helping out with her friend and watching Megan for her. I think the distraction has been good for her. After her dad.

  I have pretty much moved into her house. Tate will send me a selfie of him and Puss Puss at least once a day. And last night while lying in bed, Kat said ‘just bring her over here’ but I’m not sure she’s ready for that big of a move. I may stay here every night, but I still go home every morning and I go straight home after work before I head back to her house. I’m ready for that move, that step, but I’m not gonna push her.

  I enter her bedroom and kick off my black work boots. I remove my gun and handcuffs and place them on the nightstand. I unbutton my pants and then push them down. I undo my shirt and take it off, followed by my vest. I throw in on the
floor and then fall onto the bed. I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I feel Boner jump on the bed. The dog and I have actually become great friends. I still sleep with eye open just in case he gets the idea I’m a chew toy. But he’s not all that bad.

  *****

  KATHERINE

  I have had a day from hell. Ever feel like you can’t seem to get anything right? That is my day today, and I’m ready for it to be over. Work sucked. I got my ass chewed by my boss, and then I had a family member take out her insurance problems on the first person she saw. Guess who that person was? Me! I’m tired as fuck and stressed to the max. I can literally feel my anxiety rise every day that Parker can’t find Perry, Ashley’s boyfriend. And the weird thing is that she hasn’t heard one word from him. They were all head over heels in love and then the day Parker finds out that she’s dating a cop who is dealing drugs and all of a sudden, he’s a no-show. I smell bullshit.

  I storm into my house and into my bedroom. I find Parker passed out on top of the bed, only dressed in his boxers, and Boner lies beside him also passed out. I make my way to the bathroom and take a quick shower. Things have been different since my dad passed. I know it’s only been a week, but I still see it. I feel different. Parker is showing me that he loves me. And I hate to say it, but I have officially allowed myself to love him back. I haven’t told him, but I want to. I want him to feel like I do. Knowing that he loves me. It’s a wonderful feeling. To be wanted. To be needed. I want him to know that I love him and that I need him.

  I get out of the shower and dry off. I wring out my hair and then walk into the bedroom to get dressed. I walk over to my nightstand and pull on a pair of panties. I turn around to head to the closet but stop when I see Parker now awake and sitting up. “How was work last night?” he asks.