Swim Again

by Aimi Myles

  If I only had a camera at that pool or some way to tap into the security tapes. Seeing Kaz when he realized I wasn’t going to come would have been priceless. But was he messing with me? Genuinely asking for my help? Just trying to be a friend and get me back into the water again? Or was he truly expressing his feelings? Either way I wasn’t considering losing Brayden to line up to get hurt again. I thought about deleting the text, but the newly resurrected swimmer in me said no.

  ---

  “Hey babe,” Brayden said as I walked up to him when he was finished with practice. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back. Going to go change real quick.”

  “Alright.”

  “Maureen,” Dakota said and eyed me up and down. I know she’s not trying to compare me physically to her. I know it.

  “Hi Dakota,” I said.

  “Brayden told me you were coming,” she said. “It’s good to see you again after all of this time.”

  “It’s good to see you too.”

  “I have to admit I didn’t think you’d come. Last time I saw you, you weren’t too happy about swimming. You said you didn’t want to see a pool again. I don’t blame you.”

  “Well,” I said and smiled. “My life has changed now and being at the pool doesn’t bother me.”

  “That’s good to hear,” she said.

  “It actually changed a while ago, and for whatever reason I wasn’t allowed to see Brayden practice. All I could do was pick him up.”

  “I don’t know who told you that,” she said.

  “Oh,” I said.

  “It’s too bad the trials for the Olympics won’t be the same,” Dakota said. “We had a lot of fun with you, Kaz, and Brayden trying out together. Now it’s only Brayden and from what Mark tells me, Kaz.”

  “Yeah. Well, I’ll be there but in a different context.”

  “Oh, of course you will. In the stands, cheering Brayden on.”

  I nodded. Awkward silence followed.

  “Ladies,” Brayden said, saving us from further chit chat. “I’m back.”

  “Good,” Dakota said. “I’m about to leave. Brayden, I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Wednesday,” Brayden said. “I’m taking a few days break remember?”

  “That’s right,” she said. “Maureen, I may have to call you next time to convince him to shorten those breaks. We don’t want him away from the pool for too long.”

  The pool or you? “Yeah,” I said. “Right.”

  “Well, it was nice to see you again Maureen,” Dakota said. “Brayden, see you in a few days, and I’m gone.”

  “Say hello to Mark for me,” I said.

  Dakota smiled. “I will.”

  Brayden wrapped his hand around my waist as Dakota left. Did she really have to wear spandex tights too? It accentuated her curves really well, but I was sure she knew that.

  “Hey,” Brayden said, breaking into my thoughts as he curled me to his chest. His hand embraced my face and his lips were on mine. “I’ve been waiting all week to see you. Why don’t we just go home, and I can show you how much I wished you were here. Or if we can’t make it, I’m sure the security won’t mind.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “I definitely would. It’s on my bucket list.”

  “At the pool?!”

  “In a public area.”

  “And you haven’t satisfied that yet?”

  “I’m not going to say anything other than I haven’t with you.”

  “And you never will.”

  “Can’t be mad at me for trying.”

  “I can for your aspirations.”

  “Like the one that drove us to meet in the first place.” He kissed me again. “Let’s go home.”

  “You promised me we’d go out.”

  “Fine. You can have thirty minutes.”

  “Thirty?” I said and smiled. “So your fans can see you?”

  “That’s it,” Brayden said and chuckled. “I might let you have forty five.”

  “Enough time for the dinner to be boxed.”

  “Exactly.”

  We made our way back to his house first, to drop off my car, then the two of us stopped by the Friday night hang out spot and sat at a booth.

  “Brayden, I’m actually glad you invited me to the pool today,” I said. “I remembered all of the fun we had when we were younger.”

  “Fun?” he said and looked at me like I was crazy. “People were more strict back then. It’s fun now. Back then it was work.”

  “We had fun though.”

  “At the meets. Beating everyone. Taking all of their girlfriend’s numbers. But nothing was fun about losing my coach to Kaz. And he thinks he can beat me now. After breaking his leg.” Brayden snorted.

  “Brayden!” I said.

  “I’m sorry that happened to him, but he caused me to lose my coach, my biggest opportunity. I would have been a lot faster by now, and much better if I had both Mark and Dakota as my coaches. And I wouldn’t have to break up the tension between you and Dakota. Hear you upset that she didn’t want any distractions at my practice those other times.”

  So who is telling the truth Dakota or Brayden?

  “Well, on a happier note,” I said and grinned. “Going to your practice today made me start thinking about swimming competitively again.”

  Brayden chuckled. “You can’t be serious. You weren’t good enough the first few times.”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “No. I’m not Mauri; it’s a fact. Six preliminary races. Six failures. You need to accept it and move on.”

  I huffed and held up the desert menu. Brayden bent it back down. “Hey,” he said. “Don’t be sad. You can always cheer me on.” He laughed.

  “Because that completely substitutes me not being able to swim.”

  “Well, I win.”

  I wanted to roll my eyes.

  “It was a joke, Mauri,” he said.

  “How nice of you to joke about that.”

  “Lighten up.”

  “You want me to—”

  Brayden leaned over the table and grabbed my hands gently, as if he was going to do something sweet. “Take a look around. Everyone loves me here Mauri. We can’t be coming in here, causing disturbances. I have a hard enough time shaking women off of me. I don’t need to add controlling our disputes to the list.”

  “Take a look around” was also Brayden’s code to remind me to thank my lucky stars that I achieved my dream. I was on the arm of a “champion.” I could fall from the clouds at any hour. That boy made me so sick sometimes.

  “If you’re wondering where,” Brayden said, “over my shoulder, to your left, would be the first place. Their eyes were on me the instant we came in.”

  I sighed and may have given anyone in my sight the death glare as I pretended to check out the place. My eyes spotted the women. I gasped. He was right. They were ready for an opportunity. One that included being entertained by Kaz. One of the girls threw her head back laughing. Another one was working on balancing herself. The third leaned to whisper into his ear. My lips began to spread. They had what I wanted. They were having fun.

  “Mauri,” Brayden said, plucking me out of my gaze. He was incredibly gorgeous in that instant with a warm, caring smile. The same gesture that reminded me why I had a crush on him throughout school and wanted to be around him all of the time. He was a lot nicer back then.

  That’s not true. He was the same way if he didn’t get what he wanted. And to think, all of this time I blamed it on the pressure he had on himself to perform and be in the public light.

  The smile was rare with each month that passed, so I didn’t say anything, only basked in his light.

  “Baby, you’re really giving this thought aren’t you?” Brayden said. Whatever I did made him not angry at me anymore. I guessed I was safe, back on my cloud. “Which one do you want?”

  My smile faded. “What?” I said, lowering my head to the table.

  “You weren’t think
ing of my aspirations you pretend to not care about?”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  He chuckled. “Whatever. The only time I’ve seen you that peaceful was when I gave you that massage...” He seemed to get an idea. “Your thirty minutes is up.”

  “What? I’m not ready to leave.”

  “But I am. I can’t be out here arguing. And we have more important things to get to. I’ll get the food to go.”

  I was not excited to skip eating dinner at the restaurant, but Brayden had our food wrapped. I played with my hands, waiting for him to meet with the women from the corner and other fans. Somehow, Kaz had become a ninja and had snuck out beforehand.

  I already began missing Kaz when I opened my side of Brayden’s car that sat on the ground. Kaz would have done it for me, especially since I was upset.

  “Here,” Brayden said, passing me the food as soon as I sat down. “Don’t let that spill.”

  On the way to his house, I stared out of the window, wishing to be somewhere else.

  He must have noticed me because he said, “You’re still mad about the pool? You’re always welcome to come and swim with me Mauri. All the way to Olympic gold.”

  “And Dakota.”

  “I don’t care if you don’t like it Mauri. She’s my coach. She’ll always be my coach. If you want something to work on, practice decreasing that jealousy. You’re with me, World 100 and 200 meter champion. Everyone looks to me, and I can’t have you being sour.”

  “You don’t care about how I feel,” I said. “Everything is about you.”

  “This conversation is over.”

  I huffed and couldn’t wait to jump out of the car. I was going in that house only to grab my backpack. I tapped my foot while Brayden opened the door. I flew in only to realize that I had left my backpack in my car.

  “Mauri, listen,” Brayden said. “You need to calm down, smile, and be happy to finally have your dream. I didn’t intend to leave you here; I wanted to show you a really good time. But you don’t deserve it. I’m going back out, hang with Sean or whoever. You can stay here and think about why I left you. Then maybe you’d come to your senses. Because, as you know, there are plenty of women that would love to take your place. Wouldn’t be surprised if one followed us home right now.” He chuckled.

  “I knew it Brayden!” I yelled. “You’re cheating on me!”

  “Don’t you ever!” Brayden yelled and pointed at me. “I’m not like her!” He balled up his other fist. “Don’t you ever say that again Mauri.”

  “Why? Cause it’s true?”

  “I’m leaving,” Brayden said.

  “No! Allow me.”

  “You’re not going anywhere.”

  “Screw you Brayden!” I marched to the door but he ran and blocked it.

  “You don’t mean that. Go lie down. You’re tired.”

  “Move!” I yelled.

  “You’ll be back Maureen.”

  “I won’t ever. Don’t talk to me again.”

  He shook his head and opened the door. “You’ll be better in the morning.”

  I glared at him and stomped out of the house and to my car. Brayden turned on the light for me. That jerk. Perhaps he thought it was funny that I still held our take out in my hand. Well, he was going to have to go back out because he wasn’t getting any of that. I was cautious placing the food on the floorboard, but peeled off of his property.

  Driving, mad, I didn’t want to go back home to my lonely apartment. I got on the highway for a minute and drove to the other part of town. Pulling up to the address that Kaz gave me, I saw that he wasn’t in a hotel, but lofty apartment complex. I carried the take out up the elevator with me, only to lean against the wall next to his door.

  Shoot! Kaz isn’t here. Actually, he might be, and I’m threatening to disturb his company. I had knocked a few times with no answer but a TV or music was on inside. I weighed the option of dragging myself home but decided it would be more pathetic to stay. Wait for Kaz to rescue me after he was done with his evening. Find me crying, sprawled out on the floor. But with every second that passed I didn’t get sadder and sadder. I got angry. A few moments later the door opened.

  “Mauri?” Kaz said.

  Phew. He was fully dressed.

  Chapter 6

  Mauri

  Remember how I said I had a future with Brayden? I was wrong. I didn’t have a future with Brayden. Only Brayden could have a future with Brayden because he’s self-absorbed to the fullest. Why did I forget how much of a jerk he could be? I know he didn’t care about my swimming, but he didn’t have to crush it like it meant nothing to me. Like I was nothing more than a loser, forced to go to school because I lost.

  I made the choice to go to school. I was invited to swim for the team, but I didn’t want to join. I didn’t want to train and try again. I wasn’t going to only be known as the friend to two world champions, two Olympians. I wanted to be known for being me and the best way was to get away from it and go to school. I didn’t quit because I wasn’t good enough.

  I huffed. How did I not see that? I knew he was a little selfish, and arrogant, but wow. I thought that was more of a personality that he showed the world. He’d love me and care about me more than he did. He didn’t want to help me. He didn’t want to see me reach my dreams. He just wanted me to support every little thing he did, and hang onto every little word he said, then be there for his comfort at night.

  I stomped back to the other side of the room and exhaled again. Putting my hands on my hips, my vision cleared, and I saw Kaz lying on his couch, waiting for me to say something.

  “Did I just say all of that out loud?” I said in a timid voice that I didn’t recognize.

  “You did.”

  I clenched my teeth together, put a hand up to my forehead, and exhaled again. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Kaz said, with a tone as if he was offended. He hopped off of the sofa to surround his arms around me. “Mauri, you don’t have to be afraid to express yourself around me. I think it’s best, in fact, to let it all out. That way you won’t carry all of that anger around.”

  I laid my head on his chest and brought my arms up his back and slid my hands onto his shoulders.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked and moved back some of my hair off of my face.

  “Angry.” That wasn’t totally true. I was a little distracted from his cologne. Man, he smelled good. I inhaled a big whiff.

  “If you have to cry, cry. Let it all out. I’ve got you.”

  That made me smile. “You were never this nice to me before.”

  “Well, I’ll go back to being mean when you’re feeling better I promise.” He rubbed me on my back some more, which made me need to distance myself a little bit from him. I was hurt, sad, angry, felt alone, but he was wiping that all away, making it the perfect situation for me to get myself into trouble.

  “Can we watch a movie?” I said.

  “No.”

  “OK.”

  “I’m just kidding Mauri! Yes, of course we can. But the DVD is only set up in my bedroom.”

  I went to sit down on the couch inside his room and thought about how it took me a minute to want to let go of Kaz. My resistance was getting worse. He came and joined me.

  “Why do you have a couch in your master bedroom?” I asked.

  “For times like this when you kick me out of my bed,” he joked. He always did try to make me smile when I was upset. “I know you’re not going home tonight. You can stay over. The bed is all yours. For as many nights as you need.”

  “I thought you had guest rooms.”

  “Yeah, one for my office, and one for something else. I haven’t decided yet. Either way the only bed is in here.”

  “I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed,” I said.

  “Don’t worry,” he said. “It’s the right thing to do.”

  “Your bed is huge. I’ll take one side.”

  Kaz

  Then I may not sta
y on the other. Seeing Mauri angry with a mix of tears made me want to hold her close all night and take care of her. Wash the pain away. Agh! Don’t think about washing anything. It will make things harder. I’d be taking advantage of her, not care.

  “Mauri,” I said.

  “This couch is not comfortable,” she said.

  “It’s one of the coziest couches in the world.”

  “But you’re too tall. You’ll get a crook in your neck.”

  “I’ve slept on it before.”

  “I’ll make sure the pillows divide our sides if you want me to.”

  But I don’t want to end up embarrassing myself, grabbing hold of my pillows because I’m trying to stop myself from grabbing hold of her.

  “You’ll be alright,” she said. “You’re a big boy.”

  That’s the problem.

  “You’re not going to budge are you?” I said.

  “So it’s settled. Which side is your favorite?”

  Knowing Mauri I knew that she was too exhausted to want to sit and watch an entire movie. I pushed myself up off the sofa and hunted for some clean pajamas, shirt and shorts, for her to wear. I wouldn’t be able to deal if I had to see her in my shirt alone. I’d be sleepless the entire night.

  “Here you are ma’am,” I said.

  She cracked a smile. “These clothes are brand new.”

  “I know.”

  ---

  Mauri

  The next morning, I woke up feeling more comfortable than I had in the past few years. The sheets were soft. My head remained sunk, yet supported, in the pillow. The heater hadn’t played games with me while I was asleep. I yawned and rolled over to take a chance at seeing Kaz wake up. I planned to tease him about the last time he fell asleep on my shoulder when we were teens, traveling back home from a swim meet.

  Dang. No Kaz. I repositioned myself on my stomach and hugged the pillow. It collapsed into my arms. It had to be made of feather behaving material. Kaz wasn’t fond of feathered pillows, but the feel was so airy. Having performed my inspection duties for the day, I lie back down. Only then did I hear the shower.