False Start (Mavericks #1)

by Julianna Marley

  “Boss lady is late to her own reservation,” Myles yelled, shaking his head as they walked up to the others.

  “I mean, are you even surprised anymore?” Liv laughed, hugging each of the girls. She was certainly more relaxed now than he had seen her even since moving back into the house almost four weeks ago.

  “If your party is all here, I can seat you now,” a tiny woman approached holding a stack of thick black menus.

  “Let’s do it! I’m starving,” Trevor shouted.

  Following the hostess onto the beach, Jax looked above him at the string of white lights and large lanterns hanging from the two canopies on either side of the dining area. The only other light coming from a few dozen candles on the long table and the moon hanging over the ocean, making the entire restaurant even more impressive. Walking beside Liv, he placed his hand on the small of her back, feeling her muscles tense up under his palm. He hadn’t realized what he had done. He didn’t mean to do it, it just felt natural and so normal. Inching his hand off of her slowly, she relaxed a bit, resting slightly into his palm and he was glad that she didn’t pull away because it was the most he had been able to touch her in twelve long, agonizing months. Pulling out her chair, she sat down thanking him quietly.

  Sitting at the table, it took all his discipline not to take her hand inside his, placing his lips to the inside of her wrist, something he knew drove her crazy, wondering what she would do if he did. What he would do if he did. The light from the candles dancing off her shiny lips, reminded him that there was nothing more he wanted in life than to kiss that mouth again. The sounds of her easy laughter spilling around him at something Trevor was saying, sent another direct hit to his gut.

  Yeah, he would be honest with her because he wanted her back in his life, just not in the way he had hoped. He needed her forgiveness. Needed her to understand his reasoning more than anything. More than his next Super Bowl win, maybe even more than his next breath.

  11

  Dinner had been amazing, the company and the scenery, absolutely spectacular. Alivia had seen some beautiful beaches in her life and had crafted some of the most gorgeous backdrops for weddings and events too, but the way the moon was lighting up the black sky and the lights bubbling around them, made her think of her and Jax’s first date when they had laid on Hudson Beach. And where she had fallen completely in love with him. Beside her, in the middle of telling his favorite story from training camp three summers ago when he had decided to teach Myles a lesson in superiority, Jax laughed along with Trevor, his face lighting up.

  “So I told him in the middle of practice to go fetch me a smoothie. A banana one, specifically.” Jax picked up his Corona, taking a swig. “Bastard thought he was funny and drew up a map on a napkin about where I could find that smoothie.”

  “Yeah, a direct map to straight up your ass,” Myles belted, raising his drink across the table.

  “So the next day at practice T and I left the locker room early and took the tires off his truck,” Jax shrugged.

  “Sons of bitches,” Myles mumbled shaking his head.

  “When he came out asking where the hell his tires were, we handed him a map of where he could find them,” Trevor laughed out loud as if reliving the entire moment again, the entire table joining him. She had heard the story a few hundred times, but seeing how animated he was retelling the entire thing, had her laughing too.

  “It took you like what? Two hours to find them and finally put them back on?” Jax asked, resting back in his seat.

  Shaking his head, Myles nudged Charlotte who was in a fit of laughter beside him. “You need a new story, Cap.”

  “Oh please, that’s child’s play compared to what we did to Nova.” Trevor nodded down at the end of the table as Shay whispered in Shannon’s ear. Sitting up taller, he shot a warning look to each of them. She didn’t remember the exact specifics of his initiation prank, but she vaguely remembered something about a jock strap, duct tape, and a YouTube video.

  “Yeah, well we got some fresh rookies coming in soon who will need to pay their dues,” Trevor joked, wrapping his arm around Chelsea.

  Agreeing with Trevor, Jax looked over at her.

  The man was spectacular.

  Taking another sip of wine, she wondered what would have happened if he had stayed. If he had never left and how everything would be different. Even after dessert was served, she could still feel the warm spot on her lower back where he had laid his hand, walking them towards the dinner table. Unexpected heat that she could still feel lingering up her back, inside her chest and down to her body; making it impossible to ignore her body’s attraction to him. While in the shower she had decided that she was going to enjoy this weekend. It wasn’t about her and Jax. It was about their friends and she couldn’t enjoy herself if she was constantly bringing down the mood. She just wished she had the courage to look him in the eye and ask him why he left and if he still loved her. But she hadn’t found that courage yet, afraid she never would.

  She remembered the night her father had left and all the confusion and pain, the crying and the begging him to stay with her. She remembered asking him through the thick tears running down her small face if he loved her enough to stay? For her? He had knelt down beside her, brushing away a tear from her cheek as she stepped in between his knees, believing with all the hope in the world that he would stay because he loved her enough. A very simple answer of “no” was all he had said. One little word that was enough to destroy the spirit of a carefree seven year-old forever. The rejection from her father was too painful and she couldn’t bear to go through that again, especially with Jax. But unlike her father, Jax had the power to ultimately destroy her and having him home unaware of his intentions was still better than not having him at all. But she wasn’t seven years old anymore and she had two beautiful little girls to take care of, so why couldn’t she muster up the courage she so desperately needed?

  “I’ll be right back, I’m going to go FaceTime the girls, it’s almost time for them to go to sleep,” she said excusing herself from the table, grabbing her sandals that she had slipped off because they were, in fact, sitting on a beach.

  “I’ll come with you,” Jax insisted, standing up and pushing back his chair.

  Nothing was said as they walked back up to the small patio off the sand in search for quiet and a phone signal.

  “How about over here?” she suggested, pointing to a small corner. Taking her phone out of her gold clutch, she dialed Magda’s number, the screen lighting up as Magda appeared after a few rings. Looking down at the phone like some kind of foreign object, she hadn’t seemed to grasp the whole FaceTime tutorial Jax had explained to her before they had left for the weekend. Watching the girls scramble off the bed to sit closer to her, Alivia smiled. She missed them so much already.

  “Hi girls!”

  “Here Nona, we got it,” Hannah said, taking the phone from Magda’s hands.

  “Hi Mama! Hi Daddy!” the girls yelled into the phone, smiling.

  “Hi munchkins,” she and Jax said at the same time chuckling. Feeling his breath on the bare skin of her shoulder had her arms breaking out into goosebumps.

  “Are you having fun?” Alivia asked, forcing herself to concentrate more on her daughters and less on how delicious Jax smelled standing so close behind her.

  “Oh yes! Guess what Mama?!”

  “What?”

  “We watched Frozen tonight and made ice cream sundaes!” Hailey said, bouncing on her bed.

  “And Mama, we sang Let it Go five times!” Hannah cheered, holding out a whole hand, bouncing on the edge of the bed, taking the phone with her.

  “I bet Nona just loved that,” Alivia said, trying to focus on the screen now bouncing all over the room.

  “Are they being good?” Jax asked, leaning over her shoulder to see the screen better, his cheek brushing hers so lightly that if it were anyone but him she wouldn’t have noticed. And it felt good. Too good. She really shouldn’t have
been having the naughty thoughts that were now swirling around in her head while on the phone with her children.

  “Oh yes!” Magda said out of breath, taking the phone from Hannah. “They are perfect angels.”

  Poor woman had two four year-olds sprung up on sugar and singing the same song over and over again.

  “Okay well call us if y’all need anything,” Alivia added, hoping that Magda could find a way to settle down the girls before they crashed from their sugar high.

  “Oh we don’t need anything here, you two kids just go enjoy each other,” Magda said, giving them a big wink, making them both laugh. Magda was old school Italian and didn’t believe in separation or divorce. She had always been on Alivia’s case to solve things with Jax, making everything that happened sound so trivial. She remembered Magda finding her sobbing on the back deck a few days after Jax had left. After explaining everything that had happened, Magda had held her in her arms, rocking her softly, promising that he would come back.

  And she had been right.

  He was back.

  But for how long?

  “Okay girls, we love you!” Alivia yelled into the phone as the screen bounced along with both girls jumping on their bed, their nightgowns flowing up and down.

  “Love you Mama! Love you Daddy!”

  Hanging up the phone, Alivia tossed it inside her clutch laughing to herself over poor Magda. Sensing Jax’s body hanging over her, she looked over her shoulder and up into a pair of careful green eyes. Holding his gaze a moment, her smile disappeared as he inched closer beginning to close the already tiny distance between their faces. His eyes drifting to her mouth, her heart slammed inside her chest searching his face.

  Is this happening?

  Closing her eyes in shame, she felt his breath on her lips. This was wrong. So wrong, but the need to feel his resilient mouth again, craving it, was succeeding over any and all rational thought. Hearing her heart beat inside her ears and Shay somewhere in the distance calling their names, she opened her eyes, pushing away from Jax.

  “There you are.” Shay emerged from behind the small wall a few feet away from the bar, carrying a shot in each hand. Stepping back, she put more distance between them, her heart lodged inside her throat.

  “Come on, we’re going to go hang out and have some drinks,” Shay nodded towards the direction of the bar. “Maybe make a few poor choices, too.”

  Wrapping her arms around herself quickly, she shook her head. “Not me.”

  The last thing she needed was any alcohol clouding her already hazy judgment allowing herself to get into uncompromising positions. Situations like almost kissing Jax. She didn’t trust herself and after earlier when he had walked around the room naked and then touching her before dinner and the way his breath picked up when he was about to kiss her, she didn’t trust him either.

  “I’m tired.” She lied, still shaking. She felt guilty going to her room and not spending more time with her friends, but she needed to clear her head. Tomorrow was a new day and she needed some time to collect herself.

  “Yeah man, I’m beat up too, it was a long drive today,” Jax said, looking at her. His eyes unapologetic for almost kissing her for the first time in months in the middle of a resort and under very unconventional circumstances.

  “Man, come on,” Shay complained. “I’m this close to closing Chelsea’s cousin.” He added nudging Jax’s arm. “Help me out!”

  Snickering, Jax shook his head. “I didn’t realize you even opened with her.”

  “Oh please, I’ll have her on her knees begging for it by midnight,” Shay scoffed, downing one of his shots quickly. “Don’t be alarmed if y’all hear animal noises coming from suite number five tonight,” he informed, raising his eyebrow, well on his way to crossing over the threshold of buzzed into completely wasted.

  “Okay, well that’s my cue.”

  She didn’t know much about Shannon, but she did know Shay and if he was on a mission to get a woman on her back or even have her screaming animal noises, he would. His nickname was Casanova for a reason. She, on the other hand, would be retreating back to her room early, sleeping alone and fully clothed while still reeling over her almost kiss with Jax.

  Pathetic.

  “You can stay, I just need one of the room keys,” she said, avoiding eye contact with Jax.

  “Stay here with this shameless clown?” he asked, pointing to Shay. “No way.”

  “What is it with you married couples?” Shay slurred, looking at them and she wondered how much longer the poor thing would last. He had been hitting it pretty heavy since before they even arrived.

  “Always going to bed early, not partying anymore.”

  “Kids,” they both said at the same time chuckling at each other.

  “Go easy on the poor girl, alright?” Alivia said giving Shay a hug before patting his flushed face. “And start drinking some water.”

  “Good luck brother.” Jax said giving Shay a back slapping hug.

  “Wait. Where are Chelsea and Trevor?” she asked Shay.

  “Oh, they left a while ago,” he said waving his hand aimlessly. “They were practically undressing each other at the table.”

  Looking up at Jax, she let out a panicky laugh. All this talk about people making noises and undressing each other had her thinking inappropriate things she shouldn’t be thinking about while sharing a bedroom with her estranged husband.

  “Shall we?” she asked nervously.

  “After you.”

  * * *

  Walking back to the room in complete silence, Jax could still feel his adrenalin pumping. He couldn’t control himself when he had been standing so close to Liv talking to the girls and wanting nothing more than to her just how much he had missed her. Once inside the suite, she couldn’t disappear into the bedroom fast enough, presumably to get as far away from him as she could. Which might have been for the best. Grabbing a soda from the fridge, he reached for the ice but the bucket was empty. Picking it up he told Liv through the bedroom door that he was going to get ice. He didn’t know why he told her where he was going, it didn’t matter, guessing it was because he needed to reassure her that he wasn’t going anywhere. That he wasn’t going to leave her. Pointless really because that’s exactly what he had done which caused his current mess. After finding the machine down the vacant hallway, he filled up the bucket and headed back to the room.

  Unlocking the door he found her standing in front of the wall length window staring out at the ocean. Aside from a single lamp glowing inside the room, the moon was the only other offering of light as she stood there looking like an angel. He had been so close to feeling her again. Feeling her soft lips and that sinful mouth. For as much as he was aching to hold her hips close to his as he made promises with his kisses and apologies with his body, letting her know that he would never leave again, he couldn’t. They couldn’t be together no matter how badly he wanted his life back.

  Placing the bucket down above the refrigerator, he stood next to her taking in the same moon hanging over the ocean, so bright and round, almost as if it was an illusion. Stuffing his hands deep inside the pockets of his shorts because they seemed to have a mind of their own in the last twenty-four hours, he stood quietly beside her.

  “Do you remember when we sat on the patio of Saint Konstantinos in Greece? Remember how large the moon was? Almost as if it wasn’t real?” she asked, not taking her eyes off the sky.

  Do I remember?

  “Why would you think I could ever forget that?” he asked turning towards her. “It was the night I proposed.”

  “I don’t think I have ever seen anything more breathtaking.” Liv gasped leaning against Jax’s chest, her long hair brushing his chin.

  “I have,” he whispered, kissing her on the cheek. Pulling her closer against his body, he wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled back into him. He wanted to burn this entire moment into his brain because at the risk of sounding like a total girl, it was pretty fucking
romantic.

  Eight months ago when he reluctantly put on a tuxedo to attend a party he didn’t even want to host, he never imagined that he would have met the love of his life. He knew the night he had met her that she had to be his; that he had to have that smile greet him every morning and have those lips all to himself. He still didn’t understand why someone like her wanted to take a chance on a damaged jock like him, but she was and he was grateful for that. He never experienced such feelings a woman the way he did with Liv and so quickly too. The way she loved him, made him feel worth something for the first time in a long time. He often heard people say when it was meant to be, it would be, and they were right. She scared the hell out of him, but in the best way. Ways he wanted to make sure that no matter what, he would always make the woman who put so much effort into him, the one who was now resting her head at the base of his neck, the happiest woman in the world.

  Kissing the top of her head, she let out a sigh and he knew she was happy and content and it made him pleased that he could be the one to do that for her. He hadn’t expected them to get lost while exploring the cliffs in Paros, they were supposed to be on their way to a private dinner in Santorini, but when she had stopped to admire some architecture and insisted on taking pictures, they had lost their tour group. Figuring they would eventually meet up with the crowd at some point, they stumbled upon the ancient church admiring the historic stone and the unique colors, both taking pictures for inspiration; her for events she had approaching and him to build them their dream home. A home that he wanted with her. A home filled with their children’s voices and laughter. Moving his hand from around her, he dug into his pocket. He wasn’t sure why he had brought the engagement ring that he had custom designed for her weeks ago on the tour with them, he had plans of asking her to be his wife on the beach during the private dinner, but they had missed that dinner and he couldn’t wait any longer.