False Start (Mavericks #1)

by Julianna Marley

  ”Liv, listen to me,” he urged, taking a step towards her. He had to explain these papers and make her completely disregard them. Taking a step back, her eyes darted back down at the documents that hung between them like a grenade.

  “I was in a really bad headspace and I asked Brody to file them when we were apart because I wasn’t thinking clearly,” he continued carefully. He needed her to focus on him and not the bullshit mistake she was holding in her hands. He never had any intentions of sending or signing those papers; in fact, he had called Brody the very next day and told him to stop the entire process. So why the hell they were being delivered to her now was beyond him, but he couldn’t worry about that right now.

  “You want a divorce?” she whispered, her voice cracking. He swore his chest had split in half from the pitch in her voice as she finally looked up at him, anger and fury splattered across her face.

  “No! No, Liv, listen to me,” he demanded looking square into her eyes, he could see she was already shutting down.

  Shit.

  Turning towards the kitchen he followed her, watching her head shake erratically. Surely she didn’t think that he would ever want to divorce her, especially after all they had been through to get back to where they were now?

  “Liv, hold on and let me explain,” he repeated, grabbing her arm, whipping her around.

  “Don’t you touch me!” she screamed, ripping her arm out of his hand slamming the papers on the counter. Turning around, her eyes narrowed on him. Her chest was slamming up and down and he swore he could hear her heart racing. Or maybe that was his? “I’m going to ask you this one time,” she said, her eyes cutting through him. “Why did you really come back?”

  “I told you the reason I came back.” He had bared his every fear to her and explained why he had left. How could she question that?

  “Was this some kind of game to you?” she asked, not acknowledging his response with the same look of disgust on her face that he had seen the day he had come back home.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Not what I think?” she scoffed, throwing her hands up in the air.

  “No.”

  “Let me tell you what I think, Jax” She narrowed her eyes on him, dropping her head to the side. “What I think is that you lied to me…again,” she stared at him. “What I think is that you made me believe that you still loved me, all the while making plans to leave again!” her voice rose as she motioned towards the papers on the counter. “And what I think is that you are a lying piece of shit,” she yelled, her chest heaving up and down. She was mad as hell and he was losing her every second that passed.

  “That’s not what happened!” he yelled. “Damn it, Liv!”

  Why wouldn’t she listen to him? It was like she was throwing up those damn emotional walls again and refusing to let him explain himself. He couldn’t do this again with her.

  “So what was all of this to you?” she asked, walking past him grabbing her car keys off the kitchen table, nearly hysterical. “You figured you’d just sweet-talk me enough to get me to fuck you while you waited for the papers to be delivered?”

  “That’s not true and you know it,” he said between his teeth, nostrils flaring. He wanted to shake her and tell her to shut the hell up and let him explain.

  “I’m such a fool,” she mumbled, pushing the heel of her hand into her head.

  “I believed you,” she whispered, chewing her lip to stop it from trembling. And he could see that it was taking everything inside of her not to cry. But she wouldn’t. She was too prideful for that and he knew she wouldn’t allow herself to break down in front of him. “You told me you would never leave us again and I believed you.”

  Feeling the back of his skull tighten, his head was spinning. He just needed her to slow down and explain everything and let her know that he wasn’t going anywhere. Ever again. He knew he had done this. Had put her in this situation. She was fighting him because of what he had done a year ago, but this was not last year. He was not going anywhere this time, no matter how hard she fought him, but looking into her eyes, she was scared and defending herself like a wounded animal just waiting for him to hurt her again. And because he knew her so well, he could see that she was done listening too.

  “Well, I’ll make it real easy for you this time, Jax,” she said quietly, a pit in his stomach forming.

  Shaking his head slowly, his jaw clenched. “Don’t.”

  “Leave.”

  Her blue eyes glazed over in agony. The type of pain he swore he would never be responsible for again. She was quiet and looked defeated, and he just wanted her to hit him, or smack him, throw something at him, anything because he knew he was losing her.

  “And don’t come back this time.”

  Quickly opening the door, she slammed it shut behind her.

  “Liv!”

  * * *

  Alivia was on autopilot.

  She wasn’t quite sure why the tears hadn’t fallen yet, but pulling into the school parking lot, she wrestled with her emotions because she had promised herself a long time ago that she would never collapse in front of her girls again. Ever again. One minute Jax had had her against the washing machine telling her that he loved her no matter what and the next minute she was being served with divorce papers. Getting out of the car, she waited along with the other parents for the girls to be escorted out of the building by their teachers. She felt dirty as she rubbed her shoulder against her chin. Felt exposed. An hour ago she was screaming his name and now she was standing in a parking lot, feeling as if everyone else could see what a fool she was.

  Jax wanted a divorce.

  The thought alone made her heart slam against her chest so hard she feared others could hear it. Things between them had been back to normal, better than normal even. When he told her that he only pushed her away because he believed it was what was best for her, she believed him. She didn’t think he had been lying about that, had he been lying about never leaving again? Closing her eyes a moment, she inhaled a deep breath. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have let him back into her heart so quickly, only for him to turn around and destroy it all over again? She swore to herself that she would never be in this position again. Never giving a man the power to break her heart and leave her. She knew now that she never had any control over him leaving, but he had nearly destroyed her. She forgave him and accepted his apology. Although his intentions were good, she should have never let him in again. Into her life, into her heart and into her head. Not that he had ever really left, but she gave him permission to break her for the second time. Having him back again felt so good and so right. But it was a lie. He was planning on leaving her the whole time.

  She knew she should have let him explain himself, but the facts were the facts.

  The papers were filed.

  By him.

  He wanted a divorce and it felt as if she were reading the letter that he left on the kitchen counter all over again. Clearing her throat, she pushed back the panic that began surging in her veins, her body getting hot. Crossing her arms, she stuffed her shaky hands into her body, watching the children exiting the school. How was she going to explain this to the girls? How could she cover this up again? She couldn’t lie to them, they were older now and they would question more. But telling them the truth would break their little hearts and she felt her heart constricting, panic spreading across her chest.

  Hannah and Hailey spotted her across the courtyard running towards her, their schoolbags falling off their shoulders and blonde curls bouncing in the afternoon sun. Would they feel like she had when her daddy had left her? She couldn’t bare thinking about her sweet girls feeling any of those raw and ugly emotions watching their daddy walk away from them.

  “Mama!” they sang, reaching the car. Bending down she grabbed them into a hug fighting the urge to collapse into them.

  How could Jax do this to them?

  To all of them?

  Again?
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  “Hi pumpkins,” she said, reluctantly pulling back and looking into their bright eyes. The same eyes they both shared with their daddy and she wanted to sob.

  “Mama, I made a caterpillar shape out of my hand for you today,” Hailey said, holding up her green, paint dried hands.

  “And I traded my sandwich for a pudding cup from Tommy Coates today!” Hannah specified, shrugging off her backpack.

  “Are we going to the park now?” Hailey asked, jumping up and down.

  “Yes, baby,” Alivia said, clearing her throat. She had to get her head on straight. She couldn’t let the girls see her in distress. She refused to.

  “Let’s get going.” She shuffled them inside the car, strapping them in to their seats and putting their backpacks in the trunk. Walking around the car, she waved to another mother, one she hoped wouldn’t approach her because she was not in a frame of mind to chitchat.

  The girls’ endless chatter filled the car as she drove the short distance to their favorite playground across the street from Waterfront Park. Holding her breath, she pulled into the parking lot hoping that Jax didn’t meet them there like he had originally suggested. She didn’t want to see him. And she didn’t want to talk to him, especially not in a public area with witnesses because she could absolutely kill him. Was it all a lie? Every single second of it? Was she delusional? It had seemed so real. All the kisses, all the laughs, all the lovemaking had seemed so genuine. Why did he do this to her? What had she done for him to put her through all this hell?

  “Girls, lets change into your play clothes first,” she said, unbuckling their seat belts. Changing in the backseat of the car, she replaced their denim skirts with cotton shorts and their rosette t-shirts for basic tees and they were off running towards the slide.

  “Y’all stay where I can see you,” she called after them, walking over to the bench. She knew she should have walked across the park where the other mothers were gabbing and gossiping, but she didn’t want to talk to anyone. Not now. She should call Chelsea. No, she would probably just try to fix everything, getting her more worked up. Maybe Ross? No, she wasn’t ready to hear “I told you so” either. She didn’t want to talk, she had enough to think about, like how she was going to move forward. She promised herself that she wouldn’t ever crumble again, that she would never enter that dark place again. She had two daughters to be a role model for and wouldn’t completely fall apart, no matter how badly she wanted to.

  * * *

  Heading up the freeway to Brody’s office, certain he was breaking every major traffic law in South Carolina, Jax white-knuckled the steering wheel to keep his hands from beating something. He needed to find out why the hell those papers were even printed, let alone sent after he had specifically told Brody to stop his request for a divorce. He was going to murder him. It had all happened so fast, one moment he had Liv up on top of a washing machine and in a single minute his life shifted. He could still taste her on his lips as the look on her face flashed again, feeling like a damn blow to the head. Jerking off the exit, cutting off a mid-size Toyota, he cursed to himself. He had been too drunk to make any rash decisions the night he had called Brody, but as the night drew on he had convinced himself that giving Liv an easy way out to run as far away from him as possible was what was best for her. Another careless decision that was now coming back to haunt him.

  Trevor: Are you alright?

  Jax: Fine.

  Trevor: Liar. Need to talk?

  Jax: Nah, I’m good.

  Going to bed.

  Night.

  Dropping the phone onto the floor beside him, Jax took another swig of his new buddy Johnny, allowing the harsh sting of the whisky to burn his throat, matching the burning pain in his chest.

  It was March 11th.

  And his wedding anniversary.

  Letting his arm dangle off the side of the couch, he tried to steady his vision, but it didn’t work. He had spent most of the day in the same position in and out of consciousness trying to black out the memories from six years ago of Liv in her wedding gown walking towards him with the biggest smile on her face. Trying to erase the feelings that he could still feel inside his chest that he had somehow convinced the most amazing woman in the world to marry him. But the one thing he couldn’t hide from was genetics and just like his self-seeking prick of a father, he had somehow found a way to damage her.

  She was slipping away from him. Throwing herself into work. He watched as she stood in front of the television watching Vanessa pull off her last stunt and no amount of comfort or reassurance made a difference as he witnessed his wife break in half. She snapped and began unraveling, surging his happy wife into a woman he barely even recognized. It was his fault that she was unhappy. And based on what he was hearing from Chelsea, Liv seemed to be doing better these days. Better because he wasn’t around.

  God he missed her.

  Missed her smile that reached her eyes that were as blue as the sea and held with them the window to her soul. He missed her laugh when the girls said something funny and her giggle when he grabbed some wonderful body part on her as she passed by him. He missed the feel of her hair on his chest when they slept and her even breathing when he would watch her as she fell asleep first. He missed the determination on her face when she was elbow deep in a project and missed the way she chased the girls around the house for bath time. He missed the feel of her fingertips on his skin, the taste of her lips, and if he closed his eyes tight enough, he could almost smell and feel and taste all the memories of his beautiful wife.

  A night that should have been spent celebrating, reminiscing and making love was replaced by guilt, defeat and the realization that he couldn’t make his wife happy anymore. That he failed.

  That he did the opposite of what he promised her six short years ago.

  Reaching for his phone on the floor next to him, he pushed aside the empty pretzel bag and beer cans that echoed his entire day, forcing himself to focus past the harsh light of the screen.

  Jax: You up?

  Brody: Yeah man, what’s up?

  Jax: I need a favor.

  Brody: Sure buddy, anything.

  Jax: I need divorce papers.

  His heart stopped as the thick air left his lungs. Since the day he had met Liv, he knew he hadn’t wanted to go one day without her by his side, let alone months or even a lifetime. But he was ruining her. And she was better off without him. He never deserved her anyway, the past few months only proved that.

  “Yo,” he slurred, answering the phone when it rang taking another swig of the amber liquid.

  “Yo,” Brody mimicked back carefully. “Are you drunk, Cap?” he asked, lowering his voice. He was out somewhere, Jax could hear the dinner music in the background.

  “Does it matter?” Jax spat back. Who the hell did Brody think he was? He worked for him.

  “Are you sure you want me to file divorce papers?” Brody asked, lowering his voice again.

  “Yeah.”

  “How about you call me in the morning when you’ve sobered up.”

  “Don’t fucking lecture me,” Jax said, irritatingly falling back into the sofa.

  “I’m not,” Brody said louder. “I’m not lecturing you,” he lowered his voice again, “I’m just saying that maybe now isn’t the best time to do something so…” he said searching for the right word, “Permanent.”

  “Who gives a fuck?” Jax barked back, slamming his neck backwards on the couch, making his head…and the room spin.

  “She’s gonna leave me anyways,” he swallowed against the rock he could feel lodged inside this throat. “May as well make it easy for her.”

  “Listen. I’ll do what you ask, but I really think you should-“

  “Just do it Brody,” Jax yelled, hanging up the phone, throwing it across the room as it bounced off the front door of his apartment. He knew Liv would leave him because he left her and because he pushed her away, but he’d be damned if she would kill herself over it.
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br />   Storming into the Mavericks’ complex, Jax banged the clear numbers on the elevator, impatiently waiting for it to stop at Brody’s floor. He couldn’t believe this was happening. All the time he had spent getting Liv to trust him again and getting his life back was now slipping through his fingers. Charging out of the elevator, he busted through Brody’s door slamming the divorce papers in front of him on his desk.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he growled, his agent nearly jumping out of his seat.

  “Um,” Brody stuttered into the phone squinting back at him, “I’m gonna have to call you back.” He hung up the phone.

  “Jax?”

  “Why the hell were divorce papers sent to Liv today?” he asked through his teeth, balling up his fists. He didn’t trust himself not to hit something. Or somebody.

  “What are you talking about?” Brody asked, his eyebrows drawing together. “What divorce papers?”

  “The damn divorce papers that I told you to file back in March,” Jax repeated, refreshing his agent’s memory. “Then the next day, when I was thinking more clearly I told you I couldn’t go through with it,” he said not taking his eyes off Brody. “They were sent to Liv today.”

  Running his hands through his hair in frustration, Liv’s anguished face flashed across his mind.

  Getting up, Brody walked carefully towards him, picking up the papers on the desk.

  “Jax, I swear to you that I didn’t send these papers. I put the request in as soon as we talked and by the end of the week they were ready,” he explained. “Divorces happen all the time in this industry and it didn’t take much time at all,” Brody said, shaking his head. “But when you called the next day, I never sent them. I put them in my drawer in case you changed your mind,” he said dropping the papers back on the desk.

  “I haven’t looked at them since.”

  “Then how the hell did Liv get them?” Jax yelled, getting in Brody’s face.

  Somebody sent those papers and Brody and Trevor were the only two who knew anything about them. He remembered how pissed off he was when Brody called Trevor, causing his best friend to bust through his apartment door and kicking the shit out of him before throwing him through furniture. It was Trevor who forced him to get his head on straight and go back to work things out with Liv. Make things right and he had been more than grateful to Brody for saying something, but all that appreciation was disappearing now.