A Second Chance at Forever

by Stewart, JM

  She bit her bottom lip, cringing at the way the words left her mouth, the way her voice trembled, and banged her head back against the wall. God this was coming out all wrong. The man made her feel so…vulnerable. Like she couldn’t hide from him. All she could do was squeeze her eyes shut and wait for his response.

  “Would you like me to be there?”

  The hidden question in his tone was obvious. Did she want him there?

  She bit her lower lip, hesitated, then finally whispered, “Yes.”

  Yes, she wanted him to be there, she couldn’t deny that. She wanted to know she wasn’t going to be alone through all of this. Oh, she could care for these babies on her own, but that wasn’t the way she wanted it. Her babies deserved to know their father.

  That was only half of it, though. What she wanted, deep down, was to see him. To be in the same space as him. To look into those eyes and see it, that connection, that lethal spark. Heaven help her, she craved it.

  “Hang on. Let me check my schedule.” For several moments, only the quiet sound of his breathing echoed over the line. Then came the sound of papers rustling. “What’s the exact date?”

  She opened her eyes, stared at the picture of her and Brock as kids on the wall opposite her. “It’s next Friday, the first of July. At nine.”

  “No court that week. I’ll clear my schedule. I’ll plan to fly out late Thursday night, is that all right?”

  She nodded. “That’s fine.”

  He paused. “Ang?” He said her name, so soft, like he had a tender secret he wanted to tell her.

  “Hm?”

  “Thanks for inviting me.”

  Butterflies danced in her tummy. “You’re welcome.”

  Silence rang across the line. It tugged at her, pulled at the part of her that had felt so at ease with him she’d lost herself. It was a comfortable and altogether terrifying place to be. Were she Candy, she’d know what to say to him, but as Angela…her tongue had tied itself into a knot.

  Finally it was Alex who broke the unbearable silence. “I’m looking forward to seeing you, you know. Not just the babies, but you.”

  He spoke so quiet, so softly honest, that she closed her eyes and bit her lip. It felt like an intimate confession. This side of him was so different from the confident man she’d spent the night with. Like he was letting down his walls. The knowledge wrapped around her, made her long for more.

  While the terrified part of her screamed at her not to say it, told her she charged into dangerous territory that would only get her hurt, the words rose anyway, demanding to be heard. “Alex?”

  “Hm?”

  The sound was so relaxed that she wondered where he was and what he was doing. It had her envisioning him in his house somewhere, lounging, sitting the way she was, with his eyes closed, caught up in listening to the sound of her voice.

  “If I’m being honest?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Me too,” she said, her quiet voice trembling.

  “I’m glad.” He paused, for a moment only the sound of his breathing coming through the phone, then he quietly asked, “So, you working tonight?”

  When the conversation ended a few minutes later, with a promise that he’d call her tomorrow, Angela leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. Confusion fluttered like a thousand butterfly wings inside her. Her pulse thundered like a runaway racehorse, all because she looked forward to seeing him. Looked forward to seeing where their time together would take them.

  For the first time since David had left, she allowed herself to hope, to dream of a future with a man who didn’t know if he could even give her one.

  That was a terrifying place to be. It gave her the distinct impression of standing on the edge of a precipice, taking that first terrifying step off a cliff…not knowing if there would be anything beneath her to catch her fall.

  Chapter Ten

  The doorbell sounded through the house. Angela’s heart jumped into her throat. Standing in the bathroom, Angela turned away from her reflection in the mirror and looked to the clock on the wall. Her hands trembled. There was only one person she was expecting at eight thirty this morning. The thought had her stomach doing somersaults. She quickly stuffed her makeup back inside the small bag and stowed it beneath the sink, before turning and moving on trembling legs down the stairs.

  She paused in the foyer, straightened her T-shirt with trembling hands, then pulled the door open.

  Alex stood on the front porch, his back to her, looking out over the street. He turned when she opened the door. His mouth curled into a smile that lit up his face, and his eyes crinkled at the corners. “Morning.”

  Her stomach fluttered. He was dressed more casually than she’d seen him in a while, in a pair of faded jeans and a turquoise polo shirt. The shirt hugged the contours of his body, showing off broad shoulders and a lean, taut stomach, the sleeves molded to the curves of his rounded biceps. Her knees wobbled. Somehow she had to get through today without forming herself to that lean hard frame.

  “Hi.” She stepped back and swept her hand through the air. “Come in.”

  Two steps through the door, he stopped and turned to her, took her hand. “Thank you. For inviting me.”

  The gentle honesty in his tone seeped inside, wrapped her in warmth that pulled her in. She had to give him the same in return. His statement indicated he understood what this moment meant for her, that she was taking the first step into a frightening place.

  “If I’m being truthful, I’m glad you want to be here. I meant what I said, I can take care of them on my own, but…” She paused, lowered her voice as she glanced down and ran a hand over her stomach. “I’m glad I don’t have to. I missed my dad growing up. They deserve to know theirs. I want that for them.”

  Alex had a family once; he had been a father. The knowledge gave her hope that he would be a good father to their babies. She had to give them that chance, if only for their sake.

  “To have what you didn’t have,” he said.

  She looked up, nodded.

  He stepped forward, so close his spicy, masculine scent assaulted her senses, and placed his hand over hers, over the barely visible swell of her stomach. After a moment, he lifted his gaze to hers.

  “I want them, you know,” he said quietly.

  “Do you?” Not that she doubted, but because she needed to hear him say the words.

  His gaze never wavered from hers. “Very much. It’s scary. I’ve been here before, and it was taken from me, but…they’re like a new beginning.”

  His eyes searched hers, open and honest. He looked every bit as vulnerable as she felt right then. Like they’d stepped into unfamiliar territory, for both of them. He was reaching out to her. Fear rose up around Angela, seized her chest and left her trembling. Deep down she knew what she wanted was to run to him, to slip into the safety those eyes promised.

  Too well she remembered that look in David’s eyes. While something inside of her screamed that Alex was different, she still wasn’t sure she could take the next step forward.

  She turned her gaze to the microwave clock on the counter in the kitchen, just visible through the doorway. The red numbers read 8:40. “We should go. In case there’s traffic.”

  He nodded, turned toward the door, then looked back, and held his hand out to her. Before she even realized she’d done it, she slipped her fingers into his. It was as simple and as complicated as that. Apparently her heart had chosen for her.

  ****

  In the small exam room at the obstetrician’s office, Alex closed his eyes as he listened to the heartbeats echoing through the room around him. Two of them, quick and steady, one slightly overlapping the other, emanated from a speaker box that the doctor pressed to Angela’s bare stomach.

  It was the most beautiful and the most torturous sound he’d ever heard. It made his heart ache with the memories that bombarded him. He remembered other visits much like this one, years ago. Another tiny heartbeat had filled
him with every bit as much awe and pride.

  It felt a bit too much like someone had rubbed salt on the wound in his chest. The guilt rose up over him again.

  Yet, at the same time, hearing those heartbeats filled his chest with a mixture of wonder and pride that flat out astounded him. He hadn’t expected to ever feel that way again.

  “Nice and strong,” the doctor said, approval in her voice.

  He opened his eyes in time to watch the woman wipe the clear goo off Angela’s stomach with a paper towel. The doctor was old enough to be his mother, with a full head of gray hair in a neat bob style that hung to her shoulders. A short, stout woman with tiny hands who looked very comfortable in her position, like she’d done this a million and one times.

  “Everything looks good. Heartbeats are nice and strong, your weight’s good, tummy’s growing right along schedule.” The doctor turned to Angela as she jotted notes into a chart, then moved toward the door. “We’ll see you next month.”

  As the doctor left the room, Alex turned to Angela, watching for a moment as she shimmied her shorts back into place. Before she had a chance to sit up, he stepped forward and slid his hands over her abdomen, compelled to make contact with her stomach, with the babies within. These were his babies. They were his future. Staring him in the face was the new beginning he’d been yearning for. All he had to do was reach out and take it.

  It scared the hell out of him how very much he wanted to do just that. The knowledge settled in his stomach, hard and uneasy. It dared him to face the fear that swelled like a tide within him, threatening to drown him.

  Was he ready to move on, to take the next step? Would doing so somehow mock the vows he’d made seven years ago, somehow erase their very memory?

  He dragged a shaky hand through his hair and turned to look at Angela, caught for a moment in the blue sea staring back at him. It scared the hell out of him how very much he wanted her. How much he wanted to take everything she represented, to leave the painful past behind and step into his future. With her. With these babies.

  The wounded place inside of him needed it. Needed her. She soothed the pain inside of him. He’d be a fool to let her go, to let this opportunity walk away from him.

  “What would you say if I asked you to marry me?” What made him ask, he wasn’t entirely sure. Only that he had to say the words out loud. He’d thought of nothing else since she’d invited him to this appointment. Once out, however, the rightness of the moment settled inside of him. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because he wanted it. This was his future. He wanted to grab it with both hands.

  Angela stared up at him. Her chest rose and fell at an increased pace. Beneath his hands, she trembled. She didn’t say anything for so long that his gut clenched.

  “Why would you do that, Alex?” she said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

  He shook his head, at a loss to explain the churn of emotion in his chest. “Call me old fashioned, but these two deserve a family, Ang. A proper family. I can’t just leave you to raise them by yourself. You deserve someone to take care of you, to help you take care of them. That person should be me.”

  It surprised him how much he wanted to be that man, to give her and these babies, his babies, everything they deserved.

  She was silent for a long moment. Then she sat up and slipped off the table, her hands busy straightening her clothing. “Do you love me, Alex?”

  Her bold question took him by surprise. He found himself fumbling along in the dark. “I want you, Ang. In ways I haven’t wanted another woman in a long time.”

  Her gaze jerked to his, her eyes piercing and intense, demanding honesty. “But do you love me?”

  He dragged a hand through his hair, at a loss as to what to say. She wanted an answer he couldn’t give. He wasn’t there yet.

  Emotion flashed in her eyes, there and gone before he had a chance to recognize what it had been. Angela shook her head, her features carefully impassive. “It’s a sweet gesture, Alex”—she said, a cold tone to her voice—“but I’m afraid the answer would be no. If I was ever to get married again—and I’m not sure I ever want to—I want it to be because you’re in love with me. Because you can’t live without me.”

  She didn’t wait for his reply but left him standing in the small room, more confused than he’d been in a long time. He yearned to go after her, to tell her she was wrong, to convince her he did want her. More than he could tell her, he wanted time to explore this aspect of their relationship, to see where it took them.

  Except he knew in his heart what she wanted. He had no idea if he could give it to her. His heart wasn’t even whole yet. She damn well deserved better than that.

  Throbbing beneath it all, though, was a tiny spark of hope. Hope that maybe, somewhere in the future, he’d finally leave the past behind and move on with his life.

  Alex found Angela several minutes later standing out by the car, her arms folded across her chest. When she spotted his approach, her body stiffened. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and somehow fix the tension between them. Wanted to feel ease with her again, to see her smile, to watch the way the expression would light up her face. Right then, she looked at him like he was the enemy, and that fact felt so damn wrong.

  As he stopped in front of her, the words rose inside of him, tumbling from his mouth on an unchecked need to somehow make her understand. He needed her, with something he didn’t quite understand himself yet. Maybe it wouldn’t get him anywhere, but he had to say them.

  “You’re right, Ang. I can’t tell you I’m in love with you. I don’t even know if I’m capable of love again. Frankly, my heart is still in pieces. All I can promise you is right now. That I won’t let you go through this alone. Those are my babies too and I want them. I want you. More than I’ve wanted anything in a long time. You’re like…. God, Ang, you’re like watching the sun rise for the first time. It’s beautiful and breathtaking. All I want is to stay here in this moment. But this”—he held his arms out from his sides, indicating the whole of him—“this is all I’ve got. Just me. Kind of broken, a little uncertain and probably doing everything wrong, but what I’ve got…is all yours.”

  It surprised him how much he meant it.

  She didn’t say anything, merely stared at him, looking confused and uncertain. He dared to close the distance between them and lightly pressed his body against hers. He reveled at the feel of her there as he stared into her eyes, searching for that place inside of her where they connected.

  Her breathing hitched. Her heart raced against his chest in time with his own. But she didn’t protest, didn’t push him away. He took that as a positive sign.

  He cupped her cheek in his palm, stroked his thumb along her lower lip, his gaze following for a moment before he looked back up at her. “You make me happier than I’ve been in a long time, Ang.”

  He expected her to deny him. Or slap him. Or maybe both. He was offering half of what she deserved. Yet it was all he had to give. He wasn’t sure he’d ever quite laid himself on the line like this before. She had pieces of him he hadn’t ever shared with anyone else. Angela had seen the wounded side of him. Standing here now left him feeling more vulnerable than he’d felt in…well, ever.

  Angela dropped her arms to her sides. Her hard expression and the stiff set of her shoulders softened. Several heartbeats of silence passed as she watched him.

  “Alex, I…” Her voice trailed off. She shook her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

  That she was confused was only too obvious. While he didn’t regret asking her to marry him, he hated that he’d put her in a position for which she hadn’t been prepared. Maybe he’d moved too quickly. Maybe what he needed was to take it a bit more slowly.

  He didn’t know what the hell he was doing. He felt like a damn fish out of water, flopping around, struggling to breathe in a new environment, not sure he fit in to that place. It felt too much like he was fumbling around in the dark, hoping
to find the light switch by pure dumb luck.

  He stroked his fingers over the softness of her skin and decided on another, slightly softer tactic. “Say you’ll have dinner with me.”

  Her body trembled against his. Her gaze dropped to his mouth. Those eyes filled with a potent hunger that left him starving for a taste of her.

  A heartbeat later, she lowered her gaze to his chest and shook her head. “I have to work tonight.”

  Disappointment sank like a lead weight in his gut, weighing down his limbs. He should have expected it, but somehow the expectation of the denial didn’t quite cut through the sting of rejection. Maybe he was pushing.

  He nodded and took a step back, stuffed his hands into his pockets as he turned his gaze to the ground. “Right,” he said, unable to keep the disappointment from reaching his voice.

  He felt rather than saw her gaze return to him.

  “It’s my last night at the club,” she said quietly, a hidden meaning in her tone that failed him right then.

  He looked up, offered a smile he knew had to look as phony as it felt. “No, I understand.” He meant it as a reassurance, but even he didn’t buy the false emotion.

  She studied him in a way that left him feeling wide open, like all his deep, dark secrets had been laid out before her, which they pretty much had been. A breath later, Angela laid a tentative hand against his chest. Her palm singed his skin through the fabric of his shirt.

  “I don’t think you do.” She gave a gentle shake of her head, her voice so quiet he almost hadn’t heard her over the traffic running up and down the boulevard. “It isn’t that I don’t want you, Alex. I want you so much it scares me to death.”

  He shook his head in misery. “I’d never hurt you, Ang.”

  “I know that.” She nodded, looked down at her feet. “But that doesn’t make it any less scary.”

  “No. It doesn’t.” The need to touch her was too strong to deny any longer. He took her face in his palms, for a moment relishing the softness of her skin.

  “I do appreciate the gesture, Alex. It can’t be easy for you to admit all that, or even to think about getting married again.”