Joshoku

by Hildred Billings

  There was an odd satisfaction in watching someone like Hitomi be so enthralled in the female form. She gazed upon and touched Aiko’s body reverently as it emerged from the chiffon blouse. Reina wanted to do the same. To touch Aiko’s skin, to kiss it, to breathe in its scent as it became hotter under the onus of relieving urges. Reina settled for unclasping her girlfriend’s bra.

  Everything became a blur after Reina unleashed Aiko’s body. She couldn’t help herself after that. Only a no of any kind could have stopped her the moment she let her lips press upon Aiko’s soft throat and her hand touch Aiko’s bare side. But nobody told her no. Her girlfriend was into it from the moment Reina touched her, and Hitomi was too distracted by another woman’s breasts that Reina’s presence hardly registered in her brain.

  What Reina intended to be a quickie between two femmes quickly turned into a damned threesome, just like Aiko had recently told her she enjoyed. She tricked me into this. Bless her blossoming kinky soul.

  Reina used her girlfriend as a buffer between her and Hitomi, the girl now acquiescing to the both of them, asking them with her eyes to teach her how to make love to women. That would have to be left to Aiko, the gentler of the two lovers. I would go at her like a battering ram. For some women that was exactly what they needed for their first time. For others, someone like Aiko was better.

  But Aiko was new to taking control of any kind, and needed Reina to give her orders.

  “Take off her clothes and lick her skin.” The space between Reina’s legs became hotter as Aiko did as told, pulling off Hitomi’s camisole and kissing her cleavage. Hitomi’s head rolled back, long curly hair brushing against the futon as her legs instinctively spread from one end to another. Aiko looped her arms around the girl and took off her bra, but didn’t let Reina get a peek. Suited her fine. It gave her time to take off her T-shirt and rub her girlfriend’s back.

  “Ah!” Hitomi whimpered, shaking in pleasure as Aiko ran her tongue across breast and nipple. Her bun was coming apart, and Reina thought she looked like a courtesan taking advantage of a young acolyte in her establishment. That’s so hot. I should write porn. She linked her arms around Aiko’s stomach, grabbed her breasts, and began to easily rut against her rear.

  The power of this intense moment sent Reina over an edge. Not an orgasmic one, but an edge asking her – no, begging her – to have both women within her reach.

  It didn’t even matter at that point that it was Hitomi, the girl who made fun of her for so long. Reina didn’t care about that. She only cared about kissing her, caressing her, making her happy whether her clothes were on or off. And they didn’t stay on for long, not with both Reina and Aiko working in tandem to get the young woman’s pants off and her hair out of the way. Reina bent down and kissed Hitomi, inviting her to touch her friend’s body however she pleased.

  “I’m taking her,” Reina told her girlfriend a minute later. “And you should too.”

  Unfair, almost, to mark this as Hitomi’s first real foray into lesbianism. After all, how could she possibly reach such a pinnacle of excellence again without Reina and Aiko in the future? Setting her up for massive disappointment. Reina dove between Hitomi’s legs, experiencing the young woman’s natural scent for the first time. Strong, musky. Not what she was expecting, but it matched Hitomi. Reina ran her tongue along the breadth of Hitomi’s underwear, making her squirm – but only a little, for Aiko, bare as the day her mother brought her into the world, sat on Hitomi’s torso and bent down to kiss her. This effectively silenced her groans and cries of happiness the moment Reina pushed aside her cotton wear and licked the slit of her omanko.

  She didn’t have time to think about how strange this was given the circumstance. She didn’t have time to consider the pros and cons of these actions, nor did she care to. There’s a woman here that wants me to have sex with her. And Aiko too, enjoying herself as she treated Hitomi to the show of the occasion. Reina couldn’t see what her girlfriend was doing, but from the way Hitomi bucked against her friend’s face it was going over well.

  “Shit!” Hitomi began to undulate beneath Reina’s tongue, and then her fingers when she pressed two into the woman’s omanko. “Mou sugu...!”

  Reina detached from Hitomi, denying her the orgasm she said was coming. She pulled Aiko up and kissed her, sharing the taste of another woman. “My turn,” she said, and overtook Hitomi’s body.

  The instant she started kissing this young woman’s lips again was the moment Reina began to unravel. She shoved her hand down between Hitomi’s thighs and rubbed her omanko, those wet fingers returning to where they were only moments before. Hitomi flung one arm around Reina’s shoulders and held her down, all while extending her leg so her partner could straddle and thrust against it. Instincts. Inexperienced women always said that they didn’t know how to “do it.” But Reina found that as soon as they were in that orgasmic mood they knew exactly what to do. Sex wasn’t rocket science, even if it could be explosive.

  “Yes,” Hitomi whimpered as Reina fingered her. She was deep, deeper than the average woman, with close walls and an easy to find G-spot, thank the sex gods. A woman made to be pleasured. “Yes!” She arched her back and embraced Reina, who continued to thrust against the leg between her own. Not too far away from them, Aiko licked Hitomi’s one exposed nipple and lured the young woman’s hand to untouched reaches. When Aiko let out a gasp of approval at what Hitomi could do with her fingers, Reina went all in.

  She didn’t know who came first between her and Hitomi. All she knew was that an orgasm quickly claimed her, and sometime in the midst of that reverie Hitomi let out an ear-splitting wail of approval.

  When the energy of the room abated, Reina rolled off to the side where the futon met the floor. She covered her face with a hand as she struggled to catch her breath, the sounds of her girlfriend moving around the room the only thing she could hear.

  “Not how I thought I would round off the week,” Reina mumbled. She sat up and grabbed her T-shirt at the end of her futon. “Shit.”

  Aiko had her blouse on again, leaving Hitomi the only naked one remaining after Reina got half dressed again. “I can’t believe I did that,” Hitomi said, using her hair to cover her breasts. “I never thought I would... with a woman... let alone two women...”

  Reina politely looked away as Hitomi tried to find her clothing. “Now you can say you’ve done it.” And don’t forget it.

  She reiterated that Hitomi could spend the night with them, but it took both her and Aiko a half hour to find something for the new guest to sleep on. By that time Hitomi had put on her clothes again, minus her jeans, and sat in front of Reina’s window contemplating the clear night sky. Aiko helped her girlfriend roll out a thin futon by the main one for Hitomi to use when she wanted to sleep.

  Hitomi did not go to bed for a long while. Not until Aiko was in her pajamas and Reina had brushed her teeth; not until Reina turned off the lights and Aiko climbed into the main futon with her girlfriend. Aiko teetered at the edge of the futon, cuddling up next to Reina as she quickly dozed off as if she were taking a cat nap. Is she ever going to go to sleep? Hitomi continued to sit in the dark, watching some clouds roll by the moonlit sky.

  When she did go to bed, it was at a respectful distance from Reina. What do I do? Unusual for a girl to sleep so close to Reina but not invite her to cuddle. Yet Reina thought it would be rude to turn her back on Hitomi so she could cuddle Aiko. All she could do was lie on her back and try to stare at the same spot outside her window. She wondered what Hitomi saw.

  “Nee,” the young woman whispered. “Do you think I am consumed with joshoku?”

  Reina turned her head. “Only you can answer that.” But if you asked me half an hour ago I would’ve said most definitely.

  “When did you know that you were?”

  Crickets chirped outside the window. “I’ve always known. Since I first felt sexual desire, I knew it was for other girls.”

  “
I wish it were so clear for me.”

  “It’s the only thing in my life I have ever been absolutely certain about.” Reina turned over and brought sleeping Aiko into her arms. My girlfriend didn’t know until later either. Sometimes Reina felt like the only woman in the world who knew so early. And as much as she loved women, it scared her to think that some did not love each other half as much. Even that word – joshoku – was often reserved for men to use. The shame, uncertainty, and disbelief that went into a woman fulfilling her sexual desires for women would forever embitter Reina. If Hitomi wasn’t careful, it would consume her. Slow killing poison had a habit of acting like that.

  Rain pattered on Reina’s umbrella as she walked from the train station and toward her street. The Saturday afternoon rain did nothing to cheer her up after a harrowing half day of work. Things are going to shit. Reina’s footsteps pounded on the asphalt as she thought back on the news that Mr. Kawaguchi was being forced into retirement. The official reason was for “his health,” but everyone in the break room muttered that it was because the company didn’t like his radical ideas. Instead they sent in someone who loved the manual too much and thought Reina was his personal secretary. So much for switching up the gender dynamics of her department. Reina was the new interim secretary and she would damn well deal with it.

  The humidity made her sweat beneath her suit, even though the sky was dark gray and the world grayer. Reina always hated this part of the year. June, when the rainy season slammed through, turning the city into a foul smelling medley of drenched streets, broken umbrellas cast on sidewalks, and enough humid air to bake mold into unsuspecting laundry. It made Reina irritable, and she wished she could have a date with someone that night.

  But Aiko was gone that weekend, and Reina hadn’t heard from anyone else in at least a few weeks. Not even Hitomi popped up on her radar again. The young woman spent the night with Reina and Aiko before disappearing, neither looking back nor looking forward. Her life is none of my business. Still, she often wondered if Hitomi’s summer wedding was to be that month.

  The final insult to her shit day was when a kid plowed by on his bicycle, splashing Reina’s pant leg with muddy water. “Kora!” she called after the boy, Her umbrella sank down her back, exposing the top of her head to the drizzle.

  Not two houses away was her own by now. Before Reina could turn and continue to her gate, a figure popped up in her living area window and waved at her. Ma? Sachiko flailed her arms around with a... smile? A smile? On her face? Reina stood outside their gate, rain slipping off her clear plastic umbrella and onto her shoes.

  When she went inside she half expected to be greeted by a woman in costume. My mother hasn’t smiled in years. Not since before her husband died. Yet there was Sachiko, still in her convenience store uniform standing at the top of the genkan.

  “You’ll never guess what happened today!” she said, tittering around while Reina shook off her umbrella and folded it up. The umbrella clanked into the rack by the door, and her briefcase went on its perch on a table.

  “I have no idea. What?”

  Sachiko grabbed her daughter’s hand – their first touch in months. “I won the lottery!”

  “What?”

  “Oh, not the big one! A little one! Only not so little!” Sachiko slapped her hand over chest. “Millions of yen! Can you believe it? Playing so much and finally winning. It happens!”

  “Wait, back up, what?”

  They went into the living area, where Sachiko had tea waiting for them to drink. She told Reina that she won a sizeable sum off one of her tickets that day, not enough to buy a mansion, but enough to pay off the mortgage and leave a large chunk behind. “I’ve already decided to be sensible. I’m putting it in savings and keeping a job to pay the ongoing bills.” She nodded sagely. “Then I’ll have something to retire on. Utilities paid for life.”

  Reina sat in front of her untouched tea. “Then what am I paying?” Her earnings over the years went toward food and the electric bill. Sachiko paid for everything else. I got this job so I could save some money while helping her pay bills...

  “Pay for your food and whatever you want. But the bills are taken care of from now on.” Sachiko stopped her pacing and sat next to her daughter. “It’s a blessing from your father, I know it. I went to him last week and prayed. Prayed harder than I ever have in my life. I said, ‘Kenta, I’m at my wit’s end here. I need an out. Something has to change or I will be joining you soon!’ Then today I won this lottery? How could it not be your father securing my future? Oh, he was such a good man.” She got up and went into the kitchen to resume her eager pacing.

  Reina continued to sit at the table, slack-jawed. She’s gotta be kidding. All those lottery stubs over the years... they finally paid off? Reina never knew anyone who won the lottery, so why would her mother be one of them?

  Before her mother could come back out and praise the Heavens some more, Reina got up and went into the tatami room across the hall. Incense burned beneath the shrine to her father in the small alcove, smoke curling above his picture as he smiled warmly at the women in his family. Reina sank to her knees and stared at the man behind a pair of square glasses.

  She didn’t believe in the supernatural. She didn’t believe in cosmic forces. She sure as hell didn’t believe that her father had sent a winning lottery ticket to his surviving widow. But what if? Reina touched the picture and shivered.

  “How could it not be your father securing my future?”

  Her future? What about Reina’s? Why would her father help his wife but not his daughter, the little girl he used to carry around the house and hold upside down when she was being too energetic to chase around? It didn’t make any sense. Why does she get the blessings? In her mind Sachiko probably thought she was a selfless mother, working multiple jobs to keep her daughter in school and in a heated home, but Reina could remember every instance of neglect, foul words, and the vacant eyes leading to her mother’s emptier soul. Not like her father’s eyes, which were always bright with life. But those eyes are gone now, because we burned them. Pictures like this one were all that remained to remind Reina of...

  She put the frame back down. As the scent of incense filled her nostrils, Reina realized that she didn’t need blessings in the form of money. If her father sent this omen from another world, then that meant Reina was meant to interpret it in her own way. Sachiko didn’t need her to contribute money anymore.

  I’m free.

  A weight slid off Reina’s shoulders. She no longer had to shackle herself to this house of bad memories and bruised conditions. The place where happiness went to die...

  Reina could leave any time she wanted now. Leave and plant a seed of happiness to bloom elsewhere, in another home.

  By the time Aiko and her mother came out of the supermarket carrying their bags of groceries, the rain had let up. This pleased Junko, who spent the entire time in the checkout line bemoaning the fact they would have to walk home in the rain.

  “Maybe I’m weird, but I like the smell of the asphalt after a good rain,” Junko said, leading her daughter out of the parking lot and to their neighborhood. Their shoes squished against the wet concrete.

  “I suppose it’s nice.” Aiko readjusted her bag so she wouldn’t drop it. I wonder what Reina’s doing. News that her mother had won the lottery reached Aiko not long after it happened, but Reina continued to work, sometimes six days a week. She’s changed so much in three years. The Reina she met was quite the lazy ass. The thought of Reina with long hair doing so much studying and then so much working nearly blew Aiko’s mind into the wind. It also made her feel guilty that it was already June and she still never looked for a job.

  A sign in a window caught her eye as they walked by. Aiko stopped and read it. “Blue Heaven English Classroom: Now Hiring Help For Fall Semester.”

  “What’s that?” Junko stood behind her. “You’re not thinking of applying, are you?”

  Ai
ko turned away from the English school. “Why not? I should get a job using my degree. I didn’t get it to read English books all day... I would like to do something, even teaching.”

  Junko lingered by the sign before looking at her daughter again. “Mou, this nonsense about getting jobs. You don’t need a job, Ai-chan. What you need is a boyfriend.”

  “Nani?”

  “I’m serious. You spent four years fooling around at school, but now it’s time for you to start planning your future. I knew letting you go to an all girls college was a bad idea. How were you supposed to meet boys there?”

  The plastic bag in Aiko’s hand dug into her fingers. “I didn’t go to school to date, Ma! I went there because I liked their English program the best. You make it sound like I should have been shopping for a husband.”

  “You are the first girl I’ve known who didn’t get an engagement out of university, let alone date so little. Who was the last boy you dated? Daisuke? What happened freshman year that turned you off from dating?”

  I met Reina. If Aiko had never met her girlfriend, who knew how those next three years would have turned out. Would she be currently engaged to some young man, like her mother apparently wanted to badly? Would I have lost my virginity to a boy? Aiko never had sex with her previous boyfriends because it never felt right. Not until Reina did she truly understand sexual arousal and desire.

  “I’m worried about you,” Junko continued. “It’s not right for a sweet girl like you to be so career minded. And single for so long! You’re not going to be young forever. If it’s an already made man you want, you have to start looking before you get too old. They like young ladies to take care of a home for them. Don’t you want to get married? Have children? It’s only right!”

  Aiko was in the middle of an empty street now, her sandals planted on the wet asphalt as her mother’s words pelted her in the back. Married? Children? Those were words she stopped thinking about when she got serious with Reina. We can’t get married and we can’t make children. Her heart seized in her chest as she realized being with Reina may mean not having those things. But did she even need them? “I don’t need to get married to have a happy domestic life,” she mumbled. She thought of the house Kanoko left her. For me and the “young man” she met. Living with Reina. A home with Reina. I want to be with her. Every night, every day. If there were such a thing as a joshoku of the heart, then Aiko had it, and it beat for Reina Yamada. “You’re right, Ma,” she said, turning around to meet her mother’s wrinkled face. “I do want those things. But I also don’t care if I never live a life like that. I don’t care what I’m doing, as long as I’m happy.”