Guarding the Broken: (Nothing Left to Lose, Part 1) (Guarded Hearts)

by Kirsty Moseley

  “Shh!” he hissed. I whimpered again and clamped my hand over my mouth, pressing my face hard into his bare back to silence myself. “Where?” he whispered fiercely. “Where are they?”

  I pulled back so I could take my hand off my mouth. “Where’s who? I don’t know,” I whispered back, pressing into his body, trying to melt into him.

  “Who was in your room? Why were you screaming?” he questioned, clearly confused now too.

  Realisation washed over me. “Oh shit! You came in here because I was screaming?” I breathed a sigh of relief as the shock slowly faded from my stressed body.

  “Yeah… what?” He shook his head, still scanning my room for danger.

  “Nothing, it’s nothing. I was dreaming. I’m sorry.” I felt like a complete loser in that second. Everyone had moved bedrooms so that I was the only one down this end of the hall because I woke up screaming every night. I hadn’t even thought about waking Ashton up. Everyone else just ignored me now.

  He turned around to face me, looking concerned, still standing close to me, his chest almost pressing into mine. “You were dreaming?” he asked quietly. I nodded in response. He blew out a large breath and swapped his knife into his gun hand so he could drag his hand through his messy bed hair. “Holy fuck. You were screaming as if you were being murdered,” he said, looking at me, wide eyed.

  “Maybe I was,” I murmured.

  He raised his hand and brushed some hair over my shoulder before taking hold of my hand. “It’s because of what I did earlier, wasn’t it?” he muttered. His voice was full of remorse.

  I shook my head fiercely. “No, it wasn’t,” I assured him. “I have nightmares every night, it had nothing to do with you,” I promised. He squeezed my hand gently, sending little tingles up my arm. I frowned, noticing how I didn’t hate that he was touching me. Maybe it was just practice, like he’d suggested. “Maybe you should change rooms. There’s another room upstairs, you won’t hear me then.” My eyes dropped to my feet as heat flooded my face from embarrassment.

  “Do you dream like that every night?” he asked, bending his head to look into my eyes.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “But I don’t want to talk about it, so please don’t ask. I’m sorry I woke you up.”

  His green eyes locked on mine. They were strangely calming. “I don’t mind that you woke me up. I just wish you’d let me try and help you.”

  Help me? No one could help me; it was too late for that. The only person that could help me had died.

  “You can’t.” I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away from me. He was standing so close and I was getting hot, trapped in the corner. I needed some air.

  “I can, you just need to let me in,” he said, catching my hand again.

  I groaned in frustration. “Ashton, please just leave. I just need some air or something. I’m sorry I woke you, I won’t go back to sleep again so you can get some sleep.” I stepped away from him, needing a little personal space.

  He shook his head adamantly. “You can go back to sleep. I’ll watch over you. That way you might not have any more nightmares,” he suggested, gripping the back of my dresser chair and pulling it to the side of the bed.

  I laughed incredulously. “And that’s part of your new job description?” I shot back sarcastically.

  He shook his head, turning on my bedside lamp before walking over to switch the ceiling lights off. “Nope. But I want you to feel safe with me so I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  I scoffed, watching as plopped himself down in the chair. “So you’re going to watch me sleep?”

  “Yeah,” he confirmed, setting his gun and knife on the floor at the side of the chair.

  I gulped at his stern expression. “Ashton, seriously, please just go to bed. I won’t wake you again.” I reached over and picked up a book from the side and got comfy on my bed to read it.

  He sighed deeply. “Look, when you get to know me, you’ll know that once I’ve made my mind up about something, there’s not much that can change it. Now I’m either gonna sit here and watch you sleep, or I’m gonna sit here and watch you read,” he stated, smiling at me cockily.

  I frowned as I read his expression. It was deadly serious; he wasn’t going back to sleep either way. We glared at each other for a couple of minutes, neither of us wanting to back down. Finally, I sighed deeply, knowing I’d lost. What he didn’t know was that I would still have nightmares with him sitting there anyway, so this little thing was pointless. My father had already tried sitting in the room while I slept; nothing helped. I’d tried everything, drugs, hypnotists, yoga; nothing had any effect on them. Maybe Ashton needed to find that out the hard way and lose a night of sleep before he’d give up trying to help me.

  I sighed and tossed my book in his direction. “Fine. Wanna read that?” I asked as he caught it.

  He grinned and looked at the cover. “You like vampires?” he asked, holding up my battered and abused copy of Twilight.

  I smiled back. “I like that one,” I admitted, settling back into the bed and just watching him flick through to the first page. “Good night.”

  “Night, Anna.” Sitting there reading, in just a pair of black boxers, I saw no sign of the badass from minutes before, he was back to male model again now.

  I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep, knowing that it wouldn’t come easy. It never did.

  Chapter Four

  I woke in the morning after having one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in years. I had laid awake for ages with my back to him, listening to him flipping the pages of the book. But the thing that I remembered most about last night was the moment I realised he’d fallen asleep. Ashton Taylor, easily the most handsome man I had seen in a long time, snored. And not just a little, quiet snore either; it was a loud chainsaw-type sound. For a long time I’d laid there, giggling to myself, as I watched him with his head propped against his hand, his legs folded under him and the book abandoned on his lap. It was actually a cute sight. I’d eventually fallen asleep too, still hearing the sound of his snores even in my dreams. It was nice actually because it was like they’d stopped me from going into a deep sleep. I hadn’t had any more nightmares last night, just like he’d hoped.

  I sighed contentedly and looked over at him still slumped in the same position. He would probably suffer for the awkward position all day long. I smiled weakly and pulled the sheets up around my shoulders as he stirred too, wincing as he moved and blinked a couple of times.

  “Hi,” I greeted, unsure what I was supposed to say. This was a first for me.

  “Morning,” he yawned, sitting forward and arching his back, letting out a little groan. “You sleep okay?”

  I smiled and nodded, wondering if I should tease him for snoring so loud. I decided against it, after all, he had attempted to stay awake all night so I could sleep. It wasn’t my place to make fun of him after he’d forgone his bed for me. “Actually, yeah I did. Thanks,” I answered sheepishly.

  He grinned triumphantly, swinging his legs off the chair and standing up, stretching. Without my permission, my eyes instantly raked down his body, taking in every inch of his perfection from his tanned skin, his chiselled abs and the little V-line that disappeared down into his underwear. I gulped and closed my eyes quickly before he caught me watching him.

  “You think I could maybe borrow this so I can read the end?” he asked.

  I opened my eyes to see him awkwardly holding up my book. I smiled and nodded, noting his obvious embarrassment that he was enjoying a book aimed predominantly at teenage girls. “No need to be embarrassed, you can’t beat a good vampire novel. I’ve got the other three as well if you want them.”

  He laughed and shrugged. “I’m not embarrassed; I’m just waiting for the teasing to start because I read a chick book.”

  “Chick book,” I laughed at his derogatory choice of words, sitting up and shaking my head.

  He smiled and nodded back towards the door. “I’m gonna go grab a showe
r.” When he bent down to retrieve his gun and knife from the floor, my eyes sneakily dropped down to his behind. I arched one eyebrow in appreciation. The back view was actually just as good as the front. After collecting his weapons, he strutted across the room, pulling open the door. Before he could leave I called his name, making him turn to look at me expectantly.

  “Thank you for last night. That was nice of you,” I admitted. The words were hard to say. I wasn’t used to being nice to people lately so I was kind of unsure how to do it.

  His lips curved into a beautiful smile. “Anytime.”

  As he closed the door behind him, I pushed myself out of the bed, deciding that I would take a shower too.

  After, I didn’t bother drying my hair or putting on make-up – I never did. I threw on a pair of loose combat-style jeans and a black tank top with a black, baggy sweatshirt over the top, and then headed downstairs for breakfast.

  As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Ashton sitting at the breakfast bar with a huge stack of pancakes in front of him. The kitchen staff were falling all over him. Sarah, the waitress, was flirting with him shamelessly, her cleavage almost popping out of her shirt that was never normally undone like that.

  My stomach was already full of anguish over what was going to happen this morning, so instead of eating a proper breakfast, I just grabbed a banana, ignoring how Mary, the chef, frowned disapprovingly.

  Ashton turned and smiled at me. This earned me a nasty look from Sarah because she’d lost his attention. While I poured a glass of orange juice, she stepped closer to him, pulling her shoulders back to make her breasts look like they were about to pop out of her shirt. “So, Ashton, I have a few hours off today, would you like to do something?” she asked, raising one eyebrow in a silent offer of nakedness, I assumed.

  A frown lined his forehead as he shook his head. “Actually I was hoping that Anna would want to hang out with me today,” he replied, turning to me.

  The banana seemed to get stuck in my throat. “I’m busy today.” I had things I needed to do.

  One of his eyebrows rose in question. “Oh really, what are you doing?”

  I swallowed loudly. This was why I didn’t like having guards; they were always trying to get into things that had nothing to do with them. “I’ve got things to do. It’s not really any of your business,” I replied rudely, downing the last of my juice before tossing the banana skin into the trash can and storming out of the room before he could question me further.

  Pulling my keys out of my pocket, I strutted out of the front door and over to my car. Just as I opened the door and slid in, I heard him shout, “Hey! Where the hell are you going?”

  I winced as I saw Ashton jog out of the house, frowning angrily in my direction. Annoyance bubbled in my stomach because I didn’t want him with me. Deciding to leave before he could insist I let him come, I threw the car into drive and shoved my foot down on the gas. Instead of watching me leave like I’d assumed he would, he jumped into the path of the car. My eyes widened in horror as I slammed my foot down on the brake and held my breath, waiting for the thud of his body to hit the car. It didn’t, instead almost as soon as the car stopped, the passenger door opened and he climbed in, still glaring at me.

  “No! Get the fuck out of my car!”

  “You were going to leave the estate?” he snapped incredulously.

  “Yes! I’ve got things to do, and you can’t come,” I ranted, giving him my best warning glare and slamming my hand down on the steering wheel in frustration.

  “Anna, you can’t just leave without me! I mean, have you even told Dean you were leaving?” he asked, running his hand through his hair.

  “No. I’ll only be an hour or so. Just get out, Agent Taylor,” I spat nastily.

  “No. For Christ’s sake, you can’t just leave without me!” he growled, shaking his head fiercely.

  I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself as I realised I wasn’t going to win this argument. “Fine.”

  I put the car back into drive and sped out of the driveway. I smirked as he quickly snapped on his seatbelt and gripped the door handle so tightly that his knuckles went white. I sped down the narrow lanes that I knew like the back of my hand until I got to the small row of shops that constituted Main Street. Taking the last space available, I turned to look at Ashton. I smiled wickedly at his tense jaw and straight back. That’ll teach you for not getting out of my car!

  “I’m just going to jump out, why don’t you wait here for me?” I teased, knowing he’d follow me regardless of what I’d said. I leant into the back and snagged my purse before climbing out of the car and heading into the florist. While I purchased a bunch of daisies, Ashton hovered behind me, silently looking around the empty store as if some knife-wielding madman was going to jump out and butcher me.

  When we finally made our way back to the car, he winced. “Can I drive?” The hopefulness to his voice was unmistakable.

  I raised one eyebrow and shook my head in answer, smirking at him. Maybe next time you’ll learn and just stay at home. He groaned, and I noticed with some measure of satisfaction that he fastened his seatbelt as soon as he was in his seat before gripping the door handle tightly again.

  A small smile graced my lips as my foot pressed down onto the accelerator and the car lurched along the road. Dodging and overtaking cars that were in my way, I finally arrived at my destination. Ashton glanced at me quickly as I pulled into the parking lot of the cemetery. Understanding and sorrow crossed his face, and I tightened my hands around the steering wheel until my skin pinched and started to burn.

  “Is there anything I can say or do to make you wait here for me?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want him here. I needed privacy for this.

  He cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’m sorry, Anna, but I can’t.”

  My heart sank. I took a shaky breath to try and calm myself and then nodded, grabbed the flowers from the backseat and walked off without waiting for him. I could hear him a few steps behind, but he didn’t try to catch up with me. As I walked the familiar path to Jack’s grave, I stopped to collect any dandelions that I saw on the way. Finally, I reached it.

  JACKSON IAN ROBERTS

  January 19, 1992 - March 12, 2008

  Beloved son, brother, and friend

  Taken from us too soon. We will miss you

  Sleep tight.

  I ran my fingers over the letters of his name before collecting the wilted flowers and sweeping the fallen leaves from his grave. I put the daisies on the grass and sprinkled the dandelions over the top of the marble headstone before sitting down.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Hey, Jack. I just wanted to come and say hi and to let you know that I miss you, even though you probably know that already.” I smiled weakly and ran my hand over the grass. “Not much new to tell you really…” I paused, trying to think of what had happened since I was here last. “I got my car fixed, so it’s not making that humming noise anymore. Oh, and I finally threw out my old sneakers, you know the yellow ones that you hated? Well they finally ripped and the sole came totally off, so that should make you happy,” I sighed deeply. “I got a new near guard because Agent Jenks quit last week. I told you he couldn’t handle it. He only lasted a month, the lightweight.” I chuckled wickedly. I’d known that guy wouldn’t last very long; I had seen it in his eyes.

  “Er… I got a text from your mom asking me to come over for dinner sometime this week but, to be honest, I don’t think I’ll go. I hope you don’t mind, but I just can’t stand going to your house; it’s just too hard and I can’t do it anymore. I know you understand.” My teeth sank into my bottom lip as I tried not to let the sadness take over. I picked a few strands of grass to distract myself.

  “Your brother’s doing well. From what I’ve heard he’s a real star on the football field, so maybe those games you two played as kids, paid off. Apparently, he’s a bit of a ladies’ man too; he’s getting himself quite the reputation for being a player.”


  I looked up at the sky; it was a beautiful day, perfect, not a cloud in sight. “I got kicked out of school again,” I said quietly, a little embarrassed. “I know, I know, it’s the second one this school year and the semester only started like a month and a half ago. You’re probably up there laughing your ass off at me, but hey, whatever, right? Look to the future, that’s what you always used to say. But it’s so hard, Jack, so hard.” A tear finally escaped down my cheek. I fought hard to keep them at bay; I didn’t like to cry here, I didn’t like the thought of crying in front of him in case I made him sad.

  I pinched the skin on the inside of my elbow to distract myself from the pain that was building up inside me. “So anyway, as of next week, I’m going to ASU.” That was the latest college my dad could bribe me into. “I’m really going to try there because this is the last time I can start over. If I can’t do it, then I’m just going to drop out and give up. I know we promised that we’d never give up on our dreams, but it’s just too hard for me to keep starting over and over.” I wiped my face and took a few deep breaths, pushing away the grief that was trying to pull me under. “I won’t be able to come here as much to see you because it’s a few hours away, but that doesn’t mean I’m not thinking of you and missing you because I do that whether I’m here or not, and I know that you know that.” I smiled through my heartbreak. He had to know how much I missed him, I told him every day.

  I sat in silence for a few minutes, listening to the birds singing in the tree nearby. “I guess I’d better go,” I conceded, standing up. I kissed my fingertips and traced his name one more time. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you, Jack, and I always will,” I vowed, wiping another tear that escaped. I needed to go before I broke down; I didn’t want him to see that. “Bye, baby.” I turned on my heel and walked away.