When the Cat's Away

by Dane McCaslin

  I was indignant. Why hadn't he offered to do the same for me?

  "Oh, no, that's fine," Merry said, but I detected a hint of flirtation in her voice. Really, Merry? I thought. Now was not the time for a conquest. Or was it? Having Officer Scott on our side for once might not be a bad idea. I decided to help the plot along.

  "Do you have a first aid kit in your car, officer?" I used my sweetest voice, leaning across a squirming Merry. "My friend here could use a bandage. If you wouldn't mind, that is," I added with a soulful glance at the gash. I had to swallow hard to keep the nausea under control. It would never do to lose it—literally—at this juncture.

  Without another word, Officer Scott spun on his heels and marched back toward his cruiser. In the middle of our attack of hysterics, we hadn't noticed it parked across the street. I shuddered suddenly; what else had we not noticed?

  "What is it, Caro?" Merry looked at me with concern.

  "I was thinking about that noise we heard, Merry," I replied. "What if they're still in there?"

  "And what if they're not?" she retorted. "What if we tell him," motioning with her chin toward the approaching officer, "and then find out it was just a display toppling over?"

  I dabbed at my nose. "We'll be the laughingstock of the entire Seneca Meadows Police Department."

  "As if we aren't already. Here comes backup." Another cruiser had drawn up next to Officer Scott, the window lowered and the unmistakable profile of the police chief showing in the car's dome light.

  I groaned, slinking down in the car seat. "Gregory will never let me live this one down. That's Chief Burke, one of his cycling buddies."

  "He's kinda cute," Merry commented, peering into the darkness with a look of interest on her face. "Is he married?"

  Did the woman ever quit?

  "I have no earthly idea," I said rather huffily. "And here comes your swain du jour, first aid kit in hand." I grinned at her. "Better refocus, Merry. One conquest at a time, okay?"

  Merry tossed her head and then stopped abruptly, one hand lifted to her eyebrow. "Ugh. That really smarts, Caro. What did you hit me with?"

  "With the implements of marriage," I said, waving my ringed hand at her. "Be careful or you'll get some as well."

  "Only if they can catch me," she answered airily. She turned a beaming smile on Officer Scott.

  I had to shake my head as his face flushed. Merry was incorrigible.

  * * *

  Gregory's phone call that night was blessedly brief. I kept up my end of the conversation with inane chatter, regaling him with my adventures in inventory at Murder by the Book and Candy's search for a new baker-slash-chef.

  "Hopefully Candy will hire Joey," I added. "It would make Merry happy to have her cousin nearby, and it'll make me happy to know that I can still get my hands on some brilliant treats."

  Greg snorted. "No one can accuse you of not having a one-track mind, Caro. All of your tracks seem to lead right back to the same place."

  "Well, I am concerned, Greg, that Candy get someone who can bake as well as poor Mick did." I reached down to lift Trixie to my lap. "It just seems fortuitous that Merry's cousin shows up just when he's needed."

  "And that doesn't strike you as odd, Caro?" I could hear the ubiquitous papers rustling in the background. "Listen, I'm off to another meeting with the dueling dons. My plan is to get them talking to one another without open warfare." He chuckled suddenly, his mood changing as he gave me a brief play-by-play of the last meeting. "I truly thought I'd have to separate two of them, Caro. I've never seen such a display of ire over which department will get the vacated rooms and which department will need to share with someone else."

  I let go the breath I'd been holding following Greg's comment on Joey. As long as his focus was on the ongoing drama at Oxford, my own drama could remain under wraps. We hung up with a "goodnight" from my dear spouse and a "have a nice day, sweetheart," a newly acquired Americanism, from me.

  Unless I found out differently, I decided that the adventure of the unlocked door would be a moot point. Unfortunately, that was not to be, as I was about to discover.

  I had just settled into bed with the latest book by Gia Hollingsworth when my mobile phone began to do a dance across my nightstand. Surely it couldn't be Greg again, I thought as I reached for the jigging article. He generally kept his visits to once a day unless…I grabbed up the phone in a sudden panic. Maybe something had happened to my globe-trotting spouse.

  "Hey ya!" It was the cheerful voice of my neighbor, sounding fully recovered from our excursion into crime. "Mind if I step over for a minute?"

  "I've only just gotten into bed," I complained. "Fine. But only for a minute. And I'm not making coffee," I added.

  Grumbling, I marked the place in my book and reached for the dressing gown I'd tossed across the end of the bed. Without Greg here, I'd gotten a bit sloppy; I'd need to practice neatness again before he returned.

  True to her word, Merry had come right over. I saw that she was still attired in the same blood-stained shirt, and I winced; I really didn't need a reminder of what could have been a very different outcome.

  "I know you probably don't want to go back out, Caro, but just listen to me a sec." She held up her hand in response to my protest. "If we go back to Bea's store, maybe we can figure out who was in there and why." She looked so pleased with herself it was difficult to turn her down.

  "Absolutely not, Merry. Not for all the gold in China, or the tea, or whatever bloody else they have there." I pointed to the front door. "Just take your little self on out of here and let me get some rest. God knows I need it after this evening," I added with a tinge of self-righteousness in my voice.

  "Oh, c'mon, Caro! Be a pal, okay?" Merry's hands were clasped in front of her, and her voice had taken on a wheedling tone, something that drives me insane.

  I threw up my hands in defeat. "Fine, Merry. Maybe we'll actually run into the burglars this time instead of from them." I headed down the hall to my bedroom, talking over my shoulder. "But I'm wearing something that isn't so bloody, if it's all the same to you."

  "Awesome!" Merry was her perky self again. "I'll get Vicky and meet you outside." And with that she was gone, slamming my door behind her.

  Seneca Meadows is completely silent after nine o'clock in the evening, and I found myself wishing that a few businesses were late in closing. The thought of being the only two live bodies in the downtown area—aside from the odd criminal or two—sent an icy shiver down my spine. Merry, on the other hand, seemed to have bumped up a few notches on the scale of perkiness.

  "This is so cool, Caro!" The Mini Cooper swung into the lot behind Bea's store and juddered to a halt. "It'll give us something to tell the grandkids."

  "Since I'm not having any children and you're not in a relationship at the moment, it might be a tad difficult for either one of us to have a grandchild," I responded stiffly. I was rapidly approaching the fed-up level with her Susie Sunshine routine.

  "Oh, you know what I mean, silly." She gave my arm a playful punch. "Instead of sitting home, boring ourselves silly with reading or watching television, we're out making memories."

  "Or a criminal record." I wasn't falling for her cheerfulness. "Let's just get on with it, shall we?"

  The back door was illuminated by one spotlight. It certainly felt like everyone within a ten-mile radius could see us, and I fervently prayed that the door was locked this time.

  It wasn't, of course. Merry's personal boy in blue had apparently been so caught up with his first aid act that he had failed to check out the premises. I shook my head. Merry had that type of effect on men, I'd noticed. It was a good thing that my own man was devoted to yours truly.

  We slipped inside the back room, Merry leading the way with the glow from her mobile phone's flashlight. As long as it stayed charged, we would be safe. And with a flicker, the light went out.

  "I clean forgot to plug in my phone!" Merry mourned. "We'll just have to use the light from t
he front windows. Unless you brought yours," she added with a note of hope in her voice.

  Of course I hadn't. I'd been so thrown off of my nightly routine that I'd left the mobile right where it was: safe and sound on my nightstand.

  "Oh, well." Merry was back to being perky again. "Unless we need to call 9-1-1, we're fine." She stopped suddenly, and I almost ran into her. "Oh, my god, Caro! What if we do need to call the cops? Do you suppose Bea has a phone back here somewhere?"

  "If I see anyone in here besides those creepy mannequins, I'm out of here," I said firmly. "Let's find her office and see if we can tell what they were up to." I gave her a none-too-gentle prod in the back with my finger, causing her to yelp. "Lead the way, partner in crime."

  We managed to feel our way through the racks of clothing and shelves that were filled with goods of all sorts: books, plastic kitchen containers, linens, and ceramic pots crammed willy-nilly on every inch of available space. Merry was distracted by a set of matching canisters, each one decorated with an insanely smiling cat. I shuddered. If I didn't see another cat for as long as I lived, it wouldn't be soon enough; my ex-neighbor Mrs. Grayson had given me an insight into the feline lifestyle that still gave me the heebie-jeebies.

  My attention, however, needed to be on staying upright and not barking my shins on the myriad items that lined what little aisle space there was. Beatrice Lemon was certainly no Martha Stewart of the second-hand variety.

  "Tell me again why we're doing this, Merry," I hissed in her ear.

  "Because Bea is my friend and I want to make sure that she's not being set up for Lucia's murder, that's why." She gave a little giggle. "And I might have to talk to that handsome police chief if we crack the case for them, you know?"

  I rolled my eyes. Merry was nothing if not predictable. You know?

  "Well, just try to remain focused, Juliet," I said in a rather snarky tone. "Let's find the office, check to make sure the burglars have all gone home for the night, and get out of here."

  "Caro, you can be such a stick-in-the-mud sometimes, you know that?"

  Merry sounded piqued, and I grinned to myself. I rarely saw her in any other mood except upbeat, and it was almost comforting to know that she had other emotional settings. I reached out and patted her shoulder.

  "I'm sorry. I'm just not a fan of sneaking around in the dark, especially in a place with such weird occupants," I added as we walked past the tea party display, the three mannequins staring fixedly at one another. "I wonder why she did this. Do you suppose it means something special?"

  Merry shrugged. "With Bea, you can never be sure. I'll admit that she can be an odd bird at times." She pointed straight ahead, her voice dropping to a whisper. "There's the office, and it looks like the door might be open."

  I drew in a deep breath, steeling myself for yet another crazy escapade. As much as I was missing my husband, I was glad that he wasn't here to see me in action. I could only imagine the lecture I'd receive on the laws I was currently breaking.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I'm not sure what I had expected to see in Beatrice Lemon's office, but it certainly was not the scene before us. Even Merry was silent, hand still on the light switch as we stared around a room that had been decorated in what could only be described as "little girl princess on a safari." There were pink frilled lamps on a battered metal desk, a large zebra-patterned rug lying in the middle of the floor, and various princess-styled crowns hanging on the walls. These competed for space with Eiffel Tower reproductions and a shelf filled with nothing but bronze statuettes of Greek and Roman-themed figures. I recognized one—the Venus de Milo, sans arms and modesty—noting that it held a place of pride in the exact middle of the shelf, its base carefully lined up with the shelf's edge.

  Merry shook her head. "She really outdid herself." She looked at the walls and the floor, wrinkling her nose in distaste. "It looks like a little girl's bedroom threw up in here."

  I grimaced. The visual was not a pleasant one.

  "Let's just agree that this is almost as odd as the mannequin thing," I said. "Can we go now?"

  "Just as soon as I check one more thing." Merry moved across the room and toward the desk. "She mentioned leaving her cell phone in her top drawer. Actually, I'll be surprised if it's still here. I would think that the PD would take it, right?"

  I nodded, looking over my shoulder. Was that a noise?

  Merry paused, one hand reaching for the drawer. "Was that you, Caro?"

  "No! I think someone's out there, Merry." I paused, ears straining to hear. "Listen! There it is again!"

  We both stood frozen, listening as a faint tapping sound came from the front of the store. I jumped as Merry bounded across the office, throwing her arms around me, squealing with fright.

  "Oh, my god! I cannot do this again, Caro! You go look and tell me what's doing that!" Her voice had risen to soprano heights and her eyes, already large to begin with, were stretched to a gargantuan width. She was, in a word, terrified. Her fear seemed to ground me, and I pulled myself together, determined that one of us would remain with the ability to function.

  "I'm not going out there alone," I said firmly as I undid her grip. "We'll do this together, okay? It's probably just a tree branch or something anyway," I added with a bravado I was not feeling.

  "You sure? I mean, what if someone's trying to break in? Shouldn't one of us stay in here and call the cops?" Merry was beginning to shake, and she'd wrapped her arms around her middle as tightly as they'd go.

  "If someone is out there," I said, reaching to steer her out the door, "they'll see that there's two of us. Maybe it'll make them think twice about burglarizing the place." It struck me as funny, and I began to laugh. "Get it? Two of us? We'll make them think twice?"

  I have a tendency to hysterics when I'm scared or nervous or unsure of myself. I also tend to have a crazy sense of humor, laughing at my own jokes when everyone else just thinks I'm off my rocker. They usually stare at me the same way that Merry was looking at me now.

  "You sure you're okay, Caro? I mean, I can go check by myself if you want…" Her voice trailed off as the tapping began again, this time louder and harder. "Or not. I vote we stay right here and call the cops."

  I shook my head. "No. Let's do this together. Ready?" And I grabbed her arm and dragged her behind me, out of Bea's office and into the center of the store.

  A figure was standing at the front, hands cupped around eyes as he—or she—peered inside. I gave a small squeal of fright but to my amazement, Merry began marching straight up to the window.

  "It's just Joey," she called back over her shoulder. "And I'm gonna kill him just as soon as I get my hands on him."

  * * *

  "Geez, cuz," Joey said as he rubbed his shoulder. "You didn't have to hit me so hard."

  "You're flat lucky that's all I did, you nitwit." Merry scowled at her cousin, arms folded and one foot tapping. "I was gonna call the cops, but Caro here saved your worthless hiney."

  Joey shrugged, dimples popping as he smiled at the two of us. "I just wanted to make sure everything was kosher with y'all. With a killer running around loose, you can't be too careful. Know what I mean?"

  I groaned inwardly. I really needed to teach these two something else to say besides that inane phrase. I adored my new friends, but sometimes their verbiage drove me insane. Know what I mean?

  I held up both hands, stepping between the two of them. "Listen, this isn't getting us anywhere. Merry, we need to lock up properly this time, and Joey, we'll continue this conversation outside. Or at my place, if you're so inclined." I glanced down at my watch. "It's getting a bit late for coffee, but I have some lovely green tea and a few slices of cheesecake I could share."

  "Sounds cool by me. Merry?" Joey's eyebrows rose as he looked at his cousin, right hand extended. "Truce?"

  "Fine," Merry said, tossing her head as she batted his hand away. "But you'd better have a real good story to explain yourself, bub." She looked at me. "I'm gonna
go through the back door and make sure it's locked this time. You want to go out front with Joey? I'll lock up behind you and meet you out back." She shook her head, curls bouncing. "I don't know about you, but I can hardly wait to give these keys back to Bea and be done with this place."

  I nodded. "No problem." I headed for the door. "Coming, Joey?"

  "At least I've got some good news," Joey began as we strolled through the balmy darkness toward the back parking lot. "When Merry gets over her snit, I'll be inviting the two of you to Candy's for some awesome food."

  "That's great, Joey!" I exclaimed. "When do you start?" Visions of iced cinnamon rolls and apple turnovers began waltzing through my sugar-addled brain. Gregory would be so pleased. I definitely was.

  "Tomorrow." He sounded cheerful. "I've wanted to move up here for a long time." He stopped walking, grabbing my arm. "Hey, Caro, listen for a sec. I don't know what Merry's said about me, but it's not true. Not a single bit of it," he added, his tone hard, the happiness of only a moment ago completely vanished. His fingers tightened, and I felt my heart kick into overdrive. I was alone with someone I didn't really know who'd done something that seemed a bit shady.

  I began to ease away from him, glancing nervously at the distance between me and the Mini Cooper where Merry already sat, the dome light illuminating the inside of the car. If I had to make a run for it, I'd never make it to the car before—well, before Joey did whatever it was I was supposed to know about. I decided the best defense was a good offense. Whirling suddenly, I struck Joey in the midsection with the heel of my shoe, finishing off with a chop across his face with my elbow.

  I didn't stay long enough to make sure he was down. I ran as though my life was in danger, and for all I knew, it could have been.

  "Go, go, go!" I screeched as I wrenched open the passenger door. "He's coming after me!"

  "Who's coming after you?" She craned her neck as she looked around. "Caro, have you gone completely nuts? And where's Joey?"