The Throwaway Children

by Diney Costeloe

  She was completely drained, and as she sat in her kitchen, utterly exhausted, she allowed herself to wonder if she could indeed cope alone. There’d be no Mavis to help now.

  ‘Pull yourself together, woman,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘You’ve no alternative. Get yourself going. You’re going to find those girls, wherever they are, and bring them home, where they belong.’

  14

  It was a struggle. For the next few days Lily shuffled her way from her bed in the front room to her chair in the kitchen. Balancing on her crutches she made tea and toast, and opened tins from her meagre store. She leaned against the sink and washed the dishes and she listened to the wireless for company. She was delighted to be in her own home again. However, by the time the next weekend was approaching, she knew she was going to have to get out of the house and get some groceries in.

  On Saturday morning she got dressed, a performance in itself, and, opening the front door, she stepped out into the street. She was far better at manoeuvring herself on her crutches by now and she made slow but steady progress along the pavement to the Baillies’ shop.

  Fred heard the bell ring announcing a customer and, looking up, saw Lily at the door. He hurried round from behind the counter and immediately set a chair for her.

  ‘Lily,’ he cried. ‘Surely you shouldn’t be struggling out and about on your crutches like this? Where’s Mavis? She hasn’t left you to do your own shopping, has she?’

  Grateful for the seat and catching her breath after the effort of walking the few hundred yards from her house, Lily smiled at him. ‘Thanks, Fred, I need to rest my pins.’

  ‘Should you be out on them crutches so soon?’ asked Anne, appearing from the back.

  ‘I wanted to thank you again for all you’ve done for me,’ replied Lily. ‘And I just popped in for a couple of things to keep me going over the weekend, just till Mavis can come round and do me a proper list.’

  ‘I expect she’s busy with the baby,’ Anne said and Lily agreed that she was.

  ‘Well, you just tell me what you need,’ Fred said, ‘and I’ll get Martin to deliver it.’ Lily sat on the chair and Fred packed all the things she asked for into a cardboard box, ready for his son to deliver later. Since it was all going to be brought home for her, Lily stocked up her cupboard, handing over her coupons to Fred.

  ‘You let me know when you want anything else,’ he told her as she hobbled out of the shop. ‘Anne’ll pop in after the weekend and see what you need.’

  By the time Lily closed her front door behind her and shuffled to her chair, she was exhausted, but triumphant. She’d done it! She’d gone out of the house by herself and got to the corner shop. Next time she’d go a little further, and by the end of next week, when she was off her crutches, she would be ready to walk to the bus, and she could begin the search for her granddaughters.

  She didn’t see Mavis in the days that followed and she wasn’t really surprised. She’d been hard on her, she knew, but the thought of what Rita and Rosie must be going through still made her angry. How could Mavis have done it? In her heart of hearts, she knew the answer. Jimmy had made her, and Mavis was afraid of Jimmy. If Lily were honest she was afraid of Jimmy too, but she was determined to find her granddaughters, and if that meant braving a confrontation with Jimmy, then so be it. Lily began to make her plans. When she only needed a stick, she would go round to Ship Street, on the pretext of visiting the baby.

  Not just a pretext really, she thought, I’d love to have another cuddle with Richard.

  The following Saturday, when Lily could limp along with only a walking stick, she made her way slowly to Ship Street, arriving late morning and hoping Jimmy would be in the Lion for his lunchtime pint. When Mavis saw who was on her step, her face hardened, and she barred the way, greeting her mother with a gruff, ‘What do you want?’

  Lily forced a smile to her lips and said calmly, ‘I’ve come to see how Richard’s doing. Haven’t seen him for two weeks, have I? And they change so quickly at this age.’

  ‘He’s all right,’ began Mavis, but was interrupted by a shout from inside the house.

  ‘Who is it, Mav?’

  Jimmy had not yet left for the pub. He appeared behind Mavis and, seeing Lily outside on the step, growled, ‘Oh, it’s you, is it? What the hell do you want?’

  ‘I came to see how Richard was doing,’ Lily replied. ‘Can I come in?’

  ‘Suit yourself,’ he answered, pushing past both the women. ‘I’m going out, but if you start interfering in our business again,’ he warned Lily, ‘it’ll be the last time you come into my house.’

  They watched him stride away and then Mavis stood reluctantly aside. ‘You better come in,’ she said.

  Richard was in his pram in the front room. ‘I’d rather have him in the kitchen with me,’ Mavis said as they both looked down at the sleeping baby, ‘but Jimmy says there ain’t room, and I s’pose he’s right.’

  ‘Well, he’s gone out,’ pointed out Lily, ‘so, we could wheel him in there now.’

  But Mavis shook her head. ‘Better not,’ she said. ‘Never know when he’s coming back, do we? We’ll leave the door open, that’s what I do when I’m on my own. Jimmy don’t like him crying, see, so most of the time I keep the door shut.’ She smiled down at the baby, the first time Lily had seen the light of love in her daughter’s eyes, and said, ‘Poor little mite. He gets colic something dreadful. Little knees pulled up against his chest.’

  ‘Are you getting any sleep?’ asked her mother.

  ‘Not much,’ admitted Mavis. ‘He’s often fretful in the night, so I get up to him a lot. Don’t want him to wake his dad, do I?’

  ‘Isn’t his cot in with you, then?’

  ‘No, he’s in the girls’ room.’

  Mention of the girls brought a sudden, uneasy silence between them. Lily decided to grasp the nettle. ‘You ain’t going to have them back, are you?’ she said quietly. ‘Not ever.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Mavis’s voice broke on a sob. ‘Jimmy won’t have them here.’ She looked across at her mother with agonized eyes. ‘I’ve lost them, Mum. They’ve gone.’

  Lily reached over and gripped her daughter’s hands. ‘No, Mavis,’ she said, ‘you haven’t. We’ll find them, get them back. They can come and live with me, like before. Jimmy didn’t mind that, did he?’

  ‘He didn’t like it, and now he don’t want them anywhere near.’

  ‘But where are they, Mavis? You must know.’

  Mavis didn’t answer, simply picked up Richard and began to feed him.

  ‘Where are they, Mavis?’ Lily asked again.

  ‘I don’t know,’ muttered Mavis.

  ‘You must do,’ said Lily, gently. ‘You must know where they are.’

  ‘Well, I don’t.’

  ‘But you signed the papers, they must have named the place, didn’t you read them?’

  ‘Jimmy filled them in, I just signed, all right!’ Mavis finally looked over at her mother. ‘Leave me alone. If Jimmy hears you’re looking for them I don’t know what he’ll do!’

  ‘He can’t stop me looking,’ Lily said, ‘and nor can you. I must have some rights as their grandmother—’

  ‘No you fucking don’t!’ came a growl from the door. Both women spun round to find Jimmy standing in the doorway. ‘It ain’t nothing to do with you, and I told you not to interfere. That’s why I come back. I knew you’d be fucking interfering again.’ He advanced across the room and, towering over Lily, said menacingly, ‘and if I find you here again in my house, it’ll be the worst for you. Understand, do yer? Get it?’

  It took all Lily’s courage not to flinch away from him as he stood glowering down at her.

  ‘What I understand, Jimmy Randall, is that you’re a bully, and them girls is a damn sight safer away from a vicious brute like you.’ She struggled to her feet, leaning heavily on her stick, but coming upright so they were face to face.

  Jimmy shoved his face, now mottled with rage, into hers.
‘Get out,’ he almost spat at her. ‘Get out of this house and don’t never come back.’

  Mavis watched this exchange with horror, believing that Jimmy was about to attack her mother. The bottle fell from Richard’s mouth and he began to wail, his cries quickly increasing in intensity and volume.

  Jimmy spun round on Mavis, shouting, ‘Shut that baby up! I can’t stand that caterwauling.’

  Without a word Mavis gathered up baby and bottle and rushed out of the room. Lily heard her footsteps on the stairs and then the closing of a door. The wails diminished and then suddenly stopped. Mavis must have given him the bottle again.

  Lily grasped her stick, almost as if it were a defensive weapon, and turned to Jimmy. ‘Where’s my granddaughters, Jimmy? Where’s Rita and Rosie?’

  ‘Gone,’ he said and smiled. ‘Gone for good, and good riddance.’

  Lily tried once more. ‘But they could live with me, Jimmy. They wouldn’t have to come and live here.’ She tried to sound conciliatory. ‘I can see that wouldn’t work, but if they lived with me, Mavis could still see them. She loves her kids and they love her. They need her… and she needs them.’

  ‘She don’t need them no more,’ retorted Jimmy. ‘She’s got us now, me and young Rick. That’s all she needs. She don’t need them girls and she certainly don’t need you, coming in here and meddling. So get out, now, before I throw you out and you end up back in the hospital.’

  When Lily reached home again she sank exhausted onto her bed. Her body felt heavy, her legs ached from the unaccustomed exercise, and her mind was numb.

  How on earth was she going to rescue Mavis and Richard from the monster they lived with, let alone find Rita and Rosie and bring them home? She lay, bone-weary, on the bed for several hours. She did not sleep, simply replayed the scenes in the Ship Street kitchen over and over in her head. Mavis was terrified of Jimmy, not only for her own sake, but for Richard’s too. Jimmy, always on a short fuse, couldn’t bear the sound of a crying baby. If Mavis couldn’t keep Richard away from his father when he cried, how long would it be before Jimmy tried to stop Richard crying himself?

  Eventually Lily bestirred herself and went into the kitchen. She opened a tin of soup and made a cheese sandwich. The food revived her spirits a little, and as she sat drinking a cup of tea after her meal, she began to plan her next move. For despite Jimmy Randall’s threats, Lily was still determined to find the girls and bring them home to live with her in Hampton Road.

  On Monday morning she set off to the council offices to see the Children’s Officer. She had been involved in the placing of the girls, had been the one who took them from school, so she would know where they were. Leaning heavily on her stick she climbed the council office steps and pushed open the door. From the reception desk in the entrance hall, she was directed up the stairs to room 21 on the second floor. There were several women sitting in the tiny waiting room, and all of them looked up as Lily came in. She looked about her and then went to the hatch and tapped on the glass.

  The window slid open and a pale, pinch-faced woman peered out at her. ‘Yes?’

  ‘I would like to see the Children’s Officer, please,’ said Lily.

  ‘Have you got an appointment?’

  ‘No, but…’

  ‘I’ll make you an appointment.’ The woman reached for a desk diary.

  ‘I don’t need an appointment,’ Lily said. ‘I only want to ask her one question, in fact you may be able to help me.’

  ‘I’m only secretarial,’ replied the woman. ‘I can’t tell you anything.’ She glanced down at the open diary. ‘Miss Hopkins has got meetings for the rest of today and tomorrow, but she could see you on Wednesday. 11.30, all right?’

  ‘But you may have the information I need,’ Lily tried again.

  ‘I doubt it,’ replied the woman, ‘but I couldn’t give it you anyway. Name?’

  ‘Name?’

  The woman sighed. ‘Your name, so’s I can write you in the diary. 11.30, Wednesday. Half hour appointment.’

  ‘Half an hour? I don’t think I’ll need that long.’

  ‘Name.’

  Lily gave her name, and the woman put it in the diary, then snapped the window shut.

  Lily arrived early for the appointment on Wednesday. Though she was walking better every day, she was still slow on her feet, and she was determined not to be late and miss her allotted time. The waiting room was empty, but even so it was well after half-past eleven before Lily was summoned into Miss Hopkins’s office.

  The Children’s Officer waved her to a chair. ‘Good morning,’ she said. ‘Sorry to keep you. What can I do for you…’ She glanced down at a piece of paper in front of her. ‘…Mrs Sharples?’

  ‘I’ve come to find out where my granddaughters are,’ Lily said.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘I’ve come to find out where you’ve took my granddaughters to.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Sharples, I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ll have to explain. Who are your granddaughters?’

  ‘Rita and Rosie Stevens,’ replied Lily. ‘Their mum had them took into care while she had her baby, and I was in the hospital after an accident and couldn’t have them, but I’m fine now, so they can come back to me as they was before.’

  Miss Hopkins’ face twitched at the names, but she simply said, ‘I’m sorry, but that was a bit difficult to follow. Your granddaughters are Rita and Rosie Stevens?’

  ‘Yes, I said.’

  ‘And their mother has put them into care?’

  ‘Yes, and now I’m out of the hospital I want them back. They was living with me, before, you see.’

  ‘Before…?’

  ‘Before I got knocked down. And then their mum had to go into the maternity to have the baby, ’cos he was breach, see, so they got put into care. But now I want them back.’

  ‘I’m afraid that’s impossible, Mrs Sharples,’ said Miss Hopkins smoothly. ‘You see they have been signed into our care by their mother. She gave up her rights as their mother when she did that. They have been placed in suitable accommodation by the Children’s Committee, and that is where they are now, awaiting probable adoption.’

  ‘Adoption!’ Lily sagged back against the chair. ‘But they don’t need to be adopted, they’ve got me. I can look after them better’an anyone. I’m their gran. They love me and I love them!’

  ‘I’m sure you do,’ agreed Miss Hopkins, ‘and as you do, you’ll want what’s best for them. I believe they were at some risk from their stepfather. Their mother was anxious to get them right away.’

  ‘Jimmy Randall,’ exploded Lily. ‘My Mavis is scared of him.’

  ‘Then they are almost certainly better off where they are, well looked after, with everything they need.’

  ‘But can’t I see them?’ asked Lily.

  ‘No, I’m afraid not. They’re settled now, and seeing you would only unsettle them again.’

  ‘How d’you know they’re settled?’ demanded Lily. ‘They ran away and come home not long ago. Someone took them back. Was that you?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mrs Sharples, I’m not prepared to discuss this case any further with you. All such cases are confidential.’

  ‘So you ain’t going to tell me where they are, then?’

  ‘No, I am not.’

  ‘Not even so’s I can write to them, to let them know they ain’t forgotten?’

  ‘No. It would not be appropriate. Now if there’s nothing more…’ She got to her feet to indicate that the interview was over. For a long moment Lily sat where she was, defeated.

  ‘Mrs Sharples, I do have other people to see,’ said Miss Hopkins, and so Lily stood up and walked to the door.

  ‘I expect you haven’t got children,’ she said, turning back to the woman behind the desk.

  ‘I am unmarried,’ replied Miss Hopkins thinly.

  ‘Yes, well, that don’t surprise me,’ remarked Lily. ‘Good thing too, if you ask me. I wouldn’t wish y
ou as a mother on any child.’

  That evening Lily sat in her kitchen, going over and over the meeting with Miss Hopkins. It seemed as if there was nothing further she could do to discover the whereabouts of the children. Jimmy wasn’t going to tell her and nor was Mavis. Perhaps she really didn’t know. They’d been taken from school, picked up without any warning, probably by that dreadful woman she’d met today. Armed with the papers Mavis had signed, poor Miss Hassinger wouldn’t have been able to prevent it. Then it struck her. Miss Hassinger; Miss Hassinger might know. In the morning she’d go to Capel Street Elementary and see if Miss Hassinger could help her.

  The girls were happy here, she thought as she waited to see the headmistress.

  ‘Mrs Sharples?’ Miss Hassinger’s voice broke into her reveries and Lily got to her feet. ‘I’m so glad to see you out and about again,’ said the headmistress as she ushered Lily into her office. ‘We heard all about your accident, it sounded dreadful. Do please sit down.’ She pulled a chair out for Lily and then seated herself opposite. ‘Well now,’ she said, ‘what can I do for you?’

  ‘It’s good of you to see me,’ began Lily. ‘The thing is, Miss Hassinger, well, the thing is, I wanted to ask you something.’

  ‘I see,’ said Miss Hassinger, smiling reassuringly, ‘and what was that?’

  ‘You know our Rita and Rosie was taken into care while Mavis was in the hospital having the baby.’

  Miss Hassinger’s smile faded. ‘Yes,’ she agreed, ‘I know all about that.’

  ‘Do you? Do you really?’ Lily’s heart leaped. ‘Do you know where they was took to?’ She looked across the desk and said, anguish in her voice, ‘I can’t find them, miss. I don’t know where they are.’

  ‘Surely Mavis knows.’

  ‘Well, if she does she ain’t saying. Her new husband don’t want them in the house, and that’s all there is to it. Mavis is scared of him, and she does what he says.’ Lily looked earnestly at Miss Hassinger. ‘All I want is to bring them back home to live with me, like before.’ Her voice trailed off as she whispered, ‘I just want to find them, that’s all.’