Taboo

by Hilary Storm

  Kali

  I’ve thought about this very situation most of my life. What would it feel like to have him hold me? Have him treat me like he can’t keep his hands off me, then pull me in and tell me he loves me.

  The only problem is… I’m in love with two men at the same time. Just when I think I can choose one over the other, they confuse me all over again. This isn’t healthy for any of us. I’m turning into a whore allowing them both to fuck me in the same day. Thank god I had showered after Levi left, but I feel anything but clean.

  I have to leave. I have to slip out of here and never look back because the thought of having to say goodbye to either of them isn’t an option.

  Slipping out of bed, I glance back to look at Noah’s naked body. He’s just as gorgeous as I imagined he’d be. The way he treated me tonight was perfect, but so was the way Levi fucked me. Levi spent time with me, laughing and joking, but still fucking me senseless over and over.

  Then Noah comes in and does the same. I’m nearly sick to my stomach thinking about what I’ve become when I grab my things and slip out the door. The house is quiet and I leave it that way. I call a cab to meet me at the diner just down the road.

  This is the best thing I could do for all of us. For Levi. For Noah. And For me.

  I’ve decided to go home. I know I’ll face the neighbor from hell and I’ll lose that feeling of safety I’ve grown accustomed to, but I can’t deal with the pull and push crap I’ve been doing with both Noah and Levi.

  The truth is I can’t decide which one I want to be with. I’ve tried. I’ve been thinking about both of them since I walked back into that house. What I’ve done to them and myself is unforgivable.

  I thought Noah was the love of my life and now I’m not sure I wasn’t destined to have two. The problem is, they’re at the same time. I can’t choose. And rather than breaking my heart to say goodbye to one of them, I’d rather face the danger of the psychotic neighbor from hell.

  I’ve been saving every penny I’ve made to get me a car. I don’t have enough to buy one as nice as my Jeep, but it’ll have to get me something to get around in. My lease is up in two months and I’ll move into a new house then.

  I just need to work constantly and keep focused on moving forward. Levi and Noah will have to understand that I can’t be around them anymore. It’s too hard and I’m becoming consumed in guilt. It’s killing me.

  Tears slide down both my cheeks as soon as I sit in the cab. The drive to my house is quick and before I completely lose it, I’m inside with the water running in my shower.

  Proof of Levi being here with me is still in my bedroom with the bed tore all to hell. I strip the bed and toss it all in the washer before I step into the shower, gasping for air as I remove them from my life completely.

  My heart aches as I take in the overwhelming emptiness I feel now that I’m away from them. The void is suffocating me as the water rushes over my face and I can barely breathe. Before I know it, I’m squatting with my legs tucked against my chest allowing the hot water to wash away the tears that fall. My guttural cries echo in the bathroom, only making me sound more pathetic than I feel.

  I remain this way until the hot water runs out. When the cold takes over, I’m no longer able to cry. Shivering takes over and I fight through it and just accept the shock to my body. This is better than feeling all the agony I was before.

  When I can’t take another second of the cold, I crawl to the faucet and turn off the water. My breathing is rapid as I try to regain the warmth I lost. The towel in my hair and the robe around my body only does so much to help.

  I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and have to stop and look again. I look as bad as I feel and that’s a problem because I need to be at work in a couple of hours. If either of them show up to ask me questions, I don’t want them to think I regret my decision to leave. It’s apparent neither of them are going to make this easy on me, so I need to be ready to stand my ground.

  One thing I’ve learned about them both is they are stubborn, but they are also both protective. That’s something I’ve always known though. It just seems to have come out in full force lately with everything going on in my life.

  I force myself to put on makeup and do my hair, hoping that will make me feel half alive. The music in the background helps slightly until a song comes on that reminds me of Levi. I rush to turn it off and fight back the tears that start to surface again.

  Glancing at my phone, I can see that they’re both awake now. Message after message and missed calls line up my screen from both of them. I refuse to read any of them and I sure don’t have it in me to listen to the voice messages they’ve left.

  I call the cab service early, hoping if I’m at work they’ll both leave me alone. That’ll give me time to get the strength up to push them both back when they approach me to come back. I can’t even say who I think I’ll see first after the way they both acted yesterday, but I know they won’t give up until they’ve said their peace.

  My shift ends early tonight, which will give me time to get home and settled in before it gets dark. I look around the curtain as I wait for my ride, studying the neighbor’s house. Everything is frozen in place as I look for any signs of life over there. There aren’t any vehicles in his driveway, so I can only assume he’s not there either.

  I only allowed myself a quick glance when the first cab dropped me off, wanting to get inside before he drove off. My house is secure, even more so since Levi had a new security system installed. I guess he felt better knowing if I ever came back here, I’d be protected.

  The rumble of an engine gets louder and my heart begins to beat rapidly. I look in the neighbor’s driveway expecting it to be him, but it’s still empty. It only takes a few seconds and the knob on my door is being turned. “Kali. I’m coming in.” It’s Levi. Before I have a chance to say anything back to him, he’s standing in my living room.

  “What the fuck? You have a key to my house?”

  “Yes. I’m not fucking around with that asshole next door. I told you I don’t want you staying here.” He’s livid as he paces the room.

  “Levi. I can’t do this anymore. You’re both making me crazy and I don’t like who I’ve become.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re perfect and I’ve watched you smile more in the past few weeks than you probably have in years.”

  “I’m not perfect. Do you not know that I slept with Noah an hour after you left my bed? What does that make me, Levi?” I’m yelling hysterically when my cab pulls up. Levi steps back in shock before he tries to move to stop me from leaving. “No. Don’t touch me. I told you I can’t do this anymore. Let me go, Levi.”

  The look on his face breaks me. I turn quickly, because if I stay any longer I’ll lose what little control I have over my emotions. “Lock the door when you leave!” I yell back as I practically run to the car waiting for me. He’s glaring at me as the cab pulls away and even though I should feel better about getting away that easily, I know he’ll be back to make his point.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Levi

  She’s impossible. Putting herself in danger because she’s caught up in a mess with the two of us. I know what I need to do. This can only be settled after I talk to Noah. He can’t want this for her. I’ve never seen her more torn than she was just now.

  I lock up her house and call Greg. He’s the friend I’ve had watching this fucking neighbor of hers. Luckily, He answers on the first ring.

  “Tell me you have him in your sights.”

  “Sure do. Also have some footage of him breaking into a house a few streets over. I’m sending that to a friend of mine on the force. He should be out of your hair soon.”

  “Nice work. Keep me posted today. Kali has moved back to her house, so I’ll need to know everything that happens today.” She doesn’t know I’ve had this guy tracked. It was something I had to do. I couldn’t handle the thought of this guy coming around her. Something tells me he’ll t
ry to prove a point if he ever gets his hands on her.

  “Will do.” Greg is a guy I knew from the club. He started his own security company a few months ago and was thrilled to get my call. I knew he’d do what it took to get that fucker out of Kali’s life.

  I know she’s headed to work. She’ll be safe there, so I’m going to spend the next few hours trying to reason with the only other person who doesn’t seem to listen to me when I talk. This should be fun.

  He’s rushing down the stairs when I open the door. He stops to look at me frantically before he starts asking questions. “Did you find her? Is she safe?”

  “Yes. She’s at work. Mike just texted me saying she came in early.” He moves at a normal speed down the remaining steps and follows me into the living room. I sit on the couch and wait for him to sit in the chair across from me.

  “So you fucked her last night.” He stands abruptly, anger spreading across his face.

  “What I do with her is none of your fucking business.”

  “It is when it causes her to run out of here, straight toward a fucking sicko that lives near her.” I put my arm over the back of the couch while he slowly sits down again. “She made it my business when she told me through her tears, saying that she had been with you an hour after I left her bed.” He squints his eyes at me, processing what I’ve just said.

  “She’s torn between the two of us. I could tell by the way she ran from her house to keep from having to look me in the face.” He places his elbows on his knees and leans forward in a thinking position.

  “We have to make this easy on her. One of us needs to walk away.”

  “Just who do you suggest does that?” He stands again when I question his motives.

  “She’s always loved me.”

  “And you’ve always pushed her away.” I interrupt him, only to have him do the same right back to me.

  “Let’s not talk about how idiotic I’ve been over the years. I think we can both admit to stupid moves in our past.”

  “I care about her and can’t stand seeing her like this.” I swallow around my words while I realize I just stopped myself from saying that I love her. That’s something I should say to her before I say it to anyone else.

  “I’ve loved her as long as I can remember.” He says it as if he’s been a Saint all these years and deserves her.

  “We can sit here and have a pissing contest, or we can do something to help her find that happiness again. She deserves that.”

  “It seems like she can’t make a decision when it comes to the two of us.” Noah moves to the kitchen and pours himself a drink. I take mine back as soon as he hands it to me. “So I guess we do need to make it easy on her.”

  “How exactly do you plan to do that?” I know what I want to suggest, but I’m sure he won’t like my idea.

  “You can disappear and make my life easy.” His evil smile has me trying to decide if he’s being serious or if he’s just testing me.”

  “Or you could go back to being your asshole self and push her away like you’re bound to do soon anyway.” He stops smiling and stares at me as if he’s just now realizing that I don’t have any intention of stepping back on this one.

  “Are you willing to walk away to allow her to be happy?” He speaks to me as if I haven’t already contemplated this exact scenario. “Because if that’s what it takes, I’ll go.” He surprises me with his statement. I didn’t expect him to be selfless when it came down to it. It’s honestly not in his nature.

  “Seems as though we would both go to extremes to make her happy.” I walk back into the kitchen and refill my glass with whiskey. “So how do we choose?”

  “We need to spend time with her together. We’ll be able to tell who she’s drawn to more and the other one will need to disappear once we decide.” I throw that out there, knowing it’ll still be difficult to decide. She’s drawn to both of us and I can see her happy just hanging out with both of us at the same time. But I guess that’ll depend on how easy it is to convince her to meet with us at all. She may be pissed and make it impossible to see what she wants. “She’s determined to stay away from us.”

  “Well, then we go to her. When have we ever waited for anything to come to us?” I like how his mind is working and I know instantly what we have to do. “We’ll be at her house tonight when she gets there. This is it. Winner takes all.” He walks out of the room like he’s on a mission and my mind instantly begins to think about how the evening will go.

  I need to call in to work. There’s no way in hell I’m missing a single second of this night. I need to be in control of how things go and watch my own back. If there’s one thing I know about Noah, it’s that he’ll stop at nothing to get what he wants.

  This should be one hell of an interesting night.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Noah

  I knew something was wrong with her last night. I wanted to leave all the stress behind us and enjoy my time with her, but it seems as though it just caused the problems to grow and now she’s moved out.

  Levi said he cares about her, but I know what he was really trying to say. He hasn’t been the same since she came into this house. For one thing, he hasn’t brought a single woman home since she came into our lives again. That alone speaks volumes about where he’s at in his head. I’ve known him long enough to say he’s used to four or five women in a week at times. He likes to play and that’s something that stopped the second she arrived.

  What pisses me off the most is I can see she feels the same about him. The way she looks at him is the way she used to only look at me. Now I’m sharing those perfect expressions with my best friend.

  I have only myself to blame. If I would’ve allowed myself to be true to how I felt that first night, none of this would be happening. This would all be going in a completely different direction. Who knows, I may have ended up pushing her away after admitting my feelings, just like I always have. Maybe seeing the two of them together has made me fight for what I deserve for once in my life; which was what Levi was screaming at me to do. Maybe I just don’t want him to have her if I can’t. I’ve always been one for a challenge.

  The hot water feels amazing as I shower and think about how I want tonight to go. We need it to be as normal as possible. Stay in and cook together, maybe watch TV or play some games. The best way to really see how she feels is to get her tipsy and see what she says. I’ve always said there’s a truth to what people say when they’re under the influence.

  I finish my shower and get ready quickly, knowing there’s a lot I want to do today. The first will be checking out that fucking neighbor of hers. If I end up having to be the one to walk away from all of this, I want to make sure she’s safe.

  Levi is standing in the kitchen when I go downstairs. “I’m going to get stuff to cook out on the grill, do you need anything from the store?” I decide to let him know what I’ve planned for the night. “I figured we could just chill at her house. Do the shit normal people do and drink a little. It’s probably long overdue for us again anyway.” He nods at me as checks his phone.

  “I have that fucker under surveillance, he’s about to be hauled off to jail for breaking into a house just down the road from Kali’s. I’m not sure if it’ll happen before she gets home or not, so we can’t be late getting over there.”

  “Maybe one of us should drive her home. I’d like to see him come in with us there. I might actually enjoy ripping out his insides after the way this day is going.” He looks up at me and smiles as if he can relate. I’m guessing he can.

  “I’ll get her from the club and meet you over there.” He pushes off the cabinet and follows me to the door. “Tonight is the night. Looks like one way or another you’ll be rid of me.” He throws that out just as I close the door. I notice the jolt of his words as I take them in.

  I may have wanted to choke him at times, but truth be known, he’s the only real friend I’ve had. He’s put up with me at my worst, which has been more oft
en than not.

  A somber feeling washes over me as I drive away from the house. My life will change after tonight. One way or another I’ll be saying goodbye to at least one person I care about.

  Kali

  My shift seems to fly by and before I realize what time it is, it’s time for me to go. I didn’t have the time to call the cab yet, so I pull out my phone to do it.

  I notice a message from Levi saying he’s in the parking lot to give me a ride home. When I found out that he called in to work, I had hoped he’d decided to leave it alone for today. I should’ve known better. He’s determined and the only way to get him to leave me be is to be even more stubborn and bullheaded than he is.

  Walking out the door and into the parking lot, I see him immediately. My heart sinks as I look at his face. He doesn’t approve of me distancing myself, but I didn’t think he would.

  I slide in and feel the heaviness between us. “You didn’t have to pick me up. I can call a cab.”

  “We need to talk anyway.” He comes back with a quick response. Not one that I’m used to from him.

  “Levi. Please don’t make this harder on me than it already is. I can’t choose between you two and I refuse to be the reason you both hate each other.”

  “Noah and I came to an understanding today. Everything’s going to work out just fine.” He starts moving the truck toward the exit.

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means we aren’t letting you go without spending some time with you first. We need to know your house is safe and the best way for us to do that is for us to be there.” He turns right before he continues. “That’ll give me some time to make sure that asshole next door is out of your way for good.”

  I don’t ask him what he means. He’s been working on that for a few days now. “I haven’t seen him yet.”

  “Well I’m not going to let there be a yet, Kali. I don’t care how pissed off you get.”