Muse

by M. Lynne Cunning

  “Hey. You okay?” he asked. “Your text gave off a different sort of vibe.” He took a step inside the door, letting his hand brush Lauren’s hip as he passed her. Lauren pushed the door away from her, but was more focused on avoiding Dean’s touch. He seemed to pick up on her slight recoil from him and arched an eyebrow.

  “What’s going on, Sarah?”

  “I have to talk to you, Dean.”

  He nodded, taking a step toward her.

  “I know that, but…”

  “And I can’t do it while you’re touching me.”

  Dean held his hands up. “Must be serious then.” He offered her a small grin, but when she didn’t reciprocate, a blank expression took over his face and he lowered himself onto the edge of the bed. “Okay, Sarah, I am all ears. What’s wrong?”

  “I think you and I should end this. I mean, whatever this is.” She motioned between them, unsure how to explain. “I mean, I know we have to end it.” She rephrased it in hopes of sounding more like she believed it herself, but her words came out weaker than planned. Dean sighed and stood, making the move to go toward her, but Lauren held up her hands in protest and he quickly sat back down.

  “Why do you say that, Sarah?”

  She could not meet his gaze. Maybe what Libby had said was true, that she was more worried about hurting him than she was about Michael. “I’m married, Dean.”

  His stare didn’t falter. Lauren let the silence fall over them, giving him the time he needed to process the information she had so unfairly put forth.

  “I knew that, you know.”

  “What?” Lauren stared at him incredulously.

  “I may not have known you had a husband—that does come as a bit of a surprise, I might add—but I was pretty much certain you had a boyfriend you weren’t telling me about. It was the only conclusion I could come to as to why you rarely wanted to go out in public with me. I was trying not to be too paranoid about it until the other night when I came over and you were arguing on the phone. You didn’t use his name or even say anything that confirmed it, but I knew. I just knew.”

  Lauren stared at him in disbelief. Both he and Libby had come to the conclusion she was seeing someone else and neither of them had said a word about their suspicions. Oddly, Lauren felt a twinge of betrayal that Dean would keep his conclusions to himself. He had been right, but it would have been easier to break it off with him had he voiced his suspicions before now.

  “If you knew, why didn’t you say something?”

  “Honestly? Because I don’t care, Sarah.”

  Lauren’s eyes widened as his words hit her. “You don’t care?”

  He stood, crossing the room in two long strides. He pushed Lauren back against the desk gently, pressing his forehead to hers as he spoke. “I have had time to think about it, and no, I couldn’t care less whether you have a boyfriend, a husband, or a family of twenty waiting for you at home. We’ll figure it out.”

  Lauren shook her head, pushing him away gently. “Dean, I just can’t understand that. I’m telling you I have someone else I have to go home to.”

  “And I’m quite sure I am telling you that I don’t care. To be honest, Sarah, I don’t think you really do either.” He trailed his hands around Lauren’s hips to her back, drawing himself closer to her. She struggled to place her hands against his chest and push him back, but her efforts were half-hearted at best.

  “Dean, we have to end this.”

  “We are only beginning, Sarah.” His lips trailed down the side of her face, and her eyes fluttered slightly at the feather-light touch of his skin on hers.

  “Dean, please…”

  His voice was hushed now, almost a whisper as he spoke, his breath hot on her skin, melting away her resolve. “If you truly want me to stop, I will. But we have come this far, and this, whatever this is between us, is something good. A connection like you and I have is something I have never experienced before, Sarah. Don’t throw it away because we found each other too late.”

  She was no longer pretending to keep him away. She wanted him. She could not deny it. “Dean…I can’t.”

  “Tell me to stop then, Sarah,” he dared her as he kissed his way down her throat, holding her on the edge of the desk. Lauren shook her head slightly, a wave of overwhelming need rushing through her.

  “I can’t,” she confirmed breathlessly.

  “But I sure as hell can.”

  Her eyes snapped open, staring past Dean to the open door of her room. There he stood, leaning casually against the doorframe as he watched them, but the clenched tightness of his jaw gave his anger away.

  Michael.

  CHAPTER 21

  “Michael.” His name fell from Lauren’s lips in a gasp. She pushed Dean away from her, giving him a look of both warning and apology. There was no telling what might take place now, and she wasn’t sure which of the two men to be more worried for.

  “Oh, so you do remember me,” Michael said, pushing himself off the wall to stand tall. Lauren had never noticed before how his presence could be so menacing. He took up most of the space within the doorway, leaving no exit from the room. A quick glance in Dean’s direction told Lauren he was contemplating his next move. The way his eyes darted from Michael, to the doorway behind him, and then back to Lauren also let her know that he wasn’t at all sure what that next move would be.

  She took an uneasy step away from the desk and away from Dean, holding up her hands in protest. “Michael, it’s not—”

  “Not like that? Is that what you’re going to say, Lauren? That is really funny because I can see it is exactly what it looks like.” Michael did not move and, for a moment, all was quiet.

  “Lauren?” Dean asked, taking his eyes off Michael to stare at her.

  “I’m not…” She tried to explain.

  “Why is he calling you Lauren?” Dean interjected. “Your name is Sarah.” A waver of uncertainty coated his voice, as he added, “Right, Sarah?” The way he spat out the name Sarah confirmed he had processed the truth. She was not Sarah, and Lauren shook her head even though the gesture wasn’t needed.

  “Sarah?” Michael arched an eyebrow. The smirk that appeared on his face made her stop from trying to explain any further. “Wow, Lauren, you even used a different name? I would never have taken you to be devious, but that is exactly what that is.” He took a step forward, his eyes fixed solely on Dean. “So, seeing as she is my wife and you have obviously been sleeping with her, how exactly do you think this is going to go, college boy?”

  Lauren immediately stepped in front of Dean and held her hands up to hold Michael back. “Michael, come on, please don’t do this. It is not his fault.” She touched Michael’s wrist as she pleaded with him, and he recoiled at the sudden physical contact.

  “Don’t you touch me, Lauren. Don’t you dare touch me now.”

  His words were like fire, a flickering flame threatening to spread out of control. Lauren did not move from her position in front of Dean as she stared into his eyes. There was no hurt to be seen, only anger fueled by deceit.

  “I’m sorry, Michael,” Lauren whispered. “I am so sorry.” Her voice was louder the second time.

  “You are only sorry you got caught, Lauren. Now get out of the way.”

  Things may have remained civil had she done what she was told. Instead, she stood her ground, hell-bent on keeping Dean from receiving any sort of punishment that was warranted toward her but taken out on him. When Dean took a step closer to Lauren and placed his hands gently on her hips to move her out of the way, something within Michael snapped at the sight of his tender touch. A curse word escaped his lips as he pushed Lauren aside gruffly to get at Dean.

  “Keep your hands off her!” Dean shouted, when Lauren stumbled but remained on her feet. Her eyes welled up as her fear heightened with each passing second. His mistake had been to take his eyes off Michael to see if she was all right. Michael seized the opportunity and grabbed Dean by the throat, pushing him hard into the
wall beside him.

  “Careful, I could say the same to you.” Michael’s words were low and aggressive. Lauren yelled his name repeatedly, fighting back her tears, begging him to let Dean go, but he was beyond listening. He was playing by his own rules now.

  “Here’s the thing. If you’re going to fool around with my wife, Dean,” Michael spat out his name like it left a bad taste in his mouth, “The least you could do is close the goddamned door behind you.” So, Lauren had left the door unlatched when Dean showed up. Did he know that Lauren had been trying to break it off with him then? Her mind raced through the possibilities, but she knew it didn’t matter. Michael had caught her with Dean and their intent had been clear. What they did or didn’t say to each other was irrelevant. Dean was smart enough to keep his mouth shut. There was no saying what little comment could set Michael off even further.

  “Michael, please,” Lauren begged through her strangled sobs, tugging at his arm to try to loosen his grip on Dean. The color of Dean’s face displayed the strong pressure Michael was placing on his throat. “Let him go, Michael. Please.”

  Michael’s glare strayed to Lauren momentarily, and she watched through tear-filled eyes as he tried to decide what to do next. She knew what was passing through his mind. As much as beating the daylights out of Dean would help relieve some of his anger, it would help nothing. Lauren had deceived them both, and he and Dean were both victims in this scenario. It was Lauren who had caused the problem.

  “You have got two options, college boy,” Michael said in a low voice. “Little Miss Deception here has played both of us, so I’m going to give you the chance to walk out of here right now. If you choose to stay and argue with me about whatever rights to my wife you think you have, I swear to God I will beat you until you’re black and blue. Choose wisely.”

  Lauren wiped her eyes, and took a chance. “Dean, go. Let him go, Mike. He will leave. Let him go.” His grip on the other man’s throat did not lessen until a feeble nod announced Dean’s choice. Michael gave another short pulse of pressure against his throat and then let his hands fall away.

  “Get out of here. Before I change my mind.”

  Lauren watched as Dean rubbed his neck, the color slowly returning to his face. When his eyes met hers, still brimming with tears, she silently pleaded with him to leave without any further confrontation. She hoped he could read her thoughts the way she thought he could.

  Dean swung his gaze to Michael, seemed to contemplate saying something, and then thought better of it. Instead, he smoothed out his clothes and took one last look in Lauren’s direction. The door stood open just as Michael had left it, and at the entrance to the room Dean turned abruptly as though it was an afterthought. He cast a glance at Michael, made his decision, and turned to Lauren.

  “I will call you later,” he said, his voice still hoarse from Michael’s grip.

  “Like hell you will,” Michael growled, taking a warning step toward him.

  Dean did not wait around. Lauren watched as he disappeared around the corner. She stared for a moment at the spot outside the door where he had been, unable to revert her eyes back to Michael. She had admitted it to Libby only once, but now, in the presence of Michael and his fury over it, she was sure she meant what she had said. Lauren had believed she would never get caught cheating on Michael with Dean.

  Now, as she stood in front of the man who had vowed to love and cherish her only four years prior, the man she had vowed to do the same for, she could barely look him in the eye. Shame and guilt bubbled to the surface and she was thankful for it. At least she knew there was still some remnant of humanity left within her. There was goodness inside her, she wasn’t all bad.

  “Michael, I can’t even—”

  “Don’t bother, Lauren. Okay?” He held up his hand to stop her. “Save the explanation for someone who gives a damn.” He pulled the chair out from the desk and sat down in it, his body heavy from the tension and the hurt he must have been dealing with. “All I care about is that you did what you did.”

  Lauren ducked to her knees in front of him to try to see his face, fighting to breathe through the shallow gasps of air she inhaled. She did not dare to touch him. “Michael, I swear, I never meant to—”

  “Never meant to what, Lauren?” he barked. “Sleep with him? Tell me, Lauren, how many times did it happen?”

  Lauren stared at him, her eyes darting wildly across his face, unable to form the words to answer honestly.

  Michael scoffed at her silence. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. So, trust me, you meant to.”

  Lauren sighed, bringing her hands up to cover her tear-stained cheeks, shaking her head in both protest and disbelief. He was absolutely right, there was no way to justify what she had done. She had known exactly how it would affect him and what it would do to their marriage.

  “Michael, I’m so sorry.” Her stricken voice was muffled. She lowered her hands and tried her impetuous appeal again. “What can I do? I’ll do whatever I can to fix this, Mike.”

  “Are you seriously asking me how to fix this?” He ran his hands down his face, then gave her an incredulous look. “You can’t be serious, Lauren.”

  “I am. I mean it. I know you do not trust me now, but—”

  “Trust you?” Michael’s eyes widened disbelievingly. He held out his hand, gesturing as though he were checking items off of a list. “Let’s see, first you moved here more than a month ago and told everyone you had a fake name, then you evidently decided to slip off your wedding ring like it was negotiable.” He paused as he motioned toward her bare left hand and Lauren quickly looked down at it as though she had only just realized there was no ring there. “And lastly, you pretended like I was negotiable, choosing to sleep with some guy on campus as if I would never find out. Tell me, Lauren, how am I supposed to trust you?”

  “Michael, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what you want me to say.” Tears threatened to spill over again, her words emerging between sporadic sobs.

  “Did you plan on coming home to me and acting like this whole thing never happened?”

  The question caught her off guard. As she blinked back her tears, she realized that was exactly what she had intended to do. With her finished novel in hand and a creative writing diploma under her belt, she would head back to Texas and never think of her New York antics again. At least, that was what she thought would happen. Evidently, there was no chance of that happening now.

  “I don’t know, Michael. I never planned on Dean, I swear. I planned on coming home to you.”

  “That’s comforting,” Michael replied wryly. He clapped his hands together as though to wrap things up. “Well, here is how it is going to be, Lauren. You can come back to Texas when your course is done, but I want your stuff packed up and I want you gone.”

  The words hit Lauren hard like a slap in the face, her eyes widening as she processed each syllable. “No, we can fix this. Please, Michael.” Her heart was pounding furiously against her chest. She saw his wounded features through blurred vision, tears erupting on her wet cheeks.

  “There is no fixing this. We are done, Lauren.” He sounded so sure of his decision, Lauren gasped at his confidence, shaking her head vehemently, desperate for him to reconsider.

  “Michael, no.” She choked the words out, unwilling to let him go that easily.

  “I mean it, Lauren. We’re done.” With that, he stood up, leaving her on her knees in front of the chair. She turned slightly to face him, but he was already heading for the door.

  “You have got no one to blame but yourself,” he said.

  The door slammed shut behind him, with an air of finality she could not quite comprehend. The most troubling aspect, perhaps, wasn’t that she hadn’t expected him to end their marriage, but that she’d been blindsided by his lack of hesitation as he did so. Tears dripped onto the carpet as she watched him leave, completely helpless to stop him.

  CHAPTER 22

  Lauren had no idea how she was going to get th
rough the day. After making a stop at the campus cafe to get a large cafe mocha, mostly because she knew she was going to need the caffeine buzz, Lauren made her way to class and purposely chose a seat in the front row, sandwiched between two younger students who giggled and tittered over their amusing weekend antics.

  Monday morning had arrived far too fast after the weekend’s unfortunate events. Numerous texts and calls to Michael went unanswered, leaving her more and more uncertain as to whether or not the conflict between them could be resolved.

  The sordid triangle between her, Michael, and Dean, was solely her fault. She was well aware. But, she was surprised at the open-and-shut ending of her marriage. Lauren hadn’t expected him to write her off and kick her out so abruptly. She was not sure what she would have said, but she somehow mourned the thought that Michael had never even asked her why.

  To make her day worse, Libby didn’t show up to class. Lauren wondered how she expected to graduate from the course when she rarely showed up to attend lectures and receive assignments. While she always seemed to have her assignments handed in on time, Lauren knew it was only because she had either explained it to her by phone or texted her after the instructions were given in class.

  If anything, Lauren thought crossly, Libby really owes me a world of thanks for keeping her in the game these past five weeks. Quickly, Lauren regretted her snarky thoughts against Libby, knowing her frustration was only because she had yet to return the multiple text messages she had sent her over the course of the weekend. Lauren wanted someone to talk to about what had happened on Friday night, and when Libby was not there to help her sort through her thoughts, she felt a little lost.

  She couldn’t call Nadine, especially after avoiding her texts and calls for the past few weeks. Best friends or not, Lauren wasn’t prepared to admit to her what she had done to the two men. She’d never been able to keep a secret from Nadine, and this was one strand of truth she wasn’t ready to deal with. Lauren’s conscience was at least functioning well enough to know the story would not be well received.