Promise Me This

by Sarah Ashley Jones

  The few remaining brown boxes lined the opposite wall. They contained the other small things of Cameron’s that I just couldn’t get rid of - little trinkets, books, his leather jacket and pictures. The bag that I brought from Tennessee sat closest to the door. It was swiftly becoming a reality that the small suitcase held the only things that were mine. I didn’t feel sad looking at it. Truthfully, I was terrified that I made some wrong choices somewhere down the line. I was moving in with Jhett, but where would I even stay? In his room? In “my” room? I wanted this so bad, but what if it didn’t work out? Things went from normal to complicated in the span of twenty-four hours.

  Silently, I said goodbye to the apartment that Cameron called home for almost two years. I wished he could have been there with me. I barely knew what I was doing anymore. There was the ‘me’ that I’ve always known, and then there was the ‘me’ that wanted nothing more than to break free. I couldn’t decide which one I was anymore, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Cameron would tell me to find a happy medium.

  I checked the time on my phone and saw that it was past three o’clock. Jhett was already a half hour late, and he hadn’t even bothered to call or text me to let me know what was going on. He’d told me that he had to run into work this morning to take care of some things, but that he would be back before 2:30 to pick me and the rest of my things up. When I attempted to call him, I was immediately greeted with a woman’s voice expressing how sorry she was that my phone had been disconnected. Seriously? Disconnected? Thanks again, mom.

  I tossed my phone away from me in frustration. I had no phone, no car, and now Jhett was nowhere to be found. I made myself a promise that I was going to start depending on myself, but here I was sitting in Cameron’s bare apartment waiting on someone to help me. I decided that this would stop NOW.

  I pushed myself up off the floor, grabbed my purse and made my way out the door. There was no reason to leave a note. Jhett was smart; he’d figure something out eventually. I was speed walking, no thanks to my seriously miffed mood. I knew exactly where I was going, and there was no stopping a woman with a plan.

  It took me about fifteen minutes to get there, and maybe twenty minutes inside the shop before I was done. Walking out the door, I turned my new cell phone over in my hands and ran my fingers over the touch screen to test it out. I was holding a clean slate in my hands. This was something I did on my own and without any help. To some people it may have seemed silly to be that excited over having their own cell phone plan. But for me, it was huge.

  The guilt of running out of the apartment without leaving a note weighed heavily on my mind, as the euphoria of signing my cell phone contract started to fade away. I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, trying to remember Jhett’s phone number, but drew a blank. Numbers were never my strong suit.

  I bit my bottom lip in frustration while shoving my phone into my back pocket and marched to the corner of the street. I pushed the crosswalk button repeatedly and scanned the opposite side of the street for the countdown lights.

  Then I saw it, sitting on the lot across the street. The rapturous feeling of independence and adventure surged back through my body. Jhett was going to have to wait a little bit longer.

  Minutes blurred together as my mind raced with anxiety. Finding Charlie’s cell phone thrown on the floor of the fully packed and empty apartment made me sick. She wasn’t there, and there was no way to get a hold of her. The worst possible scenarios rapidly flew through my mind, with all of them leaving only one conclusion: It was my fault. I ran late at the restaurant and when I tried to call her, it wouldn’t go through. It wasn’t the first time my phone gave me trouble, so I figured she’d understand. I was definitely not expecting to show up to the apartment and have her not be in it.

  I sat at the top of the stairs outside the apartment and rested my head in the palm of my hand, while I went through the contacts on my phone. My right leg bounced, a nervous habit I was never able to control, as I called Gracie. No answer.

  My phone dropped back in my lap, both my hands resting in my hair right above my forehead. There was one small sliver of hope, stemming from the fact that her suitcase was still there. It meant that she wasn’t running away from me. I couldn’t handle that; I wasn’t ready for her not to be there anymore. She planned on coming back. I tried to keep telling myself that to stay calm. Anger was building in my chest, and I had to stop it before it became too much. I wasn’t angry with Charlie - I was only angry with myself.

  The high-pitched sound of an old car horn blared from the parking lot at the bottom of the steps, pulling me out of the black rain cloud in my mind. I looked up and scanned the lot from my elevated view, but there was no one down there.

  The same horn shrieked again, but this time I knew exactly where it came from. Pulling into the parking spot just in front of the stairs was a bright yellow Jeep Wrangler, soft-top removed. My mouth fell open when I saw who was in the driver’s seat.

  “What do you think?” Charlie pulled herself up, shouting to me as she rested her hands on the top of the windshield. Her eyebrows were raised, waiting for my response, but I didn’t have one. All I could think of was that she was the most frustrating woman I ever met. Here I was, panicking that she was kidnapped and being held hostage somewhere for the past few hours, and she was out buying a Jeep. And a banana-boat-yellow Jeep, at that.

  “You better have stolen it while escaping from your kidnappers who’ve been holding you up for the past two hours.” Half-heartedly, I jogged down the steps to her. My eyes roamed over her body as she stood, the light breeze whipping her hair around her face. She wore a dress that hugged her body until it reached her hips, and then fell loosely to her knees. A teal bikini peeked out from under the top of it, making me realize that if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that she grew up here.

  “Oh, hush. It was not two hours, and you were late anyway. I needed a car, and I knew the moment I saw her that she would be mine. And I got this, too.” She flashed me her new iPhone, sitting snug in a matching yellow case.

  My arm reached up and leaned against the doorframe as I rested a foot on the floor of the Jeep. There weren’t even any doors on this thing. It screamed rebellion, and made me dislike it that much more. It was nothing like the car I would have bought for her if she asked. I smirked at my own thoughts. I knew better than to try that; Miss Independent would bite my head off.

  “In that case, please remind me to never be late again.” The light in Charlie’s eyes dimmed. I didn’t want to be a killjoy, but I hated that I wasn’t there to help her. They could have easily ripped her off and sold her a piece of junk for way more than it was worth. Charlie looked away from me as her smile disappeared. The look on her face made me feel even more terrible, because it was one that a child would wear while their parent scolded them. I reached under her chin and brought her eyes back to mine. “Hey, at least let me look under ‘her’ hood. I’m sure you did great. I’m proud of you.” My lips met hers, and the familiar feeling of butterflies formed in my gut. I was never one for romance or deep feelings, so I didn’t know what to make of us, yet. But it felt amazing, which in my case, was never a good thing.

  Jhett stood with his back towards me, his head ducked down underneath the hood of my brand new Jeep. I was still riding my wave of independence as I sat on the curb, waiting for him to finish giving the Jeep one final inspection. He didn’t admit it, but I knew he wasn’t thrilled that I went off and bought a car without telling him. But honestly, why did I have to? It was my money, and like he said, I needed to do what I wanted. And my heart wanted that gorgeous yellow machine the moment I laid eyes on it.

  I couldn’t help but think of Hannah and how she would flip out if she knew what I just did. She still thought of me as the girl who played it safe and would do anything to blend into the crowd – but not anymore. I changed, and that meant my vehicle should represent that. I couldn’t wait until she could visit and see for herself.

 
; I checked the time again. There was nothing wrong with anything under the hood, but Jhett seemed to have some control issues that I wasn’t about to argue with. Pushing up off the warm concrete, I made my way behind Jhett and pressed my body against his back, causing his back to stiffen at my unexpected touch. My finger traced along the collar of his shirt and then down his neck as I tried to shift his focus to me.

  I decided on my drive back that I wasn’t going to worry about labels or over-think things between us. There was no point. I wanted to live in the moment, and that’s what I was going to do. We already slept together, so there was no turning back now.

  “Can’t you just admit she’s perfect?” I teased, as he slammed the hood down and spun around to face me. He leaned his back against the front of the Jeep and pulled my hips into his before giving me a quick peck on the cheek. I giggled, feeling like we were teenagers that were about to get caught by our parents.

  “So if it’s a she, what’s her name?” he asked, his fingers lacing into mine as I brought our hands up in front of us.

  I pursed my lips, pausing for a moment as I thought. “I think she looks like a Mable,” I answered matter-of-factly, nodding as I spoke.

  “That sounds like she should be sitting in a rocking chair in front of a fire, knitting socks.”

  “She can’t knit. She has wheels, not hands. Duh,” I answered with sass, pushing off of him and taking a few steps back. Keeping one hand in his, I led him up the stairs into the completely empty apartment. When I got to the doorway, I stopped, hesitating to go in any further.

  Jhett’s hands found their way around my waist, and he rested his chin on my head. His actions gave me the comfort and strength I needed from him. I didn’t have to do a final walk through. I packed all the boxes into Jhett’s truck myself, and I knew that there was nothing left of either Cameron or I inside those walls anymore. I swallowed in an attempted to choke back the pending tears. It was a complete shock on my system to go from such pure happiness to the sudden feeling of emptiness.

  I must have stood there in silence for longer than I thought. Jhett trailed sweet kisses down my cheek and neck. They weren’t like any other kisses I ever experienced from him; the tenderness of his lips attempted to kiss my pain away. I turned in his arms, pulling mine in towards chest as he pressed me closer to him. I managed to hold back most of my sobs, but a few shaky tears fell from my eyes, staining his shirt with drops of wetness.

  Once again, Jhett was there to hold me together. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay, Charlie.” He told me those words a million times already, but it didn’t matter how many times he said it, nothing was going to make that empty feeling go away completely.

  “It’s like I’m erasing him somehow. This was all that was left of him, and now it’s just another empty apartment. I’m scared that no one will remember him anymore - that he’ll just disappear from everyone’s memory when there’s nothing left to look at.” I held onto Jhett’s shirt with white knuckles, scared I may not be able to support myself if I let go. My head fit perfectly, as always, right under his chin, next to his neck. He held me there and lightly rubbed his hands over my back.

  “You’re not erasing him. He will always live on in here.” Taking my hand, he gently placed it over my heart with his own resting on top of mine. “He’s always with Gracie, too, and his words of wisdom play on repeat in my head. You know he’s looking down at you and he’s so proud of you, especially today. In fact, he’s probably laughing about how he couldn’t have picked a more perfect car for you.”

  “I guess you’re right,” I finally spoke, and lifted away from his chest. My fingers swiped underneath both my eyes, hoping to catch any makeup that may have found its way down there during my mini-breakdown. I straightened myself up and ran my hands down my dress to make sure everything was still in place. “I think I’m ready now.” I peered up, only looking at Jhett, before I walked straight down the stairs without a backwards glance. I heard the apartment door shut, and then Jhett’s footsteps as he followed me.

  “You’re okay to drive, right?” Jhett walked up next to the Jeep as I hopped in and turned the key in the ignition.

  “Yeah. I’m fine. Back to the house?” I asked, faking a smile. I knew I was going to be okay, but it was painful knowing that all that was left of Cameron were a few boxes.

  The short drive back to Jhett’s house gave me enough time to pull myself together. I parked on the street and entered through the white gate into the front yard. Jhett was ahead of me and already started unloading my boxes. “Are we bringing them into…my room?” I struggled to find the right words. Even though I told myself that things weren’t going to get awkward, I think I knew they had to be just a little bit, at least until we figured out what exactly we were doing.

  “Uh…yeah,” Jhett replied, just as uneasily. Picking up a box, I walked through the house and into what was supposed to be my bedroom. Setting the box on the bed, I was surprised to find that the room looked like someone tried to decorate it. The bed was made of white wood, and draped on top of the mattress was a yellow and teal chevron comforter, complete with matching pillows. Along the wall sat a tall dresser and a vanity that didn’t match completely, but still gave off the same vintage feel.

  Jhett came in unannounced and set his box on the small pile that he already started by the closet. He must have felt my eyes burning a hole into his back, because he turned around with a timid look in his eyes. “So, I hope this is okay. I asked the girls at the store for help, and this is what they picked out. I chose the colors, though. It’s why I was late today. I just wanted you to have a place of your own here.” Jhett was uncharacteristically antsy; he transferred his weight from one foot to the other on more than one occasion.

  “So…..this is my room then?” My words came out a little harsher than I intended. I appreciated the fact that he took it upon himself to make me feel welcome and I couldn’t expect more than that, but I guess I figured out where I stood with him. “I mean, thanks. I really like it. The colors are just like something I would have picked out myself.” I flashed him my best half-smile, before turning away to busy myself with the boxes of Cameron’s things.

  “I’m glad you like it.” Jhett left without continuing the conversation and walked out of the room, sucking all the air with him.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, his last few words replayed in my head. Get it together, Charlie. You’re a grown woman. Remember what you told yourself earlier? Just live in the moment. I nodded at my own private pep talk.

  My feet slammed back down on the floor as I ran out of the bedroom door. I held onto the doorframe and I flung my body into the hall. “How come I get the twin bed, and you get the de-luxe luxury size bed?” My accent was thick, surprising even myself when I heard it. My hip popped out to the side while I rested my hand at my waist.

  Jhett stopped where he stood in front of the fridge and watched me with wide eyes. “Well we can switch rooms if you want….” He was unsure how he should react to my forwardness.

  I huffed. “Quit acting like you’re such a gentleman and just tell me it’s okay to stay with you.” Frustration lingered in my voice as it echoed through the house.

  Jhett continued to stare, making my stomach churn with instant regret. I pushed him too far. “You know what? You really know how to drive me crazy,” he replied as he closed the gap between us, backing me up against the hallway wall with each step. Gathering both my wrists in one hand above my head, he pressed them onto the hard wall behind me. “Maybe I should get you riled up more often. I like it when your accent comes through like that.” His breath was warm as he spoke into my ear. All my built-up emotions from earlier flowed out of my body with his touch as my mind focused on him.

  “It’s not polite to say stuff like that to your roommate.” My back arched against the wall in protest, attempting to get as close to him as possible.

  A stifled laugh came from Jhett, who now held me hostage with very little ef
fort. “Charlie, I think we passed ‘roommates’ a while ago.” He gave me one quick tease of a kiss on my lips, and just as I was about to give in, pulled away.

  “Then what are we?” It was a question I needed answered, even though I didn’t mean to ask it. It popped out of my mouth as the thought ran through my mind.

  “Let me show you.” Jhett picked me up again and wrapped my legs around his middle, just like the night before, and carried me into his bedroom. I gave in, and just like that, all was forgotten. This could be a recipe for disaster.

  We lost track of time as we lay together in his bed; the only light was the unruly flicker of the candles he lit when we first entered his room. My bare legs stayed intertwined with his, the covers hiding the smallest of parts on our bodies. It was a warm summer night, but nothing compared to Tennessee. These kinds of nights were comfortable and enjoyable, not sticky and miserable. My body stopped where his started while my head found that perfect spot on his chest.

  I didn’t dare speak; I wanted to ride out this moment of pure bliss for as long as possible. Lazy fingers traced the lines of the images that crawled up the arm that rested across his chest. His other was tucked snugly around my shoulder and back while he tangled his hand in my hair. I silently questioned every piece of art my eyes grazed over. Each one called to me, wanting me to find out their story. I finally stopped at a tattoo I didn’t noticed before. There were several teacups and saucers, but all of them were chipped or shattered completely. My fingers tried to continue upwards, but my eyes were fixated on the sad broken pieces of china that littered his skin.

  “You can just ask me about them, you know.” I glanced up at him shyly as he spoke, feeling like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

  “I thought it would be rude to ask about what they meant, but I couldn’t help but wonder if they’re all for decoration, or if they actually have a story behind them.” A warm smile danced over Jhett’s face. Using his arm that was around my back, he pulled me toward him and pressed his lips onto my forehead, sending a rush of heat through my body that only he knew how to do.