Secrets in the Lyrics

by Sm Donaldson

  “She probably just found out today, then.”

  “She was acting strange all day today.”

  Keeg and Stoney step over to me and hug me. “Man, since we know she’s okay and the nurse is giving us the evil eye, we are going to head out. Keep us posted and um… we’re ah sorry, man.”

  “Big brother, do you want me to stay with you?”

  “No, you and Ryder go ahead and go home. I know she’s safe now. I’m gonna stay here. Will you let mom know about the house and after the cops are finished, I’ll clean it up?”

  She hugs me tight. “You would’ve been an amazing dad, big brother.”

  “Umm yeah.” Cold is running through me. “You guys be careful going home. Thanks, Ryder, for bringing her up here.”

  He shakes my hand. “No problem, man, let us know how your girl is doing, okay?”

  I nod and they leave the room.

  So many emotions are surging through my body.

  Why didn’t she tell me? Why did she have to go home without me? Would I have even been a good father? Did she want to keep the baby? Was she just going to get rid of it and not tell me?

  I feel like I’m angry and I’m not even sure who I’m angry with. Am I angry at her for not telling me or going home alone? Maybe I’m angry at that asshole, Chad, for taking something from me I’m not even sure I wanted. I’m glad that he’s dead, the world will truly be a better place without him.

  I sit by her bed holding her hand until I can’t keep my eyes open anymore and sleep takes over.

  Waking up in a hospital bed, feeling like a cement truck ran over your head and that same trucked turned around and drug you behind it for 20 miles isn’t the greatest feeling in the world. To top that off, the greatest guy in the world is asleep holding my hand and I feel like the biggest asshole in the world because I’m pretty sure I lost his baby that he knew nothing about.

  Gable starts waking up. “Hey.”

  He looks up at me. “Hey, are you feeling okay?”

  “Not really, I feel like shit. I have a headache from hell and my body feels like it’s one big bruise.”

  “Let me get you the nurse.” He jumps up and darts out of the room.

  An older lady in pink scrubs comes in. “Hey sweetie, I understand you need some pain medicine.” I nod. “Okay, well the doctor will be by to talk to you soon. She will fill you in on everything we had to do last night.”

  “Um. Okay, thank you.”

  After she walks out I look at Gable. “What happened? What did they have to do?” I start to panic. What if he did more damage to me than I thought? What if I can NEVER have kids now?

  Gable puts his hand on mine. “Ivie, it’s okay. You’re going to be fine. That piece of lamp you stabbed Chad with guaranteed he’s never coming after you again. You have no broken bones or anything like that. They really wouldn’t tell me anymore because we aren’t married. I’m going to jump to the conclusion that you had a miscarriage since we are on the maternity floor and your pants were soaked in blood. Since I didn’t know you were pregnant I couldn’t tell them.”

  Ouch, that hurt worse than the bruising. “Gable, I’m sorry. I just found out yesterday and I wasn’t sure what to do with that information yet. I needed time to talk to you, but yesterday I needed some time for me to even figure out if I wanted to keep it.”

  “What are you saying? Are you saying you would have had an abortion? You would have killed my baby?”

  “I don’t know, Gable. We both know they would have never let me go on the tour with you guys to a war zone.”

  “You know-.”

  He’s cut off by the doctor coming in. She’s just as well put together as she was yesterday in her office. She sits down on my bedside. “Good morning, Ivie. Is it okay if we talk in front of the gentleman?” I nod. “Sweetheart, first off I want to say how sorry I am for this happening to you. I know yesterday was a shock to you and you really hadn’t had a chance to wrap your head around it all yet. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, you did have a miscarriage last night. We had to go in and remove what was left of the fetus, but the man who attacked you didn’t do permanent damage to you by any means that we can see right now. I would prefer that you wait at least a year, if you intend to try again, just due to the severity of how you lost this baby. I am going to put you on birth control because your hormone levels will be off the charts crazy for a little while. This will help regulate them. Now, I’m sending you home in a little bit, but I want you to take it easy.”

  “Okay. Will I be cleared to leave for an overseas USO tour next week?”

  “Sure, as long as you don’t have any complications between now and when you leave. I’m going to go get your paperwork in order to check out and you’ll be ready to go. I’ll grab you a set of scrubs to wear home, they said the clothes you came in were ruined. Now remember what I said about your hormones, they are going to be all over the place for a little while. Oh, and the police are outside, they do need to speak with you for a moment.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

  Gable looks at me. “Um, I haven’t had a chance to go back to the house and clean it up.” And he probably doesn’t want me there anyway.

  “It’s fine, you can take me to Stoney’s if you want. I’m not sure I could sleep there after everything with the attack. I know he can’t get me, I’m taking from what you said that he’s dead, but I’m afraid I’ll still feel him there.”

  He nods. “Okay, I get it. Let me call Stoney and see about you staying there.”

  He steps out of the room to call Stoney.

  Well Ivie, you’ve done it again. Royal Fuck Up. Gable hates you, he can’t trust you anymore.

  He steps back in the room after a few minutes. “Um, bad news, all the rain that they got while we were gone did a number on Stoney’s roof and he has a bunch of water damage. You can’t stay there and risk getting sick so you are going to stay with Scarlet at the Abbott’s. She said you are more than welcome. Hell, you know it’s a big ass house.”

  “No, I don’t want to intrude. I can just stay at a hotel.”

  “No, the doctor wants someone looking after you.”

  Great, Ivie the Royal Fuck up strikes again. Scarlet probably hates me now. I killed her brother’s baby that he didn’t even know he had.

  I’m not going to win this argument. “Okay. Just for a few days, I don’t want to be a burden.”

  “She said you were no burden.”

  An hour later I’ve made my statement to the police, who said it clearly looks like self-defense, and given the history involved. They are sure me leaving for the USO tour won’t be a problem.

  Scarlet comes to pick us up and I sit quietly in the back seat. When we pull onto the street where Gable lives, my heart sinks to my feet. I see all the crime scene tape around their house. I did this. I brought crazy to their front door.

  Scarlet stops in front of the house. Gable gets out and leans in the back window. “I’m gonna clean up in there some, I’ll bring your bags and your car over in a little bit. Okay?”

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m gonna take some more medicine and rest anyway.”

  He nods and walks away from the car without as much as a handshake.

  We pull away from the curb and Scarlet speaks. “Ivie, I’m so glad you’re okay. Gable was scared out of his mind last night. He loves you, you know?”

  I pretend like I’ve dozed off with my head against the window. This hurts too much.

  Once we arrive at the Abbott house, Scarlet leads me up to a guest room. “There is a bathroom through there if you’d like to take a shower. Here are some of my comfy clothes you can use until Gable brings you some.” She hugs me again and I realize she has tears in her eyes. “I’m so glad you’re okay. You went through a lot yesterday. I think it’s going to take Gable a little while to wrap that big ass head of his around it all, but don’t give up on him.”

  I look down at the ground. “Thanks, Scarlet. Hopefully I’ll be out of your
hair in a couple of days. I don’t want to burden you guys.”

  “Ivie Butonelli, you are family, you are never a burden.”

  “Thanks, again. I think I’m gonna take that shower and then take a nap.”

  “Okay, well Nana is bringing some food over later and she’ll expect you to eat something. Just a heads up.”

  I nod and actually laugh thinking about Nana.

  I’m an asshole, I know I am. I never even kissed her goodbye. For the first time since all of this started between us, I don’t think I can handle it.

  I was going to be someone’s father. What if I was a complete piece of shit like my dad? Was that the reason she hadn’t told me about the baby? Was she afraid that I would have several families and wives? Was she even planning on keeping the baby? Maybe she was just going to get rid of it and not tell me.

  Walking through the crime scene tape at my house is agony. In my bedroom the furniture is all busted up and trashed. She fought like hell in here. I see the two large puddles of blood on the floor. She almost died right there on that floor. The doctors kept screaming about how much blood she lost last night.

  I just don’t know what I would’ve done if she hadn’t made it. I can’t handle this. Relationships like this are too much for me to handle. Maybe that’s the reason my dad isn’t good at them either. The gut wrenching feeling I was having last night in the pit of my stomach, I thought it was going to kill me.

  I need some space. I’ve got to try and process all of this. I mean, Ivie should understand that, right? I keep giving her time and space. Hell, it’s not like we even put a label on what we have.

  I start putting stuff in the trash but I’m not going to be able to clean the carpet in here.

  I pull out my phone and call Stoney.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, man. Can you and Keeg come over here and help me get this shit out of my bedroom? I’ve gotta snatch this fucking carpet out.”

  “Yeah, man. I’ll swing by and pick him up and we’ll be there.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  Yeah, I need to call Scarlet and let her know that I’m not going to make it out there tonight because I’ll be busy with this shit. I call her as I’m grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

  “Hey, big brother.”

  “Hey, I was just calling to let you know that I’m gonna be busy here for the night. Um, can she borrow some of your clothes and stuff?”

  I hear Scarlet’s aggravation in her breathing. “I already gave her some clothes and stuff. I really think you need to close up the house and come on out here tonight. She needs more than just damn clothes.”

  “What else does she need?”

  “Well, she needs panties and pads and all of those lovely things, since she has a river flowing out of her vagina right now. But the biggest fucking thing she needs is someone here to support her.”

  “Look, I’ve got to snatch the damn carpet out of my room from all of the blood on it. Can’t you run to the store and I’ll pay you back?”

  “Fine, Gable. I’ll do this. You know, when you guys started doing whatever it is you’re doing, I was worried she’d hurt you. Guess I was backwards on that one.”

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Gable, she needs you and you’re finding excuses to pull away. You were such a dick to her today when you got out of the car. She’s broken. Oh, but don’t worry, I’ll take care of her. I’ll make sure she feels safe. I’ll make sure she’s healthy and ready to go on tour with the band.”

  “You don’t have to be such a bitch, Scarlet. I’m coming over there tomorrow. I just can’t look at this blood anymore tonight. The guys are coming over to help me move the furniture and shit so I can rip up the carpet.”

  “Yeah, and Dad was coming back after he got out of prison.” I hear a well-known click.

  Wow, that was a low blow. Scarlet even bringing up my dad is a big thing. I reach up in the liquor cabinet and take a few shots of whiskey before I sit on the couch, drinking beer until the guys get here.

  An hour or so later, I hear a knock at the door and in walk Keeg and Stoney. “Hey, fuckers, thanks for coming.”

  Stoney looks at me. “So, how is your girl doing?”

  I’ve had just enough to drink that I don’t want them calling her my girl. I’ve got to put the distance between us again that worked for so many years. “Ivie is fine. She’s recuperating at my sister’s.”

  Keeg looks at me weird. “Why are you here and not there?”

  “Look, I need to get this shit done. We have to leave next week and she’s fine. Hell, I think my sister has fucking maids and butlers and shit in that big ass fucking house. Ivie is being looked after.”

  Stoney glares at me. “Dude, I know you’ve been through a lot of shit in the past 48 hours, but it’s not near the shit she’s been through.”

  “Fuck you, Stoney. I was going to be someone’s dad and I didn’t even know it. Now I’m not and I don’t even know how the fuck I feel about it.”

  Keeg sits down by me. “Dude, if you pull away from her, you are going to kill her.”

  Looking over at me, Stoney glares. “I know you think she kept it from you, but she found out her life was getting turned upside down fucking like five minutes before she talked to you, and then her life got turned upside down even more. So give her a fucking break.”

  I stand up. “You know what guys, I’m kinda tired. I’ll save ripping the shit out for another day. Thanks for coming over here but I’m going to bed.”

  Stoney tries to say something but Keeg stops him. “Just leave it man. Let’s go.”

  I notice Stoney reaches down and grabs Ivie’s bags I’d set by the door earlier and takes them with him.

  Good, now I can stay here tomorrow and figure out what the fuck is going on in my head.

  Gable never came last night. I don’t even have my cell phone to see if he tried to call. If I’m really being honest with myself, I knew this is how it would end up. No one really sticks around in my life. I’m easy to cast aside. Hell, Chad was even right. Who would want to be with someone like me? Someone whose parent’s didn’t even want them.

  Maybe that’s what Gable and I would have been like if that baby had been born. We probably would’ve sucked as parents.

  I hear a soft knock at the door. Scarlet sticks her head in. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

  I shift uncomfortably. “I’m fine, just still sore from the beating. You understand.”

  She nods. “Yeah, I do unfortunately.” She says looking at the cast that is still on her arm. “Here are your bags, I figured you might want some of your own stuff. Plus, I picked up a couple of things I figured you might need from the store.” She reaches in the bag smiling. “Now, I know these aren’t Victoria’s Secret or anything, but I’m sure they’ll be comfy as hell.” She pulls out a pack of what we like to call granny panties, or period panties.

  Panties that have no sex appeal to them what so ever, just pure cotton comfort.

  I giggle a little. “Well, I don’t need to worry about anyone seeing them for a while, so it’s not a big deal.”

  She laughs. “Yeah, I get what you mean. I got you some of the mattress thick pads, too. I figured the thin ones wouldn’t do it.”

  I shake my head. “Nope.” I have to ask, I have to. “Did Gable come by and drop my bags off?”

  She shifts nervously. “No. Stoney did. Gable was still cleaning at the house. He had to take the carpet out.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “Hey, Nana is on her way up with breakfast. She said stay up here and she’ll bring it to you.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Ivie, you gotta eat. You need to get your strength up. Plus, I let you get away with not eating yesterday.”

  “Okay. I know Nana can take me anyway, so I’ll do what she says.”

  She smirks. “Smart move.”

  A few minutes later, Nana Pearl comes in
the room. “Oh, sweet girl. You and Scarlet have to stop scaring an old woman like me. I thought Ryder was gonna be the death of me, but you girls are too damn much.”

  I smile. “Sorry, Nana.”

  She sits down on the bed by me. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay. I’m sorry about the baby, the Good Lord knows more about what he’s doing than we do, that’s for sure.”

  I nod. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Now here, I brought you a little light breakfast. Just some eggs, grits, bacon, cathead biscuits and orange juice.”

  I laugh and wince at the pain from a good ol’ belly laugh. “A little breakfast? Nana, that sounds like the entire buffet.”

  “Well, we need to kick your strength up so you can be a badass rocker chick on that tour.”

  I clutch my stomach laughing. “You are too funny old woman.”

  “Well, I’m just glad I could make you laugh. I could see in your eyes that you needed it.”

  I kinda frown. “Thanks. You are right, I did.”

  “I saw that boy looking at you at Christmas. He just needs some time. He almost lost you and he lost a child, he’s scared.”

  “But doesn’t he realize how scared I am, too?”

  “Baby, men are dumb. They don’t realize because they don’t have hormones. How are you doing with that by the way?”

  “The nurse told me before I left that they’d hit me. They haven’t yet, but she said I’d probably cry for like a solid day or something.”

  “Honey, I think my late husband was about to commit me when we had a miscarriage because I cried for almost two solid days.”

  “You had a miscarriage?”

  “We did, before we had Greer. I wasn’t supposed to be able to have kids after it. They didn’t know as much as they do now. So when we had Greer, we realized how blessed we’d been. He was the only child we were meant to have, but like I said, the good Lord knows better than we do.”

  “Yes, ma’am, I guess he does.”

  “Now, you eat that big breakfast and get your strength back up. Like I said, you have to be ready to go on that tour. We women rockers gotta stick together.”