by Sm Donaldson
Keeg came by a little bit ago to bring me some coffee and took one look at me and threatened to call Scarlet if I didn’t start talking.
When I talked to him about college, he said he was happy for me and could understand why I would want to go, but couldn’t I take classes online or something?
He left out of here damn near taking my door off the hinges.
I take out my bass and start popping out chords, trying to work up some new music.
I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you again-
You crushed me and left me-
I can’t do this anymore-
Even though it’s the hardest thing I’ll go through-
I know I’ll never get over you-
You abandoned me and it didn’t take you long-
To find a new bed to keep you warm-
I should’ve know this was all too good to be true-
I happen to glance at the clock and realize I have one hour to get ready for our show.
I lay my bass on my cot and start getting my hair and make-up done. I rush a little faster knowing that Judd is supposed to be waiting on me so he can meet the guys. He was really nice when we talked yesterday. I can totally see why Annabelle is in love with him. She may not admit it but she is, and I can tell he feels that way about her, too.
Making my way to the stage, I see Judd standing by the security entrance. “Hey, I told you to go on back.”
“Yeah, I decided I’d wait on you. That guy in the coffee shop yesterday looked like he wanted to tear me limb from fucking limb. Now, I know he can’t do it, but I also don’t want him to try.” We both chuckle.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
Making our way backstage, I see Keeg, Stoney and Gable staring at me.
“Hey guys, this is Judd. He’s Ryder’s best friend from home. We ran into each other yesterday. He’s only gonna be here for another day or so. I figured since he’s a hometown boy, we’d give him the ultimate backstage experience.”
I see Gable’s facial expression soften but not much.
Judd puts his hand out and shakes theirs. “Nice to meet you guys.” He looks at Gable. “Man, you’ve got an awesome sister. She’s the greatest thing that ever happened to my buddy.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“You know, I always knew it’d only take Ryder finding that one girl to tear his walls down around his heart.” Judd shakes his head while he’s talking.
I bark out a laugh. Everyone looks at me and I shrug my shoulders. “Walls are good, and they are there for a reason, to keep people out.” I turn and walk off before I say anymore.
~*~*~
I haven’t been in touch with Judd since he left here. We only have a few more shows here before we go to Afghanistan. Playing for soldiers has been some of the greatest moments in my life. I’m still playing with the thoughts of leaving this life behind, but I can’t make up my mind.
Being a part of this band is the only thing that has made me feel human for the past four years. These guys are my family.
True, Gable and I are still steering clear of each other, but maybe, just maybe, we can get past this. We can go back to acting like we’ve never been more than friends.
Who am I kidding? I curl into a ball with my pillow and doze off.
“Mmm. Oh shit, Gable, right there.”
“Fuck baby, nothing feels like your pussy.”
He thrusts into me harder and faster. “Fuck, Gable. Oh God! Harder!”
He grabs my hips, flipping me over on to my knees, and starts pounding into me from behind. He grabs a handful of my hair, slamming into me.
“Oh GOD! GABLE!”
“I love you, baby. I never stopped.”
I hear the headboard pounding into the wall and someone talking.
I jump at the sound of someone pounding on my door. Fuck a dream really?
“Ivie! Open the door.”
I stand up and open the door to a grinning Keeg. “I could hear you, you know. Damn, if Gable wasn’t the reason I was coming here to see you, I would’ve sworn he was in there.”
“Fuck you. What do you want? What’s wrong with Gable? Crabs? The clap? They make shots and lice kits for that shit.”
“No, his Dad has been in touch with Scarlet.”
I can see by the look on Keeg’s face this isn’t good.
“Fuck.” I say putting my shoes on to walk out the door.
I throw the soda I’m drinking across the room. “He’s fucking dying and he chooses Scarlet to call!”
“Slow down, man. What did she say?”
“She said that he has some kind of stage four cancer and he’s trying to make amends, with all of us.”
“So did he call Cade?”
“No, he knew the best way to get his foot in the door with us was to talk to Scarlet first. He’s a fucking professional con-artist. He knew she had the softest heart. Actually, he probably tried to call mom first but since she’s moved, he couldn’t get in touch with her.”
Stoney grabs my arms. “Man, come over here and sit down before they call those damn MP’s or some shit.”
My door opens and Keeg and Scarlet walk in. They sit down across from me. Keeg motions to me. “Okay man, tell us what all exactly Scar said.”
I sit down and tell them. “He has stage four cancer and he wants to meet with us to discuss his last wishes and will. He also wanted to try and have some sort of relationship with us. He found out from Scarlet that we met Cade and would like to get together with all three of us.”
I notice that Ivie is shaking her head. She stands up, looking mad as hell. “Who in the fuck does he think he is? He thinks that just because he’s dying that he can walk back into y’all’s lives and make peace and go to heaven and shit. Fuck him!”
Keeg pulls her back down in the chair. “Ivie, settle down. Damn. I know this hits close to home for you but I brought you here to keep him calm.”
She looks at him like he’s lost his mind. She’s right, who in the hell does that guy think he is? I stand up. “I’m gonna call Cade.”
They all nod at me.
I finally get a call through to Cade and he’s as pissed as I am. He’s going to keep in touch with Scarlet, make sure the asshole doesn’t just show up.
When I walk back in the room with the band, Stoney looks at me, trying to break the tension. “So man, did he happen to say if you had anymore siblings, like maybe another hot sister?”
“Fuck you man. I find out that my asshole dad is dying, wants a relationship with me, and you want to know if I have a spare sister you can nail.”
Keeg laughs. “Come on, man, it’s Stoney. He didn’t mean anything by it, he’s just trying to lighten the mood.”
“I know, I know. Thanks for trying to help me.”
Keeg pats my back. “It’s okay man, we know. But… you know, if you do happen to have another sister or two.” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Thanks, with friends like you I damn sure don’t need enemies.” I flop back on the bed and don’t even realize that Ivie is sitting next to me.
She rests her hand on mine. “Don’t forget both of them are brain damaged. The oxygen has been cut off to their brains too many times by sticking their faces in big fake breasts.”
We start laughing. It feels good to laugh with her and the guys. She has a beautiful laugh.
With her hand on mine, I realize how much I’ve missed her touch, the softness of her skin, and then it hits me. I want to feel her lips on mine.
I shake my head and jump up. “Okay guys, enough of my fucking crazy family. Let’s go practice.”
Keeg and Stoney slap me on the back. Stoney smiles. “Alright man, let’s go.”
~*~*~
After practice, we sit around discussing the upcoming shows in Afghanistan and how we’re excited and a little nervous about them. The guys leave to go meet up with a couple of the girls from the USO, one of them being Celanie.
I stop Ivie as she’s walking out th
e door behind them. “Thanks for coming by today, Ivie. I’m glad that we could be this way with each other.”
She nods, walking toward the door, but then she stops, still looking out the door. “I still can’t put everything behind me, you know.”
I walk to her, spinning her around. “I’m not a good person. I loved you with everything I had in me and I still fucking ran like a coward. You’re right, I am like my dad.”
“Gable, can’t you see? You can change it. Get him out of your fucking head before he ruins the rest of your life. So you aren’t calling kids that hate you on your death bed.”
She walks out of the room, not saying anymore.
Sitting down, I work a little more on the song I’ve been working on.
I realize a few hours have passed and I’m still thinking about her. I need to talk to her. I know deep down I love her, but I have to let her go.
I make it to her door and I’m about to knock when I hear a loud thud inside like someone fell.
I shove the door open and see a very weak looking Ivie on the floor.
Falling to my knees beside her, I touch her face. It’s clammy and sweaty. She’s burning up. “Ivie, baby what’s going on?”
All she can do is groan and shiver. She’s clutching her stomach.
Oh my God, what if they didn’t fix everything?
She begins throwing up on me. “HELP! SOMEBODY HELP ME!”
A couple of people rush in the room and start screaming for someone to get the medics in here.
“Ivie, keep listening to me. I love you, babe. I still love you. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking loser. Please don’t leave me.”
I realize I’m crying. Keeg and Stoney burst in the room, pulling me up off the floor so the medics can pick her up. I look at Stoney. “Something is really wrong with her, man.”
Sitting in my room thinking about Gable isn’t how I intended for tonight to end. He and I both have some real winners for parents. Well, I guess his mom Whisper is okay, but his dad is like mine, a real piece of shit.
Man, my stomach has been cramping all night. I’m really hoping this isn’t how my periods are going to be from now on. I never had cramps this bad before and I thought birth control helped with that. Which a part of me wonders if this is that type of cramping because I’m starting to feel like shit.
Great, just my luck. I’m probably getting some kind of stomach flu or something. I’ll just take some stomach medicine and lie down, maybe that will help.
Waking up soaking wet with sweat and shivering, I look over at the clock and see that I’ve been asleep for two hours. My stomach lurches and I need to throw up. I stand up and try walking to my bathroom but the world tilts, and the next thing I know, I’m on the floor.
Oh God, my stomach hurts! I’m gonna be sick. Someone is holding my head and talking to me.
“Ivie, baby, what’s going on?” I know that voice, I love that voice.
I try unsuccessfully to say his name, but every time I open my mouth I vomit. I’m still shivering and I’m tired. I can’t hold my eyes open anymore. I can still hear him a little, but it’s foggy sounding.
“Ivie, keep listening to me. I love you, babe. I still love you. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking loser. Please don’t leave me.”
~*~*~
Waking up, I can see that I’m in some type of treatment room. I see the guys sitting in chairs and I lift my head. “Hey, guys.” I croak out.
They jump, almost knocking the chairs over that they are sitting in.
Stoney grabs my hand. “Ivie, you have to stop scaring the fuck out of us.”
“Sorry. What happened? I remember feeling sick part of the night and then falling in my room. It’s all kind of jumbled.”
Gable sits on the end of my bed. “Well, at first they thought you had some kind of thing called MERS, Middle Eastern Respiratory Syndrome, but it wasn’t that. You and about a quarter of the base got E-Coli from the mess hall.”
They hand me a cup of water and I drink some. “I was scared. I woke up sweating and shivering and trying to get to my bathroom. I felt like I was dying and drunk or something at the same time.”
“Well, Gable found you. He thought you were dying. You gotta quit doing this shit to us. I swear I may be twenty-three, but you are shaving years off my heart. I think my heart is like fifty-three now.” Keeg says laughing.
“Really? That many people got sick? What in the hell from?”
Gable looks over at me. “Well, Judd said that it’s happened before. They hire nationals on contract to work in the kitchen and they don’t wash their hands like they are supposed to. Not according to our standards, so people end up getting sick.”
Keeg looks sick. “Yeah, meaning they don’t wash their hands after they go to the shitter.”
I look at them confused. “Judd?”
“Yeah, he was back on base for a day or two so he stopped by and saw us.” Gable shrugs.
“Wait, how many days have I been in here?”
Keeg looks at me with big eyes. “Shit, you were really out of it. You’ve been in here four days. With a big part of the base being sick, plus part of the entertainment, they rescheduled the shows.”
I shake my head. “Damn. I know in my room it felt like someone was ripping my stomach into shreds.”
Gable looks at the ground. “Well, they said that your immune system still hadn’t fully recovered from before we left home so it was very susceptible to infection. For the past few days they’ve pumped you full of liquids and antibiotics.”
“Is Judd still on base?”
Keeg laughs. “No man, he moves in and out of here like the fucking wind. No wonder Ryder was bitching about never being able to talk to him. He just advised us to only eat packaged food or food we prepare ourselves from now on, no matter what base we’re on.”
Stoney smiles like a jackass. “He also said to tell you that he’d be in touch while we play the Afghanistan shows.” Then he makes kissing noises like a five year old.
“Fuck you, Stone. He’s just a friend. He’s being nice to all of us because we are from the same hometown.”
Keeg and Stoney grunt. Stoney glances up again. “Hey, Keeg and I are gonna grab some coffee and let the doc know you’re up. If he says you can have some coffee, do you want some?”
I look at him like he’s stupid. “How many years have you known me?”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Keeg snorts.
I nod and they walk out of the room.
It’s killing me, I have to know. “Gable, why did you come to my room that night?”
“I – ugh I just came to talk. You said the other night that I could still change. I still love you-.”
I put my hands out. “No, never mind. Stop. I can’t do this. I can’t talk about us right now.”
“I was just going to say-.”
“NO! I don’t want to talk about it.”
Man, this crap with my dad has really screwed with my head. As much as I hate the guy, I don’t want him to die. My sister is upset and I’m far away from her. I know she has Cade and Ryder, but damn it, it’s always been me and Scar against the world.
Needless to say, our mom is upset. I’ve Skyped with her, and with Scarlet and Cade. They all say the same thing. “That I need to concentrate on my job for right now.”
On top of all of this shit, there is Ivie. I can’t shake her out of my head. I love her more than anything, and finding her the other night felt like my world was being torn the shreds.
To top it off, she has guys asking her out all the time. Really? Those fucks have one thing on their mind asking her out here. Like you can really take a chic on a date. Where are you going to take her on this damn base? The coffee place, the gym, a shitty movie theatre or the mess hall. Hell, Ivie hasn’t eaten in the mess hall since she got sick. Our schedule got changed up a little bit so we’ve been in Kuwait for an extra couple of weeks. Judd has stopped by a few times.
Everyone keeps telling me th
at he isn’t anything but friends with Ivie, but I don’t like it. Plus, it’s creepy, he’s in and out of here all the time. He’s like a puff of smoke, a damn ghost.
I’m still working on my song but I can’t seem to get any further. Keeg and Stoney heard a little of it by accident the other day and they like the sound.
There is a knock at my door and in walks Stoney. “Hey man, what’s up?”
I shrug. “Just thinking.”
“Ha, I thought there was smoke coming from this room.” He sits down in a chair.
“Shut up, dick.”
“So have you talked anymore to your sister?”
“Yeah, I got on Skype with her, mom and Cade. They all just want me to chill out and concentrate on work until I get back home.”
“Sounds good. Plus you need to find your fucking head, which you’ve stuffed up your ass somewhere when it comes to Ivie.”
“Man, I’m leaving her alone. Do you see the shit I’m dealing with right now? My fucking loser father-.”
“Stop! Quit using that. Your dad may have jumped fucking ship, okay, but Whisper didn’t. You know she was there too when you were conceived. Although sometimes I do think that you were hatched from a serpent egg, but that is neither here nor there.”
“Have you met my mom?”
“Yes. I saw a woman who loved her kids enough to put everything she loved aside and raise them in her own fruitcake, peace loving, flower child sort of way.”
“Mom was-.”
“There. She was there. No, Whisper wasn’t the kind of mom who did bake sales, or joined the PTA and shit, but she stuck it out in a town that wasn’t her home. A town that knew her husband just got shipped off because he had more than one family. Hell, I’m surprised she didn’t take you and Scar off in some kind of gypsy caravan, but she didn’t. She didn’t drag different jackasses in and out of your house. She took care of you. So how can you think that you are all Dan Johnson and not any of Whisper? I can tell you right now, if Whisper loved someone, she wouldn’t give up on them.”
“I know, but the evidence on my part shows to the contrary already. I fucking left her to deal with all of that herself. I bailed just like him.”
