by Sm Donaldson
“Yeah, well people make mistakes. You just need to have big enough balls to admit to them and apologize. She’s lost without you, man.”
I shake my head. “No, she deserves someone who won’t bail on her when times get tough.”
“The fact that you realize that shows more than you know. Plus, I saw you the other night, man. You were holding her screaming.”
“It scared me, man.”
“Yeah, you thought the love of your life was dying. I see you when those guys around here ask her out. You look like you’re ready to fucking murder someone, and you’re jealous as hell of Judd.” He shakes his head. “For no reason, I might add. That boy is wrapped up in your sister’s best friend so bad it’s crazy.”
I flop back on my bed. “So what, man? Even if I want this to work, she won’t let me talk about it. She says I hurt her every time I talk about it, and she’s right. She won’t listen to me.”
“So, make her listen. Look, I actually heard all of that song you were working on the other day. I know it’s about her. Sing it to her.”
I bark out a laugh. “Oh yeah, that’ll work. Hey baby, just listen to this song I’ve been writing for you but I can’t finish. Great pick up line, man.”
“No, I mean tell her you want her to listen to what you’ve been working on. You wanna see how some bass lines lay down with it.”
I let out a huge breath. “Do you think it would work?’
“Yeah man, I do.” He stands up. “Now, remove your head from your ass and get to work.” He walks out the door.
Yep, I’m fucked.
Standing in line at the coffee shop, someone bumps into me. “Excuse me, ma’am.”
I turn around to see a very handsome soldier. I smile. “No problem.”
“You’re Ivie with the band, right?”
I smile. “Yep, the one and only.”
“Would you like to grab coffee sometime?”
I hold my cup up. “I think I’m grabbing coffee right now.”
He smirks. “Ah, you are. So how about we sit and drink it together?”
I shake my head. “Really, is that the best you’ve got?”
“Yes, so now you should feel sorry for me and have coffee with me.”
I laugh and nod my head. “Sure, why not?”
An hour later, I feel like I’m chatting with an old friend. His name is Chris and this is his third tour. He’s from Louisiana, has two sisters, and a dog named Buster.
He’s telling me a story about his time in the Army. “So my buddy goes in the porta-potty and we lock it and roll him down the hill. He comes out at the bottom of the hill covered in that blue stuff they put in there, shit and piss.”
I’m laughing hard. “That is funny, it sounds like something Keeg or Stoney would do.”
“Yeah, it was pretty funny, but he never dumped ice water on us in the showers again.”
“So, do you have a girl back home?”
He shakes his head. “No, I did, but she said she couldn’t handle all of the stress from the deployments. So I guess it was at the first of my second tour she told me in an email that we were finished.”
“That bitch!”
He laughs while several people turn and look at me.
I cringe. “Sorry.”
He chuckles. “It’s okay, I felt the same way.”
“Yeah, but she should’ve picked a better time or something. It just seems really shitty that she waited until you were like 3000 miles from home to say Oh, you know, hun? This isn’t working out. What a fucking coward.”
He shakes his head. “Hey, I’m better off. It sucks, but unfortunately it’s really common. Sometimes the people left at home just can’t handle it.”
“Yeah, well I think she’s a selfish thunder-cunt. That’s what I think.”
“You are really funny. You know that?”
“No, I just hang out with guys who have the mentality of middle school boys way too much. I swear it’s all farts, penis jokes and boobs.”
He looks over at me. “So what about you? Anybody back at home?’
I shake my head looking down. “No, there was but not anymore. It’s kinda recent.”
He nods that he understands. “Yeah, I remember how that felt.”
“I thought we were in love. He promised that he’d never let me down and he did.”
“Damn, that sucks. I know how it feels. Lia was my best friend, one of the most important people in the world to me, and then it was just over.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“So, did this guy try to make it up to you?”
“It’s complicated.”
He nods and we change the subject.
We finish our coffee and start walking back toward the area I’ve now deemed the trailer park. I laugh.
He looks over at me. “What are you laughing about now?”
“Well, I was just thinking you know, I’ve lived in some pretty bad areas, but I’ve never lived in a trailer park until now.”
He starts laughing. “Yeah, that is pretty funny.”
We reach my door, I look at him. “Thanks for this afternoon. You’re a funny guy.”
“Well, you are welcome. You, my dear, are a funny girl. We should do this again sometime.”
I keep talking about moving on, I guess I need to. “Well, I’ll be wrapped up with the show tomorrow, then we are pulling out for Afghanistan. What about you? Are you here or are you moving somewhere else?”
“Well, I’ll be here for the next six months and then my tour is up.”
“I think we are coming back through here in a month or so. We are supposed to be going home for a couple of weeks in March, I think. We are stopping on the way home.”
He leans in towards my face. “Well then, it’s a date.”
I nod. “Okay, it’s a date.”
“Ivie, can I kiss you?”
“Umm, yeah.”
It’s a polite kiss, but there are no sparks. No need to explore further. I don’t feel like I want to tear his clothes off and have him fuck me senseless.
We say our goodnights and I walk in my room, sliding down the door after I close it. Gable ruined me and there will never be anyone else.
My heart just shattered. It literally feels like one of those confetti cannons exploding in my chest. I just watched her kiss someone else.
That’s it, I can’t handle this. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way and I told her to go, that we couldn’t be anything, but I have to have her. She’s mine. I can’t see her kiss someone else. How would I ever handle it if she married someone else, or for fucksake, had a baby by someone else?
How in the hell do these guys make it around here without drinking? Because I really need a fucking drink right now. This girl is going to be the death of me, and these guys get shot at and are sober. What the fuck?
Breaking from my mental melt down after I see the guy walking off, I make my way to her door.
I knock on the door and she opens it a little. When she sees me, she has a confused look on her face. I push the door open and walk in. “Gable, what do you wa-.”
I don’t let her finish before my mouth is on hers and I’m slamming her door.
She shoves me in the chest. “What the fuck?”
I pull her back. “I can’t- ah fuck it.”
I pick her up and basically throw her on the bed, crawling up between her legs. She’s panting. It’s causing my dick to try and bust out of my pants. I’m not playing, he’s probably going to have a permanent zipper print embedded in him.
When I grind my crotch into her, she groans.
I rub my hand down her chest as I work my lips from her mouth to her neck.
She lets out a gasp. “Gable?” She says with a questioning tone.
“Shh. No talking right now. I promise we’ll talk, just not right now.” I say as I kiss my way down her chest.
I lift her, pulling her shirt over her head, unclasping her bra and throwing it to the floor. I slide the short
s and panties she’s wearing down her legs.
She starts tugging at my shirt for me to remove it. I snatch it off and make quick work of my pants and boxers.
Sinking into her, it’s home. It’s like breathing when you’ve been holding your breath forever.
This feels amazing. I love the feel of her body. It was made for mine.
I stop. “Shit, condom.”
She looks up at me with hooded eyes. “I’m on the pill. Have you been with anyone else?”
I exhale and thrust back into her, devouring her neck with my mouth. “No. No one else.”
She raises her hips to meet my thrusts.
Our movements are slow and synchronized. We are making love this time, I’m not just fucking her.
Looking down at her face, I realize that this is all I’ve ever wanted. I have to quit being so damn afraid and take the leap.
I feel her start to tighten around my cock, she’s close. In moments, she’s falling over the edge, moaning and rambling incoherent words.
I quicken my pace and slam my last thrust into her, spilling my seed into her.
She tries to sit up and I stop her. “Let’s just lie here and rest. We’ll talk after a nap.”
“Okay.” She says lightly and snuggles into my side.
I lie here awake, rubbing her arms. I have to get her to forgive me. I need her in my life, in my bed. She is everything to me.
I’m going to be the man she needs or kill myself trying. She’s right, I need to change. I can’t be my dad, I’m not my dad.
I slide out of her bed to take a piss. I bump into the small desk in her room when I come back out of the bathroom.
I see some papers fall on the floor. Reaching down, I pick them up.
She’s been working on music, too. Once I start reading the lyrics, my heart breaks. I really almost killed her, emotionally.
Once I read over them several times it hits me. This is what I need for my song. We could do this together.
I jump up. Holy shit, I’ve gotta go get my guitar. She needs to hear this when she wakes up.
I quietly leave her room and make my way over to mine. Grabbing my guitar and the music I’ve been working on, I head back over to her room.
I walk in as she’s sitting up on the bed, looking confused. Her long dark hair is hanging down and covering her breasts.
“I thought you left.”
“I just ran to my room to grab this.” Holding up my guitar and my music book.
She nods. “Oh.”
“Okay, I’ve been working on this song for a while now and I can’t seem to finish it. But I think I have a plan now, I just need your help.”
“Okay.”
She sits back and I start to play, I see unshed tears in her eyes.
Pulling a shirt over my head after Gable comes back in with his guitar, I’m really beginning to question my sanity because I’m waking up alone, when I’m pretty sure I had mind blowing sex with Gable. Until he walked back in here, though, I wasn’t positive.
I shouldn’t have done that but my hormones are still all over the place. I mean my damn dreams here lately would give any sixteen year old boy a run for his money.
He’s started playing a song and it’s beautiful. Once he finishes, he grabs another piece of paper and I realize is mine.
“Hey, what are you doing with my song?”
“I’m sorry but I accidentally knocked it off the desk when I went to take a piss.”
“So, you just felt the need to read it.”
He shrugs. “Well, yeah, kinda. Just give me a second to explain.” I nod. “Grab your bass and play these lines with me. When I finish my verse, you sing what you have.”
You unlock the door and climb inside-
You don’t need seat belts for this ride-
You take my heart and hold it in your hands-
Taking for granted where you stand-
I’ve never been one to let go of control-
But with you I seem to do that more-
I always seem to screw things up with you-
For some reason I always do-
You’re the one I must confess-
You tilt my heart off its axis-
How do I repay you? I break yours in two-
I owe you more-
*
I don’t know if I’ll ever trust you again-
You crushed me and left me-
I can’t do this anymore-
Even though it’s the hardest thing I’ll go through-
I know I’ll never get over you-
You abandoned me and it didn’t take you long-
To find a new bed to keep you warm-
I should’ve known this was all too good to be true-
He stops playing and looks over at me. “See how they flow together? I figure we could go into a verse that we play together.”
“Yeah, that really works. I see a couple of other spots for us to work on. We need to work on a chorus in between our parts, I think.”
“Yeah, I think so, too.”
I look over at him. “So, are we gonna talk now?”
He nods. “Yeah, we are.”
“Those lyrics, is that how you really feel about me?”
He smiles. “Yeah, I mean you’re it for me. I don’t know how else to explain it. I don’t know what we both really want. I know we both have our demons we’re fighting. We’ve both got shit to get through, but I can’t be without you.”
“Why this all of a sudden?”
“My brain has been going crazy for days. The guys were right, because you scared the shit out of me the other night. I-.”
We are interrupted by a knock at the door. I open my door to see our tour manager, Kevin.
“Hey you guys, wheels up in two hours.”
“What, I thought we had a show tonight? We aren’t supposed to leave until tomorrow.”
“Huge sand storm coming in, we need to get you guys out today or you won’t be getting out for another week.”
I look over at Gable. He looks at Kevin. “So what all do we need to do?”
He looks at Gable. “Pack your shit and meet us at the van in an hour. We’ll head to the airfield from there.”
We both nod and he walks away.
I turn and start throwing items into my bags. He grabs my hand. “We will continue this conversation later.” He kisses my temple and walks out the door.
Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I’m getting lost in my own thoughts. Is he bi-polar? He is so back and forth. He wants me then he doesn’t want me. He tells me he’ll love me forever, then he bails on me when things get tough.
I want to trust him, I want him to love me, but most of all I want him to be with me for the rest of my life. I love Gable Rhett Johnson with all of my heart, but I’m not sure I can hand it to him again.
I know I have my own faults in what happened, but him ignoring me for almost two weeks was almost too much for me to bear.
I’m afraid if I give him my heart this time and he breaks it, I’ll never come back from it.
I finish throwing my stuff into my duffle bags and head out to meet the band.
Man, they weren’t kidding about fucking sand storms. We missed most of it but what I did see, I wouldn’t want to deal with on a daily basis.
Judd stopped by to see us today. He said he won’t be able to make the show because he’s got some mission to go on in the mountains. I’m becoming accustom to him, only because everyone is pretty sure he’s in love with my sister’s best friend, Annabelle.
I was telling him that we were going home for some time around March or April from the looks of our ever changing schedule, and that I think Ryder is planning on asking my sister to marry him on her Spring Break from SCAD. We’re hoping it works out so that I’m home and we can all go to Cade’s beach house in Destin. My mom may even try to be there.
No one but Cade, Ryder and Judd know I’m hoping to be home during that time though, just in case it doesn’t work o
ut. That’s one thing Judd has taught me. He said. “Anything that has to do with the military is subject to change.”
I still haven’t had a chance to talk to Ivie like I want to. She and I have both been so busy with getting ready for the show tonight, and restrictions on this base are tighter on us because we are in an actual conflict zone, so we don’t have as much time to hang out.
Looking at my watch, I realize it’s time to get to the concert area for rehearsal.
I start walking that way and realize how they were right and another sandstorm is moving in. Judd warned me that if it moves in while we are here, they may put us on lockdown since we aren’t soldiers.
That makes sense though, we don’t need to be in their way while they’re trying to protect us.
I really do need to talk to Ivie, but her hormones are still all over the place and I don’t want to hurt her. I know I need to be positive without fear before I talk to her. She deserves that, she deserves the world. I’m just trying to figure out if I’m the guy to give it to her.
I finally reach our area. Shaking out my scarf, I look over at the guys and Ivie. “Man, this sand is for the fucking birds.”
They all nod in agreement and Ivie laughs. “Yeah, well you should try having long hair in it.”
We all laugh and start rehearsing. After a couple of hours, Keeg and Stoney tell me they’ve got some shit to take care of before the show in a few hours. Which means they found a couple of chicks to hook up with.
When it’s finally just Ivie and me, I touch her arm, pulling her to sit by me. “We need to finish our talk from the other day.”
She looks at me. “Gable, I don’t know if I can handle it right now. It kills me that you have this power over me. You have the power to ruin me. This time I don’t know that I’d recover.”
I touch the side of her face. “Look, I know we have so many things to work through. I just want you to know that you’re it for me. When I saw that guy kissing you the other night, I was ready to rip his head off.”
She looks at me like I am Satan and I just set her on fire. “You saw me the other night? So that’s why you came to my room and fucked me. You don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me, either!”
