Everything After

by Melissa Toppen

  I stand frozen, watching the pain that seems to take over as he sings. I don't know the meaning of the song, but it's clear that it's very personal to him. I can't help but wonder about his past.

  He's been so secretive, even during interviews, giving me next to nothing to go on when it comes to what he's been through in his life and what the inspiration is behind they lyrics of his songs.

  Throwing me a wink, he crosses to the left side of the stage, reaching his hand out so that some fans can reach up and touch him. I can't help but laugh lightly to myself as the girls literally step on one another to get the chance to touch him just once.

  The image of his lips on mine from earlier today rushes into my thoughts and my body temperature immediately rises at the memory.

  “You know, you have a way better view from up there.” Sean slides in next to me, causing me to jump slightly at his unexpected appearance.

  “I know.” I holler over the music. “I like it down here.” I say, gesturing around to the crowd.

  Sean merely nods and then turns his attention forward, clearly wanting to see what all the fuss is about. Within minutes he's swaying with the crowd and even rocking his head back and forth during some of the heavier songs.

  “I can't tell you the last time I watched a band from the crowd like this.” Sean pulls my attention back to him just as the band is nearing the end of their set.

  “It's awesome right?” I turn towards him, an excited smile lighting up my face. His eyes go to my lips for a brief moment before darting upward again and a sick feeling immediately floods my stomach.

  Suddenly I'm fearful that he thinks my smile is for him when in all honesty, I can't help but smile when I watch the guys on stage. They are incredible, fun, full of energy, and tonight that have definitely brought the house down.

  Damn Killian and Chet for even planting the seed that Sean has a thing for me. Now, every time he looks at me, I'm gonna think there is more to it than there actually is.

  “Amazing.” He agrees, turning forward without missing a beat.

  Well, at least I have that going for me. Sean is professional enough that if he does have a thing for me, he's keeping it to himself. Turning my attention back to the band, I let out a loud scream as Killian announces to the crowd that this is their last song.

  The crowd erupts into applause and some of the nearby girls whimper a little. I dare say that if this was my last moments with Killian, I would whimper too. What the hell is wrong with me? I once again shake off the thought.

  Get it together Nora.

  Trying to keep my focus on the music and not the way my heart seems to flutter every time Killian's eyes land on my face, by the time the last guitar chords echo through the night, I can't deny that I feel a bit weak in the knees.

  I don't know what it is about watching Killian that sets me on fire like it does. I mean, he's obviously very attractive but that's too obvious. His talent is incredible, but even that doesn't explain it.

  I am not a typical girl. I don't swoon over good looking men and I don't crumble when I hear a man with musical talent. These are things I have been around countless times before. Like I once told Killian, hot musicians are a dime a dozen in my profession.

  So what is it about this musician?

  What is it about this man that I just can't seem to wrap my head around?

  “We should head back.” Sean interrupts my thoughts and I look up, just now realizing that the band has exited the stage and the venue's lights are now shining down brightly on the crowd.

  Nodding, I follow Sean towards the gate next to the stage, trying not to think anything of it when he grabs my hand as he leads me through the still rowdy crowd. That's normal right? I'm sure he just wants to make sure he doesn't lose me.

  So why is it that as we cross through the gate and towards the stage, he still has my hand tucked firmly in his?

  Chill out Nora. You're just thinking too much into this because of what Killian said, I try to reason with myself.

  As we round the back of the stage where the crew has already started tearing down the equipment, I gently pull my hand out of Sean's grip, but not before Killian gets a glimpse of our two hands interlocked. I shrug when his gaze meets my eyes.

  “Great show.” I say, when he crosses the small space towards where me and Sean are standing.

  “Thanks. Let's get out of here.” He takes the same hand that Sean was just holding and pulls me behind him, me too caught off guard by his sudden movement to really react.

  “Killian?” I plant my feet and try to halt his movements when we reach a grass clearing several feet behind the stage. “What are you doing?”

  He spins around, his eyes a little darker than normal, and pulls my body to him. “Stay away from Sean.” He hisses, crashing his lips down on mine before I have a chance to offer even a small response to his words.

  His kiss is hard and demanding but like all the times before, my body gives him exactly what he demands. He bites down on my bottom lip and then gently trails his tongue across it to soothe the pain, the action causing my entire body to flood with heat.

  “Killian.” I breathe as he slowly pulls away, confused by everything that has happened in the last three minutes.

  “I know Sean is harmless but that doesn't mean that I want to see his hands anywhere on you.” He drops his forehead against mine and only now do I see what this is all about.

  “You're jealous?” I half ask, half state.

  “Fuck yes I am.” He straightens his posture, reaching out to trail his thumb over my bottom lip, his eyes fixed firmly on my mouth.

  “Killian. We can't do this.” I no more than whisper, already feeling my desire for him taking over, my body becoming weaker with each passing second.

  “Yes we can.” He looks up, his eyes darting behind me.

  Only now do I remember that we are just a few feet from the others and in a panic I whip around, letting out a loud exhale when I realize that we are far enough out that given the darkness, they can't see what we are doing. Turning back to Killian, a small smile pulls up the corner of his mouth.

  “What?” I ask, not able to contain my own smile with the cute way he's looking at me.

  “You really are worried about this aren't you?” He glances behind me again and then back to my face.

  “Of course I am. This is my job Killian.” I try to explain.

  “But you want me don't you?” He states it more as a fact than as a question.

  “You're not confident or anything.” I retort sarcastically.

  “You're not very good at lying.” He smiles wider.

  “That's because I normally don't lie.” The words are out before I can take them back and I realize immediately that I have given him exactly what he wants.

  “So you are lying to me?” He seems almost amused by the way I shrink under his gaze.

  “I didn't say that.” I immediately try to recover.

  “Yes you did.” He leans forward, encasing my face in both of his hands. “Just admit it Nora...” He pauses, gently kissing my lips before leaning back slightly. “You like me.” His accent dances over the words and just like that, my resolve melts.

  “Fine. I like you. Is that what you want?” I fight to keep my voice low.

  “What I want...” He drops his face within an inch of mine. “Is so much more than that.” His eyes hold mine, demanding that I don't look away.

  “Killian. I can't...” I breathe, finding it difficult to hold his intense gaze.

  “One date.” He says, surprising me.

  “Date?” I stumble over the word, clearly caught off guard.

  “Yes.” He smiles, gently kissing me again before releasing my face. “I am taking you on a date.” He states proudly, putting a few inches of distance between us.

  “Killian...” I start to object but it's useless, there is no way he's letting me out of this.

  “No excuses Nora. I want to spend some real time with you. Away from p
rying eyes and nosy band members. I want the chance to know you. That's all I am asking for.” His words make it impossible for me to do anything but accept what he's proposing.

  “And when is this date?” I ask. Seeing how his eyes light up at my words causes a small laugh to escape my throat.

  “That's the fun part. You won't know until it's time.” He grabs my hand and starts heading in the direction of the buses, me struggling to keep up with his long stride.

  “So let me get this straight. You are insisting that I go on a date with you and yet, you have no intention of telling me where we are going or when?” I ask, silently thanking him when he slows his steps slightly making it easier for me to keep up.

  “That is correct.” He smiles down at me before turning his attention forward again.

  “You are something else Killian Adair.” I say, not able to tear my eyes away from the side of his face.

  “I could say the same about you.” He flicks his gaze to my face just as he pushes open the tour bus door. There is something in his eyes that I can't pinpoint, something that wasn't there two minutes ago.

  I have no idea what the look means but one thing is for sure...

  I am in some serious trouble.

  Everything After

  Escape

  Why was I the last to know?

  Why was I forced to let you go?

  Life didn't give me the choice of a fight

  You decided to take from me that right

  Scream it down

  Scream it out

  Paint me as the devil

  Let me the fuck out.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Killian

  “So no serious relationships to report?” Nora hits me with a disbelieving look as we sit across from each other, her notebook laying on the table in front of her.

  “My only love has always been the music.” I answer truthfully, though I leave out the part about how she seems to be changing that a bit.

  “And your family?” She gently approaches the topic again, having failed the last few times when she tried to get me to open up about my childhood.

  “Not much to tell.”

  “Killian.” She narrows her eyes at me. “I'm not asking for every detail of your life, but give me something here.” She pleads, the look on her face making it impossible for me not to give in.

  “I grew up in Athens with my aunt, uncle, and their two children. I've already told you.” I answer reluctantly.

  “What about your parents?” She asks the question I have been trying so hard to avoid answering. I don't want to talk about it. I can't talk about it. Slowly shaking my head, she lets out a slow sigh.

  “How old were you when you came to the states?”

  “Thirteen.” I can see the smile she's trying to hide, clearly pleased that she's at least getting something out of me.

  “So you lived in Ireland until you were thirteen?” She asks, waiting for my nod before continuing. “What's it like living in Ireland?” She seems genuinely interested and I quickly realize that these are her questions, not interview questions.

  “The same as living anywhere.” I shrug. “It has it's pros and cons.” Truth is, I love Ireland and if it wasn't for the painful memories that it holds, I would probably have returned there the moment I had the ability to.

  “So you lived with your aunt and uncle in Georgia. Can you tell me about them?”

  “My uncle Ron was a mechanic, he passed away last year.” I see the sadness in her eyes and quickly move the conversation on. “My aunt Alice is a nurse. She's incredible. She has always been the backbone of the Williams household.”

  “Alice?” She questions like she's heard the name before. “She's your aunt?” If I had to guess, I would say that it's relief I see on her face right now though I must admit, I'm confused as to why this would trigger such a reaction from her.

  “She is. Her two sons, my cousins, both moved away a few years ago and I am really all she has. I know that she can take care of herself, but I always hate leaving for any long period of time.” I admit, surprised by how easy it feels to open up to her but also not wanting to delve too much into the specifics of my life.

  She smiles gently and then changes the subject, turning her attention back to the questions in front of her.

  “So tell me some of your favorite musicians.” Nora jots something down on her notepad before meeting my eyes again.

  “I don't know.” I shrug.

  “Come on Killian” She hits me with stern eyes causing a smile to stretch across my face. I have quickly learned that getting this girl riled up is one of my new favorite things.

  “I've been really into Silver Rain as of recent.” I decide to stop making this process so hard for her and at least give her a little bit. Music I can talk about. “And I have been a huge fan of The Normans since I was a kid.”

  “What about other styles of music? Do you like rap or country?” She asks.

  “I can handle some rap, but not the bubble gum stuff. As for country...” She gasps when a disgusted look crosses my face.

  “Killian Adair, are you telling me you don't like country music?” She laughs lightly.

  “No.” My answer is short.

  “Not even a little bit?”

  “Not even a little bit.” I confirm. “I'm guessing you do?” I turn the question on her.

  “Not really. I just, I don't know. Never mind.” She swipes her hand through the air.

  “No, tell me.” I lean forward, placing my elbows on the table.

  “It's silly really.” She blushes slightly, which immediately peeks my interest more.

  “Seriously. If I have to sit here and answer every question on your checklist, the least you can do is give me something.” I hit her with a sad look causing a smile to stretch across her beautiful face.

  “Fine.” She sighs. “There's something about country music that makes me want to reenact the songs. You know.” She continues when she sees the confusion on my face. “Like drinking a beer on the river while you fish or laying in the bed of a truck out in the middle of the country, staring up at the stars.” She stops, hesitantly meeting my eyes. “I told you it was silly.”

  “I think it's interesting.” I answer truthfully.

  “I guess because I have always lived in a city, I crave the simplicity of the country life that they portray in the songs. A tractor plowing fields, sipping sweet tea on the front porch, listening to the rain as it hits the tin roof of the barn, late night bonfires. I don't know, it just all seems... easy.” She shrugs.

  “I've never met someone that looks at music quite like you do.” I admit.

  “Whatever, it's stupid.” She brushes it off.

  “It's not stupid Nora.” I reach across the table and settle my hand on top of hers, loving the heat that floods her face every time I touch her.

  “Anyways.” She gently pulls her hand back and looks down at her notepad. “So are there any other music genres that you like outside of rock or the occasional rap?” She looks back up to meet my gaze.

  “Yeah pussy folk.” Gabe jokes, causing Nora to jump slightly as he pushes his way into the lounge area of the bus.

  Flopping down on the couch directly across from where Nora and I are sitting, he continues. “He's well versed in that genre.”

  “Seriously dude.” I toss my hands up in a joking manner.

  “What?” He plays innocent and then lets out a dramatic yelp when a pen hits him square in the chest. “What the...” He looks up at Nora who is looking anywhere but at him. “You could have poked my eye out!” He exclaims.

  “Could you be any more dramatic?” She rolls her eyes towards him.

  “Don't tempt me.” He warns playfully.

  “Next time you'll think twice about interrupting my interview.” She tisks her finger at him.

  “It's not like you guys were talking about anything interesting anyways.” He interjects.

  “Maybe not to you, but you've been fr
iends for years. These are things your fans want to know.” She insists, flipping her eyes between me and Gabe. “Believe it or not, there are people out there that even want to know what your favorite flavor of Kool-Aid is.” She says, clearly just trying to make a point.

  “Cherry.” Both Gabe and I answer in unison, prompting a loud sigh from Nora.

  “You two are impossible.” She stands, grabs her pen out of Gabe's hand, and then flops down on the couch next to him. “Next victim.” She announces, laughing when he groans out loudly.

  “Hey, you're the one who rudely interrupted so you have no one to blame but yourself.” She turns inward on the couch and pulls her legs up in front of herself.

  “Do your worst.” He sighs, laughing when a mischievous smile pulls up Nora's face.

  “So Gabe, people want to know, what's it like working alongside a man as irresistible as Killian Adair?” She phrases the question seriously but it takes less than five seconds before her laughter fills the bus.

  Gabe stares at her hard for a long moment, clearly seeing the game she is playing. If there is anything Gabe hates, it's being in competition with me. Or worse, feeling inferior to me.

  “You're funny.” He wags his finger at her, causing her to giggle harder.

  The sound of her laughter has quickly become one of my favorites and as she rocks back and forth on the couch, clearly pleased with herself, I can't find it in me to rip my eyes away from her smiling face.

  Why can't I shake this feeling?

  Why can I not get this girl out from under my skin?

  What is she doing to me?

  Watching her and Gabe bicker playfully back and forth, the truth becomes all too clear. The way my heart picks up speed. The way heat creeps through my body, starting in my face and then working its way through my entire body.

  It's been staring me in the face for days and I have refused to let myself see it. I've never had someone light me up the way Nora does.

  Like a light switch being flipped, it hits me all at once.

  I'm falling for her...