Everything After

by Melissa Toppen

  I'm not nervous or scared, I am simply consumed. Consumed by everything that is Killian. His taste, his smell, the way he looks at me, the way his body feels against mine. He is everything, all that I want. And I do want him, more than I have ever wanted another man in my life.

  He lingers at my entrance for what feels like forever, his breathing rapid, his heart pounding so hard I can feel it vibrate through my own chest as he lies against me. Pushing the long strands of his two length hair style away from his face, I drag my nails lightly down his jaw, willing him to meet my gaze.

  When he finally does, I know he sees whatever it is that he is looking for because in one deep plunge, he enters me. We both cry out from the intensity and while it has been quite some time since I have had sex, I find myself adjusting quickly.

  Within minutes we are a pile of hushed moans and sweaty bodies, sliding together in perfect unison, each pulling the other higher and higher until I feel like my body may split apart from the sheer pleasure coursing through me.

  Just when I feel like I can take no more, Killian stops. Pushing backwards onto his knees, he pulls me with him so that I have no choice but to once again straddle his lap. Killian is the only thing anchoring me, the only thing holding me to this earth, and as he starts moving beneath me, I fear that even he may not be able to hold me for long.

  Every inch of my body sings with pleasure. He nips at the flesh at the base of my neck, digs his fingers into my hips as he pushes me down harder onto his swelling erection. I know the moment it happens, the moment that he falls apart below me. He grips at my body in desperation, cries out when I ride him harder, refusing to let him hold back.

  His sounds, the feeling of him exploding inside of me, is what sets me over the edge. I cry out as my own release rips through me. It's unlike anything I have ever experienced. My muscles go rigid, the orgasm hitting me in waves as it crashes through me over and over again.

  Killian holds me tightly, making sure he bleeds every ounce of pleasure from me before letting me fall forward against him in blissful exhaustion. Cradling my head, he slowly pulls out and lays me backwards, until I am once again lying on my back in the bed of the truck.

  I feel Killian settle in next to me, feel the warmth of his body as he drapes his legs over mine and pulls me to my side to face him. Pushing my matted hair away from my face, he drops a kiss to my forehead, his hands working slow circles across the bare flesh of my back.

  “Nora.” His whispered voice sounds against my ear.

  I hum out a response, expecting him to say something more, but he never does. Neither one of us speaks again. Killian's hand continues to glide along my back until it finally goes slack several minutes later.

  I feel his deep breathing against the top of my head and know that he must be asleep. I snuggle deeper into his chest, never wanting to let him go. I could lay here like this, wrapped in his arms, for the rest of my life. The thought is terrifying but also very true.

  He created our very own country song. Out here, in the middle of nowhere, he has shown me things that I didn't even know I wanted until tonight...

  This is one country song that I never want to end.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Killian

  The morning sun blares down on my face and my eyes shoot open, my mind struggling to recall exactly where I am. The moment I register the bed of the truck, memories of last night flood through my mind like broken pieces of a film. I turn to find Nora rolled to her side facing away from me, the naked flesh of her back on full display.

  The sun reflects radiantly off of her pale flawless skin and I can't resist the urge to reach out and trail the back of my hand down her bare spine, her body stiffening the moment the contact is made. Turning her head slowly, she meets my gaze with tired eyes and gives me a shy smile.

  “Morning.” I can't help the wide smile that pulls up my face.

  “Good morning.” She covers her face with her hands for a brief moment before pushing her long tangled hair away from her face as she rolls to her back, pulling the blanket over her naked frame as she does.

  “Did you sleep okay?” I ask, reaching out to push a stray hair away from her face that she missed.

  “Surprisingly yes. I normally don't sleep well in unfamiliar places.” She elaborates. “What time is it anyways?” She asks, pushing into a sitting position as she searches for her cell phone.

  “Here.” I grab her shorts from next to me and pull her cell phone out of the back pocket, handing her the small device.

  “Thank you.” She shifts, unlocking her phone to check the time. “Seven-thirty.” She gets out through a yawn.

  “Is that it?” I question, not remembering the last time I was up quite this early unless I had to be.

  I am usually a pretty late riser. Which is understandable given that I am usually up through the middle of the night. Even when we don't have a show, I can never fall asleep before three or four in the morning. Product of the lifestyle I guess.

  “We should probably head back.” She immediately starts gathering her clothes. She slides on her tank top before ducking under the blanket to slip her bottoms on.

  She is completely dressed before I have even managed to locate more than my boxers. Standing, I stretch out, not missing the way her eyes scan my still near naked body, a dark pink hue taking over her cheeks the moment she realizes that I am watching her.

  I fucking love watching her get all flustered.

  She directs her eyes away and immediately pushes into a stand, shoving her phone into the back pocket of her shorts before heading to the tailgate of the truck and jumping to the ground.

  “There's no rush.” I pull her gaze back to me just as I slip on my t-shirt. “We have nothing scheduled until sound check and that's not for another nine hours.” I say, not missing the way her shoulders stiffen at my words.

  An odd sensation rushes through me and I find it fucking maddening that she seems eager to escape me. I can't pinpoint one thing that happened last night that warrants this reaction from her. Not one thing. Except...

  “Nora.” I start, having a pretty good hunch that she's suddenly freaking out over last night because of her position on the tour and that she is here to work.

  “We should go Killian.” She walks away without letting me say more. Peeling open the passenger side door, she quickly slides inside. Jumping out of the bed of the truck, I close the tailgate before joining her in the cab.

  “No one has to know anything.” I immediately turn to her the moment my door is shut.

  “We were gone all night together Killian.” She keeps her eyes focused out the windshield, refusing to look at me. “You think they haven't already figured it out?” There's an edge to her voice that I don't quite understand.

  “I don't get it. Why are you acting like last night wasn't fucking amazing?” I can't help the slight anger that comes out with my words.

  “It was amazing Killian.” She finally meets my gaze and it fucking guts me that her eyes hold even the smallest fraction of sadness in them. “More than amazing.”

  “Then what is the problem?” I ask, my voice softening.

  “Don't you get it Killian, that is the problem. This...” She gestures between us. “This could ruin what I have been working the last six years to accomplish. I should have never let myself come here with you. I should never have allowed this to happen.”

  “Then why did you?” The anger in my voice is back.

  “Isn't it obvious?” I take a ragged inhale when I see the tears building behind her eyes.

  “Nora.” All the frustration leaves my body in an instant and I am pulling her into my arms, cradling her against my chest. “I promise you, this won't be an issue. I know how much this opportunity means to you and I will not mess it up for you. You have my word.” I speak into her hair.

  I have never dealt with a woman who flips so easily. It's like there is this internal battle continuously raging inside of her. On one hand, I know she
wants to be with me, last night was proof of that. On the other, she's convinced herself that us being together is wrong. She blames her job, but deep down I think that's just her scapegoat.

  She doesn't strike me as someone afraid to lose her job. She strikes me as someone afraid to lose her heart. There is a desperation to her fear, a panic I can see vanish and reappear with next to no warning. I can't say I blame her. I haven't given her very many reasons to trust I won't do exactly what she thinks I will.

  “I just...” She finally speaks, her words muffled against my chest. Pulling out of my embrace, she takes a deep breath and then meets my gaze. “I just... I think I need some time. You know, to process.” She gives me a hesitant look, almost as if she's scared of how I will react.

  “There is no pressure here.” I say, reaching out to cup her cheek. “We do this on your terms.” I see the relief flood her face and it instantly brings a smile to mine.

  “Thank you.” She gets out weakly.

  “Now come on. At least let me take you to breakfast.” I throw her a smile, firing the truck engine to life.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Nora

  Watching Killian perform just hours after waking up in his arms, hits me with a wave of emotions I am not prepared to feel. Everything about this man is so incredible and yet, I can't seem to stop pushing him away.

  I have never wanted and been so terrified of something at the same time so much in my life. I just don't know what I am so afraid of.

  “So, where were you last night?” Kate bounces up beside me just minutes after the band wraps up their set and I am making my way back towards the bus.

  “Killian took me fishing.” I play it lightly, hoping to try to pass it off as a purely platonic adventure.

  “You, fishing?” Kate laughs. “I didn't peg you as the fishing type.”

  “I'm not.” I agree. “I guess he thought it would be a good time to throw the city girl out into a boat and put a fishing pole in her hands.” I laugh at the memory.

  “Sounds like you had fun.” She pulls to a stop just shy of the bus door¸ tucking a strand of her bright red hair behind her ear that has at least ten earrings in it.

  “I did.” I admit.

  “Listen.” Kate's tone falls serious and she narrows her brown eyes on me. “I know this isn't my place but if there is something going on between you two, it's nothing you need to hide. Killian is a good guy. I know he comes off all man whorish and bad ass but I think it's just a shield.” She pauses, waiting to see if I take the bait and own up to anything. When I don't, she continues.

  “Anyways, he seems to have really taken an interest in you. By the way you look at him, I would say you have taken an interest in him as well. Don't worry.” She immediately adds when I start to interrupt. “I'm not going to say anything to anyone, that's on you and Killian. Though if you ask me, it's already pretty obvious.”

  “What is?” I try to play innocent.

  “That you have feelings for him.”

  “No I don't.” I immediately lie.

  “Yes you do Nora and that's okay.” She gives me a warm smile. “I know what it's like to fall for someone you shouldn't. Trust me, if you could have been around when I met Chet, you would know that I know exactly what you are going through. Well, besides the whole work aspect anyways. But no one here cares about that. You are one of us now.”

  “I appreciate that Kate, I really do. But honestly, there is nothing going on. Killian and I are just friends and when this tour is over, we will both go back to our normal lives and probably never see each other again.” While my words are meant to sway Kate, I find that my statement actually holds the truth that I fear the most; losing Killian forever once this is all over.

  “All I'm saying is that I'm here. If you need to talk or freak out or just someone to shed some light on the complication that is Killian Adair, I'm your woman. I think you'll find I can be a pretty good ear if you need one.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand before pulling open the door to the bus and climbing inside.

  I find myself rooted to my spot for several moments, stunned not only by her gesture but also by how easily she was able to read me. Apparently I am not hiding any of this nearly as good as I thought I was.

  After my complete mental meltdown with Killian this morning, maybe having someone to talk to wouldn't be the end of the world. Besides, I like Kate and from what I can tell, she seems to be trustworthy and unlike a lot of girls our age, drama free.

  “Hey Kate.” I step onto the bus just as she exits from the bunk area. “Do you want to go grab a drink and just talk?” I ask, watching an earsplitting grin takeover her entire face.

  “Like you even have to ask.” She laughs. “I have been dying to escape these gross boys.” She grabs a pen and pad of paper, quickly jotting something down before dropping it back onto the table.

  “That way by the time the boys realize we're gone, that won't have a chance to catch up with us. Girl time!” She exclaims excitedly, practically dancing her way off of the bus.

  ****

  It's been nearly two weeks since my night with Killian. Two weeks of pure and total hell. I mean, not that spending time with the band is hell but being in such close quarters with Killian and not allowing myself even the slightest taste of him, is like dragging my body through hot coals.

  My throat burns every time he smiles. My body aches every time he passes me, always making sure to touch me in the process. And while he has been more than patient with my need to distance myself a bit from him, that has not stopped the heat I feel behind his stare every time he looks at me.

  Kate has helped soften the situation a bit for me. I find it easy to distract myself in her company and Killian seems completely content with me spending my free time with her. I'm not sure if I should be happy about this fact or offended.

  On one hand, I want him to leave me alone. It's easier to resist him when he is not in my face all the time. On the other, I want him to want me to be around.

  I feel like such a walking contradiction.

  “Hey.” I hear Killian whisper and then look over just in time to see his head pop through the curtain of my bunk, his face hidden in the shadows of the darkness.

  “Hey.” I lean up on my elbows, squinting through the dim light coming in from the back window of the bus. “Why are you still awake?” I ask, knowing it must be at least three in the morning.

  “Couldn't sleep. I'm coming up.” He whispers again, clearly not wanting to wake the others.

  I know he's doing this strictly for my benefit and I hate that it makes me want him that much more. There is no way someone can be this irresistible and incredibly sweet and thoughtful all at the same time.

  Too good to be true doesn't even begin to describe Killian.

  “Killian, you can't.” I start to object, but it does me no good. He's crawling in beside me before I have any chance of stopping him. Lying back down, I let out a nervous sigh.

  He settles in on his side and props up on his elbow so that he is hovering slightly over me. With the small size of the bunks, we barely fit in the compact space together. “Hey.” He says again.

  “Hey.” I repeat, not able to keep the goofy smile from my face.

  “I've missed you.” He smiles.

  “But I haven't gone anywhere.” I object, keeping my voice hushed.

  “Haven't you?” He scrunches his forehead playfully. “I feel like you have been a million miles away.” He pouts.

  “I'm sorry.” I say, not able to resist the urge to reach up and cup his face. “I just... I panicked a little.” I admit, feeling silly that this is the first time we have really talked about anything since that morning in Tennessee.

  “You think?” He laughs lightly. “You bout done with that?” He grabs my hand in his as I drop it from his face.

  “Killian. We can't.” I whisper.

  “Why? Because you know not one person here cares what is going on between us.” He trails his thumb
gently across my bottom lip, his eyes fixated on my mouth for a long moment before finally trailing back up to meet my gaze.

  I try to remind myself why. Why can't we do this? He's right, I know no one here would breathe a word to Sean or Clive about us. Honestly, I think they'd be happy about it. Well, maybe with the exception of Gabe. But then deep down I know that my job is just my excuse. My scape goat. My easy out.

  The real problem is my heart...

  “You're killing me Nora.” He continues when I don't answer him. “Do you know how hard it is to lay in that bed night after night knowing you are just feet away and I can't hold you, I can't kiss you, I can't touch you?” My breath hitches when his hand comes to a rest just above my belly button. “It's fucking torture.”

  “Killian...”

  “Stay with me tomorrow night.” His requests catches me off guard and my pulse immediately kicks up speed.

  Sean is getting us all hotel rooms after the show to give the guys a break from the bus. Considering we've been on the road for over a month, I would say it's much needed.

  “What?” The word falls from my lips.

  “Stay with me tomorrow night. We can hide out in my room, order room service, just be.”

  “As good as that sounds, I really don't think it's a good idea. I tend to have very little will power when I find myself alone with you.” I admit.

  “And that's a bad thing?” He lowers his face, making his smirk more visible in the near nonexistent light.

  “To me, yes.” I answer truthfully.

  “Why are you so hell bent on fighting this?” He asks, falling suddenly serious.

  “Why are you so hell bent on pursuing it?” I turn the tables on him. “You can have any girl you want. You have at least a dozen women throw themselves at you in every town we visit. Why are you so insistent that it be me?”

  “Because you are the one I want. I don't know how much clearer I can make this for you Nora. I want you. Not them, you.” His voice borders just above a whisper.