Everything After

by Melissa Toppen

“How many of you have made a mistake, so life changing, you would do just about anything to make it right?” He asks¸ the crowd immediately erupting in screams and cheers.

  “Well, that's me. You see, I met this girl.” He laughs when a few of the females cry out. “Sorry ladies...” He smiles widely and continues.

  “As I was saying, I met this girl. Amazing girl. Smart, beautiful. The kind of girl that just scares the shit out of you. Guys, you know what I'm talking about.” The men in the crowd and even some of the women, erupt in laughter.

  “And like most men, I let that fear get the better of me. But that's not that point. The point is, we all get scared sometimes. We all make mistakes and most times, we have to learn to live with the regret of those mistakes. But every once in a while we get a chance. A chance to right our wrongs. A chance to make things right. And that's what I am trying to do tonight. Make things right.” The crowd hangs onto his every word, cheering and applauding, screaming out his name.

  “So, if you all don't mind, I'd like to play a new song I wrote.” The audience erupts in screams of approval. “Would you like to hear it?” The crowd screams louder.

  “I want to dedicate this song to that girl. So Nora.” My heart leaps into my throat and tears immediately pool in my eyes. “If you're here right now, this is for you.” He continues, turning to Gabe who nods and then strums out the opening chords of the song.

  When Killian's crisp voice fills the space around me, it takes everything I have not to melt into a puddle on the ground. His eyes are closed and even though I am quite a ways back from the stage, I can clearly see the pain etched all over his incredible face.

  I have already moved several feet closer to where he is standing before I have even registered my own movements. My body seems to be functioning on autopilot while my mind has one single focus; Killian.

  The lyrics of his song wash over me and I hold on to each one, tucking them away into this perfect memory, this perfect moment. The crowd sways back and forth with the melodic rhythm of the song, many holding up cellphones to light the darkness. When the last remaining words leave his lips and the last strum of the guitar sounds, the entire venue erupts.

  The noise is so loud that I swear I can feel the ground vibrate below my feet. People shuffle and shift around me but I don't take my eyes away from where Killian is standing. He thanks the crowd, his eyes scanning out over the various faces and I know, without a doubt, that he is looking for me.

  I scream his name but it blends with the hundreds of others doing the very same thing and my words are lost in the noise of the crowd. He gives his fans one last wave before he, and the other members of the band, exit the stage and the lights that line the outdoor arena kick on.

  I push my way through the crowd, trying to get to the stage but it's no use. There are so many people and very few have even attempted to leave yet. Everyone is still buzzing about the performance, about the new song, about Killian.

  Finally accepting that by the time I reach the stage, the guys are likely to be gone, I cut off to the side and exit through one of the many gates set up around the perimeter. Jason spots me just as I am exiting and immediately reaches his arm up to get my attention.

  Jason, while one of the better photographers that works directly for the magazine, is one of those in your face kind of people. He's just a couple of years older than me and incredibly driven but sometimes it can be a bit exhausting. I guess that's probably how a lot of people view me.

  “Hell of a show. I got some awesome shots.” He smiles, revealing a row of crooked teeth.

  “That's awesome.” I try to act as normal as possible even though I am dying to get out of here and find Killian.

  “Clive wants me to run through a few with you before we head out to make sure we have everything we need.” He says, holding up his camera, clearly completely oblivious to the situation unfolding right in front of him.

  “Can you give me a few Jason?” I ask, turning to look around and gauge where we are in conjunction to where the buses are parked.

  “Actually I can't.” He scrunches his round face. “The band is scheduled to head out in less than an hour. I have to make sure I have everything before they do.” He insists.

  “Okay.” I sigh, knowing there is no way I can get out of this without it getting back to Clive and potentially backfiring in my face. I already managed to slip out of being involved in the private shoot and I can't imagine that is going to go over all that well if Jason chooses to tell him.

  I follow Jason just outside the main gates, where the merchandise booth is set up. Stepping off to the side, I flip through the hundreds of shots that he managed to capture through the course of the night, one standing out among all the others.

  It's of Killian. He's standing over the crowd, a huge smile on his face as he reaches out over his fans. It's one of those once in a lifetime shots and I know immediately that it is one of the shots I will be using for their feature.

  Jason stands patiently to the side and not once does he mention the fact that Killian mentioned me specifically at the end of the show. If I had to guess, I would say he is completely unaware of this fact. He was there to take pictures. Who knows if he even really paid attention to anything going on. Again, he's incredibly focused and knowing him, was zoned into his camera the entire night.

  “I think we have everything we need.” I hand him back the camera after flipping through the last of the photos. “There are some really good group shots as well as individual photos. I think we will have plenty for the article.” I inform him, seeing the pleased look that immediately pulls up his face.

  “Perfect. I will get them uploaded and over to you by the morning.” He says, stuffing his camera into the case that is hanging by a thick strap on his shoulder.

  “Sounds great. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to say goodbye to the guys before they hit the road.” I say, not mentioning that there is really only one guy that I want to see at the current moment.

  “Yeah, yeah, no problem.” He nods. “I will see you later.” He gives me a small wave before turning and disappearing into the thick crowd huddled around the merch booth, trying to buy what little items the vendor has left.

  Moving behind the booth, I cut around the back of the venue and cross through the now near empty field, making my way to the other side of the outdoor arena towards the private lot where I know the buses are parked.

  Checking my phone, I see that my time with Jason has eaten nearly forty-five minutes and I quicken my strides, terrified that I might have missed him. When I make it to the gated parking area, I flash my media badge to the older bald gentleman working the gate. He gives me a nod and then allows me to pass through.

  The area surrounding the two buses is completely silent and the only light provided is a dim overhead street lamp that seems to be on its last leg. I breathe out a loud exhale, knowing that at least they are still here, somewhere.

  Deciding to just wait, I cross over to the band's bus and head towards the front of the vehicle, my steps faltering the moment I realize that the door is open and someone is sitting on the bottom step at the base of the doorway.

  The moment he looks up and those amazing eyes land on mine, my breath hitches and I have to physically force myself not to tremble.

  “Killian.” His name falls from my lips.

  “You came.” His voice seems hopeful as he pushes into a stand.

  “I couldn't not say goodbye.” I shrug. “Not again anyways.” I give him a weak smile and take another step towards him. “Killian, I...”

  “No, let me say something first.” He cuts me off, taking a step in my direction, leaving only about a foot of space between us. “I owe you a huge apology.” His accent is thick and for the first time ever, he seems genuinely nervous.

  “No, I'm sorry.” I start, but he shakes his head and continues.

  “I need you to understand something.” He takes a deep breath. “After my mom died, I became something of a
hollow shell. I was here, functioning and smiling on the outside, but there was never really anything going on, inside that is. I found myself unable to form connections, unable to attach to anyone. Well, except the band. They became my family. But outside of them, nothing. Until you.” He takes another step forward, reaching out to take my trembling hands in his.

  “You brought me back to life Nora. You made me feel again. I knew I was falling for you within days. I craved your smile, the sound of your laughter. You were all I could think about. But with all of this came a fear I wasn't quite equipped to deal with. I didn't realize that when I finally found love, I would be so scared of it that I would end up sabotaging the very thing I couldn't imagine losing.”

  “When I told you that I loved you, I meant it. Loving you isn't a bad thing. It's a blessing, not a curse.” I say. “But like you, I found myself fearful of what that meant so instead of fighting for you, I pushed you away.”

  “You didn't.” He disagrees. “It was me pushing you away. You told me you loved me and I let you walk away. You begged me to tell you what I wanted from you and I let you walk away. The mistakes here are mine Nora. There is nothing I can say to defend my actions. They were despicable, unjustifiable, and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am for everything I have put you through. But I'm hoping you will give me the chance to make it up to you.”

  “What are you saying Killian? What is it that you want?” I ask, my voice coming out with a slight quiver to it.

  “I'm saying that I want you.” He gives me a sweet smile. “I'm saying that when you told me you loved me, I should have said I love you too. When you asked me what I wanted from you, I should have said you. I am in love with you Nora Brandt and if you will have me, I am yours.”

  “Killian...” I let his name hang there, trying to sort through the various emotions that are flooding through me. Each one hits me with so much intensity that I find myself struggling to process even one single thought.

  “Please tell me I haven't lost you Nora.” His plead immediately silences the chaos pounding in my ears, eases the storm brewing deep beneath the surface, and forces me to focus on the one thing that truly matters; him.

  “You haven't lost me.” The statement barely leaves my lips before he is pulling me into his arms, whispering promises into my hair, telling me how sorry he is.

  “I love you.” He pulls back and meets my gaze. There is so much love there, so much adoration, that it literally knocks the wind from my lungs.

  “I love you too.” I take a deep inhale and then push up on my tip toes, pressing my lips firmly to Killian's.

  He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me firmly against his body, deepening the kiss until all I can feel is him. All I can taste is him. All that there is, is Killian.

  I know we still have so much to figure out and there is still so much left to say, but none of that matters in this moment. It doesn't matter what happens next or where we end up, only that we are together.

  Killian has given me that peace. The ability to accept that life is so much sweeter when you don't have a plan. People always say that life’s most beautiful blessings are the ones you never see coming. I think maybe they're right.

  It doesn't matter what happened before I met Killian or where I thought I was going.

  The only thing that matters now, is everything after...

  Everything After

  What I Am

  Life takes us where we need to go

  but no further will it lead

  I had you with me all along

  but lost you to my own selfish greed

  You showed me how to live again

  what it meant to be truly free

  You released me from my demons

  and taught me it was okay to just be me

  A man who loves a woman

  A man who is just a man

  I didn't need to be more for you

  Except exactly what I am

  What I am

  What I am

  With you, without you

  I now know what I am

  The End

  Everything After Playlist

  A special thank you to these amazing musicians for sharing their talent with the world.

  Everything After would not be what it is without the inspiration I found from each and every one of these incredible artists.

  Hurricane- 30 Seconds to Mars

  Various Storms & Saints- Florence and the Machine

  Cold Coffee- Ed Sheeran

  Silhouettes- Of Monsters and Men

  Speakers- Sam Hunt

  Wildest Dreams- Taylor Swift

  Gravity- Sara Bareilles

  Of These Chains- Red

  It Only Gets Much Worse- Nate Ruess

  Shaped Like a Gun- Tailor

  Organs- Of Monsters and Men

  What a Good Woman Does- Joy Williams

  Fear on Fire- Ruelle

  Acknowledgments

  At the end of each book, it is customary for an author to write a little thank you, acknowledging all of the people that helped in the process of writing the book. And while I have done this several times before, I have opted to do things a little differently this time around, because the people I truly need to thank cannot all be listed in the contents of this page.

  Because these people are you... My readers.

  You lovely, wonderful, dedicated individuals are the very reason why EVERYTHING AFTER exists. It was your feedback, your requests, and ultimately your support and dedication that drove me to write this book.

  Thank you for standing by me, for coming out to meet me, for purchasing my books, and for your unwavering support.

  This one is for you!

  All my love,

  Melissa

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  Also by Melissa Toppen

  The Breathless Series

  Consumed

  Taken

  Released

  Two Hearts

  Collide

  Embrace

  You and I

  You and I Alone

  You and I Together

  You and I Forever

  Standalone

  Claimed by You

  Taming Lo: A You and I Novel

  Everything After: A Rocker Romance Novel