“You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up and do your best.”
She made it sound easy and he knew it wouldn’t be. But he also knew that if he turned his back now, it would be the biggest mistake of his life.
“Do you know where she is?” When Ginger nodded, he asked, “Will you tell me?”
“She requested that I not say.”
Blake hadn’t become a successful attorney by not paying attention to the fine distinctions of words. His heart picked up speed when she reached for a notepad and jotted something down.
“This is me not saying where she is.” Ginger slid a piece of paper across the desk.
“Thank you.” He met her gaze. “I’m not sure how to do this.”
“You’ve been hurt, too, Blake, so it’s not easy to take a chance. But I just saw how easily you told Mia what’s in your heart. And I know there’s a different sort of risk with Casey, but just tell her what you feel.”
Blake nodded as he took the address from her. He knew he was good with words and had delivered successful summations in court because he always wanted to win. It was easier to be rational and emotionally detached when someone else’s future was at stake.
This time it was his life on the line. Everything was riding on the argument he was going to make.
“But no pressure,” he said grimly.
Chapter Fifteen
Casey cleaned up her dad’s kitchen after cooking dinner. Unlike other evenings in the two weeks since she’d come to stay with him, Nathan Thomas hung around to help. It was kind of freaking her out.
She glanced around the long, spacious room, with its oblong, white tile-topped counter and cabinets below. The refrigerator stood at one end and the nook filled with a maple dinette was at the other. Across from the kitchen was the family room with fireplace, and the adjacent living room had a corner group sofa and a flat-screen TV. Upstairs there were three bedrooms and a railing with glass below it. Her mother had never stepped foot in this house because her dad had moved the family here after her death. That he’d run from the painful memories had never occurred to Casey before.
Maybe it dawned on her now because she was here running from pain of her own. She desperately missed Blake and hoped that she’d get over him.
Her father dried the small frying pan. “So, when are you planning to go back to work?”
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” She poured cleanser in the sink and started scrubbing.
“No.”
“If I’m in the way, just say the word and I’ll make other arrangements.” She glanced out the window and became aware of the curtains framing it. They were lacy and see-through and not at all like her father. “When did you put up curtains?”
“You just noticed?”
“Yeah.” She’d had a few things on her mind. Like how much she wished Blake could care about her.
He met her gaze and she noticed that he was a very handsome man. In his early fifties, he had silver in his brown hair and a nice smile when he used it. But what really snagged her attention was the sparkle in his blue eyes. What was up with that?
“So, Dad, lace?”
He cleared his throat. “I’ve been seeing someone.”
“How long?” Casey asked.
“A few months. She works as a receptionist for my doctor.”
Doctor? A sudden spurt of fear shot up her spine. “Are you okay?”
“Fine. I was there for my yearly physical.” He shrugged. “Peg and I got to talking.”
“Peg?”
“That’s her name. Peg Daniels. She makes me laugh.”
“You never told me,” Casey accused.
“I’m telling you now. I like to laugh.”
“No.” Casey sighed. “That you’re seeing someone.”
“I didn’t know how.” He rested a hand on the counter, the dish towel dangling from his fingers. “But I figure if you’re staying for a while, you should know, because she’ll be coming around.”
“I can get my own place.”
“That’s not what I’m saying. But if you don’t want to meet her—”
“It’s not that. It’s just…” Casey rinsed out the sink, then turned off the water. “Maybe it is that. I’m not sure I want to see you with a woman. I guess because I never saw you with anyone but Mom. And you were never the same after she died.” She glanced around the kitchen again. “You even sold the house and moved us here because living in the other place was too painful.”
“It was hard,” he admitted.
That was her dad. A master of understatement. “I guess it didn’t help, me being a girl.”
“Now why would you say that?”
“It couldn’t have been easy for you, not knowing what to do with me after having boys.”
Shadows swirled in his eyes. “Are you saying I wasn’t there for you?”
“No, Dad. I just meant—”
“Because you’d be right.”
“I would?”
“I was in my own world. That wasn’t your fault, Case. It’s mine. I did what a good soldier should never do. I retreated. The grief eased eventually, but by then you didn’t seem to need me. And I didn’t know how to be needed.”
Casey’s throat was thick with emotions she wasn’t accustomed to letting him see. Or anyone else for that matter. She’d forgotten how to cry a long time ago. Except that one night with Blake. “It’s okay, Dad.”
“No, it’s not. And it has to be said that you scared the crap out of me when you were hurt in Iraq.”
“I’m sorry. And that was my own fault. I didn’t see what I should have, because I was so focused on the fact that I was helping.”
“You’re not a mind reader, Casey. How could you possibly know the evil in that kid’s heart?”
“I couldn’t. But if I’d just kept to myself—”
“The bad stuff in the world would never get better if everyone kept to themselves,” he said.
“I wish my friend’s family didn’t have to pay the price. Then Paula would still be alive and her kids would have their mom.”
“And you know how hard it is growing up without a mom, don’t you?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
His eyes were sad. “I was too broken to help you, baby. But maybe Paula’s kids have a better dad, one who can be there for them. Help them through it. Help them heal.”
“It’s okay, Daddy—” Her voice caught and she bit back a sob.
Nathan held out his arms and she walked into them. He held her and rubbed her back. “It’s not okay. But I did the best I could. You haven’t called me Daddy since right after your mom died.”
“I guess I grew up fast.”
“You’ll always be my little girl. That said, what made you run home and hide with your old man?”
“It’s nothing. Just taking a break from work.”
He held her at arm’s length, studying her. “Seems to me a break from work should make you look relaxed. And I’m not seeing it.”
“Not sleeping well.” A by-product of too many dreams starring Blake Decker. Sometimes she woke in the middle of the night, so lonely that there was a deep ache in the middle of her heart.
“Being tired doesn’t explain the sadness in your eyes, Casey.”
“It’s nothing. Just burnout.”
“I don’t think so.” Nathan folded his arms over his chest. “What’s his name?”
Casey’s gaze jumped to his. “How do you know it’s a guy?”
“Just a guess.”
“I think I liked it better when you ignored me,” she grumbled.
“Not an option. There’s a new sheriff in town,” he said a little sheepishly.
“And her name is Peg.”
“You’re changing the subject.” There was a determined set to his mouth.
Casey sighed. “His name is Blake Decker and he was my boss until I quit. And you know the rest.”
“Like hell. What did he do?”
&
nbsp; “All the right things.” Except loving her. “He took in his orphaned niece and is learning how to be a good father to her.”
“So she’s all grown-up?”
“No. She’s still twelve.”
“Then why are you here?” His eyes narrowed. “You’re in love with him.”
Casey knew it wasn’t a question. “He had a bad experience and isn’t looking for romance.”
“Neither was I, but it happens, anyway. So what are you going to do about it?”
“There’s nothing to do. He’s making a life with his family. I’ll go on to another assignment.”
“You’ve got more of me in you than I thought. And that’s not a compliment.”
“What does that mean?” Casey demanded, anger pushing away the gooey feeling from moments ago.
“You’re running away, just like I did.”
“What the heck?” She was no coward. It had taken guts to do what was best for everyone. “I stepped aside so he could concentrate on family. It was the right thing.”
“Wrong. You retreated because you’re afraid to take a chance on getting close to someone.” He pointed at her. “Been there, baby. Done that. You can tell yourself you’ve got a halo and wings, but it doesn’t fly with me. You got jacked up by letting someone close and you’re running scared because you just might do it again. And this time no doctor can fix the damage.”
He was right, she thought. Her life would be blown apart, not in a physical way, but it would still be devastating. Taking herself out of the game was the best way to keep from getting hurt. Except she was still hurting.
“When did you get so smart?” she asked, smiling sadly at her dad.
“If I was that bright, I’d be able to fix it. Trust me, it hurts like hell that I can’t.” A gleam stole into his eyes. “How about if I beat him up for you? I may not be good at talking about my feelings, but I’m pretty sure I can kick the ass of the jerk who hurt my kid.”
Casey laughed even as sadness seared her heart. “I wouldn’t advise that. He’s an attorney and wouldn’t hesitate to charge you with assault and battery.”
“It would be worth it.”
“Not to me.” She stepped close and hugged him. “I feel like I just found you and I’d rather not lose you again. Besides, you probably wouldn’t do well in prison.”
“No.” His chest rumbled when he laughed. “I’d miss you. And Peg.”
His tone was rusty, kind of like his way of talking about feelings. But he did it for her and made her feel marginally better.
“Don’t feel guilty about loving someone again, Dad.”
“Okay.” He rubbed his big hand up and down her back. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“You don’t feel guilty about it, either,” he said.
“Deal.”
And that was easy for her to promise because she had nothing on the line. She could care about Blake all she wanted and do it without guilt because he would never love her back.
After the heart-to-heart with her dad, Casey went upstairs to her room and grabbed the book on the nightstand, then flopped on the bed. But when she tried to read, her mind refused to take part in the exercise. After going over the same paragraph too many times to count, she quit.
Did her brothers know that her dad was seeing someone? If so, how come they hadn’t told her? Or was it classified intelligence—as in “for men’s ears only”?
She brushed her hand over the comforter on the bed and just then registered the fact that it was new. Actually she had noticed before but hadn’t paid much attention until now, after finding out there was a woman in her dad’s life. Casey should have realized something was up because of the homey touches in the guest room. It was all very un-Nathan-like.
The full-size bed still had the brass head- and footboards. The maple dresser and nightstands and the matching bookcase were the same, but there were pictures on the walls. Oval frames. Her dad wasn’t an “oval-framed picture” man. On top of the bookcase was a wire birdcage, and the swing inside was shaped like a heart. Her dad didn’t do hearts as a decorating touch. But the comforter was really out of character for him, especially because it had purple flowers and greenery, although the background was beige. That was her dad. Only better.
The more the information sank in that he wasn’t alone any longer, the happier she was for him. It made her own loneliness even sadder and more pathetic.
When she’d come here after leaving Blake’s, what she’d been most aware of was the comfort in this room, which had once been so depressing, and not the details that made it so inviting. She probably hadn’t noticed because she was too preoccupied with missing Blake and his niece. Mia was a terrific kid. Casey even missed her abrasive sarcasm. How pathetic was that? And how much longer could this pity party go on?
She needed to get back to work because hanging out with nothing to do gave her too much time to think and play Monday-morning quarterback. To replay every minute at Blake’s and wonder what she could have done differently. The fact was that he didn’t feel the same as she did, and the sooner she let it go, the better off she would be.
There was a knock on her door. When she opened it, Nathan stood there. “Hi. What’s up, Dad?”
“Someone is here to see you.”
No one knew she was here except Ginger, who’d promised not to tell anyone. But her father was wearing an intense expression that was so much more familiar than the mooning-over-Peg face she’d seen just a while ago.
“Is there a problem?” she asked.
“That’s for you to decide. I was on my way out to take Peg to a show, but I can stick around if you need me.”
Her heart started pounding and the hair at her nape prickled with awareness. Blake Decker sensitivity. Something told her that that traitor Ginger Davis had broken her word.
“Is it Blake?”
“Said that’s his name.” If anything, her dad’s expression was even more grim.
“Tell him I’m not here.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she remembered what he’d said earlier about running home to hide.
“That won’t work,” he said, obviously willing to help her out. “Your car’s parked in front.”
“Oh. Right.”
“I could tell him you don’t want to see him.”
If only that were true. More than anything Casey wanted to look at him just one more time. But that was pointless.
“Would you really say that?” she asked.
Nathan nodded. “But I’m not sure it would get rid of him.”
“Why?”
“Instinct. A guy thing.” He shrugged. “The man is on a mission and something tells me he’s not leaving until he’s achieved his objective.”
Why was he here? It didn’t make any sense. He hadn’t been able to give her an answer about where she fit into his life, and she’d made it clear that settling for less than she wanted wasn’t an option. There was nothing left to say.
Unless this was about Mia. Was there something wrong? Had she disappeared again? Worry gathered around her like a cloud.
She brushed past her father in the doorway. “I’ll talk to him.”
She walked down the stairs, turned on the landing and saw him standing just inside the front door. He was wearing the look she’d come to know—and love—so well. The tie was missing in action, but the white dress shirt was wrinkled in all the right places from a day at work, and long sleeves were rolled to mid-forearm. It made his already broad shoulders look even wider, and her pulse stuttered. His charcoal slacks were expertly tailored and fit his trim waist and muscular legs perfectly.
She held the railing when her legs started to tremble, and managed to make it all the way into the living room without tripping.
“Hello, Blake.”
“Casey.”
His expression gave nothing away, so she had to ask, “What are you doing here? Is Mia all right?”
“Fine.”
Wh
en his gaze moved past her, she glanced around and saw her father.
“Everything all right, Casey?” Nathan asked.
“Yeah.” She glanced between the two men. “I guess introductions aren’t necessary.”
“No. Do you want me to stay?” her father asked.
She shook her head. “I’m fine. Be sure and tell Peg I’m looking forward to meeting her. I’d like to thank her for all the nice little touches in the guest room.”
Nathan shrugged as a small smile played over his mouth. He didn’t bother to deny her assumption. “I’ll pass that along.”
“Have a good time.” Casey gave him a hug. “Love you, Dad.”
“I love you, too.” Nathan squeezed her back and dropped a kiss on the top of her head before walking out the door.
She looked at Blake. “If Mia’s fine, I don’t understand why you’re here.”
“You’re a coward, Casey.”
“What?” She hadn’t expected a sneak attack.
“The first time we met, I thought you were straightforward and honest. You had more integrity in your pinkie than anyone I’d ever met. Now I know I was wrong about that.”
His words stirred up anger, which crushed her self-pity. “You went to all the trouble of finding out where I was just to insult me?”
“Courage is when you go on in spite of the hard stuff. The bad stuff. But you ran away.”
“I quit. There’s a difference.”
“Semantics,” he said.
“What is this? Pick on Casey day? Who do you think you are? By definition, quitting means I don’t work for you anymore. If you’re determined to evaluate my job performance, you’re in the wrong place. And clearly Ginger can’t be trusted.”
“I’m here to get through to you.” He settled his hands on his lean hips and looked down for a moment. “I admit I’ve been hiding, not willing to take a chance on caring, because getting kicked in the teeth isn’t something one willingly signs up for. But that has nothing to do with my career choice. If a couple decides to call it quits, each individual has rights that need protecting. That’s what I do.”
“Thanks for the clarification. I don’t need protecting.” Casey could almost feel her heart breaking, and the words were a brazen lie.
The Nanny and Me Page 18
