by Hazel Kelly
It made me think of Lucy, all kinds of good things and bad things at once.
Good things because kissing her and having my hands on her felt right, as if making a move was something I should’ve done a long time ago.
But I also had this horrible sick feeling in my guts that was partly because I ate all the taquitos by myself and partly because I still didn’t understand why she’d left.
And that made me really sad.
Because the firey little crush I’d developed was only flamed by getting to taste her candy lips, and even though I knew I needed to apologize for making her uncomfortable enough that she felt like she had to leave, I still wasn’t sorry.
In fact, I wanted to kiss her again, and not just on the mouth either.
I rolled onto my stomach and reached my hand under the bed until my fingers found a half empty Gatorade. Then I drank from the nozzle until there was nothing left and dropped my head on the pillow again.
A moment later, the phone buzzed across my nightstand.
“Lucy. Hey.”
“How’s the noggin sleepy head?”
“Not as bad as you might expect,” I said, rolling onto my back.
“Glad to hear it,” she said.
Was she still in bed, too?
“Well, I’ll let you go back to sleep,” she said. “I just wanted to make sure that we were cool and that you were alive.”
“I’m glad you called. I need to get up.”
“Okay, well, have a good da-”
“Wait-” I sat up, propping a pillow under my head.
“What?”
I smiled. “I want to tell you about this crazy dream I had.”
“Shoot,” she said.
“I dreamt that we kissed.”
“Did you now?”
“Yeah.”
“And how was it?” she asked.
“It was awesome. You tasted like cake.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah.” I stuck my hands down my sweatpants to readjust myself. “And you couldn’t keep your hands off me.”
“Sounds like a dream alright.”
“A total nightmare more like,” I joked.
“Good one.”
“Seriously, though, I feel like I owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“For sticking my tongue down your throat.”
“Oh.”
“And liking it.”
“Sounds to me like you’re still drunk. Maybe you should go back to bed until you’re ready to wake up and remember that we’re just friends.”
“Ouch,” I said. “Was it that bad?”
“No.”
“So it was good?”
“Meh.”
I could hear that she was smiling.
“It was a bit gentle for my taste,” she said, “but I give you an A for effort.”
“What?!” I sat up. “Come over here right now and let me try again.”
She laughed. “I’m not coming anywhere near you until you sober up.”
“I’m sober enough.”
“Fine. I’m still not coming anywhere near you until-”
“Until what?”
“Until you settle down.”
I groaned.
“I know you’re eager to get back on the dating scene after all that time in a relationship, but you need to cast your net in a different direction.”
“Damn. Usually one kiss is all it takes.”
“Too little too late I’m afraid,” she said. “Though I’m flattered.”
“I guess it’s for the best anyway.”
“Why’s that?”
“Cause a tease like you would drive me crazy.”
“I am not a tease.”
“I’m going to have to disagree with you. I mean, you came back to my place in that short skirt and then you were all sexily slicing cheese and shit.”
“That is not true. There is nothing sexy about the way I slice cheese.”
“Sure there is. The way you get that big block in your little hand like that and bite your lip while you’re cutting it.”
“Okay, now you’re just making fun of me.”
“What do you expect me to do?” I asked.
“Not tease me.”
“Yeah, well, maybe you don’t always meet my expectations either.”
“I’m listening.”
“Maybe I expect you- as my friend- to not run out on me in my time of need.”
She laughed. “I only ran out on you because I realized I couldn’t help you meet the kind of needs you were looking to satisfy.”
“How do you know?”
“Cause.”
“You could’ve at least tried.”
“You would’ve liked that, would you?”
“I wouldn’t have run out on you like a banshee.”
She sighed.
“C’mon, don’t you think you overreacted a bit?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t. I was trying to be a good friend.”
“By abandoning me?”
“By removing myself from a situation where we might’ve made a mistake.”
“The only mistake I made was letting you get away. You could be eating pancakes in bed right now if you hadn’t blown your chances with me.”
“Blown my chances?! Can you even hear yourself? Did it even occur to you that maybe I don’t want a chance to roll around in your fancy t-shirt sheets?”
“So you’ve thought about it?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“Ridiculously good at kissing.”
“Aiden.”
“What?”
“No.”
I laughed. “Is it cause I’m out of your league or-”
She gasped so hard I thought she might’ve sucked the phone into her mouth.
“That was a joke.”
“I should think so.”
“Does that mean you don’t want to hang out today?”
“No. I mean, yes. Sorry,” she said. “What I mean is, I think you should sign up for Tinder and take your sexual frustration out on someone that doesn’t know you always cheat at Monopoly and prefer Superman band aids.
“I can’t believe you’re throwing that in my face,” I said. “And I haven’t cheated at Monopoly since-” I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling.
“The last time you played?”
“I was trying to be a realistic banker.”
“Well, you did a good job.”
I smiled. “So if I try this Tinder crap, can we hang out again?”
“If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”
“I promise nothing,” I said. “But only because it will make your life more exciting.”
“My life is exciting enough already. Please don’t do anything crazy on my account.”
“Last night was pretty crazy, though, wasn’t it?” I asked.
“Can we move on yet? I’m ready to forget about it when you are.”
“I’m not yet.”
“What? Why not?”
“Cause I don’t want to.”
“I wish you would.”
“You can’t make me.”
“I’m asking politely,” she said. “As a friend.”
“And as a friend, I politely request the right to not forget I had my hand up your shirt.”
“You didn’t have your hand up my shirt.”
“My word against yours.”
“I’m going to kill you.”
“Well, I’ll make it easy for you to find me. I’ll be here all day.”
“Hopefully using Tinder to find someone else to tongue wrestle.”
“Just say I’m a good kisser, and I’ll let it go.”
Silence.
“C’mon, Lucy. I already know. I just want to hear it from you since your expert opinion means so much to me.”
“I’m not an expert.”
“You’re not a novice.”
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”
“Yes,” I said, wishing I could see her face.
“Thank you.”
“Well?”
“You’re better than I thought you’d be.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I can see why other girls might be interested.”
“Now you’re just being mean.”
“Good. Maybe you’ll remember what a bitch I am next time you think you want to suck face.”
“Say what you want. Eventually you’ll realize I’m right.”
“Right about what?”
“About the fact that you liked it more than you’re letting on.”
“In your dreams, bud.”
“Jeez, well at least don’t go calling me bud. That’s a total mood killer.”
“Good bye, bud.”
I groaned.
“Next time we talk, it better be about a date you have lined up because I can’t handle much more of this silliness.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Oh wow. Ma’am is totally my bud equivalent.”
“Hey Lucy?”
“Hey what?”
“You know how I said I was sorry that I kissed you last night and stuck my hand up your shirt?”
“Yeah.”
”Well, I lied. I’m not sorry. On the contrary, I have every intention of doing it again.”
Chapter 15: Lucy
I hung up the phone and stared at it.
Was he serious? What the hell had gotten into him?
Besides my tongue…
Thank god one of us was thinking straight. Chelsea must have screwed him up in the head more than I realized. Or he was finally starting to feel the effects of his repeated concussions. Regardless, he obviously needed me to humor him, and as long as I kept him at a distance so his crazy ideas didn’t go past joking, everything would be back to normal in no time.
Cause as much as he was a great kisser, I wanted my best friend back. Not this horny clown.
And to think I was going to apologize for running out on him like a freak! Just as well I did or he might’ve had to apologize for a whole lot more than getting a bit handsy.
I laid the phone on the counter and shook my head just as the door opened. I looked up in time to see Fiona stumbling in, looking a hot mess with her shoes in her hand.
“Oh god don’t judge me,” she said, dropping her shoes on the floor.
“I’m not.”
“Why are you making that face then?”
“Sorry, it’s not you.”
“What is it?”
“Nothing. How was your date?”
She walked over to the recliner and collapsed. “Which one?”
“Sorry?”
“Please bring me water oh my god.”
“Yeah, sure.” I grabbed a glass and filled it with tap water. “What do you mean which one?”
“Well, first we went to a movie. Then we went to a club. Then we went to a diner at, like, five am. Then we went to the beach for mimosas.”
“I see,” I said, handing her the glass of water. “So which was your favorite?”
She tilted the glass up to her mouth and leaned her head back, making big gulping noises. “I don’t know. It was a pretty beautiful sunrise.”
I slumped on the couch. “Who knew male nurses could party all night?”
“I know, right?!”
“So you’re pretty much done for the day?”
“Sooo done,” she said. “Might even call in sick tomorrow if my bestie can do my color client at eleven.”
I closed one eye and tried to remember what my schedule was like. “That’s probably fine.”
“Thank god,” she said. “I’ve been hoping you’d say that since my waffle feed earlier.”
I smiled. “I’m glad you had a good time.”
“Me, too.” Fiona closed her eyes for a second and sighed. “Oh god, I hope I don’t get a second wind when I’m ready to pass out.”
“Surely you’re way past your second wind.”
She shrugged without opening her eyes. “You’re right. I’ve lost count. So how was your night?”
I figured I’d just tell her cause she probably wouldn’t remember anyway.
“Aiden broke up with Chelsea.”
Her head popped up and she looked at me through bloodshot eyes. “Did you tell him-”
I shook my head. “No, I guess he figured it out himself. I’m not sure how. He was pretty drunk when he called me.”
“So did you go meet up with him?”
I nodded.
“Why are you making that face?”
“He kissed me, Fiona.”
“Fuck off.”
“I did.”
“What?”
“I did fuck off. Right after.”
She leaned forward and hung her head. “Wait what? More water. Then details.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed her empty glass. She was mouthy when she was drunk, but she always obliged me when I was in a similar state.
“Alright,” she said, reaching for her refill. “Tell me everything.”
“So he called me from Firehouse and told me to-”
“Okay, I was lying. Please skip to the good parts. Time is of the essence here.”
“Right. So we were back at his place and he cut himself making nachos.”
“I’m not even going to ask.”
“I know. Anyway, I put a band aid on him, and a second later he was kissing me.”
She squealed and clapped her hands together. “And I thought my night was exciting!”
“It was exciting all right, perhaps more exciting than I wanted it to be.”
“What are you talking about? Haven’t you been waiting for this moment forever?”
“No.”
She cocked her head.
“I mean, sure, maybe there was a time back in the day when I really wanted something to happen, but I’m over it.”
“Really?”
“And I definitely never meant for it to happen like this.”
“Isn’t the important thing that it happened? That he realized what a babe you are?”
“He didn’t realize shit.” I put my feet up on the coffee table. “He was just drunk and horny.”
She laughed. “You sound like you’re complaining. Drunk-horny Aiden is my favorite.”
I rolled my eyes. “He was only trying to distract himself from the fact that his model girlfriend was cheating on him.”
“I don’t think he’d use you like that.”
I shrugged. “But you also didn’t think someone could cut themselves making nachos.”
Her whole face scrunched around her nose. “True.”
I sighed.
“So have you talked to him since?”
“Yeah, just before you got home.”
“Hence the face.”
I nodded.
“And was it weird?”
“I thought it might be,” I said. “But he just started hitting on me and inviting me into his bed.”
Her eyes grew wide.
“I think he was still drunk.”
“Or you left him wanting more?”
“Yeah, that’s it. After his last few relationships with cover girls, one little kiss from me converted him into liking broke, combat boot wearing hairstylists.”
“Say what you want, but I was confused for weeks after I kissed you that one time.”
I laughed. “That had nothing to do with me and everything to do with your wine diet.”
“So what now?”
“I told him to get Tinder and not contact me until he had a date with someone else.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I’m just surprised you aren’t more excited.”
“Why would I be excited?”
“Cause you’ve been crushing on this guy for donkey’s.”
“And every time I think something might happen, I end up feeling like shit when he moves on to the next
bright shiny object like a goddamn goldfish.”
“But you’re the brightest, shiniest object around.”
“And you’re as shitfaced as you are full of shit.”
“I do feel pretty great right now.”
“The point is, we got a little carried away cause we were drunk, but I have no reason to think it meant anything, and I’m not about to jeopardize our friendship for something has no chance of lasting any longer than your waffle feed probably did.”
“It was a bit of a blur alright,” Fiona said, letting her head fall back.
My phone plinked on the table and I picked it up. “Speak of the devil.”
“What did he say?”
I opened the text and cleared my throat. “He said, I just liked a girl on Tinder. What do I say when she likes me back?” I read aloud as I typed, “She might not like you back. Just keep swiping and don’t get your hopes up.”
“That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?” Fiona asked.
“Not at all. He must’ve literally just downloaded it. I’m telling you, he’s excitable right now.”
My phone plinked a second later.
“Him again?” she asked.
“What did I tell you?” I asked, opening the message. “It says, I have a really good feeling about this one. Just tell me what to say when she likes me back.” I groaned.
Fiona smiled. “Why don’t you tell him to say he’s really rich and handsome and horny?”
“I guess he could say that and get away with it,” I said, feeling a weird twist in my gut.
“Or how about…” She squinted at the coffee table. “Just broke up with my cheating ex and wondering if you wanna be my rebound?”
I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”
“What are you going to say then?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell him that cheesy lines never work,” she said. “He should keep it simple.”
“Like hi or something?”
“How about- hi, I’m good with my hands,” she said.
“We don’t know if that’s true.”
“Whose fault is that?” she asked, looking down her nose at me.
I forced the thought of his big hands out of my mind. “This is so strange,” I said, staring at the phone. “I can always come up with something to say. I don’t get why I’m having such a hard time giving him advice on this.”
Fiona planted her forearms down on the recliner like she was getting ready to stand up. “Maybe that’s because you don’t want him to meet someone else.”
