by Hazel Kelly
I swallowed.
“Maybe you want to keep him all to yourself.”
“Don’t be stupid. That’s ridiculous.”
She rose to her feet and stared at me. “If you say so.”
Chapter 16: Aiden
The swiping was fun for a while.
It was kind of like walking through the red light district in Amsterdam except it felt way less shady. Within five minutes, I could see why people got addicted to it, but I couldn’t see that happening to me.
Maybe because I was too picky.
But I liked being able to see what mutual friends the girl and I had in common. It made it easy to weed out anyone that was friends with Chelsea. Before I started, I had this crazy idea that I would veto anyone who looked like a model just to see if I could break that bad habit, but when I saw how many girls didn’t look like models, I vetoed that rule instead.
Unfortunately, after two beers and just as many Simpson’s episodes, I still hadn’t found what I was looking for.
And then there she was. A pretty brunette with a genuine smile that spread all the way up to her eyes. I tapped the screen to look through her pictures.
The first one was a selfie of her smiling next to a big sunflower. The second was of her eating a piece of birthday cake with a pointy party hat on. The third was of her coming down a slide wearing little shorts with her hands in the air, and the last one was of her looking decidedly tipsy with perfect little shamrocks painted on her cheeks.
And suddenly, I realized why I hadn’t gotten excited about any of the other girls.
It was because she was the one I was looking for. And after fifteen years of her being right in front of me, it was like I’d finally found her.
But I didn’t know what the appropriate Tinder etiquette was for coming across someone you knew. My gut reaction was that you should like them because they were your friend. Yet there must’ve been people who took online dating too seriously for that.
Plus, what if you liked someone to be polite and they got the wrong idea? Or worse, what if you wanted them to get the wrong idea and they didn’t?
All I could do was hope that when I popped up on Lucy’s screen, she would know I wasn’t being polite.
After all, I told her I wasn’t sorry that I’d kissed her. I’d even gone so far as to invite her back into my bed which I meant with every muscle in my body. So if she right swiped me back, I might just have a chance.
Besides, there was no way I could humor the idea of going out with another girl when I was preoccupied with getting to the bottom of this Lucy situation, or more specifically, getting into Lucy’s bottoms.
Granted, I didn’t know if she was attracted to me, but she’d kissed me back without laughing, and that was something. At the very least, it gave me enough confidence to tap the little heart and hope for the best.
Which she was.
And I was an idiot for not realizing it sooner.
At the same time, I was a little concerned about how excited I was. I’d had many periods when I was single where I swapped women as often as Lucy swapped hair colors. And in lots of those cases, I’d had no problem walking away once my curiosity had been satisfied.
But I didn’t want to walk away from Lucy. Even if we slept together and the chemistry wasn’t there, I still hoped we could be friends. Yet part of me felt like that was naïve.
Was it worth risking our friendship to find out if we could have more?
I didn’t know. Lucy obviously didn’t think so. But she only had one head.
And I had two.
And two heads were supposed to be better than one.
Plus, there was a stubborn, stupid school boy inside me that was hell bent on getting my best friend to admit I was a great kisser and more. And why shouldn’t I go for it? Making Lucy smile had been my favorite thing to do since I’d gotten my first pair of Velcro shoes.
In fact, I remember the first time I saw her like it was yesterday.
My Mom took my sister and me to the park, and Claire had just stopped being fun. I still wanted to run around and play, but she was more concerned with her sticker collection so I was on my own.
As a result, I set out to do a round of the playground to see who was there just like I used to do rounds at the bar in college.
As I was doing so, I remember coming around the corner and seeing Lucy in the sandbox with a little boy who I later found out was her brother, Alex. She was helping him build a sand castle, and I remember it being the first time I’d ever seen someone wearing a sideways ponytail. I didn’t really know what to think of it besides the fact that my Mom would never have let Claire wear her hair like that.
Anyway, out of nowhere this kid came over and started stomping on their carefully crafted sand towers. Alex covered his face so he wouldn’t get sand in his eyes, but Lucy sprang up like a rocket and didn’t even give the kid a warning. Instead, she pushed his shoulders back with both hands, kicking his feet out from under him at the same time.
It was the coolest shit I’d ever seen. The kid fell down and started crying instantly, but Lucy didn’t even give him a second look.
Instead, she went back over to Alex whose bottom lip was shaking so much he looked like he was a moment away from crying himself.
“It’s okay,” she said, patting his back.
“Ruined!” Alex said, tearing at his hair.
“We can build it back up again,” Lucy said. “It’ll be even better this time.”
When she finally got Alex to calm down, I went over and asked if she wanted any help rebuilding her castle.
She looked up for a second and then said. “I think we’ve got it under control.”
I took a step back.
“But if you want to collect some rocks to decorate it, that would be cool,” she added.
A second later, her Mom appeared and pointed across the park to the mean kid. “Did you hurt that boy over there?”
“I was protecting Alex,” she said, molding some sand between her small hands.
Her Mom squinted. “His Mom told me he just wanted to play with you guys.”
Lucy looked up. “He came over and stomped on our castle.”
Her Mom’s mouth formed a straight line.
“It’s true,” I said. “I saw the whole thing.”
Lucy’s Mom folded her arms and looked back and forth between me and Lucy. “I want both of you to hang your heads for a second and pretend you’re in trouble.”
I watched Lucy hang her head and followed suit.
Then her Mom bent down and put her arm on Lucy’s shoulder.
I tried to look up without lifting my head.
Mrs. Ryan lowered her voice. “I’m proud of you for standing up to the bully. You did the right thing.”
Lucy nodded, keeping her eyes on the ground.
Her Mom straightened back up. “Okay, you guys can raise your heads again now and go back to playing.”
We’d been a team ever since.
Chapter 17: Lucy
“I can’t believe you left swiped that guy!” Fiona said, looking over my shoulder.
I shrugged. “I wasn’t feeling his sideburns.”
“You of all people should know that hair is one of the only things you can change about a man.”
“Tell that to my Dad.”
“Good point,” she said. “But even he could get a transplant or something.”
I laughed. “He’d probably be an excellent candidate. He takes really good care of the few hairs that are left.”
“I’m not sure why he bothers. Once you have few enough that you can name them, you should probably just give up.”
I swiped a few guys left just for looking at me funny.
“Damn, you’ve gotten picky. I woulda kept that buff looking one.”
“Which one?”
“I was just about to ask you the same question,” she said. “What do you think?”
I craned my neck around to look at her.
&n
bsp; She pulled her hair back. “Silver danglies?”
I looked at her exposed ear. “Okay.”
“Or purple danglies?” she asked, modeling the other side of her head.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” I asked.
“Whoa, I know my style is eclectic, but I wouldn’t wear my Bulls Jersey on a date.”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t put it past you.”
“Just pick already.”
“Could you ask me again in context?” I turned back to my phone. “And you’re welcome that I take styling you so seriously.”
Fiona groaned and started down the hallway.
“Hey, are you still using Tinder or are you and Peter off the market?”
“I’m not off,” she called down the hall. “But I’m not swiping or anything.”
“I suppose you’ll have to have a formal chat with him about that when the time comes.”
“Hideous!”
“Yeah, I don’t envy you.”
“No, not the talk is hideous,” she yelled from her room. “I was referring to my skinny jeans which are tight already, and he’s not even officially my boyfriend.”
I laughed. “Letting yourself go ahead of schedule, are you?”
“Apparently,” her voice echoed up the hall.
“I hope he’s not getting matched right now with someone who still fits in hers.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“I know, sorry. I’m only joking. I just don’t know how you’re not totally paranoid after the Chelsea thing.”
“I’m hoping Peter’s a better person than she is.”
“I’d say there’s a good chance.”
I swiped left on a bunch of guys who were above average, but brunettes were reminding me too much of Aiden since last weekend.
“Okay, now which earrings?” Fiona asked, stepping back into the room.
“Oh, purple, for sure.”
“Thanks,” she said. “Was that so hard?”
I looked down at my phone. “Wait—oh my god.”
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“No,” I said. “Not about the earrings. Look at my phone, and tell me I’m not crazy.”
I held it up for her and closed my eyes.
She laughed. “You’re crazy alright.”
“What should I do?”
“Obviously, you should right swipe him. He’s your best friend.”
“What if he gets the wrong idea?”
“What if he doesn’t more like? Look at his fucking arms in that picture.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I mean, I’m not into fisting, but I’d let him-”
“Enough!” I said, pulling the phone back towards me. “You’re a freak.”
“A freak for Aiden.”
“Stop.”
“And so are you.”
“No, I’m not,” I said, tapping the button to look at the rest of his pictures.
“Are you seriously pretending to think about it? There’s nothing to think about.”
“Don’t you think he should be judged just as harshly as everyone else?”
She plopped down on the couch next to me. “Fair enough. Let’s see his pecs- I mean pics.”
“Okay, so you saw the one of him in his old uniform? The next one is…”
She put a hand over her chest. “Him in his physio scrubs?! Be still my beating heart.”
“I get it,” I said, flicking through to the next picture. “You have a thing for scrubs.”
“Wait- what the fuck is wrong with his hair in that one?”
“It’s a wig. Remember when I made him go to that Lord of the Rings party with me?”
“Oh right. Christ. Who is he even supposed to be there? Bilbo?”
“No, he was Samwise Gamgee.”
“And you were…?”
“Frodo, obviously.”
“Why didn’t you go as cool wizards or something?”
“Cause everyone knows that Hobbits have more fun.”
“You need to get out more,” she said.
“Whatever. If you’d watch the movies, you’d understand.”
“Just show me the next one already.”
“Okay, here goes.”
“Awwww,” we said in unison.
“What’s that from?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But it’s pretty cheap to have a picture of a puppy licking your face. I mean, how manipulative is that?”
“It worked though, didn’t it? We both totally melted.”
“I did not totally melt.”
“Lucy.”
“What?”
“You have to right swipe him.”
“Do I?”
“Of course! He’s your Samwise.”
“Fuck.” I knew she was right. Not only did I desperately want to, but wasn’t it what I always fantasized about? Meeting him in a different way? Starting over and seeing if there was anything there, like normal adults who didn’t go through puberty together?
“Plus, you already know he’s a good kisser.”
“I didn’t tell you that.”
“You didn’t have to. I’ve kissed him a thousand times in my dreams.”
I pointed down the hall. “You need to keep getting ready.”
Fiona rocked up off the couch and looked down at me. “If you don’t heart him, your chance at a relationship with him is going to crumble to nothing like Mordor.”
“Wait- what? How did you-”
“I’ve seen the movies, dummy,” she said, heading down the hallway.
I shook my head. Then, as soon as I saw her disappear into her room, I pressed the heart button.
Two minutes later, I realized I’d been holding my breath and exhaled slowly. But before I’d even let the air out of my lungs, my phone pinged.
I gasped as I read the “You have a match” message, giving myself the hiccups instantly.
“Have you seen my wallet?” Fiona asked, walking into the kitchen. “I had it out here when we got Jimmy Johns last night?”
I hiccupped again, reaching down between the couch cushions and holding her wallet in the air.
“Thanks.”
“Fiona.”
“You want me to scare you or something so your hiccups go away,” she said, grabbing her wallet. “Cause I could go put on your Frodo costume and-”
I shook my head.
“What then?”
I lifted my phone. “I have a match.”
She froze. “It’s him, isn’t it?”
I nodded.
“What are you going to say?”
“I’m not going to say anything,” I said. “He was probably just being friendly.”
“Yeah, and the other night he was just checking to see if you had any cavities.”
“Don’t you think I should wait a few minutes and see if he sends me a message.”
“He sent you a message in his apartment last weekend.”
“I’m really starting to regret telling you that.”
Fiona pursed her lips. “Why don’t you just say hey.”
“Hey?”
She shrugged. “Hi?”
“That’s exactly why I’m not going to say anything. There’s nothing to say. We’re just friends.”
“Yeah, right. And Frodo and Samwise were just friends.”
“Right.”
She raised her hands in the air. “Until they embarked together on the greatest adventure of their lives!”
I turned to look at her. “Which did not start on Tinder.”
“Are you kidding?” she asked. “Tinder is just like The Shire!”
I leaned against the arm of the couch. “Please go on. I’m dying to know what Tinder and The Shire have in common.”
Fiona cleared her throat. “The Shire is a safe place from which epic adventures begin.”
“That’s a stretch.”
“Maybe, but if I never sent Peter a message, I wouldn’t have a bruise on my inner t
high right now.”
“You sent him a message?”
“Hell yeah I did. And I’m going to send him another one tonight and it’s gonna say-”
“I don’t want to hear about that one. Tell me what you said when you first got matched.”
She shrugged. “It was something like, do you really work at the Children’s hospital or are you just the sleaziest guy I’ve met on Tinder yet?”
“And?”
“And he said he really worked there.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I said, in that case I’m seriously ill and need urgent treatment.”
“Jesus.”
“And then I said, and by treatment I mean dinner.”
“Good lord.”
“Isn’t he though? I’ve been calling his name ever since.”
“Oh god.”
“That’s exactly what I say, over and over and-”
“Shouldn’t Peter be here by now?”
“I’m not leaving until you send him a message.”
I looked down just as my phone pinged. “Too late.”
“What did he say?”
“He said-” I shook my head and tried to suppress a smile. “Sup beautiful?”
Chapter 18: Aiden
I was psyched to see the match waiting for me when I got out of the shower.
And I could’ve spent all night trying to think of what to say, but I wanted to say something before she decided I was just being friendly. Cause I wasn’t. I was trying to get friendly- in the most indelicate way possible- and I was going to have to destroy over a decade of her treating me like a friend to do it.
Of course, I knew better than to text her a bullshit line. Not that I didn’t have plenty of them, but the most important thing was to get the conversation going, and I was new to online dating. So I figured I’d keep it simple.
And when she answered, I knew I’d accomplished my mission.
“Hi,” she texted.
“I liked your pics,” I typed back.
“Which one did you like best?”
“Probably the one of you eating cake.”
“Why’s that?”
“Cause you look good licking your lips.”
“You’re disgusting.”
I could picture the expression on her face while she tried not to smile. “When’s the last time you had something sweet in your mouth?” I asked.
