To Be a Family (Harlequin Superromance)

by Kilby, Joan

  “Yes.”

  “Good night then.” He rolled onto his side, facing away from her.

  She lay staring at the ceiling, dry-eyed, her heart aching. What had just happened? How had things gone so wrong, so quickly? Most importantly, where could they go from here?

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  RAIN DRUMMING ON the tin roof of the cottage woke John the next morning. He moved his arm and winced at the pain. Memories of yesterday flooded back. Tuti swept into the ocean. Rescuing her, getting bashed against the rocks. Gingerly he touched his forehead. The bandage was slightly damp where blood had seeped through.

  Then the argument with Katie. It had been pretty intense but he felt better for having vented. He glanced sideways. Her side of the bed was empty, her pillow still hollow from the impression of her head. He heard a noise out in the kitchen. It was her moving around, running water into the kettle.

  What the hell had happened between them? He’d laid himself bare, told her he loved her, asked her to marry him, to share his life, to be a mother to Tuti… and she hadn’t said no. But she hadn’t said yes, either. Wasn’t that just typical? What did she want from him that he wasn’t offering her?

  He thought he was giving her a gift—to be able to write without worrying about making an income. She thought he was trying to…what—control her? That was her excuse when she didn’t want to commit.

  He rolled out of bed. A chilly draft was coming through the cracks in the window frame. Outside heavy gray clouds blanketed the sky over the bay. The last spate of autumn sun was over. The weather had socked in.

  He put on long pants and socks for the first time in weeks. In the kitchen, Tuti was eating toast while Katie fiddled with the radio. She’d washed her hair and it was still damp, hanging in a loose braid over her shoulder. She found a clear station and they listened to the tail end of the news. The state government had approved a new freeway in the western suburbs and a rail link to the airport.

  “Election coming up,” John said. “They’re splashing money around like nobody’s business.”

  “Shh. Here’s the weather.” Katie held still to listen. The forecast was for continuing rain. Music came on. Katie turned the volume down.

  John poured himself a coffee and leaned against the counter. “Not much point in sticking around here. The cottage isn’t built for the cold.”

  “You’re right.” Katie added scrambled eggs and a piece of bacon to Tuti’s plate. Then she divided the rest between two plates and pushed one toward him. “If we pack up after breakfast we could be back in Summerside by lunchtime.”

  “I want to stay,” Tuti said.

  “Sorry, sweetheart. There’ll be another time.”

  A ringing came from the other room. “Is that your phone?” Katie asked.

  John grabbed his phone off the coffee table. “Hello?”

  “Senior Sergeant John Forster?” an unfamiliar, official-sounding male voice said.

  “Yes, speaking.”

  “This is Allan Barkin, District Police Commissioner of Queensland. I apologize for calling when you’re on holiday…”

  “That’s no problem.” This was it. It was starting to happen. John began to pace the room.

  “I’ve looked over your résumé and I’d like to interview you now, over the phone. Would that suit you?”

  “Yes, that’s fine. Could you give me just a moment?” He went back to the kitchen. With his hand over the phone he spoke to Katie. “I’m on a phone interview. Could you keep Tuti quiet and occupied? I’ll take this in the bedroom.”

  “Sure, no problem.” She gave him a long, silent look, then turned to Tuti. “Eat up, sweetie, and we’ll play Snakes and Ladders. Your daddy is on an important call.”

  Back in the bedroom, John sat at Katie’s makeshift desk and found a piece of blank paper on which to take notes. “I’m back, sir. Please go ahead.”

  The interview went for forty minutes and covered a broad range of police procedures, regulations and duties, John’s experience and his career aspirations, as well as the unique challenges of Tinman Island with its mix of aboriginal inhabitants, transient service industry workers and resort-goers.

  “I’m looking for a fresh challenge,” John reiterated when he sensed Allan Barkin was winding up. “I’d welcome the opportunity to combine leadership with hands-on policing. I’ve been reading up on local issues and I have some ideas about how to get the local communities involved and on board with police activities.” He gave a deprecating cough. “And being keen on water sports, I have to admit the location appeals to me, as well.”

  “Plenty of water sports on the island,” Barkin said in his gruff voice. “Do you fish?

  “Fishing, scuba, sailing—I love them all. I don’t have much time for that nowadays but I was a semiprofessional surfer in my youth.”

  “Well, John, I’m pleased to tell you I’m putting you on the short list for the position. Ordinarily I would consult with the rest of the panel before making that decision but we’re on a short time frame. We need to make a selection by the end of the week. I believe I told you the outgoing commander is in the hospital after a major heart attack and won’t be coming back. The officer acting in his position isn’t interested in staying on. Can you get up here for an interview tomorrow morning?”

  That soon? He could swing it. He and Katie had already decided to return to Summerside. Before he’d left town Sally, Tuti’s after-school caregiver, had let him know she was available to look after Tuti as needed over the holidays. And he was still officially off work. “Yes, sir. I can get an early flight and be in Brisbane by midmorning.”

  “That will be fine. The selection panel is interviewing all day,” D.C. Barkin said. “I’ll slot you in for eleven o’clock.”

  “May I ask who my competition is, sir?” He wanted to know what his chances were.

  “I suppose there’s no harm in telling you since you’re bound to run into at least one or two of them tomorrow.” Barkin named a half-dozen names. Two of the men and one of the women being considered he’d never heard of but they all ranked higher than him. The other three contenders he knew by their stellar reputations. He was facing stiff competition.

  “Thank you, sir. I’ll see you tomorrow.” John hung up and called Sally. When he had Tuti’s care organized he went out to the cottage living room.

  Katie was seated on the chair, Tuti on the couch. He threw Katie a glance and sat down beside Tuti. She looked up, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. He made a mental note to get her hair trimmed.

  “I have to go to Brisbane tomorrow so Sally’s going to look after you.”

  “Okay.” She pushed the dice at Katie. “Your turn.”

  It was humbling how easily she accepted what he told her. She trusted him implicitly and here he was, possibly about to turn her life upside down.

  Katie ignored the dice. She was watching him intently. “What happened?”

  “I have an interview in person tomorrow.”

  She paled then reached for the dice but didn’t throw them.

  “What’s an interview?” Tuti asked.

  “It’s to see if I get a new job. If I do we’ll be moving up north to live.”

  “Will Katie go, too?”

  “Maybe,” John said.

  “I don’t know, sweetie,” Katie said. “It’s a long way from my home.”

  “We’ll have to wait and see.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything to Tuti befo
re he knew. But he had to prepare her. It wasn’t that long ago he’d read her Katie’s book on grieving and they’d had an emotional talk about Nena. Now he might have to prepare her for losing Katie. Hell, he might have to prepare himself.

  Tuti’s forehead wrinkled. “But Katie’s my teacher.”

  “You would have a new teacher in a new school. No matter what happens Katie will still be your friend. Right, Katie?”

  “Of course,” she murmured.

  “You can talk to her on Skype the way you do Wayan and Ketut,” he added.

  Tuti kept her gaze down, saying nothing. He hoped she wasn’t going to stop talking again. “That’s if I get the job. I might not. Then we’d stay here. And everything will be the same.” Was that really true? If Katie drew a line in the sand and refused to even consider a move, would that make everything change again? Could they come back from her vote of nonconfidence in their relationship?

  “No matter what, I’ll always be with you.” He put his arm around her and hugged her. Still she said nothing. John massaged the back of her neck. “Okay, sweetheart?”

  Tuti glanced up at him with sad eyes. She gave him a small smile and said, “Okay, Bapa.”

  “We need to go home now. Why don’t you go pack your bag?” he said to Tuti. “Don’t forget to brush your teeth first.”

  When she’d left the room, John glanced at Katie. “So, things are progressing. Have you thought any more about whether you would come with us?”

  She started putting away the board game. “You don’t even know if you’ve got the job.”

  “No, but a little support would help, going into the interview.”

  “I’m not sure I can give you what you’re asking for.” Katie’s dark eyes clouded and the tiny lines at the corners became more pronounced. “Summerside is my home. It’s where I belong, where I feel safe.” Her voice cracked. “My mother is buried there.”

  John nodded, numb. She needed security. He got that. But he’d thought he was offering her security. The solid comfort of his love, a home and family. It wasn’t enough for her. She wasn’t willing to take a chance. “Tuti would miss you. I would miss you.”

  “I’m sorry, John—”

  “Don’t say no yet.” He hated the desperation in his voice but he plowed on. Their relationship had been brought to a head prematurely. It wasn’t ideal but they would have to deal with it. “Nothing’s set in stone.”

  “You got through the first hurdle.” She smiled though her eyes welled with tears and reached out to smooth his shirt collar. “You are going to blow the socks off the selection panel.”

  “Whatever happens, don’t let it mark the end of us.”

  Her smile faded and she searched his gaze unhappily. “You’re obviously looking for something more out of life, something I, and Summerside, can’t give you. I don’t want to hold you back—”

  “Shh, we won’t talk about it anymore now.” Their relationship wasn’t over. It couldn’t be. As long as she didn’t say a definitive no there was still a chance they would get together. He’d waited seven years. He would wait seven more if he had to.

  He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. “We belong together. Tell me you’ll think about it some more.”

  “Oh, John, I’ve been awake half the night, thinking.” A tear escaped and she brushed it away. “I do love you. But I—I just can’t do it. I can’t go with you.”

  He buried his face in her fragrant hair, trying to suck air into his tight chest. All he’d wanted was a lifeline. Instead he was drowning.

  * * *

  “LET ME GET THIS straight.” Paula dished out Thai green curry from takeaway boxes onto three plates. “John asked you to marry him and go live on a tropical island. But you said no because you’d rather stay in Summerside.”

  Riley sipped his beer, shaking his head. “I always suspected you had a screw loose. Now it’s confirmed.”

  “I do not have a screw loose.” Katie was allowing herself to relax for the first time in weeks. She’d made her deadline by mere hours and the book and illustrations were on their way to New York. “I have obligations here. My students. Dad.”

  “Uh-huh,” Riley said skeptically.

  Katie dug into her curry. She was making excuses again. Her father and stepmother, Susan, were fit and healthy and planning an extended trip around the country in a camper van. And her students were going into grade two next year. She adored them but they weren’t a lifetime commitment.

  “On Tinman Island you wouldn’t have to work for a living but could concentrate on your writing,” Paula said.

  “Which would be a godsend considering you’re under the pump with this contract,” Riley added.

  “Hey, ease up, you guys,” she protested. “Do you think this was an easy decision for me? To say no and realize that John and Tuti might be going away and I’ll only see them once, maybe twice, a year?”

  Why did he want to marry her anyway? How could he love her when she put him through such hell? Had she become this unattainable woman, a conquest, and he wouldn’t be happy until he got her?

  More to the point, why was she being so stubborn? Why couldn’t she commit? Riley had only been kidding about the screw loose but sometimes she wondered if she was going crazy. The thought of joining her future to John’s scared her to death. It wasn’t like being afraid of going downhill on a bike. This was a real, visceral terror of pouring her heart and soul into the one she loved. Only for that love to abandon her.

  Katie stabbed her fork at a spring roll.

  Like when her mother died.

  Huh. Where had that thought come from? The spring roll dropped back to the plate. She’d been a young girl, on the brink of womanhood. Close to her mother, far closer than to her gruff military father. She’d believed to the very end that her mother would survive.

  And then she hadn’t.

  Just as she’d counted on John being around forever, no matter how she treated him, or what condition she was in.

  Until he wasn’t.

  She’d had similar thoughts before about John but without the added insight of her mother’s death. Why would she? The two events didn’t seem connected.

  Maybe she had to accept some responsibility for John giving up on her. Oh, sure, he said he’d done it to try to save her. But had he really been trying to save himself?

  She noticed suddenly that Paula and Riley had fallen silent and were watching her. Paula reached over and squeezed her hand. “We know you care about him. And that your decision must have been painful.”

  “How is John?” Katie asked, dreading the answer. She hadn’t seen him all week. She’d been busy finishing her book, and hurting too much to be with him right now. If they still had a future it wasn’t going to be the future either had hoped for. A long-distance romance on either end of a Skype connection wasn’t her idea of a relationship. Temporarily, okay, but not for any duration. She missed him, and she missed Tuti. It was a taste of what was to come and she didn’t like it.

  “He’s being all stoical,” Riley said. “But he’s hurting.”

  “How did his interview in Brisbane go?”

  “He’s on the short, short list. They’ve narrowed it down to him and another guy. Or I should say, a woman.” Paula looked at her funny. “Didn’t he tell you?”

  “We had a fight at the cottage. I haven’t spoken to him since.” More than a fight, it had been a goodbye.

  “You, fighting?” Riley said. �
�That must have been something.”

  “It wasn’t nice.” Katie grimaced. “Raised voices, practically yelling.”

  Paula exchanged a glance with Riley and bit her lip to suppress a grin. “Sounds desperate. What was it about?” she added more sympathetically.

  “Tuti, to begin with. I know he’s her dad and he has final say but if we married I would have a say, too. We are so at odds sometimes with how we approach parenting. If we can’t agree on basics it would be hell to live together, both of us duking it out over who knows best. I’ve seen kids from unstable homes. They’re not happy kids. I would hate to put Tuti or any child of our own through that.”

  “That’s just fine-tuning. The main thing is, you both love her and want the best for her,” Riley said. “Paula and I have been having discussions lately about Jamie. You don’t have to always agree—”

  “But if one parent lays down the law, the other one has to back him or her up,” Paula finished.

  “Exactly.” Riley gave his wife a high five.

  Katie smiled at their tag-team antics. She took a breath before admitting the rest. “Then…then we moved on to what happened when I was sick with cancer. It wasn’t rational, just emotional. All sorts of horrible stuff dredged up from years ago.”

  “Maybe it was good that you got it out,” Riley said.

  “I don’t know.” She poked at her dinner with chopsticks, suddenly not hungry. “Mum and Dad never fought like that.”

  Riley shrugged. “Dad was a military man, used to being in command. And he has a temper. He’s got it under control but I remember times he lashed out. Nothing abusive but he would stomp around as if he was giving his troops a dressing-down. Mum hated confrontation so she avoided saying anything that got him riled up. I recall a lot of tense silences.”

  Now that he mentioned it, her parents had spent a lot of time apart, her mother in the kitchen working on recipes for her next cookbook, her father in the shed doing some woodworking project. They’d done their own thing a lot—nothing wrong with that. She’d assumed they had different interests and gave each other space.