The Fall (The Siren Series)

by Higginson, Rachel

  “No,” I whispered with matched belief. “No, we’re not.”

  She stood up and gave me her back. “You’ll see that I’m right.”

  I had never hated her more than in that moment. Never. She didn’t understand. She didn’t get it. She had given up hope decades before. Or maybe she had never even had it. Maye she had accepted this ugly fate from the beginning.

  “I’m going out tonight,” I announced stubbornly. Just try to stop me. She didn’t say anything. She just kept walking toward the door. “Aren’t you going to try to stop me?” I shouted after her.

  At the doorway she turned back to me and gave me a pitying glance. “Nix won’t be back until tomorrow at the earliest. If you want to leave this house again, tonight would be the best time to do it.” I swallowed against the unspoken promise in those words but purposed not to think about them until Nix was actually back. She walked into the living room but threw one last dig over her shoulder. “Nix loved the tattoos by the way.”

  Shit.

  I looked down at my scrubbed clean wrist with the word “Blackheart” scrawled in pretty cursive. My fingers floated over my ribs that said “My Soul is Free” in the same pretty script. I groaned with resignation. If I was honest with myself, I knew my secret tattoos would always be discovered. I couldn’t lie to myself about that. It was inevitable that Nix would find them.

  Kind of bad timing though…

  With no more energy for anything, I rolled over and went back to sleep. My problems would still exist when I woke up and I would rather forget about them until I absolutely had to face them.

  Hours later, I resurfaced from unconsciousness feeling more mixed up than ever about last night and what it meant for my life. I rolled over and forced myself to get up. I felt like I’d been in an industrial-sized laundry machine. Everything felt rattled and bruised. My head hurt. My lungs hurt. My heart even hurt. Like the muscles of my heart felt strained and sore.

  I forced myself into the hottest shower I could stand and stood there while some of the tension drained away. I stood there until the water turned ice cold and all the tension returned to my stiff muscles.

  A thousand different emotions swirled under my skin. I was scared. I was nervous. I was hopeful. I was happy. I was excited to see Ryder. I felt dread sludge through my veins, knowing I was about to face something more horrific than I had ever faced before when Nix returned. I couldn’t even name most of the feelings assaulting my spirit. And I couldn’t decide what emotion rose to the top- happiness or eternal sadness? But they were all there and they were all confusing.

  I finally pulled myself from the shower when I couldn’t stand the cold water anymore. I dressed for the Slowdown and Sugar Skulls in a high-waist miniskirt and blousy tank top. I didn’t take as much care with my hair and it dried wild and unruly around my shoulders. My makeup was a little heavy handed as well, but it was because my hands were too heavy for me to work precisely to perfect it.

  I stepped into some peep-toe ankle boots with cute leather fringe. I felt young like this. I felt rebellious.

  I gave myself a watery smile and forced confidence into my shoulders. I couldn’t wait to see Ryder. I couldn’t wait to get out of this house and breathe. Last night was a victory but I would pay for it. Nix would be home soon and I would have to face him.

  And even if I survived those two things. School started in less than two weeks and that was its own kind of death sentence.

  Freedom felt forever away but I drew closer with every single breath I breathed.

  I walked into the living room and found my mom drinking from a tumbler of scotch. “Here’s your phone.” She handed me my cell with a passive expression. “I’m sure Nix has it bugged. So keep that in mind.”

  I nodded. Of course he did. “Thanks.”

  “I want you home tonight.”

  “I will be.”

  And with that she disappeared into her bedroom and shut the door behind her.

  I sent a quick text to Exie asking her to pick me up. I hoped she had been planning to go otherwise I would have to take public transport.

  On my way. She texted back immediately. I’m surprised you’re allowed out of the house.

  With Nix on the manhunt I’m free until he returns.

  Me too. Sloane too. She replied.

  Our texts went silent after that because she obviously had to drive. I stood in the kitchen scarfing down baby carrots and a bottle of water. There wasn’t anything else in the fridge, otherwise I would have eaten more. My stomach lurched with the addition of food after going so long without. I forced myself to keep it down. The water sloshed in the emptiness and only added to the nausea, but I knew I needed it.

  I fought the temptation to text Ryder. If Nix had already been through my phone or bugged it like my mom said, I couldn’t risk any more recorded interaction between the two of us.

  Exie finally texted to say she was here. I grabbed some cash, my ID and my phone and shoved them all into my pockets. I anxiously paced through the elevator ride and ran out to jump in Exie’s car.

  Sloane was already there in the front seat. We shared a victorious smile and then rode to the Slowdown in silence. There wasn’t much else to say. Our plan had succeeded but all of us felt the slow pressure of the building storm that would face us tomorrow.

  Despite that, we arrived at the Slowdown with a collective excitement. Exie had to park a little ways away and we tottered on our heels down the sidewalk and soaked in the humid, summer night.

  Ryder and Phoenix were waiting for us just inside the door. I ran to Ryder and threw my arms around his neck, pressing against him as tightly as was humanly possible. His arms wrapped around my waist and he didn’t hesitate to kiss me.

  When I came up for air, I saw that Exie and Phoenix were tangled much like we were. I raised my eyebrows at Sloane but she just shrugged.

  “It’s new to me, too,” she said.

  “Me too!” Phoenix squeaked, sounding like a tween in the middle of puberty.

  “This is fun, all this couple stuff. But I’m going to go find a drink,” Sloane drawled.

  I pulled back from Ryder a bit and looked straight into those silver depths. “I missed you.”

  He kissed the corner of my mouth. “I missed you, too.” He watched my face and took in all those little pieces of me I didn’t think anyone could see. He observed me, drank me in and then his happy expression grew concerned. “Everything alright, Red?”

  I shook my head but forced myself to say, “Now it is. For now it is.”

  “Come on.” He linked our hands and pulled me through the rowdy, underage crowd.

  We had a place in the back of the dark room that was like our spot, where we all congregated during the opening bands. The rest of Ryder’s band was already back there. Hudson, Cole and Hayden sat around a high-top table while random girls floated around them. They instantly perked up when we walked back there, though.

  Their attention instantly turned to my friends and me. Exie and Sloane had their own power, but the majority of their focus usually floated around me. It was the way it always was.

  Except tonight.

  I snuggled closer into Ryder’s side and with his arm draped over my shoulders we were obviously claiming our couple status. I waited for their snide remarks or blatant displays of lust.

  They gave me neither.

  Instead, they glanced over at us and then back to the girls that were vying for their attention. They weren’t interested in me at all.

  If I hadn’t been knocked out last night to stop the mob of men from trying to get to me, I would have thought something was wrong with my mojo. But last night had been a clear indication that I still had it.

  So what was different tonight?

  Or when Matt and Nate had backed off so completely?

  Or how about that moment when Chase seemed to just suddenly get over me?

  There was a common denominator that seemed to negate my Siren song… Ryder.

>   Orpheus.

  He turned into me and hooked his fingers beneath the thin straps of my tank top. I shivered from the heat of his hands. The backs of his knuckles brushed against my collarbone on either side and his thighs pressed into my hips.

  This boy was so perfect. And I was so madly in love with him. No wonder everything about me neutralized under the strength of my feelings for him.

  “Come play with us?” he asked in a sexy rumble.

  “I haven’t practiced in forever,” I argued. I didn’t want to play with him tonight. I wanted to watch him. To soak him in. I wanted to bask in his utter control of the room.

  “I don’t care. I want you up there with me. I want you by my side always.”

  Butterflies and tingles. Would it always be like this?

  I nodded. How could I say no to that?

  “Fine,” I relented.

  “Plus, I wrote you a new song,” he whispered. “I need to be able to see your face when you hear the words.”

  “Why? Afraid I’ll hate it?”

  “Maybe,” he chuckled. “Or maybe I want to watch you fall even more in love with me.”

  He was watching it right now.

  “You’re pretty confident that will happen,” I teased. “I’m not so sure.”

  He just gave me a crooked smile and walked away to go set up his equipment. Apparently my argument was so weak it didn’t even deign a reply.

  I grinned like an idiot as I watched him go.

  Tomorrow might fall to pieces, but I had this. I had Ryder. And I had a moment to look forward to tonight where he promised me even more of that love.

  I breathed deeply… easily. With Ryder, I would always breathe easily. And in two more weeks these feelings and moments would stretch into infinity.

  Chapter Twenty

  The stage lights beat down on me, heating my sticky skin. My fingers flew over the little keyboard with practiced ease. I hadn’t played all summer and this felt very much like coming home- even if it was a plastic keyboard and not my beautiful upright waiting for me at my apartment.

  Ryder sang away up front, completely capturing the attention of the audience. His guitar hung low on his narrow hips, his wild hair stuck out everywhere except where it was slicked with sweat. Droplets of perspiration ran down the curve of his neck. And his raw, rough voice belted out moving lyrics that entwined my heart with practiced seduction.

  God, I could watch him do this forever.

  I thought back to the first time I ever watched him play. He was dating Kenna Lee, who was also here, by the way. They were a cute couple, but apparently didn’t have the lasting power. I had been enraptured by him, completely carried away in his sound, his stage presence and his full devotion to every single song.

  And with his every performance, I watched my obsession only deepen.

  My blood buzzed with the vibration of Cole’s bass, my heart pounded the rhythm of Phoenix’s drums. Cole and Hayden rounded out the sound making my ears all gooey and melty and Ryder brought everything together upfront.

  This band was so good. With or without me, they had so much potential.

  And yet I planned on taking Ryder away from them. He would never be able to be in a band again. He would never be able to draw attention to himself or entertain masses of people again. If he had a serious musical dream, which he definitely should have, because he was amazing, he would have to leave it behind.

  All for me.

  How selfish was that?

  The pit in my stomach grew. Now it was on the verge of becoming a black hole and sucking every single thing that I loved or cared about into it.

  Could I really make him leave this?

  I wanted to be that selfish but I was faltering.

  The song ended and I managed to hold it together through the last chords. We were at the end of our set and I was now officially exhausted. Adrenaline pumped through me but it faded with the house lights.

  We had a routine at the end of the night that included Ryder telling the audience goodbye and us walking off stage only to be called back for an encore. We left the stage the same way every week; but I could already tell Ryder was going off script. He glanced over his shoulder at me and shot me a mischievous wink. The rest of the band grinned idiotically at me.

  I felt like he was about to propose.

  Okay, I couldn’t really unpack the emotions that came with that thought so I decided to wisely ignore them.

  Ryder stepped back to the microphone and spoke in a voice weary from singing a full set. “Thanks guys! That’s usually it for us, but I’ve got a little something extra for you tonight. I’ve been working on this girl for a while now. You know what I mean? She’s been a little bit of a runner. She hasn’t exactly wanted to admit that she’s got a thing for me.” The crowd made a collective “aw” sound. I blushed. Of course, they would be on his side. Ryder wasn’t finished. “But lately, I’ve upped my game and gotten her attention.” He glanced back over at me and grinned. The crowd followed his movements and now stared at me with renewed interest. “We’ve shared some feelings.” More oohing and awing. “We’ve shared some kisses.” Oh, my gosh, I needed to kill him now. “And now I’ve got some more feelings I want to share… in this song.” The room erupted into cheering and shouting. I didn’t want to kill him anymore. “Fun fact,” he finished his little monologue with a truth that made my heart burst in my chest. “I’ve been working on this song for her since last fall, when I realized there was not a moment in this life that I wanted to spend without her.”

  He strummed his fingers across his guitar, gave me one more soulful look and then began to sing.

  A song he wrote for me.

  That he had been writing for me for months.

  He had all the words in his song, but I couldn’t think of any words that were adequate enough to describe this moment.

  Ryder sang about love like an ocean, deep and endless, stretching out in front of us until the horizon met the waves. He sang about my love pulling him under, the Siren song calling him to the deep. He talked about going willingly, fading into oblivion if he could just have my love. He sang about a girl that was broken into a million pieces and a boy that would spend the rest of his life putting her back together. He sang about eyes like grass in the midnight moon and a black heart that he wanted to kiss better. He sang about us, and that he couldn’t wait to get to know me as us and that he couldn’t wait to start our forever.

  By the time he finished his song and strummed the last few chords, I was a mess. If his intention was to make me fall irrevocably in love with him then he succeeded.

  He waved out at the crowd and sweetly said, “Thanks guys! We’re here next week but now I need to go kiss that girl.”

  The crowd went crazy with his words. He jumped over an amp, swung his guitar around on the strap so that it hung off his back and out of the way and pulled me by the waist into a big, messy kiss. I sighed and let him take control. How could I resist that? I was completely smitten with this guy.

  And he just kept pulling me under.

  He said I had the siren song. I waited for him at the bottom of forever. But really it was him taking me with him. It was Ryder that reached beyond all of my insecurity, cynicism and ice and found the real person I never knew I could be. He had let me be myself, let me find myself and he just walked with me the whole way.

  “I love you, Red,” he murmured in my ear when the cheering had died down.

  “I love you, Ryder.”

  I had never known perfection like this. There had never been a more perfect moment than with him like this. And I realized he kept giving me these moments. When my life had been nothing but nightmares and regrets, he had come along and gifted me moment after moment of perfect happiness and love.

  He took my hand and led me over to the bar where the bartender had two waters waiting for us. I gladly gulped mine down and smiled as my friends made their way over.

  Sloane gave me a concerned look but Exie just b
eamed at me. I wondered if Sloane doubted Ryder’s authenticity and suspected all these things he felt for me were just part of the curse or if it was something else.

  It didn’t matter because I knew the truth about Ryder. I knew he loved me for me and wasn’t influenced by some stupid mythical force. And I knew there was no reason to worry about us. I had wavered before, wondering if I could let him come with me, but now I knew that I had no choice.

  I couldn’t leave him behind.

  There would be no point to freedom if I couldn’t enjoy it with Ryder.

  “I’m going to go take down our equipment,” Ryder told me after his fans had stopped by to tell him how awesome he was and congratulate the two of us. It was actually kind of sweet and not one of the men tried to hit on me.

  “Do you need some help?” I asked out of obligation.

  “No, stay with your friends. This will only take a minute.”

  I nodded and he disappeared back toward the stage.

  I looked at the giant in front of me with his big, meaty paws all over my friend’s shoulders. “Alright, Phoenix, what are your intentions with my friend here?”

  “Intentions?” he gulped, sounding very much like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.

  “Yes, your intentions. With Exie. What’s with all the groping?” I folded my arms across my chest to appear serious; Sloane sidled up next to me with an equally intimidating expression.

  Phoenix shifted uncomfortably, “Er, happiness?”

  “Is that a question?” Sloane demanded.

  “Yes?” He looked back and forth between us and decided, “No?”

  “Is the question really that hard?” Exie looked up at him and scowled.

  He sobered. “No. It really is happiness. I see what Ryder did for Ivy. I saw how she was before him and now all that she is with him and I want that for you, Ex. I want you happy. I want to watch you smile and mean it. I want you to jump into my arms and know that all the rest of the bullshit can’t touch you. You are safe with me. And I want you to be happy, too.”

  I think I sighed. How sweet was that?

  “You pass,” Sloane told him dreamily.