He wouldn’t give up who he was and he couldn’t ask Julia to be a part of his life. He wouldn’t risk what it could do to her. He knew Julia was stronger than his mother had ever been, but the life of cop’s wife could wreck the strongest woman, no two ways about it.
He’d miss her like crazy, though. Already he could feel the loss of the two of them and he wasn’t even gone.
“Okay, let’s do this.” Julia sat down at the table, her posture rigid. Her eyes darted around as if scoping escape routes. “They’re not here yet?”
Sam shook his head. “Did you have a good day?” He reached across the table to take her hand but she snatched it away.
“No use for the small talk. Save it for the audience.”
Despite the fact she’d never truly been his, Sam wished for the way it had been before this morning, when she’d been unguarded and happy to be with him. He glanced around at the crowded restaurant. “There’s always an audience in Brevia. Where’s Charlie?”
“His sitter had an appointment, so I had him at the salon this afternoon. Lainey is watching him tonight. I thought...it’s simpler without him here. We should limit the amount of time he spends with you. So that he doesn’t get too attached and all.” Her eyes flashed, daring him to argue with her. She was in full mama-bear mode tonight. It made him want her all the more.
Sam’s gut twisted at the thought of not spending time with Charlie. “He’s an amazing boy, Julia.”
“He’s great,” she agreed distractedly. Her fingers played with the napkin on the table.
He gave a short laugh. “I didn’t realize how quiet my life was until you came along.”
She glanced toward the front of the restaurant. “Where do you think they are? I want to get this over with.”
“My dad and your mom are coming to discuss wedding plans. You look like you can’t stand to be in the same room as me.” He extended his ankle and pressed it against her shin. “Relax.”
She snatched her leg away, her knee banging on the underside of the table. She grabbed the water glass before it tumbled over. “I can’t relax,” she said between clenched teeth. “This whole thing was a mistake. You’re in our lives temporarily, and now Charlie is developing feelings for you. It has to end, Sam.”
He swallowed the panic rising in his throat. “You don’t mean tonight?”
“Why not?” she countered. “The sooner the better.”
Hell, no, he screamed inside his head.
“I don’t think that’s prudent at this time, Julia,” he told her, his voice calm and measured. “I don’t want Charlie hurt, but our business arrangement is helping all of us in the long run. You’re so close to a ruling, and my dad should be heading back to Boston within the week. Stick it out, Jules. I promise it’ll be worth it.”
“Business arrangement,” she repeated softly. “You still consider this a business arrangement?”
Something in the way she looked at him made him uneasy, but she had to know what he meant. He was doing this for her benefit—at least that was what he tried to tell himself.
“We talked about it last night. You and I are built the same way, and it isn’t for emotional connections. But you can’t deny our chemistry, and Charlie is a great kid. We’re friends and that doesn’t have to change. I provide the stability you need. Don’t throw it away now.”
She bit down on her lip and studied him, as if trying to gain control of her emotions. “I can’t believe...” she began, but she was cut off when Sam’s dad came up behind her.
“Sorry we’re late,” he boomed, taking Julia’s hand and placing a loud kiss on her fingers. “You’re looking fantastic as usual, my dear. So good to see you again.”
Vera’s gaze traveled between the two of them. “Is everything okay?” she asked, studying Julia.
The color had drained from Julia’s face. Her eyes had grown large and shadowed. Sam wished he could pull her aside and finish their conversation. He got the feeling he’d made a huge misstep.
“We’re fine,” Julia said, taking a sip of water. She stood and hugged Joe then her mother. “Just working out details. You know.”
Sam watched her gaze travel up and down her mother. “Are you all right, Mom?” she asked slowly.
“Never better,” Vera said, smoothing her blouse.
“Why is your shirt buttoned wrong?”
Sam looked at his father, who had the decency to turn a bright shade of pink. Joe and Vera broke into a fit of giggles. Sam didn’t know Vera well, but she’d never struck him as much of a giggler.
“I’ll head to the little girls’ room and adjust this.” She swatted Joe playfully on the arm as she passed. “You old devil.”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” Julia followed her mother toward the back of the restaurant.
Joe took the seat across from Sam and gave him a hearty pat on the back. “How’s it going, Sammy? Wedding stress getting to your girl?”
Sam’s temper flared. “Finding out her mother is having sex with you might be getting to her.”
Joe looked genuinely confused. “Really? I thought you two would be happy for us.” A grin spread across his face. “Who knows, maybe we’ll beat you to the altar.”
“You’ve known Vera about a minute, Dad. That’s not funny.”
“Who’s joking?” Joe opened his arms, lifting them toward the ceiling. “Some things are destined to be.”
Sam needed a bigger supply of aspirin if he was going to continue to spend time with his dad. He pushed his fingers through his hair and took a breath. “Dad, tell me you aren’t serious. I swear I’ll throw you in the cruiser and deposit you at the state line if you keep talking like this. If you have an itch you want to scratch with Vera, that’s one thing. But marriage? No way.”
“Let me tell you something.” His father leaned forward. “I’m not a young man anymore, in case you haven’t noticed. I spent a lot of years sad and lonely after your mother died. Vera knows what it’s like to lose a spouse. She knows what it feels like to be alone and crave something more.”
“Vera is hardly ever alone.” Sam shook his head. “She dates, Dad. A lot.”
“From what I understand, you dated a lot before Julia. Did it make you feel less lonely?”
Sam opened his mouth then snapped it shut again. His father was right. All the women he’d dated when he first got to Brevia had just been passing time. He’d never felt connected to any of them. He’d always been on his own.
Until Julia.
“I’m going to ask her to marry me,” Joe said. “It was love at first sight, and I’m smart enough not to let her get away.”
“Do you think she’ll say yes? I’d hope to hell she’s smart enough to know not to be swept off her feet.”
“What’s wrong with being swept away? But don’t worry. We won’t plan a wedding until after you and Julia are settled. Neither of us wants to take anything away from you kids.”
“That’s so reassuring,” Sam ground out. He scrubbed his hand over his face. “You don’t have to marry her. Date for a little while. Take your time. Why rush into anything?”
“Life is short. It can turn on a dime. I’m taking every opportunity for happiness I can get. Just like you and Julia.”
Nothing like him and Julia, Sam thought. This was a disaster. His father’s gushing romanticism made him look like an emotional robot.
He had to believe they were on the same page. She didn’t want anything more from him than he was able to give.
Let his father rush blindly into marriage for love. It wasn’t going to make him happy. If Joe hadn’t learned that lesson from Sam’s mother, Sam definitely had.
His plan was far more prudent. Enjoy each other but still protect his heart. It would be better for everyone in the long run.
* * *
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The next day Julia cradled the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she sat in her office at the salon. She’d spent an hour staring blindly at the figures dancing before her on the computer and had made a call to an old friend to give herself a break.
“It’s okay, Derek,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll figure it out.”
“If those Southern belles get too much for you, I can always find a place for you in Phoenix. Everything’s hotter out West, jewel-eyed Julia.” Derek laughed at his own joke then said, “I’ve got to run, darlin’. My last appointment for the day just came in.”
“Thanks, sweetie,” Julia said, “I’ll keep that offer in mind.”
She hung up with Derek, a stylist she’d met years ago in Columbus. They’d both moved on from Ohio, but she still considered him one of her few true friends. For a brief moment she entertained the thought of taking Charlie and running away to Arizona. Not that it would solve her myriad of problems, but it sure seemed easier than facing everything head-on.
Julia drummed her fingers on the top of her desk, wishing she were out in the warm sun instead of stuck in the salon on such a gorgeous spring day. She needed to clear her head, and computer work wasn’t cutting it.
What had started as a simple plan with Sam had gotten too complicated. She’d been stupid to think she could keep her heart out of the equation. If Julia were better at leading with her mind, she wouldn’t have gotten into most of the trouble she’d had during her life. She wanted to be in control of her emotions. To be more like Sam, who could make every decision in his life based on rational thinking.
Not Julia. She was more a leap-first-then-look kind of person.
The only time that had worked in her favor was with Charlie. Now she’d even managed to mess up that.
Sam wanted to stay with her for the right reasons, at least on paper, but it felt wrong. His father and her mother were heading in that same direction on the express train. It had been torture to watch them last night at dinner, making googly eyes and barely able to keep their hands off each other.
She didn’t realize it was possible to ache for a man’s touch, but that was how she felt around Sam. Other than enough touching to make their fake arrangement seem real, they’d both kept their distance. Except when they were alone. In the bedroom, Sam was sweet and attentive and Julia had made the mistake of believing that meant something.
She pushed away from the desk and stalked toward the main salon. They were busy today, with every chair filled. She hoped to get the final approval on her business loan next week, needed to prove to herself and to the town and Jeff’s family that she could stand on her own two feet.
Lizzy, the salon’s longtime receptionist, stopped her in the doorway.
“Julia, could you take a look at this product order and make sure I didn’t miss anything?” She shoved a piece of paper filled with numbers into Julia’s hand.
Julia looked down as the figures on the page swam in front of her eyes. “Leave it on my desk. I’ll check it over the weekend.”
“I need to get it in before month end, which is today. It’ll only take a minute. Please.”
“I can’t,” Julia snapped with more force than she’d meant.
Lizzy took a quick step back and Julia noticed several customers and stylists glance her way. “Fine,” she stammered. “But if we run out of anything, don’t blame me.” She turned away, ripping the paper from Julia’s fingers.
“I’m sorry.” Julia reached out to touch the woman’s arm. “Lizzy, wait. I need to tell you something.”
“That you’re too dang important to be bothered by little details?”
Julia glanced around the crowded salon, her gaze landing on Lexi Preston, who watched her from where she sat with a head full of coloring foils. What was Jeff’s attorney doing in her salon? Lexi blinked then raised one brow, as if in an odd challenge.
“I’m waiting,” Lizzy muttered.
Fine. She was sick of hiding who she was, tired of working so hard to live up to her own unattainable expectations. She squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “I have a learning disability.”
“Come again?” A little of the anger went out of Lizzy’s posture.
“I need time to look over the figures because I can’t read them well.”
“Since when?”
A hush had fallen over the salon and Julia realized everyone was waiting for her answer.
“Forever,” she said, making her voice loud and clear. “I was officially diagnosed in third grade.”
Lizzy looked confused. “I think I would have heard that before now. I was only a few years behind you in school.”
Julia shrugged. “It wasn’t public knowledge.”
“Is that why you were always cutting class and getting kids to write your papers for you?”
Julia nodded. “I’m not proud of it. I was embarrassed and it made me feel stupid.” She took a breath. “It still does. But I’m working on that. I hid behind a bad attitude and unkindness for a lot of years. I’ve changed. I don’t want you to think I don’t value what you’re asking me to do. It just may take me longer to get it done.” She swallowed down the lump of emotion crowding her throat. “That’s my big secret.”
Lizzy offered her a genuine smile. “My cousin was bulimic for most of her teenage years. She tried to hide that, too.”
One of the customers tipped her head in Julia’s direction. “My husband’s addicted to internet porn.”
“Oh.” Julia didn’t quite know how that related to her learning disability. “Well, I’ll take these figures.” She gently tugged the paper from Lizzy’s hand. “I’ll see if I can get through them this afternoon. If not, first thing Monday morning.”
She looked around the salon one last time, her gaze catching again on Lexi’s, and the lawyer gave her a surprisingly genuine smile. Head held high, Julia closed the door to her office. Once safely by herself, she leaned against it, bending her knees until she sank to the floor.
Her whole body trembled from the adrenaline rush that followed sharing her deepest, darkest secret with the ladies in the salon. Julia knew how the gossip mill worked in Brevia. Within hours, everyone to the county line and back would know about her learning disability.
The truth was that she no longer cared. Now that she’d talked about her disorder, its hold over her had loosened the tiniest bit. If people wanted to judge her or tried to take advantage of her, she’d deal with that. She realized she could handle a lot more when she used the truth to her advantage than when she tried to cover it up.
A little voice inside her head piped up, saying she might take that advice when it came to dealing with the custody case and Charlie’s future. She quickly put it aside. Public humiliation she could risk—her son’s fate she couldn’t. Whether that meant keeping up the charade with Sam, or fighting tooth and nail with the Johnsons, Julia would do whatever she had to to keep Charlie safe.
Chapter Fourteen
“The Callahan brothers ride again.”
Sam slanted Scott a look. “Who are you supposed to be, Billy the Kid?”
Scott grinned. “It’s about time you stopped hiding in this backwater town and did some real work.”
“I’m police chief, idiot. That is real work.”
“If you say so. But it’s nothing like being a marshal. You’re going to love it, Sam. You won’t have time to think about anything else.”
That was a plus, Sam thought. He’d gotten the job offer early this morning. Scott had shown up at the station soon after to offer his congratulations. Sam was on duty, so they had coffee and a breakfast burrito in the car as Sam went out on an early-morning call.
His father was going to hit the roof. Joe had taken Vera down to the coast for a couple of days, so at least Sam would have time to formulate a plan before he h
ad to explain what he was doing.
He had no idea what to say to Julia. He figured she’d understand. She’d tried to break it off last night. He knew their time together was at an end. After the custody ruling came through, she wouldn’t need him anymore. Not that she ever really had. Despite her self-doubt, Julia was going to have a great life. He was the one who was hopeless.
Although he hadn’t even thought himself capable of it, he felt his heart literally expanding every day with love for her and Charlie, but he couldn’t make it work. He felt vulnerable, as if he was a moving target with no cover. He couldn’t offer her anything more because he was too afraid of being hurt.
He’d spent most of yesterday working with Julia’s attorney to file several affidavits on behalf of people around town attesting to Julia’s character, her contributions to the local community and what they’d observed as far as her being a great mother was concerned. He knew she would never ask for help from anyone, let alone believe she deserved it. Once he’d explained what she was facing, people had come forward in droves to stand behind her.
He hoped that would be enough, would make up for what he wanted to tell her but couldn’t find the guts to say. Instead, he was going to move on. Leave Brevia and cut his ties because that was easier than letting someone in.
“Before you go all bro-mance on me, you need to know I still think you’re a jerk for what you did to me.”
“You’ll thank me eventually.”
“I doubt that.” Sam turned onto the long dirt road that led to the house he’d received the call about earlier. Strange noises, the neighbor had said. Here on the outskirts of town, Sam knew the parties could go on all through the night. He figured someone hadn’t known when to let it go.
He shifted the cruiser into Park and turned to his brother. “If we’re going to work together, there need to be some ground rules. The first is you stay the hell out of my personal life. It’s none of your business. Even if you think you’ve got my best interests at heart.”
“What are you going to do about the fiancée when you leave town?” Scott asked.
Her Accidental Engagement (Harlequin Special Edition) Page 16
