by Jean Oram
She rubbed her stomach. The idea of eating a ton of candy and drinking tequila wasn’t one that sat well. Maybe she was coming down with that bug Mandy had had. Nicola should stock up on oranges. They’d been extra tasty lately, which was probably her body telling her it was trying to fight something and needed some old-fashioned vitamin C.
“Andy, I’ve been meaning to ask if I can take off a little early today. Like, after I get this stuff done? I have plans in the city and was thinking I could use up some of those overtime hours in lieu of extra pay.”
Her boss was staring at her, eyebrows raised. “I just asked if you could work late tonight and come in tomorrow to help me run a panel.”
Whoops. She’d totally tuned him out. She’d caught herself doing that a lot lately. Tuning people out so she could think about Todd.
That was an annoying way to behave. Although Todd just laughed when she got all daydreamy. He’d grip her face and speak slowly, his eyes lit up with amusement.
Andy was still talking and Nicola concentrated on listening. “I need extra help. Don’s down with the stomach bug.”
Oh, no. He worked one cubicle over. The flu was coming closer. She needed to get out of this unscathed. The flu meant not hanging out with Todd. It meant falling behind with her impossible workload.
“Actually,” she said slowly, starting to worry about how she was feeling, “I haven’t been doing all that great myself…” She placed the back of her hand against her forehead. Please don’t get sick, please don’t get sick.
“Are you ill?” Andy took a step back.
“I don’t know. My stomach felt a little funny a few minutes ago.”
He gave her a questioning look, before a secretive smile began to grow.
“Not like that!” She and Todd had been responsible adults and used birth control. “And I’m sure I’ll be okay, but maybe ask Jill to help instead. Just in case.”
“If you’re not feeling well, you should go home.”
If she went home sick she couldn’t run off to Todd’s. However, if she stayed, there was no cool way to leave her boss hanging with his extra tasks.
Crap.
“I think it’s probably just psychological, seeing how everyone’s getting hit by it and I want to stay healthy,” she replied.
He nodded, looking reluctant. “I was hoping to have you on the panel.” He sighed, eyeing her. “The work suits you, but you do look a bit tired today.” He sighed again. “Okay. Tomorrow’s off for you, until your social night. You need to fight this bug and keep things running.”
She nodded, her joy bubbling up once again. She was going to the city! “Thanks, Andy.”
“All right.” Her boss twisted his lips in thought. “Well, have a good weekend.” He took on a scolding, fatherly tone. “Go home sick if you need to. Take care of yourself. The town needs you.”
“I know. I will.”
Andy headed back to his office and she suppressed a sudden urge to yawn. She had been working hard lately, and just thinking about all she’d accomplished made her whole body feel weighted with a gentle fatigue. She read through more paperwork and checked the time.
It was almost lunch. Maybe she should run to Mary Alice’s store and grab an orange to go with her sandwich.
And a coffee.
Nicola stretched and answered her ringing cell phone. It was Todd. “Hey! I was just going to take an early lunch,” she told him. “Should I call you back from the bench?”
She was going to have some fond memories of that bench in the park, where she ate lunch with Todd over the phone.
“Uh, sure.”
There was a hesitancy in his voice that made her pause. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Call me from the park.”
She clicked off slowly. Something was up. Definitely. Doubts and insecurities came seeping in and she pushed them down ruthlessly. She and Todd were fine. All was well. They were strong and had their friendship as a foundation. Just because they were nearing the one-month mark, which was when he normally got itchy feet, didn’t mean he was heading that way. He was dating her this time—his BFF. The one he’d always wanted.
She gathered her purse and phone and headed out. She stopped at her aunt’s store and picked up an orange, then impulsively snagged a chocolate bar and apple juice on her way to the cash register.
“Hey, sweetie. Where’s the sunshine smile?” Mary Alice asked.
“Just tired.”
“Todd didn’t cancel his weekend plans on you, did he?”
“No,” she said quickly. “Why would he?”
Her aunt shrugged and smiled. “I’m so happy to see you two together. You’re a sweet couple.”
The “but” hung in the air as Nicola left. She stood on the sidewalk for a moment, shoving large bites of chocolate bar into her mouth. Then she turned, heading back inside. Her aunt was rifling around in her bra, one arm shoved down the neck of her sweater.
“Oh, for crying out loud. It’s called a purse.” Nicola waved her own as Mary Alice pulled nicotine gum out from between “her girls.”
“Want some?”
Nicola shuddered. “No.”
Her aunt grinned. “This stuff is pricey. If I keep it between my breasts nobody wants any.”
Clever. And mildly disgusting.
“Todd and I are going to make it. We…” She wanted to say “love each other” but they hadn’t shared the words yet and she couldn’t go spouting them around town—not without sharing them with him first. “We have something that very few couples do.” She gave a brisk nod and headed out before her aunt could reply. Which meant she hightailed it like a wildebeest running from a lion. And smacked straight into Devon Mattson.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in forever. You look…” Devon held her at arm’s length “…ravishing.”
“Oh, please.” She blushed at the sincerity of the compliment.
“I heard Todd finally pulled his head out of his—”
“Language!” Auntie Liz said, coming up behind Devon. “Is my sister in there? I need to talk to her.” Her lips were pursed in a way Nicola recognized. Nothing good was going to come from the upcoming exchange, and everyone within a one-mile radius had best move along.
Devon seemed to sense the same, and draped an arm over Nicola’s shoulder, directing her away from the store. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” he asked, his warm breath creating clouds in the crisp fall air.
“Yes, and aren’t you?”
“But obviously we’re not.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.
They walked half a block in silence before Devon asked, “So it’s good between you two?”
She smiled and nodded.
“When’s the wedding?”
“Not funny.”
“You’re not the marrying type?” he asked in surprise.
“I might be.” Definitely was.
“But Todd’s not,” he said confidently, as though he believed he was voicing her thoughts.
“You said men like you would settle down if they found the right woman.”
“True.”
“So?” She held out her arms. She was the right woman for Todd. It might seem cocky, but who else had he stuck by through all the years? Her. And when they came together it just strengthened what they already had. It didn’t get better than this.
Devon lifted a shoulder as if that was a reply, his hands stuffed deep in his jacket pocket to keep them warm.
She stopped on the sidewalk, facing him. “Okay. So, say you found the right woman?”
“Does she have a nice figure?” he asked.
“Yes. A full one, and she’s bright and funny.”
“I love her already. And?”
“And you felt the compelling urge to settle down with her in your little nest, with a bunch of kids and a real job.”
“I have a real job.”
He managed properties around town, so she’d give him that one. “Yes, but the question is: after a year or
ten, would you resent her?”
“A thousand-dollar question there, Nicola.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“You’re worried about Todd?”
“I want to stay in Blueberry Springs. I don’t want to live out of a backpack again. Not for longer than a week,” she blurted out, then felt a weight lifting.
There. She’d said it. The world didn’t end. She was still standing. And in fact, she actually felt stronger, more certain about her own wants and needs, having voiced them.
“But Todd is still traveling and being free,” she continued. “That’s his life and he wants me to join him. I don’t want to disappoint him. I’ve said no, but I don’t think he believes me, and I feel like I’ve changed the playing field.”
“Because you want a house, marriage, kids.”
She nodded, upset with herself, the incongruence of her needs. Maybe she and Todd weren’t quite as perfect together as she’d thought. Strong couples had to want the same things, didn’t they?
“A lot of people want a family. And maybe Todd does, too.” Devon squeezed her shoulder, making her feel even more overcome by her emotions. “Have you tried asking him?”
“That’s a good way to make him run in the other direction,” she said gloomily. They’d been dating for a month. She couldn’t just drop all that on him.
“What kind of relationship do you want? Because if you don’t have communication, quite frankly, you’ve got squat, my dear. You’ve also got to be true to yourself and be honest about what you want or you’ll end up being the one who resents him in the end.”
Nicola blinked up at Devon in surprise. “I never thought of it that way.” She’d been too afraid of sending Todd running but maybe she hadn’t been giving him enough credit. He knew she wanted to stay in her job, her Blueberry Springs life, and yet he’d still chosen to get involved with her. Maybe she simply had to trust that they’d figure this out, because the two of them, no matter how different, were best friends. All they needed was a little time and a bit more communication so they could find their mutual common ground once again and provide her with that reassuring strength between them that she was so used to taking for granted.
“Thanks.” She smiled up at her friend.
“That’s why the dames come to me.” Devon held out his hands, palms up, looking pleased with himself. “I’m the man.”
“I was going to give you a hug, but now I’m thinking of ways I can bean you with my orange without you retaliating.” She waved it at him in a mock threat.
“Now where’s this gorgeous babe you were setting me up with? Is she merely fictional? Because she sounded amazing.”
She gave him a look. “Find her yourself. I have a phone date with Todd.”
“Not everyone is as lucky as you, Nicola!” he called after her.
“I know!” she hollered back with a grin. She was one lucky woman.
* * *
“Hey!” Nicola couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. She probably looked like a goof, grinning at her phone propped between the bench slats since they were video chatting today and wanted her hands free to eat. But at least Todd would have no doubt about how happy she was to chat with him.
The first time she’d video chatted in the park she’d felt self-conscious, talking and laughing, knowing people couldn’t always see her phone. Sometimes she’d act as if she was talking to Twiggy, but now she carried on as though Todd was right beside her.
“Oh! I forgot to grab Twiggy!” How had she forgotten her poor dog? “Sorry, I won’t be able to chat as long. I’m going to have to let him out before I go back to work. Leaving early and slipping to Mary Alice’s for this―” she held up the fruit “―messed with my routine, I guess.”
“No problem,” Todd replied.
“What are you having for lunch?”
He held up a brown paper bag. “I think I made peanut butter.”
“And jam?” Strawberry being his favorite.
“I’m all out.”
She laughed. “You would have forgotten to eat during our travels if it hadn’t been for me.”
He gave her a sheepish smile. “Told you my life falls apart without you.”
She chuckled and shucked her gloves so she could peel her orange, considering her earlier conversation with Devon. Should she talk to Todd about what she wanted from their relationship now, or wait until they could talk in person?
Was it too soon in their relationship to bring up their future wants and start planning toward it? Probably.
“Just plain pb? That means I get to do all the talking,” she teased.
“Why?” he asked, before taking a bite of his sandwich.
“Because your mouth will be sealed shut.” She laughed as he tried to speak and failed.
“How’s your day so far?” he asked after taking a large swallow of milk.
“I’m tired.” She zipped up her jacket, thinking she should have worn a thicker one. Fall came early in the mountains and this year had been mild, creating an exception that caught her unprepared when the mercury had dipped to its regular seasonal lows last week. It wouldn’t be long before she’d have to find somewhere indoors to have her chats with Todd. As it was, it felt cool enough to snow.
“I’m wearing you out.” He gave her a wicked grin.
“Maybe,” she replied coyly. “But I think you can do better.” Her mind drifted to naughty things that might prevent a full recovery.
“Unfortunately, it won’t be soon.”
Her hands fell into her lap. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just have to work.”
“When? Tonight?”
He nodded, taking a large bite out of his sandwich, not meeting her eyes through the camera.
“Tomorrow, too?”
Another nod.
Surely he didn’t have to work every hour of the weekend. They could find some time in both their schedules so they could connect.
She tried not to think that the weeks they’d spent getting to know each other on a more intimate level had been boring for him—too emotion laden or not action-filled enough.
“There’s a music festival in the city on Sunday afternoon. Maybe tickets are still available and—”
“I can’t.”
“Your boss is making you work Sunday, too?” She could hear the hurt in her voice, which was silly. He didn’t act hurt when she had to pull odd hours. In fact, he supported her. She needed to do the same.
“Are you okay?” Todd asked.
“Yeah, of course. It just sucks. But this is life—careers, right?” She ruffled her hair with one hand and tried for a smile that would fool him into thinking she was completely capable of brushing this off.
“I get to go to Seattle.”
“Seattle?”
“Yeah. I mentioned meetings might take me out there.”
True, he had mentioned it, but she hadn’t thought it would be over a weekend. In other words, that it would impact her.
“That means the project is going well?”
“Very well.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“Four days. Back in time for that social event I planned for you.” He gave her a teasing wink.
“I hope they pay you overtime,” she joked feebly. He’d be coming back right when she’d be kicking into high gear, with two social nights scheduled each week. It felt like they’d never see each other. She blinked back the sudden wetness in her eyes, unsure why she was taking this so hard. They would totally see each other. She was being ridiculous.
“Are you okay?” he repeated. His voice was so kind, so considerate that it made her eyes well up even more.
“I’m just really tired. I think I’m fighting the stomach bug that’s going around.”
“Yeah, you look…different.”
“Pale?”
“No… I can’t put my finger on it.”
She sighed, feeling dejected. She looked different. Agai
n.
It seemed she was failing to settle into a good mental space today. She hated to use PMS as an excuse, but sometimes it definitely turned her life upside down, and soon she’d be due for a little visit from the menstruation fairy. She snorted. Some months it was more like the menstruation beast.
Plus, she noted, she’d devoured that chocolate bar like it was oxygen. Definitely PMS. Combined with stress. Combined with fighting the flu. Oh, yeah. She was in for one heck of a ride this weekend. Maybe it was a good thing Todd had to fly to Seattle.
“You going to be all right?” he asked. “For real?”
“Yeah, of course,” she said lightly, satisfied that she’d settled her feelings of unease. “I hope you enjoy your adventure. I’ll miss hanging out with you, but you can tell me all about the city when you get back.”
The trip was perfect, actually. He got to go romp; she got to stay here and fight the flu bug. Win—win.
Except for the not feeling well part.
She gave him a big smile.
“You understand my need to be free—it’s one of the things I love best about you.”
“I love you, too.” Her smile slowly faded. Oh, crap. She’d said it. Said the words.
But instead of freaking out, Todd simply laughed and said, “Yeah, I know.”
* * *
Nicola handed out song lists to the teams in Brew Babies and tucked her longish bob behind her ears. Tonight was Tuesday karaoke, where people could have sing-offs, tell stories, read poetry or showcase a talent from the little raised platform the pub called its stage.
She was the most nervous about this event, as it could completely fizzle or be rowdy, crazy fun. It all depended on the participants and the vibe that was created, and she’d counted on Todd being here to launch it, as this one was his baby.
She checked her phone for the time. He was supposed to be here by now. His flight from Seattle should have landed over three hours ago.
Why wasn’t he here?
She took in a slow breath and glanced at her clipboard, then around the pub. She was going to have to start it on her own. At least she felt better than she had at work on Friday. Neither the flu nor the menstruation beast had shown up, proving that this was all simply too much overwhelming stress. Her body had reacted similarly when she’d first started college, and again when she’d started backpacking—her period had gone on hiatus and her stomach had acted up. It was a sure sign she needed to dial her life back a bit. She could probably schedule that in first thing next month. Maybe.
