The Celestial Sea

by Marina de Nadous

  * * * * * * *

  Late p.m. Mouse: You sexy-kissing Prince, you. What are you up to this evening? Are you working late at Cordelia’s? Laird is out for some of the evening, so I could leave Cedric baby-sitting and head on down. I have the paint charts to give Cordelia anyway, so I have an excuse, sort of! Forest poetry session desired too—X

  Adrian: Sounds dangerous and great, what time?

  Mouse: I can be at bottom of hill by 7p.m approx. Are you working there late? I won’t be able to be too late myself. T’would be sublime to lie in your arms and melt in your eyes to some gorgeous music. Mmm——even for half an hour.

  Adrian: I’ll be home by then, so call round for a cup of tea and a nice chat.

  Mouse: Great, I’ll dive in to Cordelia’s first and then find my way through the Forest to the Leafy Glade. Would be better if I just came to you downstairs——might seem strange otherwise. I’ll park further back. Am I being too naughty? Dangerous Angel——X

  * * * * * * *

  Later, Adrian: Come on in and slip into something comfortable. I’m making an omelette. Would you care to join me downstairs——?

  Mouse: I most certainly would Sir. I have arrived. Have already slipped into something comfortable——X

  We share a delicious omelette and intimate conversation, although we are both nervous. Lying on his bed Adrian runs his hands over me. But he isn’t feeling clear; can’t feel his way with it all. After a while I head home. “It could have been different, My Love. I’m sorry.” I am not feeling too disappointed. This adventure is just beginning and intimate soirees are only part of its intriguing picture.

  P.m. Adrian: Dear Mouse, Thank-you for making the effort to come down from your Mountain. I apologize for not being clear. My male heart needs time to be still tonight, I think. I vow to be completely honest with you from now on. I will express my intuition and try to keep you up with where I’m at. I want to be free to act wildly at times too——but I would feel self-conscious if you didn’t return it. I don’t want us to be polite with each other—I want—

  Mouse: My beautiful Friend, honesty is the breath we share. Forgive me for taking risks. Give me a buzz if you want to talk. I’m home alone. Otherwise, sleep well and long. I shall hold you if you need me. Your Friend——M——X

  Adrian: Thank-you. I want to do some work and e-mails, and thinking and sleeping. Funny——setting limits makes it feel like a relationship. Sleep well. Breathe sweetly. Love Adrian.

  Mouse: XXXX

  Friday 25th August 2006

  I lie awake in the early hours, considering Adrian’s words. Is our liaison a relationship? I suppose it is. I’m not sure Adrian wants a ‘relationship’——especially a ‘clandestine relationship’. But it’s happening and neither of us can turn it away.

  Time to get going. The morning routine waits for no one, especially not love-struck mothers.

  Midday, Adrian: Hello my Dear——how is the coalface? I’m having a lovely time peering into people’s home lives; offering my pearls of wisdom and getting all excited about the children in my class and their riddles. And you?

  Mouse: Hello, Dear Friend. I should be at the coalface but The Go-Getter is home and needs direction. We are embarking on some cooking——lovely, quiet, ‘Mummy-time’. I will head down the hill to paint later——will either leave him here or drag him along. Hope you are okay? Children’s home interviews sound good. I’m sure your teacher wisdom is much appreciated. Lots of love M. X

  * * * * * * *

  Later, Adrian: I’m free. Now at Cordelia’s. Try finishing trolley tonight too. Sore eyes. Let me know if you get free—

  Mouse: I’m here at Sarah’s——alone until 4.30ish. Shall we meet up? Or I could dive down the hill if Cordelia is out. X

  Adrian: Might come up and see you at Sarah’s later.

  Mouse: Sounds good, My Friend. I may be able to stay on if Laird gets home to look after kinder. I suppose Sarah might come up to feed dogs. Alternatively, Laird is out for part of the evening. Looking forward to seeing you. X

  * * * * * * *

  Late afternoon, Adrian: Here I come——

  I enjoy painting; a twenty-year throw back to my London decorating life. But here there are no crowds, no tube trains, no dashing feet along well-worn pavements. I look over sun-drenched volcanic landscapes instead, with neighbours close, but not too close, and banks of wild flowers everywhere. I wait for my new man like an expectant teenager, except that I am a mature woman, strong in who I am, experienced in many areas and really enjoying this new relationship. How grand to be so grown up; how much deeper and interesting to fall in love when you have more to offer. The fierce dogs that live behind a high fence bark loudly, roaring lions heralding Lord Swallow’s approach.

  I am busy painting the garage door when Adrian walks in. New Zealand building regulations allow a ‘sleep out’ in your garden as long as it isn’t a house. A bathroom is allowed, and a washing machine, but no kitchen. Once the planners have given their go-ahead you convert the garage into the kitchen. So, I am painting the eventual kitchen. My Swallow Man joins me there, kissing me passionately but looking serious at the same time. “We have to calm down our meetings——think of integrity. After all,” he states; “you are a married woman.”

  I can’t understand why I am so certain this is the right path to be treading. There hasn’t been one question or worrying moment. I have always had the strongest integrity and intuition. Maybe I am infatuated and cannot think clearly? I decide to take the lead from this fine man. I don’t seem too upset by a change of direction either. I sense that what is between us cannot be undone, cannot alter; whatever we might think or say——something like that. I listen to him and agree to be quieter.

  P.m. Mouse: Goodnight, Dear Adrian. Thank-you for coming to see me. Thank-you for your beautiful integrity; for guiding me. I am a traditional sort of Gal; I like my man to lead——feels good. I will leave the ball in your court. I will respond if you want me. Does that sound okay? I want you to see what I wrote this morning——it’s on e-mail. Sleep happy and free. No mice in your bed tonight——M——X

  REALIZATION DAWNS

  Realization dawns; grounding, flat and still.

  Unfair on both the men in my life;

  While I bask in a neutral valley

  Their rhythms are spinning and unseated.

  I have always known it would reach this point,

  This wondrous game cannot stay in one place,

  Circles ripple through lives; others, and mine.

  Consequences, energies, focus, all challenged———

  Intensity feels so alive, but unsustaining I know.

  I am being selfish in my deep ache for this beauty,

  I should return underground and only dream of the light——maybe.

  Saturday 26th August 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Hello, My Dear Friend. I have slept well, as I hope you have too. No wild dreams rather disappointingly. There is a sad, four-legged friend sitting on Big J’s back porch——hoping for someone to take just a small interest in her welfare and release her from prison. Would you get into trouble for aiding and abetting her? ’The Good Man’s wife’ and all? No problem if you can’t. ‘It’s a pig it’s a pig’—— {lines from one of our favourite songs by Kate Rusby}.

  Mouse: Good morning Sir, thank-you for message. I slept well too. Nice, cosy, family time this morning. Did you get my e-mail? I presume you are off to Hamilton today on your course about gratitude? Hope it goes well. I am home alone all day, folding socks and writing I expect. I may have to go down hill and could collect Doggie. We’ll probably go splashing in the Bay. I will let you know where she is. ‘Good man’ out all day——It’s definitely ‘a pig’——

  Adrian is away on a ‘More to Life’ course until this evening. I am feeling deflated. I miss him already. Of course he is right to dampen our flame. Is it really dampened? His mood changes easily. I spend a quiet day with The Lady in the Black Coat, waiting for his ca
ll. He will have to collect his dog.

  P.m. Adrian: How’s my Pup?

  Mouse: Dear Friend, hope course was enlightening? Any tips on how to deal with nibbling mice? Only joking. The kosher Lady in your life is lying by the fire with her legs in the air. Oh that life was that simple! She might as well stay up here if that is all right with Lord Swallow? The Mouse is painting in the morning for a couple of hours, so could do a dog swap and a wink then. Let me know your plans and I promise not to wear any ‘comfy’ clothes.

  Sunday 27th August 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Hello Mouse. Today is indeed a magnificent affair. Golden sun starts its run——birds greet the light with song so bright——Big J. stomps the landing with her majesty and standing——and Swallow Man is smiling, he is smiling. The Swallow Man is smiling, smiling in the sun——Boom boom!

  Mouse: Good morning, My Beautiful Swallow Man. I love it when you are happy and poetic. Mmm——beautiful, bouncy lyrics. All excellent on The Mountain. More surprising conversations. When would you like your Kosher Lady? I am heading down the hill in a mo. X

  Adrian: Yes please. Come breakfast with me if you are able. I am to Cordelia’s in an hour.

  Mouse: How lovely. Do I come boldly up the front drive, or do I knock quietly on my Lord Swallow’s door? Cup of tea mode, of course——X

  Adrian: Bold and comfortable as you like. I’m off to have a shower, so see you soon.

  We share a sunny breakfast amongst the garden flowers and friendly faces of Big J’s family. A lively chat and catch-up, framed by the backdrop of the glittering bay, re-ignites the spark we said we would subdue. Adrian is bouncy and loving; so buoyed-up by the weekend’s ‘More to Life’ course where issues of low self-esteem were tackled by clever self-questioning. He senses he will do more of this work; a useful tool in future careers, be they teaching or the priesthood. We talk further about our new business idea. Well, it’s mainly Adrian’s domain, but our inspired initiative originally: ‘Sherwood Forest’—hand-made, rustic Trolleys, {Forest Racers}, Stilts, {Tree Striders}, Rope Ladders etc. I would be in charge of presentation, as well as small, crafty items. We picture a market stall with banners flying; My Lord Swallow at work in leather apron, alternating between chisel work and penny whistle playing. Children would flock to the exciting stall to spend their pocket money and try out the trolleys. Mmm——we are good at this; the ideas just tumble out of our togetherness. “Oh yes, and a School Café,” Adrian adds; “soup every Friday. What do you think? Shall we give it a go?”

  We retire to the Leafy Glade, to sit close and tempting——teasing and moving together——daring each other to step beyond but holding back at the same time. I never knew chemistry to take me like this; to move as one, to desire so completely, but not in sexual way alone. No; this is something beyond.

  INTENSLEY ALIVE

  I feel intensely alive with you, My Friend——

  Tantalizing excitement——

  Deep founded joy and endless possibility——

  Sheer fun and abundance——

  Stillness and warmth——

  Rainbow bridges.

  Midday, Mouse: Hi, Swallow Man, thank-you for our wondrous morning. Labour carefree and cherished today. Your plans and insight are inspiring——you hold them so well. I shall be with you as you work, with little walks down the Forest paths. Your Thumbelina Lady X

  Adrian: You should see me——a pair of Cordelia’s daughter’s tights on my head, goggles, and dust-mask——quite a sight. Thanks for scrummy morning. Mmm——but must keep a watch on the emotions. Found myself stuffing food afterwards. Have a blessed day, Adrian.

  Mouse: Food instead of total union? My, my——we are both going to get fat then. Hope I haven’t ruffled the emotions? Naughty Mouse. Feels good though. Just keep me posted. Wish I could see the tights, you hunky man, you! Don’t worry to return call. You need to work, My Friend——X

  So, the flame is not dampened. Adrian was on fire this morning. I am bowled over by his passionate energy. Goodness, I am hungry for him. My vitality matches his. Our combined flame is scorching hot yet blissfully cool at its centre. I shall not turn from the opportunity before us. I text Adrian while the family spends time with Sharon and Warwick this afternoon.

  Early P. m. Mouse: Hot Spring sunshine through mature garden ramble. Happy children frolicking in shrubbery and swinging on chandlers’ old ropes that hold memories of the sea. Class 1 families all here——lovely. At Sharon & Warwick’s house for Barney’s birthday. Hope you have had a good day? Dusty? Not so good for sensitive eyes. Sleep well, My Friend. Missing you.

  I shall be in your bed tonight if you so desire. See if you can feel me.

  I wander contentedly through Sharon and Warwick’s garden. Their home is older and more established than many on our side of town. I have noticed the mature planting and grander buildings in the region before. This is an expensive neighbourhood. The rambling wooden villa is painted a teal blue and surrounded by a small orchard. I like it; the place exudes an open-door welcome. Warwick is a skilled cabinetmaker; the house is full of his work. I especially like the bathroom, which glows with Rimu wood panelling. I follow the children’s excited voices and explore the garden with them. “Granny and Grandpa live through the hedge; they are wood-turners. Would you like to meet them? They’ll probably come over for the birthday cake.”

  I wonder what these nice people would think of my friendship with the Class 3 Teacher. Any doubt that question might trigger is chased away by the glorious warmth filling me from top to toe when I think about my new Friend. I know I belong with Adrian——yes, that is the truth. I tread this path for a reason. As I duck under the citrus branches a neighbour’s cat dashes past, surprising me.

  Monday 28th August 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Hi, Mouse Girl. Thanks for message. Are you interested in having the dog with you today? I would run with her to school and leave her tied up in the hut above the hockey field. Lots of love, Swallow Boy.

  P.s Can you bring the small donger?

  Mouse: Red Flag/ Green Flag? Soup and lunch? On my way down the hill with small donger. Lots of love, Mouse X

  Adrian makes me laugh. He is always so busy; digging, bashing, hammering or whittling. I love his energy; on every level. I wonder why he needs the donger.

  Mid morning, Mouse: Hello again, My Friend. If you would rather meet elsewhere for 1.10, just let me know——Sarah’s, Cordelia’s, Tui Park, or your own Forest Den under Big J’s deck? I have soup to woo you with, my Swallow Boy——so get your lips ready. I am shopping and then painting. Have a grand morning. X

  P.s. don’t feel we have to meet up if you are pushed for time——lovely as it would be——X

  * * * * * * *

  Later, Adrian: Can you come now? Flit on over—

  Mouse: On my way, My Love——messy and painty though——

  INNUENDO

  There’s a Mouse in The Biscuit Tin, Good Lady,

  I think you should look,

  She is sweeping the crumbs with a large, purple book,

  She’s been nibbling the Biscuits while waving a Flag,

  Yes, she’s causing a rustle, a noise and a stir,

  The attention to catch of your noble, Fine Sir.

  And he’s noticed, can’t help it,

  Though he’s trying not to feel

  As he struggles to align his new, carriage wheel.

  Now The Mouse has transpired into a Thumbelina, wee girl,

  Her hair round his fingers, he plays with a curl;

  They are laughing and dancing,

  She fits in his hand

  Like a flute in the Minstrel’s own personal band.

  There is Champagne and Sugar,

  It’s coating their lips,

  Now what are they doing? They are joined at the hips!

  And he’s shrinking to her size, Elf traits I can see.

  Oh, My Lady, I think you should intervene fast,

  The joy on their faces; they’re in
to the last.

  See them waltzing and moving, eyes locked on each other,

  They are both in The Tin

  Cocooned, safe in its layers,

  And The Tin, it is hidden in Forest Green Bowers;

  Just through The Gate;

  Let’s ask Adrian the Groom,

  He’s a friend of The Mouse, so perhaps he has room

  To sort out this riddle and figure out why,

  There’s a Swallow with a small girl

  High up in the sky,

  With Rainbows and velvet, and music so sweet,

  And now on a Boat, with swords and wet feet.

  Well, My Lady————

  Where are you? –———

  Oh, don’t tell me, I know,

  You’re the one in the Tin———

  You’re the tiny, wee girl!

  Tuesday 29th August 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Good morning, Friend of the warm heart and bright eye. Two mornings of hour-long dozing. Thinking my way through all the events and activities of the day. Staying calm takes work——It’s like juggling slow-motion eggs. The Play—The Parents——The Plastering——The Café——Sherwood Forest——Big J——Mum——Dad——Children’s needs——Guitar Lessons——Props——Time——Festival——Priesthood——The Weekend——The Caille——The list goes on. I want to draw eggs and label them. Velcro dots.

  How are you? I declined study group and spent the night gluing a leafy seat for the trolley and making a café songbook——very satisfying, but tiring with computer work. A rushed meeting with you yesterday——shame. I’m out to master the wise use of time. So, My Lady, how do the sun’s warm rays find you this morning? Poetic or mouse-mode? Darting or languid? Congealed or fluid? Soft or hard? Fast or slow? East or west? Rising or——

  Mouse: Good morning, Fine Sir. How lyrical the morning finds you. I must have been tuning in as I nearly picked up the phone twice. Not quite long enough yesterday. Find myself missing you. Mood today, My Lord Swallow? Definitely all those——not sure which predominates. I will ring you once the boys depart at 7.50a.m. Text me if that’s not okay. Lots of love M.