Eliza,
The more I try not to think about you, the more I do. I know that I probably shouldn’t feel this way for you, but I can’t help myself. You have imprisoned me with your charms, and I only hope that someday we’ll be able to be together and that I’ll be able to tell you in person exactly how I feel. Until then, just know that you are incredible, and someone is thinking of you.
Sincerely,
Your Secret Admirer
I sighed as I placed the note in my bag. Who knew Jason was such a romantic? His feelings ran even deeper than I’d suspected. The floodgate of guilt finally opened, and I felt it washing over me. When I saw Jason’s smiling face greeting me from down the hall, I dove in deeper, wanting to drown in it.
I forced a smile as I walked toward him. The look on his face was so enthusiastic that I vowed that I would like him—I had to like him—no matter how much my heart told me otherwise. He was too sweet and kind a person to hurt. I refused to break his heart.
When I reached him, he touched my arm affectionately. “Want to eat together today?”
I smiled. “Sure.”
We walked down the hall and met up with Jill and Nick, falling into our usual routine—except this time I headed to the pizza line with the guys, dragging Jill along with me. She told me I was crazy to eat so many carbs and fats mere days before prom, but her protesting abruptly stopped when we reached the counter and the full force of the mouthwatering aroma overcame her. I almost laughed at the longing in Jill’s eyes as the lunch lady placed the pizza on her tray.
“It’s all right, Jill. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We were practically starving before, and we both know that a few slices of pizza aren’t going to make any difference. Go ahead and enjoy yourself.”
She looked at me in shock. “I don’t know where this new, crazy Eliza came from, but I like her!” We laughed, and after a stop at the cashier, the four of us headed outside. I was almost through the door when I glanced down the hall and saw Keira Davis sitting in her usual spot on the floor near the bathrooms.
A strong thought came to me to go talk to her, but almost as soon as it came, I pushed it away.
Talk to Keira? Are you kidding me? She was not the kind of person I felt like I could strike up a conversation with, and I was sure that she’d remember I was the girl who stepped on her yesterday.
I followed my friends out to the courtyard, and the thought came again. Go talk to Keira. It was quiet, but a bit more insistent this time, and I knew it was the Holy Ghost prompting me. I reached into my pocket, wishing the red seashell was there, but I hadn’t been able to find it before school this morning. I would have to act without its comforting presence. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.
“Hey, guys, I’ll be back in a minute, okay?” I stammered. Jill, Nick, and Jason had already sat down at one of the tables, and they looked up at me in surprise.
“Where are you going?” Jill asked suspiciously.
“I’ll be right back.”
Not wanting to face any more questions, I spun on my heel and headed for the hall. I couldn’t believe my feet were actually moving me toward this total stranger so we could have a conversation. I had no idea what to say to Keira, but I kept moving, trusting the Spirit to guide me. I said a silent prayer before stopping next to Keira with what I hoped was a friendly expression on my face and not one of the sheer panic that I felt.
She was listening to her MP3 player, so it took her a few seconds to notice me. When she finally did look up, her expression was far from inviting. She pulled an earbud from her ear. “Can I help you?”
“Hi. You’re Keira, right?” I couldn’t believe I’d managed to get the words out.
“Yeah.”
“Well, my name’s Eliza, and I wondered if you’d mind if . . . if I ate lunch with you today.”
She looked at me like I had aliens crawling out of my ears. “Uh, okay. . . . I guess.”
I smiled and sat down beside her. “You moved here from back East, right?” She simply nodded and continued to eat her lunch. “How do you like it here?”
She snorted. “I totally hate it.”
“Why?”
“Let’s just say it’s way different from where I came from. I’d go back to Jersey in a heartbeat if my mom would let me.” She had an accent like I’d heard in movies, and I enjoyed listening to her talk.
“How come you guys moved out here? Was it for your mom’s work or something?” I would have said “parents,” but I gathered from her last statement that it was just her and her mom.
Keira seemed to look at me for the first time. I could tell she was trying to figure me out, wondering why a total stranger was asking questions about her life.
“Yeah. My mom works for the government, and she got transferred out here. She thought at first maybe it would only be temporary, but now it looks like they want her here permanently. I’m gonna try and graduate early so I can move back East for college,” she said emphatically.
I could only imagine how awful it would be to have to change high schools.
“It would be tough to make a big move like that,” I said sympathetically. She shrugged and looked at the ground. “Tell me what it’s like in New Jersey,” I said, trying to cheer her up. “I’ve never been farther east than Colorado.”
“For real?” Keira looked at me in shock, and then proceeded to tell me all about her life in Jersey. She seemed happy to be talking about her memories there, and I was amazed with how easy the conversation was. I forgot about her nose ring and crazy hair, and I started seeing her personality. She was actually funny, and I liked how animated she was when she talked. I’d never met anyone like her before, and it was refreshing.
We’d been talking for about ten minutes when I sensed someone’s shadow over us. I looked up to see Jill trying to hide her shock at seeing me chatting with Keira Davis, the loner.
“Hey, Jill, this is Keira.” I smiled up at her.
They nodded at each other, each mumbling a “Hi,” and then Jill turned to me.
“We were wondering what happened to you. I thought maybe you went to the bathroom, but then I realized you wouldn’t have taken your tray with you. Are you gonna come back and eat with us?” She cast a furtive glance at Keira.
I caught Jill’s look and turned to Keira. “Do you want to eat with us? I want you to meet some of my friends. They’re all really cool.”
She hesitated. “Nah, that’s okay. I’m fine here.”
I persisted. “No, really. I want to hear more about what it’s like back East.” I stood up and smiled as I offered her my hand. I wasn’t about to take “no” for an answer. No matter how tough or standoffish a person seemed, I knew no one really wanted to eat lunch alone.
Keira gave me a half smile and took my hand. I turned to Jill and gave her a quick wink. We could read each other so well that I knew she understood the hint, and I was proud of how quickly she responded. She immediately started talking to Keira as though they had been friends forever. That was one thing I admired about Jill: she knew how to strike up an easy conversation.
When we walked into the courtyard, my heart skipped a beat. Jason and Nick were still sitting at our table, but now Luke was sitting with them, too! I tried to tamp down the excitement rising like a volcano in my chest at the sight of him. I was ecstatic that he was back in school today, but then I remembered my recent commitment to like Jason. I did my best to ignore the rapid-fire rate of my heartbeat in my chest as we approached the table.
“Hey, guys, this is Keira. She’s gonna eat with us,” I said as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
Jill sat down next to Nick and patted the bench beside her, motioning for Keira to join her. I sat on her other side as Jill introduced Nick, Jason, and Luke. Typical of guys, they were only mildly surprised by Keira’s presence and readily accepted her into the group.
“I’ve seen that guy Luke before,” Keira whispered to me once the conversations had res
umed. “He’s a total hottie!” My face must have given away the discomfort I felt at this statement because she quickly added, “Oops! He’s not your boyfriend or anything, is he?”
I wish! I smiled and shook my head. “No, I’m going to prom with Jason.” The fact that Keira noticed how hot Luke was reminded me how every girl in school had a crush on him—and how I didn’t have a chance. But, I reminded myself, none of that mattered now that I was going to like Jason. Jason, Jason, Jason, I chanted to myself as if repeating his name in my mind would help me in my new quest.
“Oh, Jason’s cute, too. Is he your boyfriend?”
“Not really. We’re just good friends.” I needed to redirect Keira’s attention—and fast. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”
Her face broke into an instant smile. “Yeah, do you want to see a picture?” She flipped open her cell in lightning speed and showed me the image of a grim-faced guy wearing a sleeveless shirt and backwards baseball cap. If possible, it seemed like he had even more piercings than Keira did. “His name’s Blake, and we’ve been together for a year and a half now.”
I did my best to look impressed. “Wow, cool. You must miss him a lot.”
She nodded and flipped her cell shut. “Yeah, but we text and e-mail all the time so that helps. Mom says I can fly back home this summer to be with him for a few weeks.”
Suddenly, I realized how different our lives were: my mom would drop dead before letting me spend a few weeks alone with a guy.
Keira pointed to someone a few tables away from us. “Do you know that girl over there?” she asked.
“That is Princess Chelsea Andrews.” Jill’s voice dripped with sarcasm as she joined our whispered conversation. It amazed me how she always seemed to tune in whenever Chelsea was mentioned.
Keira raised an eyebrow. “I hope she’s not a friend of yours, ’cause she keeps pointing over here and laughing.” She shook her head and called Chelsea a bad name under her breath.
Jill snorted and choked on her drink. I had to keep myself from laughing too. Keira looked contrite. “Oh, sorry. I forget Mormons don’t say stuff like that. You guys are Mormons, right?” she challenged, but as if hoping we’d say no.
Jill seemed taken aback by the question, so I answered with a smile, “Yes, we’re Mormons, and, yeah, we try not to swear if we can help it.”
Keira nodded. “I thought so. It seems like everyone here is, but sometimes it’s hard to tell. Our next-door neighbor is Mormon, but he’s always out smokin’, and he swears all the time!”
I laughed. “Unfortunately, not everyone acts like they should all the time. Sometimes a person may claim to be Mormon, but then they don’t live what we’re taught, and that can give people the wrong idea about our church. None of us are perfect, but the doctrine of our church is always the same.”
“That makes sense. I’m a Catholic, but not super devout, if you know what I mean. Mom and I go to Mass every Christmas Eve and Easter, but that’s about it. Your church seems a lot more involved—like you have way more rules than my church does.” She raised her eyebrows as if to say she thought we were all nuts.
“I can see how it might seem that way, but we call our rules commandments—and we aren’t forced to follow them. Everyone’s free to choose for themselves whether or not they want to obey, but I know that my life is better when I choose to obey the commandments.” I paused for a second and then continued hesitantly, “You know, if you ever have questions about our church, I’d be happy to answer them. Maybe that way it won’t be so confusing.”
Keira smiled ruefully, as if she’d been waiting for me to ask this question. “Thanks, but I already learned a lot about your church from this group of people who introduced themselves to me the first day. It was funny because after I told them I wasn’t interested, they totally ignored me.” She took in my embarrassed expression and quickly added, “But if I have any questions, I’ll let you know, okay?”
I smiled at her and changed the subject. “Cool. So is your school back East going to have a prom?” I wanted to let her know that I still wanted to be her friend whether or not she was interested in the Church.
Jill had remained silent throughout the conversation about the Church, but now she jumped back in, wanting to know more about life in Jersey as well.
The guys had been involved in their own discussion throughout lunch, but now they were quiet and seemed to be listening to Keira, too. I looked up and caught Jason watching me, and I smiled at him, trying hard not to notice Luke sitting next to him.
Luke glanced up and our eyes met, but then he quickly looked back down at his food. Looking at my own tray, I realized that, with all the talking, I’d hardly eaten anything.
I began eating my pizza as quickly as possible while still trying to be discreet in case Luke looked at me again. The bell rang just as I was a few bites away from finishing, so I shoved the rest of the pizza in my mouth and stood up with my tray.
Just then, Chelsea waltzed by with her arm linked to Owen Black. He was a senior and the quarterback for the school football team. She laughed extra loud at something Owen said as she threw a haughty glance at Luke. Then she turned her attention to me.
“Wow, it looks like someone was hungry. You’re supposed to eat it, not wear it, silly girl.” She trilled with laughter at her own joke, and then Owen joined in as they walked past me.
I felt totally humiliated! What could Chelsea have been talking about? People were looking at me, and I heard more laughter.
“You’ve got a little sauce on your chin,” Keira whispered to me. “Quick, here’s a napkin.”
I quickly wiped off my face, feeling the intense heat of my blush through the rough paper.
Jill looked at me apologetically. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t that bad. Chelsea was just being a brat, as usual.”
I didn’t dare look at Luke, but I could only imagine what he must be thinking. There I’d been, snarfing down my pizza like an ogre and getting sauce all over my face!
I quickly turned to Keira. “Thanks for the napkin. Will you eat with us again tomorrow?”
“You’re sure you want me to?”
“We’re sure,” Jill affirmed as I nodded.
“Okay, then. Thanks.” She smiled a little shyly.
“Great! See you tomorrow.” I was glad Keira was letting us be her friends, and I was grateful that I’d followed the prompting to talk to her, but I was still mortified by the whole pizza sauce thing and felt like I couldn’t get out of there fast enough!
I was dumping my tray in the cafeteria bin when someone caught my arm.
“I didn’t get to talk to you much at lunch. Mind if I walk you to your next class?”
I looked into a pair of large, green eyes and said, “Sure, Jason. That would be nice.”
Chapter Twelve
All through seminary, I tried not to glance at Luke. I was still embarrassed about what had happened at lunch, but I was worried that if I looked at him, I wouldn’t be able to think about Jason the way I was trying to. When he had walked me to class after lunch, I’d been extra attentive to him and had smiled at everything he said. Now, if I could only get thoughts of Luke out of my head, I’d be set!
After the final bell rang, I took my time gathering my things. I wanted Luke to have a head start so he wouldn’t think I expected him to wait for me like he had last time. I pretended to jot something down in my notebook, waiting until the room was quiet and I was sure everyone had gone.
“See you tomorrow, Eliza,” Brother Carlton said.
“Yeah, thanks for class today.” I smiled at him as I turned to leave, and then felt the smile freeze on my face. Luke was waiting for me by the door. I felt a mixture of surprise and delight at the sight of him. All thoughts of Jason instantly fled from my mind as I walked toward Luke.
“Not too eager to go home today, huh?” His eyes held that unbearably charming gleam.
“Oh, yeah, I can’t get enough of this place.” I smiled, and he laughed a
s he fell into step beside me. “I heard you were sick yesterday,” I said, trying to keep my tone casual. “Are you feeling better?”
Luke seemed surprised and a little happy at my question. He tilted his head and looked at me. “Yeah, I’m feeling a lot better. How did you know I was sick?”
“Jason told me.”
His expression fell slightly. “Oh, right. That makes sense.” He quickly changed the subject. “So, I didn’t realize you were friends with Keira Davis. She seems pretty cool.”
“We just became friends today, actually, but she is cool. I’m excited to get to know her better.” I wondered if he was asking about her because he thought she was cute. A flame of jealousy flickered, but I quickly doused it by telling myself I had no right to feel possessive.
“It was nice that you ate with her. I’ve seen her eating by herself in the hall for weeks, and it always made me feel sorry for her.”
I cringed guiltily. “I have to admit that was part of the reason I invited her. But now that I’m getting to know her I really do want to be friends. I think I’ve had a tendency to judge people by the way they look, and that’s something I want to work on.” I hesitated, feeling a little embarrassed. “That probably sounds lame to you, doesn’t it?”
He stopped walking and looked me in the eyes. “No. In fact, it sounds incredibly mature. I think that’s something we all need to work on.” He paused for a moment. “Did you know I’m filling out my mission papers?”
I felt my heart drop into my stomach.
Mission papers? Somehow knowing that he was so close to going on a mission made me realize how much older he was—and how after he graduated I’d probably never see him again. A sudden wave of depression overwhelmed me, but at the same time, I wanted him to know I was proud of him.
“No way! That’s awesome! Are you excited?”
“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. What you said about not judging others made me realize that if I’m going to be a good missionary, that’s something I really need to learn. But don’t tell anybody about it yet, okay? I want to wait until after I get my call to tell people so I don’t have to deal with everyone asking, ‘Did you get your call yet?’ or ‘Where do you hope you’ll be going?’ and stuff like that.” He grinned sheepishly.
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