A Desperate Longing

by Brenda Williamson

  A noise echoed from inside again.

  She lifted her robe and slipped her arms into the sleeves.

  “I can do this,” she whispered to bolster her courage, and she took a step toward her bedroom door.

  Halfway across the room, she heard a phone ring. Not hers. She glanced out the window at Gulliver’s—not more than a twenty-foot swathe of ground lay between her house and his. She took another step and picked up a metal nail file from her nightstand. The annoying jingle wouldn’t stop and she stared at the room opposite hers. Gulliver wasn’t answering and that scared her.

  She turned to the sounds in her house again. Slipping the nail file in her pocket, she crept along the hallway. With her brain numb, she managed to get to the end of the hall. From there, she saw blood and mud on the silver-gray carpet in the living room.

  Retreating from the sight, she hurried to her room to get to the phone on her nightstand. She flew through the doorway and stopped.

  A scream brewed like hot lava in her throat. It erupted faster than any volcano. Outside her window, a masculine silhouette beat on the frame. The sash always stuck and he thumped on the sides to free it up. She searched the room for something more lethal than the nail file.

  A yelp stopped her. The shadow slipped away as he fell into the bushes. When he returned to the window, it began to move.

  It was happening all over again, everything replayed from her past. This time, things had to be different.

  He hoisted himself through her bedroom window, and one of the lace curtain panels shrouded him. Kacy didn’t want to be the withering flower on the thorn bush. She swung the porcelain lamp, putting all her strength behind hurtling the small bedside fixture.

  Kacy hit her target with precision. He staggered and his arms came up to grab her before she could swing the broken lamp again. Powerful arms surrounded her body and bound her so she couldn’t move.

  “Let go!” she shrieked. “Let go!”

  “Kacy, it’s Gulliver,” he said, as if it made a difference.

  “Let me go.” She kicked back to get him in the shin and the ankle.

  “I will, just calm down.”

  The reply she gave was a firm stomp of her heel on his shoe. He grumbled some mangled obscenity and tightened his grip. Kacy struggled for as long as her energy would last. The Valium acted as a muscle-relaxant, making her stamina wear thin quickly.

  “Let me go,” she whimpered, unable to think straight. “Please.”

  “Are you going to stop attacking me?” he asked, almost too politely.

  She nodded, too shaken to speak. His arms locked under her breasts, strangled her heartbeat. When they finally lifted, she shivered with the knowledge that Gulliver had watched her like some pervert. She stared at him as he fought off the torn lace and the curtain rod that dangled with it.

  “What the hell is going on in here, Kacy?”

  She felt for her nail file in her pocket.

  “Take off your shoes,” she demanded.

  Whoever had come in the house had left tracks.

  “My shoes?” With a shake of his head, he obeyed. “Now’s not the time to be worrying over the carpet getting muddied.”

  She panted heavily out of breath. “Your socks, too.”

  “Kacy if I didn’t hear and now see the look of terror on your face, I’d think you’re a kinky kind of girl.” He completed the task quickly.

  “It wasn’t you, was it?” her voice cracked.

  Gulliver didn’t have a trace of mud on his shoes, socks or feet.

  “Who?” he asked.

  She stood before him in nothing but some small pieces of silk and her robe. His gaze never dropped from her eyes.

  She shook all over. She was going to have a total mental breakdown if she didn’t somehow take control over her erratic emotional outbursts.

  “Gulliver…I’m…I’m…” She looked behind her at the open bedroom door. “Someone’s in my house.”

  He came toward her and she jumped back with a wary distrust.

  “I won’t hurt you, Kacy.” He took another step.

  She shook her head with a silent plea for him not to come near her and he stopped.

  “Why did you dive into my bedroom?”

  “You were screaming. Our houses are close and that’s my bedroom over there.” He pointed out the window and then ran a hand through his hair sheepishly, cringing at the knot she had given him on the side of his head with the lamp. “Do you want me to call the police?”

  “No. No police.”

  “Maybe they can help?”

  “By institutionalizing me.”

  “They can’t do that. It’s not in their power.”

  “Whatever, I don’t want to talk to any police.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “No! I mean, I know you have your house to set up, but could you…would you look in the kitchen and see what I saw?”

  “What’s that?”

  “If it’s real, you’ll see. If it’s not, then maybe you could take me to the psych ward at the hospital yourself.”

  “Kacy, I’m going to ask you to do something I realize may be very difficult, but I’d like you to give it a try.” He moved cautiously toward her.

  She gulped and coughed to clear her throat. “What?”

  “I’d like you to take my hand and go with me.” He smiled and extended his arm. “I understand your fear, except I promise I’d never hurt you.”

  She looked at his outstretched tan fingers. A little dirty from the fall in the bushes, yet as strong as she remembered them.

  She shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “You’ve scared the bejesus out of me and I’d feel safer hanging onto you.”

  Gulliver turned his head toward another noise in the house. Kacy grabbed his hand while she held the robe together.

  “Stay behind me,” he whispered, pulling her along.

  Kacy remained quiet and extremely close to him. She wanted to keep focused beyond Gulliver to what they might encounter. However, the mild scent of his cologne appealed to her senses and she had trouble thinking.

  They inched a few more feet down the hall.

  “Wait.” She tugged on his arm. “Could I tie my robe first?”

  He let go of her hand and kept his back to her.

  Kacy cinched the sash tight and knotted it around her middle.

  “Ready?” He glanced back.

  She slid her fingers into his, wanting to trust Gulliver more than she thought possible. It had been a long time since she held someone’s hand, and his tender, firm grip comforted her.

  “You’ll let go when I ask?” she whispered over his shoulder, needing a prearranged out-clause to their deal.

  He opened his hand. “Like this?”

  She nodded and moved closer to him so they didn’t have to stretch their arms. Outside her room, he pointed for the direction and she nodded.

  “Gulliver, I’m scared.” She nervously rubbed her fingers over the shirt covering his firmly muscled back.

  “Me too.” He shook her hand in his. “I might not have any blood flow when you’re done squeezing.”

  “I’m sorry.” She opened her hand but he didn’t let go.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He pulled her to his side. “I have another one for you to hold.”

  The heat of his breath fanned her face when he glanced her way. His touch grazed her cheek. The timing was all wrong but seemed strangely right. Nothing like a traumatic event to find the man you’re attracted to wants to be your hero.

  “Kacy, I work in the security business and it requires me to carry a gun most of the time. I want to take it out of the holster on my leg and I don’t want you to be afraid of it.”

  “If you have a gun, then yes, please take it out. It’ll be a better weapon than my nail file.” She put her hand in her pocket and came out with the shiny silver object. “I’ve thought of getting a gun, only I was afraid I’d shoot someone my imagination twisted i
nto the bad guy.”

  She watched him tug up his pant leg with his left hand.

  “Stay behind me,” he instructed.

  They inched their way to the end of the hall and then to the kitchen.

  Kacy paused to point at the mud on the floor. “I didn’t do that.” She jerked her hand and it didn’t come free. “Let go.”

  Gulliver turned so his face was inches from hers. “I need to know where you are. If you’re holding my hand it’ll be the safest place for you.” He held the gun up for her to see.

  Kacy wondered what it would be like to kiss him. She had to be crazy thinking about such a thing at such an inopportune time. Someone was in her house, and Gulliver’s mouth absorbed her thoughts and his face captured her attention in spite of the danger. His squared chin with the slightest brush of dark bristles tempted her fingers to touch. Black was a good color on him, in hair and clothes, and he appeared powerful, strong and impressively in control.

  “Kacy?” He leaned closer.

  Her breath came in short puffs as she leaned toward him. His lips parted. She anticipated everything to be as wonderful as she could imagine.

  “Kacy, do you understand?”

  She blinked and pulled back. He wasn’t going to kiss her. Disappointment floored her. She wanted to ask, would he ever? With Peter, she forced herself, but with Gulliver, she longed for the deep passion lovers shared.

  “Kacy,” he said again.

  For now, she had to settle for him protecting her. She nodded, letting him know she heard him. She held on to him with both hands. Gulliver’s eyes sparkled with a spray of diamond dust in the muddied brown. Could he know how much she had just fantasized about his soft, full lips pressed against hers?

  Looking away to survey the room, he took her along the counter so they could see the opposite side of the island. The odd track of mud didn’t resemble a footprint. It appeared as if someone had dragged something across the floor—something bloody.

  Chapter Five

  “My steak!” Kacy gasped.

  There, in the middle of her living room, a large, muddy dog lay on her clean, carpeted floor. He busied himself by gnawing on the remains of her sirloin steaks and relishing every bite.

  “I think we’ve found our culprit.” Gulliver chuckled. “Is he yours?”

  “No. I’ve never seen him before.” She expelled the breath she’d been holding. “How’d he get in?”

  They both looked toward the foyer and the open door.

  Kacy let go of Gulliver with one hand and put it to her chest. She thumped her breastbone to calm her pounding heart. Gulliver faced her and pulled her very close.

  “You okay?”

  In her peripheral vision, she noticed him lay his gun on the end table next to her sofa. Then he put his hand on her shoulder.

  “Kacy?” His touch slid over to the strained cord of muscle up the side of her neck.

  His finger swept her jaw when she nodded. Spellbound by the fact she didn’t have the slightest desire to pull away, she just stared at him.

  “You’re still shaking.” His stance remained relaxed and hers went as rigid as a flagpole.

  She gulped as his strokes skated up to her cheek. He held the side of her face. For about a minute, neither of them moved nor spoke. Her feet were glued to the floor. Her heart lurched with anticipation.

  Kacy looked at his delicious mouth and willed it to kiss her. She’d not resist. She’d not flinch or cringe or shudder. Ready for him to cross her usual boundaries of personal space, she waited.

  “This was all you saw, the mess the dog made with the steak?” Gulliver’s head tilted slightly to the side.

  “That’s all,” she whispered. “I thought a person had done it. I never saw the dog.”

  “He was no doubt hoping not to get caught.” His gaze lowered to her mouth.

  She moved a half step closer with the intention of pressing her body against him when they kissed. She needed him to make that first move. Kacy’s upbringing had instilled certain standards of propriety. He was the man and she the woman. He was there protecting her, therefore he should be the one to take the reward of the kiss she blatantly offered.

  “It looks like I won’t be getting that steak dinner after all.” He smiled.

  His perfect, straight white teeth gleamed, and she licked her lips to wet them slightly. Her nipples tightened into aching points inside the lacy blue bra.

  “We could order a pizza,” he suggested, and moved away.

  The spell between them broke. Her hand slipped free of his. She glanced down and saw the sash had come loose on her robe. Silk never did knot well.

  “I’ll call,” she said.

  Embarrassed for staring at his mouth so long, she backed from him, humiliated by the way she couldn’t hide her attraction.

  “I’ll clean up the mess and put the dog out.”

  Kacy picked up the phone and watched Gulliver look over the ruff of fur around the dog’s neck. He petted the animal with the affection she craved and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.

  “He doesn’t have a collar,” he informed her as he wrested a bone from the dog’s teeth and headed to the door.

  “Most don’t around here.” Kacy followed him.

  “Here you go boy, take it home.” He flung the bone to the yard. “You got my dinner, but you’re not staying to get my date.”

  The dog ran out the door and across the lawn to where the bone landed. She really hadn’t considered their dinner plans a real date and Gulliver’s declaration made her smile.

  “Gulliver.”

  “Yeah?” He turned toward her.

  “We already had pizza today.” She laughed.

  “Right, huh, I forgot. Is there something else we can have delivered? Or maybe I could take you to a restaurant. Allen said there’s a new Chinese place on Main Street.”

  “I’m not really ready to go out.” She glanced down, indicating her robe. “But I think they deliver.”

  “And I think it would be more relaxing to stay here anyway.”

  He put his hand around to her back, and a sudden spasm of tension made her go stiff.

  He withdrew and she could have cried. If she’d seen it coming, she wouldn’t have shied away.

  “I’m sorry.” She looked at him, afraid her reaction would keep him from ever trying again.

  “No problem. I’ll try to warn you from now on when I’m going to touch you.”

  “I don’t want to be warned,” she snapped, whirling around to confront him. “What kind of spontaneity is there in that? I hate not being touched or held or…” She covered her face, overwhelmed by frustration and a need to hold back the tears, which became a futile effort as salty water slipped from her eyes.

  “Kacy, I’m going to hold you now,” he whispered.

  Slowly, his arms surrounded her. Drawing her into his embrace, he caressed her back. Kacy relaxed almost immediately. She spread her fingers over the front of his buttoned shirt. She didn’t want him to perceive it as a pose to push him away, so she grasped the smooth cotton.

  With her head bowed, she continued to weep out of frustration. Gulliver smoothed a hand over her hair and his caress, warm and generous, traveled down her back.

  The welcome silence accomplished more than the Valium ever could. Gulliver’s quiet hold soothed and melted her against him. Each brush down her spine moved her closer to him. So many emotions welled up inside, she forgot how afraid she had been of him.

  She laid her face upon his chest and heard his heartbeat quicken. Hers did as well. He took a deeper breath and his chest expanded. She was drawn to that muted strength. His chin rested against the side of her head and she couldn’t remember ever liking to be hugged this much.

  “Better?”

  She tipped her face up and raised her gaze to his. He looked down at her. The dryness in her throat made the sound of her voice sound harsh.

  “Yes.”

  She prepared for him to release her.


  “Then I’ll just shut the door so the world can’t spy on us.” Gulliver bent his leg back and gave the door a kick. His arms kept her bound to him and his gaze remained locked on hers. He wanted to kiss her and she wanted to take the plunge and kiss him first.

  Peter’s voice tore her thoughts from Gulliver as the door swung back open. “Kacy?”

  Peter’s glare made her uncomfortable, and her lips quivered with distress.

  “Excuse me.” She broke from Gulliver’s hold and took a step away.

  The embarrassment would have been worse if Gulliver didn’t grab her hand to prevent her from leaving. His thumb circled the back of her skin, reminding her that his grasp wasn’t meant as a restraint. She liked the affectionate gesture.

  “Hi, I’m Gulliver Knight and you’re Peter Woods, Kacy’s other next-door neighbor. I saw you at the ballgame today and didn’t get a chance to introduce myself.”

  Peter ignored Gulliver. “Kacy, are you all right?”

  She wiped the tears from her face. “Yes.”

  “Kacy was just giving me some hints on decorating my home.” Gulliver continued, seemingly unaffected by Peter’s disregard of his presence. “A dog got in her house and ate the steak she had out for our dinner. She got a little upset by it and, well, she had a good cry. Everything is fine now.”

  “Decorating, huh? Were you testing her carpet?”

  They all looked down at Gulliver’s bare feet.

  “Would you excuse me, please? I should get dressed.” Kacy tugged at Gulliver’s hand with a discreet insistence.

  “Sure.” He smiled. “Bring my shoes from the bedroom when you come back.”

  “Kacy doesn’t like to be touched.” Peter informed Gulliver in a hard tone.

  “I know and it’s a little freaky, but what’s a man going to do? One minute they’re like, ‘Don’t touch me’, and the next they’re weeping on your shoulder because the dog ate their dinner. Women…” He sighed. “I understand you’ve lived next door for five months”

  Kacy stood in her bedroom and listened to their exchange. The way Gulliver described her emotions should have sounded insensitive, yet in a strange way he made her sound insanely normal. The conversation trickled on about nothing important and she realized how skillfully Gulliver steered Peter away from her as the main topic. She picked up the broken lamp and propped it in the corner, then took a pair of denims from the drawer and slipped them on quickly, wanting to get back out into the room as she heard Peter press the issue of her foibles.