A Desperate Longing

by Brenda Williamson

  “I always thought you looked good in jeans and a T-shirt.” He motioned to sit next to her and she nodded.

  “That’s what I’m wearing now.” She laughed.

  “That makes it easy—don’t change. Why did you want to anyway?” His concerned expression always uplifted her.

  “All the running I did today made me sweaty.”

  “Well then, we can’t have that.” He hopped up to his feet and strolled over to her closet. “I’ll pick out something.”

  “Peter, where’s Gulliver?”

  “His cell phone rang and he went outside to talk. Seemed hush-hush the way he was whispering. I’d guess he has a girlfriend.”

  “No he doesn’t.” But she left her room to find out for herself as uncertainty churned inside her.

  Gulliver paced outside on the front stoop. His little flip phone snapped shut immediately when he looked up at her.

  “Who was that?”

  “The police station. They were letting me know they didn’t find any light blue car in the area when they left the gas station.”

  “Why are they calling you?”

  “I asked them to, why?”

  “Are you sure you were talking to the police and not…not some old girlfriend?”

  The smile playing at Gulliver’s mouth faded into a serious flat line. “So Peter’s not above putting doubts in your head about trusting me?”

  “Leave Peter out of this.”

  “Come on, Kacy,” he said with obvious irritation. “Did you have that idea all on your own?”

  She glanced over her shoulder at Peter. No, she hadn’t and she didn’t want to play the games boys did, either. She had no claim on Gulliver, yet she wanted to, and trusting him was an important part of that bond.

  “If I didn’t answer the phone and leave him to go running off to your room, you wouldn’t be here all fired up. How ever much I’d like to satisfy your suspicions about my intentions toward you, I think I’ll leave and give you and Peter time alone. This was his date for coffee anyway and I shouldn’t have barged in on it.”

  “Gulliver, wait.” She gripped the edge of the door as he walked down the porch steps.

  He didn’t turn around and her heart beat rapidly at the thought she had ruined everything. They had barely started to know each other and like everything good, she’d ruined it.

  He answered her unspoken question as he walked across the lawn to his house. “I’ll be here at six-thirty for dinner and the stars.”

  Kacy took a deep breath. She bit her lip to hold in her cry of relief. Things would be better later when they were alone, when Peter wasn’t there to disrupt her hopes of creating something special with Gulliver.

  “Peter, you intentionally made me mistrust him.” She turned. “I like him very much and you, of all people, know how hard it is for me to accept anybody’s kindness.”

  “Kacy, there’s something odd about him that makes me worry for you.” Peter buried his fingers in his tight blond curls as he walked about the room. “I don’t know what it is, but he asks too many questions.”

  “About what?” She led him to the kitchen so they could have the coffee she had promised.

  “You, me and things that aren’t any of his business.”

  “I don’t understand.” She filled the pot with water and then poured the coffee granules into the white plastic basket of the coffeemaker.

  “He asked how long we’ve know each other, how long you’ve been avoiding people. When was the last time you flipped out.”

  “He’s just worried about me.” She switched the pot on and sat at the table. “He was wonderful at the gas station.”

  “Yes, he said he heard on the police scanner that you were in trouble.”

  “I know.”

  “Kacy they don’t say victim’s names over the scanner. How did he know it was you?”

  “Maybe by the fact I was a woman going berserk or…my car, that’s it. He heard the description of my car and knows it down to the very last detail.”

  These were all questions she’d wanted answered when she first asked Gulliver how he happened to find her in need of him. The scanner and talk of trucker handles had steered her off the subject. Had he purposely distracted her line of questioning? A tiny worry grew in the back of her head.

  “I don’t know anything about how he got there. He came when I needed him the most and that’s all that matters.” She rose from the chair and poured the coffee.

  Peter changed the subject and she listened with mild interest. Gulliver’s sudden appearance at the gas station gnawed at her thoughts. When she calmed down, she too had sensed something wrong with the picture. His appearance at the right place at the right time didn’t seem normal. She didn’t want to question him, but it almost felt like he was stalking her.

  Chapter Ten

  Kacy sat across from Gulliver and nibbled at the lasagna she’d made for their supper. When he had returned to her house promptly at six-thirty, the food sat ready on the table. She had planned candles and music, but never put out either because she wasn’t feeling romantic.

  “You’re being very quiet.” Gulliver tore off a bite-size piece of garlic bread from the larger portion in his hand.

  “You never told me exactly how you knew I was at the gas station. What did they say on the scanner about me?” She laid her fork down to dispel her anxiety.

  “That you thought someone was trying to kidnap you.” He poked the piece of bread in his mouth and chewed slowly.

  “That’s not very informative. I can’t possibly be the only woman in this town being stalked.”

  “I don’t know what made me think it was you. I really don’t. I suppose, if I had heard the report about some other woman, I would have been to that scene as well to check. I just knew that if you were in trouble, real or not, you’d be going… Well, that you’d need someone around that you knew.”

  She picked up her fork. “You can say the word ‘crazy’. I call myself that a hundred times a day. I know I’m not, now that I’ve seen that man. It wasn’t a glimpse and it wasn’t for a minute or two. I saw him follow me to two different places and he spoke to me both times.”

  “Then the next thing to do is to get a police artist to sketch a drawing of him.”

  Kacy nodded. She didn’t trust that the police would do anything for her, but she couldn’t remain passive. If her cooperation facilitated the capture of a horrific menace, then she had to help.

  “I’ll take you down to the police station in the morning.” He smiled and got up from his chair. “Come on.” He offered his open hand to her.

  Kacy rose and reached for him. His warm fingers were a little greasy from the garlic bread but she didn’t care. He pulled her close and stroked a hand over her hair and down her back. His fingers fanned out over her bottom and he tugged her lower half to meet his hips.

  “I will protect you,” he murmured against her lips. “Trust me, honey. I’ll not let anything bad happen to you.”

  He could not necessarily keep the promise if they weren’t together all hours of the day, but Kacy appreciated the sentiment behind the words.

  Gulliver’s fingers slid up her sides, stroking from her ribs to her hip. He took one of his hands away and cupped it to the side of her face. The warmth of his palm caressed her skin and he kissed her harder. Their mouths locked together and Kacy leaned into him. He drew her closer.

  She responded to his every movement. Slipping her hand behind his neck, she wrapped her fingers to the curve and held him as if she’d never let go.

  The blouse she had on gave him access to her chest. His touch glided down and rested on her collarbone. She couldn’t have been more ready for intimacy.

  Sweeping a forefinger back and forth with rhythmical persistence, he drew the collar of her blouse down. His mouth, already having moved from her cheek, to jaw, to neck, went lower. She tilted her head to the side and back as he sucked on her skin and released repeatedly.

  A butto
n came loose and then another. He kissed along the inside edge of the collar. His hand spread open over her back for support and she leaned further away, encouraging his travel downward. His heated kisses swept to the other side of her shoulder and up her neck as if he hadn’t tasted enough of her skin. Her pulse sped when he flicked his tongue over a sensitive spot behind her ear.

  Her excitement escalated as the kissing went deeper. His tongue pushed and probed hers with swirling, short thrusts. Then he gripped her upper arms and moved her away from him. He released her and wiped a hand over his mouth while staring at her with a troubled expression.

  “Gulliver, what’s wrong?”

  The rejection confused her and his delay in answering made it worse.

  “Nothing to worry your pretty head over.” He pulled her to him and hugged her. “So, where is that comforter and the pillow I had last night?

  “I took the comforter to the drycleaner’s, remember?”

  “Right.” He let her go and looked around the room. “You want me to get one from my house?”

  “No, I have more.” She put a hand on his back. “There’s something you’re not telling me. What is it?”

  “Just tired from work.”

  “The security business is stressful, isn’t it?” She wanted to pry, ask about his job and her tactful question seemed an easy way to gain information.

  Gulliver remained silent.

  “Here you probably have your own problems and I heap more on you.” She backed off from her quest to learn more about him. It could wait.

  “When was the last time anyone told you how terrific you are?”

  “In this lifetime, I think ‘never’ would be a fairly accurate figure.” She smiled weakly. “I have dessert.”

  His brow lifted in interest.

  “I went on the assumption that since we like similar foods, you wouldn’t turn down chocolate cake.” She smiled when he did.

  “I love chocolate cake.” His fingers laced with hers at his side. “Lead the way, Betty Crocker.”

  “It’s Sara Lee.” She smacked his arm playfully. “I didn’t make it, I bought it. The thing has been in the freezer for a week waiting for me to go on a binge.”

  “Not for a guest?”

  “I don’t have guests.” She took the cake from the refrigerator.

  “Peter?”

  “He’s a neighbor, not a guest. If he wanted cake, I’d expect he would get it for himself.”

  Gulliver took the boxed dessert from her and placed it on the table.

  “Sit.” He pushed her toward the chair. “Me, am I a guest?”

  “Obviously not.” She smiled when he handed her a fork. “You get what you want when you’re here, don’t you?”

  “I’ve gotten more than I anticipated.” He pulled the chair out alongside her and sat.

  “We need plates.” She started to get up.

  “For a binge, I think not.” He held her hand to keep her seated.

  Kacy felt as if a whole box load of caterpillars had been let loose in her belly and the fuzzy creatures tickled her insides. Gulliver pulled the cake from the container and Kacy sidled closer toward him.

  “Ladies first.” He held his fork poised in an attack position over the cake.

  She lifted her hand with her utensil. It hovered there while she absorbed the happiness raining on her. “Thank you.”

  “For what? I’m into binging on cake anytime.”

  “For today, last night, yesterday even. My outbursts have been less than civilized and you’ve taken it all head-on, and in between have managed to make things seem as if my life were normal. I wanted you to know it doesn’t go unnoticed, even if I am distracted sometimes.”

  “If you’re not going to go first, then I will.” He jabbed a fork into the cake.

  She laughed and the first bite he flaked off went in her mouth followed by his kiss.

  Her gaze went over his shoulder to the movement over her sink.

  “Gulliver!” Kacy leapt from her chair. “Someone’s outside the kitchen window.”

  Gulliver had his gun out of the holster on his leg within a second. She grabbed his arm as he headed for the back door.

  “Stay here.” He tried to push her back.

  “No, I’ll go with you.” Her determined voice stopped him from making the request again.

  “Stay close behind me, then,” he ordered, and opened the door.

  Kacy held his arm and followed. She grabbed the broom in the corner as a weapon. Gulliver moved slowly around the bushes. He stopped and motioned her to be quiet.

  They listened and moved. Listened and moved.

  The day had been cloudy and night had come quickly. It began to rain.

  “Damn,” Gulliver grumbled as big drops of water fell faster and heavier.

  They reached the kitchen window and a trash bag fluttered up in the breeze. The errant black plastic had caught on a branch of the thorny shrubbery.

  “I think I found your shadow friend.” Leaving the bag, they sprinted to the dry kitchen. From inside they watched the wind catch the bag again and wave it against the glass.

  “That’s what I saw,” she exclaimed, still surprised by the way her mind had worked the thing into a person.

  “Yes, and would you look at that rain.” He swung an arm up at the water-splattered windowpane. “I was really looking forward to sleeping under the stars tonight.”

  “That’s why I have the skylight over my bed.”

  “Give me the broom.” He leaned it against the wall. “Do you use that weapon often?”

  “Only when I don’t have a lamp handy. What are you doing?”

  Gulliver took the cake, a fork and her hand. He led her to the bedroom and she danced along the hall, ready to let all her worries vanish.

  “It’s a little early for bed.” She kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the mattress. “I don’t even have a television in here.”

  “Hold this.” He removed his shoes as well and then headed out of the room. “I’ll be right back.”

  She took a bite of cake and waited.

  “Gulliver what are you doing?” she called.

  He didn’t answer. Nervousness set in and by the clock on her nightstand, five minutes had passed.

  “Gulliver?” She climbed from the bed and sat the cake on the dresser. “Gulliver where are you?”

  She stopped at the end of the hall and backed against the wall. The front door hung open a crack and she couldn’t remember if she’d locked it since Gulliver’s arrival.

  “Gulliver?” she whispered.

  Too afraid to make another sound, she slid further away from exposure. She dropped her head back with a light thud to the wall. Nothing ever could be peaceful in her mind. Closing her eyes, she tried to stop the maelstrom. Fighting the mental battle against the panic had become a tug-o-war. Sometimes she won. Sometimes she lost. When the door creaked, she felt the dark side of hell rushing forward for victory.

  She had to look to be sure.

  Kacy scooted to the end of the hall and peered around the corner. Her tense body nearly collapsed with relief as Gulliver hopped in on one foot, a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass in the other.

  “Gulliver where did…you…?” Her words trailed off as she watched him stop, lean on the back of the sofa and examine the bottom of his foot.

  “What happened?” She hurried to examine his heel. Blood seeped through his sock.

  “I had a bottle of wine and went looking for it and the glasses in a box at my house. I dropped one.” He grinned with an embarrassed expression. “I guess I had the crazy notion I was Superman and as a man of steel, thought I could step on the broken shards.”

  “Give me that bottle and glass.” She took them away and sat them on the end table. “I should have told you I don’t drink. Can you hop to the bathroom so I can get this cleaned up?”

  He nodded, stood and made a hopping limp to follow her. Kacy took him through her bedroom and to the master bath
.

  “Damn!” Gulliver sat on the toilet lid. “I’m getting blood everywhere.”

  “Sit still.” She turned on the faucet and wet a cloth.

  “That’s a white towel.” He propped his ankle on his knee.

  Blood dripped, plop, plop, plop, on the tile floor. Entranced, she stared as memories threaded through her thoughts.

  “Kacy?” Gulliver spoke and she watched her hand move forward as if it didn’t belong to her.

  “Kacy, are you all right?” He touched her and she dropped to her knees.

  The blood dripped into her hand. Round red spots speckled her skin.

  “Kacy look at me.” He gripped her chin and pulled her face upward.

  “What, you don’t like white bathrooms?” She tried joking to break the tension.

  “I can get this cleaned up myself. Why don’t you wait for me in the bedroom?”

  Kacy gently removed his thin, black dress sock. “I’m all right. I haven’t seen blood in a long time.”

  “No recent cuts?”

  “I’ve been extremely careful.” She slid his sock over his heel.

  “Ouch.”

  “Hold still.” She picked up the tweezers from the sink counter and plucked the piece of glass out of the bloody mess on his heel. Her thumb rubbed the area slowly.

  “Do you feel anything else?” She wiped with the cloth.

  “I think it was just the one.”

  “It wasn’t very big to make this kind of—oh, Gulliver, there’s another, deeper cut.” She grabbed a dry towel and pressed it to the bottom of his foot.

  “I guess that piece of glass was too big to stick.”

  “Maybe you should go to the hospital and get stitches or something.” She wiped her hands on another towel.

  “Or maybe we should wrap it up and get back to the cake.” The curve of his mouth made the dimples reappear.

  Kacy rose on her knees and touched the black bristles on his jaw. Her other hand kept the towel in place on his foot.

  “You seem to always need a shave.”

  Gulliver scraped his knuckles over his the other side of his jaw. “Yeah, it’s a curse. You don’t like it?”

  “I love it.” She closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to his.

  “That’s good because it’s a pretty permanent feature. I don’t like to shave.”