A Desperate Longing

by Brenda Williamson

“Your case?” Kacy pushed out of his circling embrace. “What do you mean I’m your case?”

  “I’ll explain. First tell me what happened.” He took her arm and led her to the chair she had previously occupied.

  “No, I’ll not say another word until you tell me what you meant that I’m your case.” She folded her arms and glared at him.

  “Jim, can you give us a few minutes?” Gulliver glanced at the detective.

  “Sure, I’ll go get coffee. Miss Carwell?”

  “I don’t want any coffee…thank you.”

  “I’m a detective.” Gulliver sat on the edge of the desk. “I was assigned to a case of a woman brutally raped and tortured. The details were cross-referenced in the computer database and it triggered similar facts to your case.”

  “Mine…another woman…is she…did he kill…?” Kacy swallowed past the dry lump in her throat, wishing she’d accepted the coffee.

  “Everything matches. The method, the description and…”

  “She wasn’t killed?”

  “No, she…she escaped, Kacy. Much the same way you did, and she gave us the same information you did. No more, no less. There was nothing else to go on except you were the only other living victim we knew of.”

  The facts numbed her. She didn’t know what to say, what to think.

  “Here you go, Gully.” Detective Shaw handed him a Styrofoam cup.

  “Thanks.” He took a sip and then held it to her. “Kacy, take a sip.”

  She took the cup and held the steaming liquid under her nose. She liked the coffee’s rich, soothing aroma. With her eyes closed, she concentrated on breathing in, breathing out.

  “I found him,” she repeated.

  “We have him ready for a line-up, Gully,” Detective Shaw informed them.

  “I don’t need to see him,” she told them.

  “It has to be official.” Gulliver squatted down in front of her.

  Kacy took a sip of the coffee and then let him take it from her hands.

  “You’ll be in a room where he can’t see or hear you, honey.”

  “Don’t call me that.” She tugged on her fingers to get them out of his hands. “I’m a victim and a case to you. Ms. Carwell is the only way you should address me.”

  “Excuse me, Gully can I talk to you a minute?” Detective Shaw tapped him on the shoulder.

  Kacy watched them move ten feet away. They began to whisper and she closed her eyes to focus on their words.

  “You’re involved with a victim, Gully? The captain isn’t going to like it.”

  “That is my business, Jim. Kacy’s mind is fragile and if she isn’t looked after properly, she’s never going to remember anything useful. The captain said to get information the best way I could and she’s it. What happens outside of the line of duty is solely my choice. She’s not the criminal.”

  “You’ll lose your edge as well as your objectivity in the case. I scanned the information on her. She has a file a mile long on false accusations. The woman is mentally unstable and playing around with her emotions won’t—”

  “Kacy is fine. She just needs to believe that for herself. She’s come through the worst.”

  It was the only part of the conversation she liked hearing. The rest was a painfully harsh truth as to who Gulliver was and why he showed so much interest in her. To him she was merely a victim in an open police case.

  “You know, feeling sorry for her and leading her to think you…and I mean you, of all people…”

  The detective’s voice lowered and she no longer heard the conversation. The hand on her shoulder made her jump a minute later.

  “You lied to me,” she spat, rising from the chair at the urging of his hand on her elbow. “You said you were in security. I thought guarding an office building or a bodyguard, not a police officer.”

  “Security is security. I was guarding you, among other things.” He raised an arm over her head to push the door open. “After you.”

  The room was dark, bare, except for her, Gulliver and three other people.

  “Captain Haines, this is Kacy Carwell.” Gulliver introduced her to the narrow-faced man.

  She gave a nod of her head.

  “And this is Assistant District Attorney Martin Brewer.”

  The dim lighting made her nervous and, as angry as she was with Gulliver, she moved closer in his direction. His fingers brushed hers and for a moment, she thought he was going to hold her hand.

  The man who wasn’t introduced pushed a buzzer on the wall and spoke. “Bring them in,” he said. “Now Miss Carwell, take your time, no one can see you, so they don’t know who you are.”

  A laugh spurted out between her tight lips. “That’s rather moronic don’t you think, since he’s been after me for two years.”

  “Kacy.” Gulliver took her hand and squeezed.

  The other side of the glass lit up and she watched six men walk across the painted wall of a height chart. The numbers were big and meaningless since she didn’t know his height in conjunction to a ruler. When she was his prisoner, she was always in a prone position on a table.

  “Number four,” she stated.

  “Are you sure?” the captain asked.

  “Of course I’m sure. That’s the man that followed me yesterday and attacked me two years ago.” She turned away. “I’m not blind.”

  Her sarcastic tone met with another squeeze from Gulliver at the same time the captain’s gaze dropped to their clasped hands. She pulled away.

  “Is there something I should be aware of between you two?” The captain directed his question at Gulliver.

  Kacy would have said something, except she’d met his type before when she first escaped her abductor. Men like him treated her as if she were a criminal rather than a victim. Their questions went on for a long time—did she know the man, did she invite him in, did she lead him on.

  “Nothing to do with the case.” Gulliver slid his arm around her shoulders. “Miss Carwell and I have been spending time together when I’m off-duty.”

  The captain nodded. The district attorney didn’t look happy. Kacy didn’t care.

  Outside the room, she watched two officers lead her stalker from the line-up room. He turned and stared at her. Kacy crowded against Gulliver.

  Yet the longer she stared into the eyes of the man, the more her fears receded. With a deep breath, she pulled from Gulliver’s embrace and stepped forward.

  “You’re crazy,” the man shouted. “I don’t know what drugs you’re on, lady, but I never touched you.”

  Kacy shook off Gulliver’s hand. She walked closer and closer to the man. It seemed a great weight lifted and she wanted to see it through to the end, now that the end was near.

  “Come on, Fleming.” An officer tugged him down the hall.

  “Wait!” Kacy yelled.

  “What are you doing?” Gulliver took her arm.

  She strained to get a closer look at her demon. “Please let go, Gulliver.” She spoke quietly, calm and in charge of her emotions. “Please, I need to see him close up.”

  He let go and she drifted toward the man.

  “You’re one strange psycho, lady,” Fleming said. “I never had so much bad luck in my life than to run into you every other minute.”

  Kacy stared into the man’s dark gray-green eyes. He was angry, he hated her and he had every right to feel victimized by her accusations.

  She moved forward and strained to get her voice to whisper the words. “Let him go.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Gulliver’s hands settled heavily on her hips. She didn’t know if he was resting them or preparing to haul her away. She felt tired, so exhausted with life. It was getting harder and harder to muddle along.

  “Kacy what are you saying?” he asked in confusion.

  “Gulliver, I want to go home. Can I just go home now?” She twisted in place to lay her face on his chest. “I don’t want to be here or think about this anymore. Just let him go.”

 
“Tell me why you want us to let Fleming go.”

  Kacy lifted her head and looked through her watery eyes. “It’s not him.”

  Gulliver held her face. “Not the man that attacked or followed you?”

  “He’s the man that followed me, but not the one who attacked me,” she replied wearily.

  “I didn’t follow her,” Fleming said. “I was looking for a new drycleaner in the neighborhood I’m moving to and then I stopped to get my car washed and the broad went bonkers.”

  “Kacy?” Gulliver called as she walked away.

  “Yes…yes that’s exactly what happened,” she answered. “Now I want to go home.”

  “Hey, she stole—” Fleming started.

  Gulliver stepped up to him. “She was attacked two years ago and is having a rough time. She thought you looked like the man.” He picked up the evidence bag in the officer’s hand. “I’m sure she wasn’t stealing these video games.”

  “Fine, it was a misunderstanding on both our parts,” he said.

  “Uncuff him, officer. Mr. Fleming is free to go.” Gulliver held out the bag to him and then pulled it back. “Can you tell me how much for these with the tax and all?”

  “I don’t know, about seventy bucks.” Fleming rubbed his wrists.

  Kacy watched Gulliver pay the man and then take the boxes from the bag. He looked them over and brought them to her.

  “Here’s your games,” he said. “I’ll take you home now.”

  Kacy hugged the gifts. “They’re for Andy’s birthday.”

  “Lucky kid.” He guided her across the room to a desk. “I just need to get a few things and then we can go.”

  He shuffled through the papers on the desk and tucked a few into a file.

  “Is this where you work?” She touched the baseball on the desk and noticed it had some writing.

  “Part of the time,” he answered. “Wait here a minute.”

  Kacy watched at him walk over to another desk and talk to a man. He handed him the folder and they talked for a few minutes. She picked up the baseball and saw it had been signed by Livia Johnson.

  “This is very valuable,” she said when he returned.

  “So I’ve been told.” He smiled and took the ball she handed to him. “Did Andy give you one?”

  “No, was he supposed to? I mean was it something special the kids did?”

  “I thought so, but maybe not.” He stuck the ball in his pocket and took her elbow. “Are you hungry? I was going to get a burger on the way to your house.”

  “I’m not hungry just tired. I’m thinking about moving.”

  “Moving…wow…that’s sudden. Or have you been thinking about it for a long time?” He opened the door to the street.

  “It’s an idea I had.” They walked to his car parked in front of the station. “He can’t find me if no one knows where I am.”

  “I’ll know where you are, right?”

  “So you can stalk me? I think not.” She slid into the vehicle.

  He shut her door and got in on his side. “Kacy, put aside that I’m a cop. I still want to see you.”

  His deceit had ruined all they shared. Still, his gorgeous brown eyes looked sadder than she felt. It didn’t seem right that the circumstances that forced them together should make them both unhappy. He allowed her more of himself than a cop would allow a victim. She didn’t like how he had deceived her. However, one thing was certain—she was safe with him.

  Kacy’s fingers crawled over the leather seat. She liked how he anticipated her needy weakness and at the same time, she didn’t feel so needy anymore. His fingers laced with hers and they drove home in silence.

  In the driveway at her house, she sat quietly, debating her choices.

  “Ginny’s having a birthday party for Andy tomorrow at four o’clock. I’m sure Livia will be there. Would you like to go with me?”

  “A real date.” He chuckled and leaned toward her. “I’d love to go, Kacy. I have one condition.”

  “That I don’t go loopy on someone?”

  “No, that you don’t make me play these video games with any of those kids. I never got the knack of those machines.”

  “I promise to keep the kids and the video games away from you.” She smiled.

  Cupping his cheek, she rubbed her thumb over his bottom lip. It was all she needed to entice him to pull her across the seat and kiss her. Sweet, sensuous kisses splashed over her face, her throat and her shoulders. Her heart thumped harder, faster and with more urgency. She pushed him back and held her arms rigid.

  “I think we should take this inside before the neighbors see.” She laughed softly, feeling her energy coming back.

  Gulliver had a way of making all the bad go away with a few kisses and she grabbed the car door handle, excited to go inside and enjoy another night with him.

  Before she had a chance to pull the latch, the door opened for her.

  “Peter.” She stepped out of the car. “You really need to stop surprising me like that.”

  “I just came over to give this to you.” He held out a present wrapped in red paper. “I figured you could take it to the party for me.”

  “You’re not going? But why?”

  Peter’s gaze lifted over the top of the car to Gulliver and then came back to her.

  “Andy would really like you to be there.” She took his arm.

  “I have to go out of town for a few days—otherwise I would be.”

  She didn’t resist when he took her hands as they reached the front door.

  “Will you be all right while I’m away?”

  “Yes, Peter.” She leaned and kissed his cheek. “Gulliver will be here and if not, there’s always the local loony bin ready to come claim me.”

  “You’re not crazy.” He touched her face.

  “That’s just what I keep telling her.” Gulliver came closer. “If people stopped enabling her to be dependent, she’d learn she’s stronger than most.”

  The way he made her sound so reliant on others sounded like an attack.

  “I’ll have you both know I can take care of myself. I may shake at times, however for two years I’ve not made anybody my crutch.” She reached in her purse and took out the house keys.

  “You shouldn’t upset her, Knight.” Peter took her elbow.

  “Peter, please go home.” Kacy glared at him. “Gulliver and I need to have a private conversation. Have a good trip and I’ll see you when you get back.”

  She didn’t miss Gulliver’s smirk as he followed her into the house.

  “How dare you try to ruin my friendship with Peter?” She turned on him immediately. “He’s been kind to me and has not lied to me once. Where you…you’ve done nothing except lie to me from the start.”

  Gulliver folded his arms and leaned against the closed door. “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your mouth is when it’s all pinched up as if you’ve sucked on a lemon?”

  “I’m trying to have a serious conversation with you.” She tossed her purse on the foyer table with her keys.

  The porcelain ballerina danced and she didn’t reach to put her back into position.

  “Your nose flares as well,” he added.

  “Gulliver!” she exclaimed with exasperation.

  She pretended to storm away, her posture straight and unforgiving. Yet she did forgive him. He had a way of creating a fizzy bubbling inside her that she likened to pure happiness. She wanted to stay angry with him, but couldn’t.

  “You’ve got a great walk too,” he called out before she disappeared down the hallway leading toward her bedroom. “All curvy and sultry so a man can’t…”

  Kacy stopped, turned and strolled back to plant herself in front of him reclining against the door.

  “So that a man can’t…what?”

  “Think. Eat. Sleep.” His arms dropped. “You choose.”

  “You think because you’re cute you can get out of anything, don’t you, Mr. Knight?”

  “Most of th
e time,” he whispered, making the statement not sound so vain.

  She touched the scar on his brow, wishing he’d tell her how he got it. She had shown him hers. He touched her side and rubbed his fingers up and down.

  “Gulliver, I’m scared.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck. She didn’t want to pretend to be angry anymore. Thankful for the smothering embrace of his hug, she didn’t ease her hold. He leaned forward and she pushed her nose into the warmth of his neck and the collar of his shirt.

  “Of what, honey? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  “I’m afraid all I feel for you will disappear under one of my nightmares. I’m terrified everything I think is all right will be an illusion that vanishes the moment I remember how I was meant to die.”

  “Honey, you weren’t supposed to die. You survived so we can catch a killer. You are the strength that’s going to overpower his weakness.”

  “How? I don’t know anything.”

  “You do know and it’s my job to help you find out what it is.” He kissed her temple. “After that, it’ll be smooth sailing.”

  “Go home, Gulliver. I need some time alone.” She let her hand trail down the front of his chest.

  “Are you sure?” He didn’t mask his disappointment. “I could sack out on the sofa.”

  “I’m sure. I want to be alone.” She stepped further back.

  With all the talk of self-reliance, Kacy had the urge to withdraw from his security. She needed to make it through a night alone again. His presence had broken down her independence.

  “You know I don’t want to go.”

  “I know.” She smiled. “Except you will, because you understand I need a little space.”

  He nodded and left immediately, no kiss and no other hesitant excuses for staying. She didn’t know if she should be thankful or not.

  Once alone, she went to her room and closed the window. Since the lace curtains were missing, she drew the drapes closed. Turning, she looked at her self-imposed prison. After what happened yesterday, she’d never again be completely comfortable with the room or the house.

  Kacy stripped her clothes off and took a long, hot bath. She settled into bed with a book she had tried to read for weeks. Her mind wandered as well as her gaze. She set the book aside and tiptoed over to the window. It wasn’t as if Gulliver would hear her, still, she moved cautiously so he’d not see her.