by Nicole Thorn
I finished my ice cream once it was soup, and my sisters managed to drop the whole Bennett thing for now. It would probably come back around, but I could put it off. I wanted to talk to him. To hear him tell me I was crazy for thinking he wouldn’t want to see me anymore.
When it came time to go home, I didn’t hesitate going straight back to my house. I wanted to see Bennett, but showing up on his doorstep would have been insane of me. I had to keep a little sanity.
So, I went home, and the house was empty, and it made me sad. My parents were off at work, and my sister was at school. I probably should have stayed with my sisters. I didn’t like being alone. It didn’t suit me very well when I had silence.
I went to my bedroom and decided to distract myself with the calls I had to make. Thankfully, everyone scheduled picked up today. Another accident would have pushed me right over the edge this time. I couldn’t take Bennett being abused as well as my failing to keep people alive. There was only so much I could handle before breaking down.
When my calls were over, I lay on my bed to stare up at the ceiling. Little flashes of the other night broke into my mind, making me think about the fact that magic happened here. Mmm. Happy times. Naked times. Happy naked times.
Ah, I shouldn’t be thinking about this. I needed to put it out of my mind like it never happened. It was better that way, really. Bennett and I were fine the other day when we were hanging out. I mean, I couldn’t stop staring at him and getting all flustered, but we were relatively normal for us. We could stay friends, even with what we did.
In the back of my mind, something told me that wasn’t a good idea. I would want more, and this would only hurt me. Bennett needed someone in his life, and I was the only option at the moment. So my choice was to hurt myself by being around him when I wanted more or to hurt him and leave. It really wasn’t much of a choice. My happiness wasn’t important here, and I wouldn’t be happy with any choice I made either way. I got a taste of real happiness, and I could be satisfied with that.
With a new sense of excitement and dread, I hopped up to my feet and grabbed my phone from the desk. Bennett was number one in my contacts, even before Adalyn. I tapped his icon and held the phone to my ear, pacing while I listened to it ring.
Ring, ring, ring. It was going on for too long, and it scared me. Just as my heart began to pound even harder, and when my palms started sweating, it picked up.
“Benny?” I asked.
The voice I heard was not Ben’s. It was his fucking mother. “He’s not available right now, Layla.”
I hated how she said my name like I was a piece of gum on her shoe. This was the bitch who hurt my Bennett, and she was talking to me like she had the right to be breathing. As if she shouldn’t be in a field being eaten by wild dogs and rotting in Hell. She said it… she said it like I was the monster here.
“Because?” I asked, not hiding my hostility. She had his damn phone, and I wanted to know why.
She literally huffed. “He was acting up, and I grounded him. Why does it matter?”
My teeth grated together as I tucked my hand under my arm, feeling like I wanted to punch someone. My feet somehow kept moving. “Because I wanted to talk to him, and I can’t imagine Bennett ever doing something to deserve being punished. He’s an angel.”
His mother laughed, and my hand tightened around the phone. “That boy has done a real number on you if you think he’s an angel. Listen, he’ll be ungrounded in a while, and then you can talk to him. For now, don’t bother calling again.”
The line went dead, and then I was holding my phone, listening to no one. She hung up on me, and I couldn’t get a hold of Bennett. He was trapped in that house with his psycho mother who he refused to turn in. He would let her hurt him until he wasn’t around to hurt anymore. She could very well kill him, and he wouldn’t have done a thing to stop it…
The phone slipped out of my hands when I couldn’t hold it anymore. It bounced and landed somewhere I couldn’t see. I couldn’t see anything but red anymore. I couldn’t help him, and I couldn’t make him help himself. He would let that bitch kill him before he did anything to stop it. Trapped, like I was trapped. Hit over and over and over until all he could smell was blood and all he could taste were tears.
I felt it.
I felt it all.
I didn’t want to feel anymore.
I moved and then stopped at my closet, digging my softball bat out. It had lived in my closet since I was ten and used to play. I liked hitting things. Go figure.
The bat came down on my dresser, causing splinters to fly. They went everywhere, but I didn’t even think about something hitting my eye. I was too busy reveling in the release of all this fury. I slammed the bat into the drawers, and with a loud crack, the middle one split in half. I repeated until every single drawer was nothing but chunks of nothing.
I couldn’t save anybody. I couldn’t save myself, I couldn’t save my sister, I couldn’t save Mary, and I couldn’t save Bennett. Everyone lost when I was involved.
I beat the dresser, feeling the vibrations from the force in each hit. I wasn’t sure when I stopped breathing, but I began getting lightheaded. I didn’t stop. I couldn’t stop. I wanted this thing destroyed for the sin of being here when I needed to have some kind of control.
It hurt. Every hit hurt my hands, but I only gripped the bat tighter.
I didn’t even recognize the dresser by the time the bat fell out of my hands and into the pile of woodchips. I watched it as it turned blurry, and my knees wobbled. How long had I gone without brea—
AYLA!”
Something shook me. Hard. All I could hear was a loud ringing sound and the pulse of my own heartbeat. So fast in my chest that it hurt. Everything hurt. My head, my heart, and me. Just… me.
It didn’t stop.
But… but I wanted it to stop.
“Layla,” the voice cried. “Please…”
The word shattered me like glass, and my eyes rolled open. The light blinded me, and I couldn’t make out a single shape. I smelled Melissa’s shampoo in the air. Cherry blossom and bamboo. It was what I used to use when I… before I had been taken away. I didn’t use it anymore.
“Oh, thank God,” Melissa breathed, putting her head on my chest.
I could hear her panting and mumbling to a god I didn’t believe in anymore. Still, she prayed to Him.
“Layla,” she whispered as she came into my vision. Her hair was tucked behind her ears, and her eyes were so, so big.
I smiled. “You look so grown up, Lissy.”
Why did she look so scared? Everything was fine. “Layla,” she said, swallowing in the middle of the word. “Christ, how long have you been like this? What the hell happened?”
I blinked at least four times, trying to clear up my vision some more. Oh, my head pounded. I tried to sit up, and the pounding only became unbearable. I whimpered, and my sister caught me before I could go down again. She laid my head on her lap. Ah, much better. The spots grew smaller.
Melissa petted my hair, rocking me gently. “What happened here? Why is your dresser looking like it got sent through a wood chipper twice? And why is your bat on the floor?” The last sentence sounded like she was accusing me. Rightfully so, but still…
I breathed in through my mouth, taking advantage of the extra time it gave me. “I just…” My hands ran down my face, and I managed to sit up on my own. I still refused to face my sister. “It was a bad afternoon.”
“Umm… What?”
Because I was stupid, I decided to stand up. Melissa rushed to help me, and she got me over to the bed to sit me on the edge. I slumped forward, resting my elbows on my thighs, groaning. I was quite achy.
“Please,” Melissa said. “Tell me what happened to you.”
What choice did I have?
I shook my head, looking up at her. “I don’t really know. I was pacing one second, then the next, I was destroying that fucking dresser.” I groaned and fell back on the bed,
bouncing when I did so. Again, my ceiling was in view. “I was so angry…”
“Yeah,” Melissa scoffed. “I can tell. Mom and Dad are gonna flip their shit when they see what you did.”
Mom and Dad…
“Wait!” I sat up so fast that the room spun around. I made a sick sound, and I held my head up by my hair so I could still see Melissa. “You cannot tell Mom and Dad.”
With her arms crossed tightly, and a brow arched up in a you-fucking-kidding-me? expression, she said, “You’re crazy if you think they’re not going to find out you destroyed a dresser. I mean…” She turned her head back and stared. “I think an actual wrecking ball would have been gentler.” When she looked at me again, she said, “What set you off?”
Dammit. “It’s nothing,” I lied, waving my hand as I stood up.
I was shaky on my feet, but I gathered myself enough to pace. I took a few steps and watched the floor until it felt real and solid.
“Layla,” Melissa said, sounding like she was talking to a child. Did she forget I was the big sister here? “It wasn’t nothing. This”—she pointed to the dresser—“is some terrifying shit. You need to tell me what happened or I won’t help you hide it.”
I stopped and turned to her. “You’ll help?”
She breathed out of her nose, looking as pissed off as a dragon after some Hobbit tried to steal from him. “If you’re honest with me,” she said hotly.
My foot tapped as I contemplated. Surely I could get away with a half-truth. Melissa would help me either way, but I had to give something back.
“Bennett has… a really, really… really bad home life.”
“And?” she asked when I didn’t go on.
I sighed. “Liss… I can’t describe to you how bad this is. But I called him, and his bat-shit crazy mother answered. She took his phone away, and I don’t have a damn clue what she’s doing to him right now. I freaked out, and then I went all Hulky on the dresser.”
My baby sister was a great many things. A massive teddy bear was one of them. Her eyes welled up, and I watched her lip quiver. “Oh, no,” she whimpered. “But he’s… he’s so sweet. What’s she doing to him? Do we need to call the police?”
I held my hands up as if that would stop her from doing something. “I’m working on it,” I said. “But I have to be careful or his mom might hurt him worse. I don’t really know how to save him because he doesn’t seem to understand that he’s being abused.”
It was the strangest fucking thing I’d ever experienced. It was like he genuinely didn’t see this as abuse. Bad, sure, but it wasn’t the same thing to him. He knew he didn’t want to get hit, but he didn’t seem to think it was wrong of his mother to hit him. It was like he was brainwashed, but I thought he turned out like that on his own. I wanted to rewire him and make him see all the truths he avoided. Like how he deserved better and how his mother should be locked behind bars for the rest of her sorry life.
I saw his eyes that night, and he was so… broken. It all flew right over his head, and I couldn’t make him see. I couldn’t turn the lights on for him. I wouldn’t stop trying. Not until he knew what was wrong, and that it needed to end. I wouldn’t let this go on. This world couldn’t afford to lose one of the few good people it still had left. Bennett would be a very great man, if only he could get through this time in his life. But he has now what he didn’t have before: something to get him through, and to force his eyes open.
He had me.
Melissa made me sit on the bed as she started gathering up pieces of wood into a garbage bag. She threw on gloves so she wouldn’t hurt herself, and every once in a while, she would shoot me a look. Yeah, I knew I was nuts. At least she didn’t judge me. God, she was nothing like the little girl I left behind. The child I was obsessed with. The one I thought was my baby when I was small. She was so strong and so grown up, and I missed all of that happening.
Fuck. Fuck that son of a bitch for robbing me of my family. Of my sister and my parents and who I would have been. But bless that Hell because so much came from it that I couldn’t make myself regret. I lost Kylie, and that would burn in my heart forever. My sister was dead, but The Dollhouse gave me two more. It led me to them. Our broken paths brought us together because something beautiful could still happen in the midst of something ugly. It gave me Kylie, even if only for a short while, and it gave me Riley, and Adalyn. The broken way led me to my work, and it helped me save lives. It helped me save Mary for a while, and Bennett. Oh, I would live through it again. Every damn day, if it meant I could save Bennett. He was worth so much more than he would ever know, but I knew, and that was enough.
“I don’t know what to tell them,” I said as I sat on my hands. “How do I explain?”
Melissa sighed as she stuck a big piece of wood in the bag. She crouched on the floor, and glanced over at me. “How about you let me worry about that for now?”
I cocked my head. “Huh?”
She continued cleaning. “I have three hours before they’re home. I can bring the wood to the dumpster with a little help from my boyfriend and his cousins. If you don’t mind them being in your room.”
“Umm.” I racked my brain, thinking. “Frank has cousins?”
She smiled. “Daniel and Marshall. Frankie got Danny that job at the pound. Remember? It was an hour long conversation about no-kill shelters.”
“Honey.” I smiled. “I’ve been so fucking out of it that I couldn’t even tell you how many books were in that antichrist series I love so much.”
Melissa snickered and stood on her feet. “Seven, then the bonus one and the novellas, you airhead.” She tied off the bag and set it aside before reaching for a new one. “But they’re big boys. They’ll be able to get this out of here.”
I nodded. “Tell them I said thank you.”
She opened up the bag and set it aside to pull her phone from her pocket. She set it between her cheek and shoulder to hold it. “Hey, sugar,” she said with a grin. “I don’t suppose your cousins are off today…”
I watched her fill up the bags with the rest of the stray wood, and I helped her bring the bags downstairs. Frank pulled up into the driveway, and my sister got that look in her eyes when he stepped out of the car.
Frank was a very nice-looking boy, I thought. His hair was so blond that it looked white in the sun. He was a little on the bulky side, but he hid it under a sweater, and a huge grin that made him look much less threatening. Melissa skipped over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I smiled at them, and Bennett popped into my head.
Oh, no…
Shaking away realizations, I nodded to my future brother-in-law. “You take candy as hush money?”
He waggled his eyebrows at my sister. “Or other things.”
She stuck her tongue out at him. “You wish.”
With a sigh, he tilted his head back. “I do…”
He got another kiss on the cheek for that one.
His eyes narrowed at my sister. “You have me wrapped around your finger, huh?”
“You know it.”
Frank cleared his throat and put his hands in his pockets. “The guys will be here in a few minutes. Where’s the offending dresser?”
Melissa gestured to the house. “Her room.”
“Ah. And this is hush, hush?”
“Please,” I asked.
We were almost done loading the bags into the car when two men pulled into my driveway with a black pickup truck. I wasn’t watching where I was going, and I walked face-first into a monster of a man. I craned my head up and took a good look at him.
Okay, holy fuck. He was probably six foot six at least, and bulky was a kind word for what he was. The man could probably snap a tree in half. He had to do something athletic. He could have been a football player. Something like that. The man kept his brownish, blondish hair cut short on his head, but it curled just a touch. It almost looked odd on him, the clothes he wore. The boots and back jeans were fine, but he was in a black button up too
. Three undone, giving just a peek at his chest. And his sleeves were to his elbows, showing off tattoos that appeared to be some form of the night sky. I didn’t have enough time to really look. I stared up at honey-colored eyes that narrowed at me.
“Oh, fuck,” I said after I smacked into him. “You’re a big ‘un, huh?” I laughed, and he kept a perfectly straight face. “I mean… I bet you give the best piggyback rides…”
I frowned when he didn’t express any human emotion whatsoever.
“He doesn’t,” someone said, “but I do.”
I screamed when I was suddenly in the air. I landed in another set of giant arms and got thrown onto a back. I clung to the body as tightly as I could. “I DON’T WANNA DIE LIKE THIS!” I yelled, my eyes shut. “DEATH BY GOLIATH DOESN’T MAKE A GOOD OBITUARY!”
A deep voice chuckled, and I thought I was attached to where it came from. “You totally asked for a piggyback ride. Someone, back me up!”
“Marsh,” Frank sighed. “She’s had a day.”
“Oh,” the man said, and he somehow set me on my feet. When I stopped gasping, I took him in too. While he was big, he was not as big as his buddy. Several inches shorter, and he looked much more chipper. His hair was wavy and light brown, almost touching his shoulders. He had bright green eyes and the second best smile I’d ever seen.
“Marshall,” he said, holding his hand out. “Sorry I assaulted you.”
I shook his handed, and laughed. “S’okay,” I said. “I’ve had worse happen to me.”
Oh, well, that just slipped out, and it darkened the tone of the whole moment. But the man seemed like he was ready for it.
“Me too.” He nodded. “Daniel used to put marshmallows in my mouth when I was sleeping. That son of a bitch stole the top bunk and then tortured me for it.” He turned his head to glare at the man. “Fucker.”
Daniel smiled crookedly. “Oh, there was no better sleep than when I was on the top bunk. The victory of that one Tic-Tac-Toe game remains my favorite memory.”
