by Ward, H. M.
I do as he asks, not sure what to expect. Nerves flutter through my stomach, making me queasy. My mind is screaming at me, telling me that I’m going to die. I try to ignore my bonds, but it feels like they’re searing into my skin. There’s no way to forget that I’m tied down, even if I attempt to ignore it. I breathe through my mouth when I feel the gag slip between my lips. He tugs it hard and the smooth fabric gets forced to the back of my mouth. Sean ties it tightly. The amount of fabric in my mouth makes it feel like there’s no air, like I can’t breathe.
Panic surges through me, stronger this time. Mentally, I know I can breathe, but I feel like I can’t. My wrists twitch, making the straps pull tighter. I can’t slow my heartbeat. I can’t picture a meadow and mentally escape to somewhere else. Sean took every fear I have and rolled them together. I can’t calm down. Anxiety races through me in an avalanche. I try to thrash and pull away, but the only thing I can move is my head.
Sean’s voice comes from behind me. He says something that I can’t make out when I feel my skirt lift. His hands cup my ass and he feels my smooth skin before pressing his hips against my butt. “Calm down or you’ll hyperventilate. You can breathe, Avery. Slow down. Focus on my touch, on my hands.”
Fear is strangling me. I try to stop, I try to do what Sean says. The roaring in my ears makes it so much worse. I hate being confined. You’re trapped. You’re trapped. You’re trapped. The words have been on repeat since he tied me down. I didn’t even realize what I was thinking until I tried to focus on his touch. The words ring hollowly in my mind as I try to focus on Sean’s hands. One is on each side of my thigh, sliding slowly up the outside of my leg. He must be kneeling next to me because I can feel his breath on my legs. Sean rubs his hands up and down, one finger at a time. I gain control of my breathing again. The panic recedes. The only thing I can feel is the cold fear that’s frozen in my stomach and Sean’s hot touch on my bottom.
Something cold touches my hip and I wince. Sean drags its point over my hip, gently scraping my skin. It’s sharp, but he doesn’t cut me. The threat is there, the fact that I’m at his mercy isn’t lost on me. I don’t trust anyone, but somehow I volunteered to be tied to Sean’s bed and let him do this to me.
He loves me. The metal bites into my skin slightly and is gone.
“Breathe,” Sean commands. His hand is on my back, waiting for me to do it. Slowly, I inhale and let the air fill my lungs. I let it out slowly and do it again. “Good girl.”
Sean’s hand is gone. I try to focus on breathing and forget about everything else, but it’s hard. I want to rip my arms out of the restraints. Nervous energy lines my arms and legs. It’s pouring into my stomach like a tidal wave. I forget what will happen and pull my arms. The tug tightens all four restraints. I whimper into the gag and blink frantically behind the blindfold.
For a moment, I freak-out thinking that Sean left me tied to the bed alone, but then I feel his hand on my hip. He slides his palm over my bare skin and loops his thumbs around my panty. I hear a metallic snip, then another, and the little scrap of fabric is gone. I’m so tense that I don’t know what I want. I should have asked how long this would take. I thought I could do it, but now I don’t know. My pulse pounds harder, faster. I can barely breathe. My tongue is shoving the gag, trying to make more room in my mouth.
Warm palms slowly inch up the V of my legs. At first I can barely feel Sean’s touch, but as he gets closer to the top of my thighs, I squirm. My hips jerk to the side, but I don’t fall. I’m still in my heels, with my dress fanned around me, pulled up, exposing me.
I have no idea what’s going to happen next, but suddenly everything takes a turn. Sean’s hand lands hard on my bottom, stinging the skin. The unexpected hit makes me yelp into the gag. My hands ball into fists, but I can’t move. I’m not used to being hit. I don’t like it. My instinct is to hit back, but I can’t. Before I have time to think, Sean’s elbow is on my back. The air is forced out of my lungs at the same time his hand grips my pussy. He finds me quickly and forces his fingers inside. I’m dry, not ready for him. Sean thrusts another finger inside, stretching me. He pushes in and out fast, over and over again while I struggle to breathe.
It’s the worst thing he could have done. It feels like I’m on fire inside and out. My mind is screaming to fight him off, but I can’t move. Sean slips in another finger and pushes inside of me, thrusting deeper every time. His elbow lightens and I suck in a sharp breath, but as soon as I do it, Sean knocks the wind out of me again. His fingers move faster between my legs, making my body respond. Damp heat covers his fingers making them slick. He pushes into me up to his knuckles as I fight for air. Holding his hand there for a moment, he leans hard on my back. I fight for breath and then suddenly, he pulls out and I can breathe.
For a moment, the only thing I can hear is my breath. Then the door opens. Horror washes over me. Someone’s here. Sean is speaking softly and I can make out another voice. What is he doing? I hope the other man goes away, but he doesn’t.
Sean says, “This will only be a minute.”
Another voice says, “That’s more than fair.”
Fear consumes me. He’s going to share me and I can’t move. I can’t do a damn thing. I thrash my head on the bed, trying to get the blindfold off. I scream into the gag and shake my head. I know I said I’d do anything, but I never dreamed he’d do this.
Before I can think, there’s a hand on my bottom and I hear a zipper open. Panic rises up within me. It’s not Sean. Sean is standing in front of me. I hear his voice whispering in my ear to keep breathing. But, I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
Fear twists inside of me, turning to something else. I want to kill him. Before I have time to think, I feel the man’s hard length on my backside. He leans into me, pushing in deep. He sighs and stays still for a moment before he starts rocking. He pushes into me over and over again, each time thrusting deeper. My hands clutch at the bed, and I grit my teeth, trying to bear it, when something presses hard on my back. It’s heavy, like a suitcase. It makes it harder for me to breathe. The guy thrusts harder, more wildly. His hands grip my ass. He rides me until I’m so sore that I can’t stand. My knees start to give out. He pulls out after he comes and walks across the room. I hear the sound of his shoes, his voice.
“She’s tight,” he says.
I hear Sean agree, and he takes the thing off my back. “Very.”
They talk, but I’m not listening. I’m planning on ripping Sean’s face off as soon as he unties me. A hand slaps my cheek and pulls me out of my thoughts. “Breathe.”
My jaw is aching. I’m biting the gag as hard as I can. I must be holding my breath because my lungs feel like they’re on fire. I pull at the restraints, ignoring Sean’s warnings, pulling myself tighter and tighter. My legs spread wider, and my face is getting smashed in the mattress, but I don’t stop yanking. I can’t. I have to break free. I have to. I have to.
Sean’s voice moves through the room until he’s behind me. His fingers push inside and linger. “Push into my hand.” I don’t move. He withdraws his hand. For a moment, nothing happens, then his hand spanks me hard. “Do it.” Sean pushes into me again and I push back.
I can’t breathe. I can’t move. I can’t do this.
My body is covered in sweat. My wrists ache. I’m an incoherent ball of rage and fear. And lust. I don’t understand the last part. I don’t understand why I’m wet or why I want Sean to touch me at all. It makes no sense, but my body responds to him. I can’t help it. I push back into his hands, feeling him inside of me and I want more.
Sean touches me again, stroking me, making me moan. I can’t focus for long. I feel the bonds biting at me. My mind flashes to images of me trapped in a coffin, stuck beneath layers of dirt. I can’t move. There’s no air. I claw at the box, but I’m trapped.
Fear consumes me, swallowing me whole. I thrash again, or try to, but there’s no slack left. My nails claw at the bed. I can’t stand it. Sean’s voice is in my ear,
but I don’t listen. I scream into the gag, but I know this isn’t over. This is what he wanted—me completely out of control. It’s what Sean was waiting for. As my mind snaps, Sean rubs his dick across my butt. He presses against the wrong spot and I’m so scared that he’s going to try and fuck my ass. I wait for it. He pushes against me harder this time, but at the last second he moves. His hips slam into mine and I feel his erection sink into me. Sean’s fingers tangle in my hair. He pulls hard, yanking my head back as he fucks me. I feel like an animal. There’s no love in Sean’s actions, no man in the monster. He rides me until he shudders and fills me with come.
My heart is racing, ready to burst. I feel used, cheated, and completely crazy. He broke me. I can’t think. My mind won’t process anything. Slowly, thoughts reemerge through the haze. There was another man. My mind swirls around that thought for a moment. I feel sharper, like I’m waking up. The blind panic is clearing. Inviting another guy in was not part of the plan. I don’t even know who he was. I breathe in slowly, ticking off the minutes on my fingers, waiting for Sean to untie me—but he doesn’t.
The bed next to me dips and I hear his voice in my ear. “Lots of women fantasize about being with two men, but that thought scares you. Not seeing his face, not knowing his name. It’s too much.” Sean’s finger touches my cheek and I jump. He withdraws his hand. “But you needed too much. You keep your mind so carefully under control and I needed it.”
The blindfold unties and I can see him. Sean is shirtless. His pants hang low around his hips. He’s lying on his side next to me, watching me. He reaches for me, brushing the hair away from my eyes. I’m pulling on the restraints as hard as I can. I want to scream at him but he doesn’t ungag me.
“Fear is like love. It has the same depths, the same intensity.” He’s watching me, running his finger along my cheek. He’s concerned that he pushed me too far too fast. Sean continues, “So does pain. You use pain the way I use fear—to forget.” Sean looks at me for a moment and then pushes off the bed.
The ties on my ankles come free first and then my wrists. Before Sean has time to look up, I fly at him, ripping the gag away as I go. I slam into him hard, knocking Sean backward. He hits the floor. Before he has time to blink, I’m on him. My knee is over his throat, but I don’t press down.
I’m so mad, so angry, that spots are blinking bright red and white, glittering like Christmas lights. “What the fuck gives you the right to invite someone else in here! I said I was giving myself to you! YOU!” I want to hurt him, I want to, but I can’t. I wait too long. Sean sees the chance and takes it. He reaches behind me and knocks me down. Sean rolls on top of me, pinning me to the floor with his entire body.
“It’s what I wanted.” He’s so calm, so fucking calm.
I scream and try to claw him, but Sean grabs each hand and slams it to the floor. He leans in close to me. “I want you so broken that you can’t trust yourself. I want you to give all of yourself to me.”
“You said you loved me! How could you share me?” I’m still fighting him, trying to break free. “How could you—” His lips come crashing down on mine before I can get the question out. Sean kisses me, but I don’t kiss him back. I suck his lip into my mouth and bite down.
Sean pulls away, and a bead of blood drips off his lip and onto my face. It rolls down my cheek. Sean won’t let me up. “I do love you. I love everything about you. I can’t believe you bit me.” He blinks at me several times, like I’m the weird one. I thrash under him and almost break free, but he lays on top of me, completely stilling me. “Avery, there was no one else.”
The roaring in my ears is so loud. I don’t think I heard him right. “What?”
“This is where you ask to see the video.” Sean watches me, waiting for rationality to return, but it doesn’t. He explains, “I won’t share you. I won’t ever share you. It was part of what I wanted—you, completely vulnerable to anything and everything I could possibly want—so I made you think there was another person here, but there wasn’t.” Sean stops for a second and watches the information sink into my brain. “I didn’t think you were a two guy kind of girl.” I shake my head, staring at him, wondering if it could possibly be true. My eyes flick to the nightstand—to the video camera. “Do you want to watch it?”
No. But I have to. The bastard. He planned this. The whole thing. My jaw is hanging open. I don’t understand him. I don’t know why he’d make me think that. I’m so mad. I should have known, but there was no way to know—not this. He’s so twisted. I growl, “That was a mind fuck. That’s what you wanted—body, mind, and soul. All of me.”
“Yes,” he nods, slowly admitting it. “I want all of you, in every way. I want to own you. I want you to plead with me, to crawl to me on your hands and knees and beg me to take you. I want you to surrender to me, to my wants, and give me anything and everything.”
“You don’t want me to give you anything. You want to take it.”
“Perhaps.” I give him a look. “Fine, you’re right. It’s not the same if there’s no fight. I want to break you down and make you mine. Doing this let me fuck with you in every way possible, and god, I want that more than anything.” He leans down and presses a light kiss to my lips.
When he sits up, Sean lets go of my wrists. “Watch the video with me. I want you to.” Sean stands and offers his hand. I take it and he pulls me to my feet. His hands slip around my waist until he finds the zipper. He pulls it down and my new dress falls to the floor. I’m standing in front of him wearing a little black bra. He reaches around and undoes the clasp. Sean takes the bra off me and tosses it on the floor. I’m naked. His eyes sweep over me, before pulling me to the couch on the other side of the room. Sean pulls me onto his lap and plays the video. His hands wander while we watch, and I can’t hide how turned on I am. What the hell is wrong with me? Sean doesn’t say much. He just watches me, taking in my reaction.
I watch his hips buck into mine on the TV as he fucks me. I thought he was someone else, but there isn’t anyone. There’s a recorder by my head. I didn’t see it before. Sean must have moved placed it there after he blindfolded me. My stomach twists. I watch the video and squirm. The fear is palpable. I never thought I’d do anything like this. Watching it after the fact just seems wrong, but I can’t look away.
I blurt out, “I wish I could see your face.” I wonder what his eyes look like as he does that to me. I wonder how much of him is there when he’s like that. His body is beautiful, covered in a sheen of sweat. His muscles tense and release as he pushes into me. I watch him thrust over and over again. His head hangs back as he looks up at the ceiling when he comes. The tension rolls out of his back and he relaxes before pulling out of me.
God, that turned me on. I’m already sore, but my body doesn’t seem to care. Sean watches me through the entire video. After it’s over, I glance at him. I don’t know what to say. He’s messed up, but so I am because I’m so aroused. I want him so much.
Sean inches his hand further up my leg. I part them for him and lean back against his chest. I close my eyes when he touches me down there. Sean rubs gently, making lust swirl deep inside me. I want to turn around and straddle him. A smile creeps across my face when I realize something—it’s my turn.
3
I’m still trembling, still on edge from what he did to me. I glance over at Sean in his jeans and bare feet. He changed at some point and ditched the suit from earlier. I don’t see it on the floor. My gaze flicks up to his chest and those perfectly lickable abs. I can do anything I want. That was our trade. I hold out my hand to him and he takes it. I pull Sean up from the couch and he follows me across the room.
Sean stops walking. It makes my arm jerk and I stop and look at him. He’s tense, like I’m going to hurt him. “Can you tell me what we’re going to do? At least clue me in a little bit?”
I smile softly at him and shake my head. Dark hair falls over my shoulders. I’m naked and standing on rose petals in front of the bathroom door. A sliv
er of light shines through the dark room. “I won’t hurt you.”
“I know, it’s just…” Sean runs his fingers through his hair and then down his neck. He stretches, showing off that ripped body. “I’m not good at these things.”
“Are you backing out of your end of the arrangement, Mr. Jones?”
Sean grins at me every time I call him that. It conjures memories of the first night I met him. “No, of course not, but—”
“Then, don’t worry about it. Trust me a little, okay.” I’m cautious with him. For some reason, Sean seems brittle, like he’ll crack in my hands if I’m not careful. I don’t want to break him. I don’t want him in more pain than he already is, but I think this will help.
I start talking about things—my papers, Mel, grad school—as we wait for the tub to fill. I have my hands on his skin, keeping the contact between us. Sean looks leery, but doesn’t shy away. When I turn off the water, I turn back to him. I reach for his waist and slip the button through the hole on his jeans. They loosen. I tug him toward me and look into his eyes. “It’s all or nothing, Ferro.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Stanz.” He leans in and presses his lips to my temple. The kiss is so gentle, so uncertain. It makes me melt. There’s a softer side that Sean keeps hidden. The one time I saw it was the first time we were together. Maybe it was an accident, but tonight I’m not asking for accidents. I’m asking for all of him.
Looking down, I lower the zipper on his pants slowly. I slip the clothing off his long, lean legs and toss them across the room. Taking his hands, we both step into the tub. Sean sits down and looks up at me. I hesitate before sitting down across from him, which was not my original plan.
Sean notices. “What’s the matter?”
I smile softly. “Nothing, just tired I guess.”
“You said you wouldn’t lie to me, Smitty.” Sean takes my ankle and pulls my foot to his lap. He rubs little circles on the bottom of my heel.
