by Ward, H. M.
“What are you doing?” His voice is deep, demanding.
I don’t turn. My body remains rigid, with my shoulders too tense. If he touches me, I’ll punch him. Anger is swirling inside of me and mixing with dread. Things can’t end this way.
Something inside me snaps and I round on him. Before Sean can speak, I slam my open palms into his chest, shoving him as hard as I can. Sean barely moves. It’s like I’m no more substantial than a snowflake.
“What am I doing? Me? You’re asking me? How about you? What the hell are you doing?” Sean doesn’t answer, so I slam my hands into his chest again, harder this time. “Tell me! Don’t just stand there like that and act like nothing’s wrong!”
When my hands slam into his chest again, Sean grabs hold of my wrists and doesn’t let go. He yanks me toward him so my face is close to his. “I have no idea what you’re talking about or why you behaved as you did downstairs.”
I lean back, trying to pull away from him, but Sean won’t let me. “You know exactly what you did down there! You knew what would happen before you even said it—I could see it on your face—so don’t you dare lie to me now, and act like you have no idea why I’m mad. And, I swear to God, if you blame it on PMS, I will cut you.”
Sean represses a smirk at my threat. His blue gaze seems amused by the idea, as if I could possibly hurt him. The man is made of stone. Nothing hurts him, not anymore. “As delightful as it sounds to see you in a full blown rage, I hardly think your behavior is warranted.”
“You handed me off to Henry,” I hiss. “Don’t play this game with me Sean. Don’t stand there and pretend that you didn’t. You’re leaving me tomorrow and you didn’t say a damn thing about it.”
“I didn’t hand you off to anyone. You made your own decision and I made mine.” Sean drops my wrists, like he’s through with me, and walks out of the bathroom. He crosses the floor and pulls a bottle of liquor out of the bar. Everything about him is so calm, like nothing is wrong. He pours his drink as I stare at him in disbelief.
“What decision did I make, Sean? Because I don’t remember making one that included you leaving New York without me.”
“This is childish, Avery. We’re both adults here.” Sean turns toward me and leans back against the bar. The tumbler is loosely held in his hand, and everything about the way he stands says he doesn’t care. “And I did not hand you off to Henry Thomas. You chose him when you failed to choose me.”
“That’s what this is about? Are you insane? I didn’t choose Henry.”
“You didn’t choose me, did you? Or did I miss something?” Sean raises the glass to his lips and tips it back. The contents disappear in one gulp. Sean glances up at me from under his brow, waiting for an answer. My jaw is open and I hesitate. The words are there, but I can’t say them. I don’t want to hurt him. A smug expression spreads across Sean’s face. “I thought so.”
Fuck it. I stomp over to him and look up into his beautiful face. “You thought what? You thought that I’d be happy to be your live-in call girl? You thought that I’d be flattered that you offered to buy me?”
“I offered you more than that and you know it.” Sean sets down his empty glass firmly, and folds his arms over his chest as his eyes narrow into slits, like he’s ready to fight. Everything about him says that I should back off, that there is no way to win this argument, but I can’t shut up.
Rage is coursing through my veins so rapidly that I want to strangle him. “Did you? Because I didn’t hear that. You said that you wouldn’t share, that I’d be yours. You said you loved me and then you offered to buy me from Black. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that—be flattered? Swoon, fall at your feet, and thank you for hiring me to be your own personal sex slave. Wake up, Sean!”
Sean moves quickly. Suddenly his face is a breath from mine. “I offered to take care of you. I offered for you to be with me and you said no.”
“I did not.”
“You didn’t accept.”
“How could I?” The rapid exchange of biting words stops. We stare at each other a beat too long.
Sean tears his gaze away from mine and turns his back on me. He places his hands on the bar and hangs his head like this is impossible. “What more do you want from me, Avery?”
The moment feels fragile, like I’m stepping out onto a frozen lake that’s nearly thawed. I reach for him, but hesitate. I don’t touch his shoulder like I want. Instead, I say the words to his back. “I want everything. There is no in the middle, not for me. We can’t date for a while and try things out because of my job. You know that. It’s all or nothing.”
Sean glances over his shoulder at me with confusion pinching his face. “You want to marry me?”
The way he says it, like marriage is the last thing he’d ever do, crushes me. I hide the emotions before he sees them. I mask the way his words crush me one by one, but the truth is already on my lips and I’m telling him what I want before I can stop. “I want the little house with the hanging baskets full of flowers on the front porch. I want my office inside, so that I can be home with the kids. I want a big fluffy dog that digs up my roses, and I want the husband who kisses me on the cheek when he comes home. I know what I want Sean, and being a mistress doesn’t fit into it at all.”
“I see.” His gaze is locked with mine. Too many moments pass with words unsaid. The pit of my stomach grows colder and colder. It’s like I can sense him pulling away. My dreams aren’t his dreams. I can see it on his face. “And being a call girl does?”
“It’s temporary.”
He nods and his gaze falls to the floor. “I don’t have more to offer.”
I smile sadly at him. “Your offer wasn’t good enough, not for me. I can’t accept it no matter how I feel about you. I’m sorry, Sean.”
14
Sean nods, like he already knows. He glances up at me. “So, you’re back to being my call girl?”
I hate that he gives up so easily. If Sean gave even the faintest hint that we might end up together, my words would be different. But he doesn’t. I steel myself so that my answer comes out smooth and sure. “If that’s the best you can offer, then yes.”
Sean steps toward me and laces his hands around my waist. “I can’t do forever, Avery.”
“So,” I swallow hard. This feels like good-bye, like I’ll never see him again. The thought of not seeing him is too much. I push it away and manage to tug my lips into a slight smile. “So, tell me what you want tonight, Mr. Jones. I’m yours until morning.” The words sound light, but they fall out of the air like stones.
Sean works his jaw and watches me for a moment before answering. His eyes burn with words that I’ve never heard him say. I wonder if it’s real, or if I imagined how much he loves me. Thoughts like that won’t help, not now.
Sean tips his head forward, so it’s resting against mine. “I’ll tell you what I want, what I intend to do with you, Miss Smith.” There’s no remorse in his voice, no indication that he hates this as much as I do. I bet his mind is already some place dark, ready to tie me up again. I repress the urge to shiver as I think about it. Dinner was rough and this moment doesn’t make it better. No doubt, Sean plans on giving me a serious mind fuck as a going away present.
Sean dips his hands lower, cupping my butt and pulling us closer together. His lips are by my ear, his breath tickling me as he speaks. “I’m going to make love to you, Avery. You are going to be so sated that you’ll never be able to have sex again without thinking about this night. I promise you that.”
Surprised, I say, “I thought—”
“I know.” He kisses the top of my head, giving me the gentle touches that I so desperately crave. “I don’t want our last time together to be like that.”
I knew it was true before he said the sentence, but it still hits me like a two by four. “So, you’re leaving—after you help Peter—you’ll go back to California?”
“I’ve overstayed my visit, Avery. I should have left weeks ago.” S
ean’s fingers press into my back as he slides them up to the zipper. He pulls it down and pushes the dress off my shoulders. The fabric slips down between us, pooling at my waist.
Sean and I stare at each other. Every reservation I have about his offer is fighting within me. I try to make a logical argument for accepting, but I can’t. I have years of schooling left and if something happens—if we break up—then I’ll be back in the spot I am now. At least this way I get to control my life. I know I’m too softhearted to live this way for very long. I know it’ll destroy me, but I still can’t walk away from it.
When I was a child, I pictured a guy that would come along and sweep me off my feet. He’d want to take care of me and make me smile. He’d want to be there for me on any terms he could get.
Sean isn’t that guy—he just isn’t.
I know I have to let him go, even though I don’t want to. Whatever weird-ass relationship we had is over, and this is the last time I’ll be with him. As the thought solidifies, it feels like I’ve been buried under an avalanche of stone. I can’t breathe. Tears prick the back of my eyes, but they don’t fall. I wish I was numb. I wish I could say yes to him. I wish I had a different life, because this one is so horrendously unfair.
Sean pulls me from my downward spiral of thoughts. He touches my cheek and leans in, kissing me softly. I close my eyes and decide to lose myself in his arms one last time. There’s no point in holding back, is there? He already knows how I feel about him, it’s not like holding back will hide anything.
The thoughts slip from my mind as his mouth drifts over my cheek and down my neck. He presses his hot lips to my skin over and over again, each time softer than that last. The gentle kisses make my eyelids flutter closed. I sigh, contented, and thread my fingers through his hair. Each kiss is perfect and teasing.
Sean lingers, slowly working his way from one side of my neck to the other. I tilt my head back, rolling it to the side, as the kisses become longer. He finds the spot at the base of my neck that makes me melt. Brushing his lips against my skin, Sean teases me before pressing his mouth harder against my skin, increasing the pressure. His tongue sweeps over that spot and every single rational thought flies from my mind.
A moan escapes from me after a moment and my knees give out. I slip against his hard chest, but Sean doesn’t stop. He holds me tightly against him, kissing the spot harder and more passionately. I shudder in his arms as a myriad of sensations shoot through me.
Since I’ve been with him, I learned there are a few, very small, highly sensitive spots on my body and when they’re touched the right way, it’s euphoric bliss. Sean works the spot with his tongue, never stopping, pressing harder. My eyelids feel so heavy, but the rest of my body feels light and tingly. Part of me wants to hold on, to remain aware of my surroundings, to be coherent and careful.
Sean senses my apprehension. He lifts his lips from my neck and whispers in my ear, “Let go, Avery.”
“I can’t…” My voice is barely there. It catches in the back of my throat before it comes out. I want to let go, I want to—I just can’t. Out of all the things we’ve done, he’s not been like this before. I’m breathing so hard.
“You can. Trust me, baby. I’ll take care of you. Let go, let everything else fade away.” As Sean speaks, his voice becomes deeper and more unguarded.
He presses his lips lightly to that spot again, and I keep thinking that this will be the last time. There won’t be more Sean. There won’t be another chance to lie in each other’s arms and make love. At the same time, the idea of losing myself in him—of completely giving myself over to him—scares me. Fear holds me back.
It’s several moments before Sean speaks again. “I love you, Avery. I always will…” He doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t pressure me to let go, to lose control. He continues to kiss me, softly, as my mind reels.
I want this. The words echo over and over again. His words, and then his lips, push me over the edge of reason. Something inside of me, the part of my mind that so desperately tries to keep me in one piece, disappears and I’m left alone with Sean.
Desire courses through me, swirling in my stomach, and then shooting between my legs. I dig my nails into his shirt, wishing it wasn’t there. My head tips back and I moan his name.
Sean presses me into the wall, using his body to hold me in place. My fingers play with his hair, as Sean dips his head and trails kisses from my neck to my breast. I’m saying things, things that sound too carnal to be coming from my mouth, urging him on. Sean pushes the strap of my bra down and frees my tender flesh. My nipples are taut, craving contact with his lips, but he doesn’t do that. Instead, he touches me gently, moving his hand over my breast before rubbing his thumb over my nipple. I suck in air and slam back into the wall.
Everything feels more intense than usual. Each place his fingers touch flames to life. My hips buck against his as Sean crushes me into the wall. I can feel how much he wants me through his slacks. I wish he’d take them off. I lick my lips, thinking about taking him in my mouth, about tasting him.
While my eyes are closed and my mind is lost in lust, Sean takes my breast in his mouth. The response is instant and I can’t remain silent. I gasp, saying his name as my stomach flips, and take his head between my hands. Tangling my fingers in his dark hair, I hold him there against me, urging him to suck, lick, and taste me—to do anything and everything he wants. Waves of lust swirl inside of me, filling my body, until I’m consumed by them. They demand things, and urge me on, making me say things I’d never say in the light of day.
But things are different here, with him, now. There’s a connection between us, like we were made for each other. I feel it, something within me calls to him, wants him, and needs him. It’s like his name was written on my soul and he belongs to me, and in this moment he does. In this moment, Sean is mine.
When his mouth moves, his kisses change from gentle to demanding. His tongue swirls around my nipple, flicking and sucking it. Every time he does this, I slip down the wall, unable to stand on my own. Sean presses into me, holding me in place. He works my sensitive flesh until I’m floating so high from lust that I don’t want to come down, but the place between my legs is throbbing, demanding attention.
Sean knows what he’s done to me, what I’m craving. Before more filthy suggestions fly out of my mouth, his hand slips between my legs and around the scrap of fabric covering me. As his lips work my breast, his finger pushes into me—once—fast and hard. I gasp as he does it and suddenly feel all those tightly wound coils break free. Clawing his back, I buck against his hand, moaning, as I come.
Sean lifts his head from my breast and watches me as my hips rock against his palm. My gaze is heavy with longing, but I’m aware he’s watching me. I slip my tongue over my lips slowly and blink at him, like I want more.
A wicked smile spreads across his lips. “One, you naughty woman.”
A satisfied smile crosses my lips. “Are we counting?”
“We won’t need to. You’ll remember how many times you came tonight and exactly what we were doing.” Sean leans in and nips my neck. I grin, unable to hide how I feel. “I need to fuck you senseless before you wake up from the slutty state you’re floating in, beautiful woman.”
Before he finishes speaking, Sean scoops me up in his arms and carries me across the room. He pulls the sofa chair into the middle of the floor with his foot and then bends me over the edge. My dress is still around my hips, my bra is half on, half off, and the G-string around my bottom is quickly removed. Sean unzips his pants and then leans on me. I can feel how much he wants me, which makes me gasp.
“Oh my God, you’re perfect. You know that, right?” Sean rubs his hands over my back, before he sits up and slips his fingers between the V in my legs.
I try to answer him, but I can only make noises in the back of my throat. I’m so wet that his fingers slide easily inside of me. I rock against his hand, pushing back and wanting more, wanting him. He holds me th
ere like that, bent over with my bare ass facing him. After a few moments, I realize he’s teasing me and only touching the sensitive nub. As he does it, I gasp and beg for him to do more. I can’t take the torment.
“Please, Sean, oh God, please fuck me. Please, baby…” His fingers squeeze me hard before slipping into the right spot and disappearing inside of me. I cry out as he pushes a finger in and out of me, making me hotter than I was before, but not offering me any release. My breasts rub against the chair, which makes me completely crazy.
I need him inside of me, but he waits. Instead, the fingers on his other hand trail the curves of my body, lightly touching and caressing every rise and fall of naked flesh. His eyes devour me. Hot breath washes over my neck as his hand moves over my body while the other rocks in and out of me.
The tender touches make me want to turn around and straddle him. Every part of me is humming, begging to be ridden, wanting to feel him inside of me. The light touch of his hands, and the teasing movements between my legs, makes me throw my head back and pant. The air feels hot and thick. My body is covered in sweat, my dress is wrinkled around my hips, and I don’t care about anything except having him inside of me, banging into me over and over again. I want him so badly that I can’t control myself anymore.
I’m begging him, “Please, Sean… Baby, please.”
I say it again and again, each time pushing my hips harder against his hand. I can feel his dick against my thigh and wish he’d take me. I want him, I need to feel his long, hard length inside of me, rocking and slamming into me. I beg him again, saying anything that comes to mind, anything at all, to try and make him fuck me.
Sean’s voice sounds light when he speaks, as if he’s enjoying my slutty state more than I am. “Tell me what you want, baby.”
“Be with me, Sean. Please, please, please…” I beg again, not thinking about what it means or looks like. I’ll do anything to have him right then and he knows it.
