Echoes of the Heart

by Webb, Carole

  It can’t hurt forever. She must be stronger. Pulling herself together, she rationalized the situation, splashed her face with cold water, stood erect and straightened the folds of her dress. She vowed no more self-pity and marched back downstairs. She let pride take over allowing her to act as if she did not care.

  Raeden rejoined the conversation and John casually mentioned Cash’s desire to resign as marshal. As soon as the words left his mouth, he tried to backtrack. His cheeks glowed red. He quickly excused himself leaving Raeden and Diane stunned.

  They stared at each other for a moment while Raeden’s mind raced, grasping at straws to find a reason why Cash would resign and disappear. Had he gone back to the old life of a hired gunman? That self-destructive path would lead nowhere but an early grave. Perhaps he desired escape just as she did to avoid feeling trapped.

  Diane laced two cups of coffee with brandy and handed one to Raeden. The first sip burned a path to her stomach and the sudden warmth prickled her brain. “Aunt Diane, do you think Cash is all right? John acted so strangely.” She hoped her voice did not sound too concerned.

  “John isn’t much of a liar but I am sure Cash is fine. He’s just holding something back.” They continued drinking the coffee. “I’ll bet this has something to do with the Cheyenne. He has probably taken off to the hills again.”

  “But why would he not tell us?” Their cups empty they poured straight brandy.

  “Even John probably doesn’t know. Cash has always kept his personal life to himself.”

  Raeden’s lips curved downward and quivered. “He used to tell me everything, except about his family and he did mention plans to help the Indians. He had discussed matters with Senator Wilcox.” A euphoric feeling rose to her temples as she drank more brandy.

  Raeden flashed a silly grin. “Can you picture Cash in Washington, bullying his way to the President?”

  They laughed at the thought and drank. “Yes, and he would do it, too. Once he sets his mind on something he never gives up.”

  The volume of laughter increased as they chugged the spirits. What did it matter? She had relaxed and felt happy. “I can attest to that. Look what happened to me.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I know it’s not funny but I can’t stop laughing.”

  “We’re tipsy. I’ll get mad at Cash tomorrow.”

  The two women kept filling their cups as they became empty, still talking and chortling until the entire bottle of brandy had disappeared.

  Diane finally stood from the table and looked toward Raeden. “I’m drunk. I think I better go lie down before I fall down!”

  They held onto each other as they stumbled up the stairs then staggered to their rooms still laughing. Raeden passed out on her bed.

  ***

  A splitting headache woke Raeden from her stupor early in the evening. Her mouth felt like sandpaper, and she thought she might die at any moment. After splashing her face with cold water, she crept ever so lightly to avoid jarring her head searching for the headache powders in the kitchen. She dissolved some in hot water and gulped the acrid mixture, sat down at the table praying for relief. She laid her head and shoulders over folded arms. She had heard twenty-four hours was the cure for a hangover and groaned at the thought of waiting so long.

  After seeking out the young blond man who had become her friend, Nick helped her lug hot water upstairs to the tub. “I’ll sure miss you, Rae. It won’t be the same here without you.” The genuine sadness of his tone caused a sudden ache in her chest. She touched his shoulders and gave his cheek a quick kiss.

  “I will miss you too, Nick. So will Arte. You’ve spoiled him with kindness and such good care, not to mention those treats you keep in your pockets.”

  A shy grin passed while his brawny arms lifted the pails. “I will see you in the morning, thank you Nick.” Watching Nick leave she knew the memories of all the good people she had met since her arrival would be with her to cherish forever. She would definitely need to purchase a large supply of stationary to keep in touch with all her friends.

  Disrobed for bathing, she caught sight of the band on her ring finger, slipped it off and placed it in her jewel box. She found no good reason to mention any of the disasters befallen her while in Chamberlain. Those would be her secrets safely stowed in the back of her mind during the day, to come out only as dreams or nightmares in the long night hours alone in her bed.

  After her usual evening toiletté, she readied her traveling garments, packed the last of her remaining articles, penned a letter then stared at the ceiling while lying in bed. The headache had ebbed and she wondered how Diane felt. She had not seen her since their binge. An involuntary smile passed her lips thinking of their unconventional farewell.

  She had always admired Diane, her courage and self-will; unyielding generosity flowed from her being. She would never forget all the support and love bestowed in abundance. There would be no way to repay the debt for saving her from a fate worse than death with Christopher and the opportunity received in Chamberlain to hone her skills while building her resolve to face the world of business.

  When her mind slipped into memories of Cash and her lost child, she buried them in a crypt of indifference, any other way far too painful. She had enough pain to last a lifetime and there was no need to add more fuel to the flames so she concentrated on the travel ahead, anxious to see her family again.

  ***

  The train would depart early in the evening, allowing Craig the opportunity to bathe and eat a good meal. Elation stirred riding with Mike in the buggy to the station in the cold morning hours. It seemed forever since seeing her family. Anticipation of her brother’s arrival caused her to shiver under the heavy winter clothes.

  Arriving in town, she went straight to the marshal’s office determined to get information about Cash from John. As his best friend, he must know more than he claimed in his guilt-ridden discourse the previous day. She opened the door without knocking, John snapped to attention when she entered and relaxed at recognition then flashed one of his winning smiles.

  He strolled to the stove, reaching for the pot. “Hi, Rae. May I get you some coffee?” After filling his mug, he turned to face her, blue eyes shining, his countenance self-assured.

  “No thanks, John, I won’t be long. We’re picking up my brother when the train arrives.” He leaned back on the desktop, confident, his long lean legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles waiting for her to speak.

  She saw no point in wasting time. Her chin set at an angle of defiance while she stared into his powder blue eyes. “I sense strongly you know more about Cash and his whereabouts than you’re claiming. I’m leaving for St. Louis this evening and I would like your reassurance he’s not off risking his life on some foolhardy mission so I can rest easy before I depart.”

  He lowered his chin, avoiding her eyes. “Rae, I guarantee Cash is fine and will be back within the next few weeks.” His head rose again to gaze into her face.

  She garnered courage to ask the next question. “Is there another woman in Fort Randall?” Why had she asked such a thing? A spark flickered in his eyes under raised brows, appearing surprised by the question. Before he could answer, she continued. “Never mind, John. I don’t want to know.”

  A smile passed between them as she dropped a perfumed scented envelope onto the desktop. “Here’s a letter for Cash when you see him.” He glanced at the note when it fell. “I’ll miss you, John, and thanks for all you have done to bring those men to justice.”

  He sat the cup down before speaking. “Are you certain you’ll not stay for a while longer, at least until Cash shows up?”

  She exhaled a sound of vexation. “No, I am leaving today. Please, just give him the message and thanks again.” She turned toward the door with an air of indifference she did not feel.

  “I’ll come see you off at the station. We will all miss you, Rae.” His sincerity tugged at her heartstrings.

  White swirls of breath exhaled into the frigid air and
passed her face as she marched to the station to wait with Mike. Miles across the flat land clouds of gray smoke from the approaching train’s funnel-shaped stack curled backward over the first few cars then rose to dissipate in the air stream on the slight breeze blowing in from the north. As the train slowed nearing the station, its shrill and piercing whistle rebounded followed by escaping vapors billowing into huge clouds when it chugged to the platform and the engineer clanging the bell. With a final burst of steam, the engine screeched to a halt.

  Raeden sped to the unmistakable figure of Craig, more handsome than she had remembered, disembarking. He opened arms to enfold her in a welcome embrace. Only two years his senior, they had always been close. His tall stature along with black hair and golden hazel eyes allowed him many admiring young ladies to choose from, also a tad conceited and rakish, which she thought added to his charm.

  Her words sounded staccato and rattled. “I have missed you Craig, and how is the family? I’m so anxious to see them.”

  Craig gazed into her face and focused on the scar. “It’s good to see you, Rae. What happened to your face?”

  She began the lies. “I just took a fall riding. It’s nothing serious.” He picked up his suitcase and held her hand with the other. “Tell me everything. How is the baby?”

  They strode to the buggy where Mike waited. “He’s growing so fast, healthy and strong. Tom and Margaret think him the most handsome baby in the world and of course Mother dotes on him constantly.” He tossed in his luggage, shook hands with Mike, and made small talk while he helped Raeden to her seat. “I will never complain about the cold in St. Louis after being out here.”

  Raeden smiled at Mike. “They have cold hard winters in the Dakotas.” Mike gave her a wink.

  Craig turned serious and lowered his voice. “Rae, there is something important I need to discuss before we leave. It may make a difference in your decision.”

  Raeden grew antsy when he paused. “What is it, Craig? You seem so solemn. What’s wrong?”

  He drew in a breath. “I need to let you know Cyn has been seeing Chris. It’s looking serious. She asked me to tell you she had planned on writing. I hope you won’t be upset. It’s just one of those things, you know.” She let out a sigh of relief, her mouth curving into a smile.

  Truly happy for her sister, Christopher would make a good husband. Their personalities would compliment each other. Cynthia’s mild manner and sweet disposition perfect for Christopher. Since Cash, she knew she would never have been happy without passion, if she ever decided to wed. In addition, her attraction to Cash certainly fell into the category of ‘just one of those things’.

  “It’s marvelous Craig. I’m happy for them both; they will make a great couple. I’m far too willful and independent for a man like Christopher and I can be quite a bitch.”

  Craig stared at his sister, a crooked grin on his face and they burst out laughing aware of the truth of her statement while Mike joined in.

  “I will give Cyn my blessing as soon as we arrive.” She plopped her hands in her lap. “Will they be married?”

  “We are all expecting an engagement when she finishes school next summer.”

  She could come to New York and I will design something special for her and the wedding party.

  On the trip, she explained in detail all her objectives relating to the design enterprise. Both agreed their mother would be appalled at the idea but their father would be understanding as always, and wish her his best.

  Diane welcomed Craig with open arms and an early Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings, prepared by Sadie, ended the visit with flare. Raeden departed the house for the last time with all of her belongings packed in the wagon with Mike, Raeden and Diane in the buggy and Craig riding Arte for the final trek into town. Never would be too soon if she ever saw this wretched unforgiving country again.

  Waiting to bid farewell to Raeden, townspeople crowded the platform. She could hardly believe so many—it seemed most of the town—had come out to see her off. Her girlfriends, folks from church, acquaintances from town, clients, even Jenny the little orphan girl and her new parents. Jesse, Watts, Chad, Jimmy, Wayne and John all gathered with well wishes while her tears flowed in a steady stream.

  Craig stood beside her after loading Arte. “My God, Rae, it looks like the whole town showed up. Are you a celebrity or something?”

  Raeden dabbed her watery eyes. “They are friends.” She would never forget this special day if she lived to be one hundred.

  The train huffed black acrid smoke and cinders into the air, a gigantic steel dragon ready to fly. She waved through the window at her flock of friends until they disappeared into the horizon then settled in next to Craig.

  The stark white scenery did not alter through South Dakota and Nebraska. The land icy and barren and the clack of steal over rails became almost mesmerizing until the train lurched, jarring passengers nearly out of their seats.

  Curious travelers crowded to the windows of the train when the ponderous locomotive shrieked to a stop. A rumbling vibration, the unmistakable sound of sharp hooves escalating to a deafening thunder, shook the car like a violent earthquake while clouds of snow, miniature crystals whirled in torrents from the icy ground.

  Seconds later, the enormous prehistoric forms of bison, dinosaurs of the plains, came into view by the thousands. Long shaggy coats with manes, dark pennants plastered against thick hide, tore across the tracks on their migration across the prairie. The awesome numbers left Raeden stunned. Could this be the last epic herd in existence after the useless slaughter by buffalo hunters slaying the wooly beasts into extinction leaving an empty hole on the earth?

  The vibration gradually subsided and the herd slowly disappeared into the far horizon, a shadow on the mind.

  The disembarked crew labored through the night repairing damaged sections of track while the travelers looked on from the car windows. Able passengers, including Craig, volunteered their assistance. In order to keep warm the men stood in shifts around a large fire along side the broken rails. Sparks fluttered upward and the glow reflected the workers’ silhouettes. Raeden changed into her riding garb and bundled for the elements to help carry steaming pots of coffee to the cold and weary men.

  Chilled to the bone and tired from lack of sleep, Raeden returned to her stateroom and collapsed onto her bed, finding sleep elusive despite her weariness. A sudden tinge of loneliness crept into her chest and she began to think again of Cash.

  How she wished the circumstance of their separation had been different. Had he felt being with a defiled woman too discomforting to endure? She would much rather they had parted friends instead of adversaries after he pushed her into the impossible situation he had concocted, forcing her against her will into an absurd pretense he called a marriage.

  Even after all that had happened, why could she not rid herself of this torment, the aching need inside when her thoughts wandered and the itch in every nerve of her body, pinpricks to remind her of what they once had shared?

  Once again, as so many times since they had met, she forced her mind into a different place, thinking about her goals.

  Forty-two

  The bright lights of St. Louis greeted Raeden. Her heart raced with excitement standing near the exit waiting for the train to slow to a stop. Everything looked so familiar—the houses nestled together at a distance to avoid the noise near the train stop and tall stacks of refineries along the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers.

  The small group of greeters on the platform, paled in comparison to the send off from Chamberlain. Her greeting party included her brother Tom, his wife Margaret with the new baby in her arms, Cynthia and her father. Not surprised, her mother appeared to be absent. Sophia was most likely at home overseeing a huge dinner party, one of her greatest joys.

  Craig jumped out to assist Raeden to the wooden platform. She held out her arms to grasp the new baby, Thomas Jr. bundled snuggly in blankets to ward off the cold. Raeden glanced to Tom
and Margaret feeling the proud aunt. “He is so beautiful; just look at his little face. He looks just like you, Thomas.”

  Margaret agreed while Tom held the infant so Raeden and his wife could hug each other. Raeden had always liked Margaret, a petite brunette with a slim figure and enough spunk to keep Tom in line.

  Bobbing with excitement, Cynthia spread her arms to Raeden, radiating enthusiasm. “I have been counting the days for your return.” She had added maturity since Raeden left and once the same height, she now appeared a bit taller. A stunning face and figure completed the picture of a real beauty.

  “It’s wonderful to see you and I hear there is a blooming romance. Craig told me all about it and I’m so happy for you Cyn, and Christopher, of course.” Relief washed over Cynthia’s face while they hugged again.

  Her father stepped in to welcome his daughter. She nestled against him, her cheek upon his chest. She adored her father. He gave Raeden a bear hug then pulled back to look at her. “What happened to your face, my little daredevil?”

  “It is nothing, Father. It will fade, just a little riding accident.” She changed the subject to avoid further scrutiny. “Where is Mother? Let me guess, she is home putting together the finishing touches on a dinner party.”

  “Well let’s not keep her waiting. She’s anxious to see you.”

  St. Louis would soon display Christmas decorations, the stores all decked out ready for the shoppers and street vendors serving hot drinks, Austrian waffles and warm roasted chestnuts. The festivities along with her birthday always revved Raeden’s spirits. She loved to shop for special gifts and this year with her new nephew, it would be even more enjoyable.

  Riding in the family’s double seat wagon, Craig alongside on Arte, she snuggled Tom Jr. in her arms, brushed her lips across his soft feathery curls. Her eyes misted when her mind touched on the child she and Cash lost. She hoped to spend a few days with Tom and Margaret giving her time to dote on the downy-haired, bright-faced little boy.