My sister, Alisha, was three years older than me. She and I were so completely different. If we didn’t look almost like twins, you’d never guess we were related. She was the definition of rebel child, where I was a little more practical. Sure, I had my moments of bad judgment, but who didn’t? Alisha, however, did everything she knew she shouldn’t, just to prove that she could.
Her whoring herself around in school was only the tip of her self-destructive iceberg. I loved my sister dearly, but I didn’t like her. After she dropped out of high school, she followed some guy around the country who was trying to make a name for himself in the music business. He was awful, and I’m not just talking about his music. She eventually got hooked on all sorts of drugs, thanks to him. After a couple of years, got pregnant at nineteen with Andrew.
That was the only reason she came back. She was pregnant and scared. She didn’t even know who his father was, though she was still technically dating the musician. Once she had Andrew, she split again and let my mom take care of him. Poor guy was in the hospital for about a month while they tried to regulate his system. With all the drugs in her system, he was born with the addiction too and had to be weaned. It was so heartbreaking. I was still in high school, but I can remember how hard that was for my mom. I never forgave Alisha for not only putting her child in that kind of danger and then bailing, but for her putting my mother through all the medical bills and then raising her grandson.
She came and went for a couple of years and then finally took Andrew back when he was about five. She had left the musician and was living somewhere in the city, though she never really elaborated. I never asked because I was afraid of her answer. Mom, more or less, had temporary custody of him so she got him on the weekends like clockwork.
Then Alisha found out she was pregnant again.
Mom’s conditions for helping her was she was to get clean before she had this baby. It worked for a little while. Alisha moved back in with Mom after she had Natalie, and things seemed to be going well. I was living in the city at that time and wasn’t around as much, but it was definitely nice to have her home, clean, and wanting to be a good mother.
It didn’t last though. Within the last year, Alisha relapsed, and Mom had the kids a lot. She was working part-time at a grocery store and was on the verge of losing her job because of having to call in when my sister would just drop them off with no warning.
That’s when I decided to move home.
My ex-boyfriend Josh had dumped me and left me to fend for myself in his huge apartment that I couldn’t afford the rent to by myself. I stuck it out for as long as I could and was looking for a smaller place when I realized Mom really needed the help.
I was taking two night classes a week so I got a job at the gym to help out a little more. It worked out because my mom worked evenings at the grocery store. If Alisha dropped the kids off, one of us would usually always be home.
The last month or so, Alisha had been dropping them off less and less. Mom worried she was subjecting them to her drug use and couldn’t be bothered to get them out before she got high. I’d like to think she was trying to be a better mother and maybe stop using Mom like she was, but if the past was any indication of how she was, that wasn’t likely.
Mom and I sat in a slightly uncomfortable silence when Andrew came in, rubbing his eyes. I grinned at the sight of him. Nine years old going on thirty. He was too grown up for his own good. He did more than she did most of the time when it came to taking care of Natalie. He’d shown it plenty of times while they were here.
“Hey there, Squirt,” I grinned, which earned one back from him.
These kids meant the world to me. I’d do anything for them. They might as well have been mine from all the times they were with me. God knows I’ve taken care of them better than Alisha.
“Hi, Aunt Amy. Hi, Mam,” he greeted us quietly as he sat down.
“Hey, sweetheart,” my mom said with a smile as she stood up. “Are you hungry?”
He nodded, and she went back to making dinner for us.
I hadn’t asked Mom what happened to Alisha for her to have dropped them off this afternoon, and quite frankly, I didn’t really care. As long as they were here and safe, it didn’t really matter.
“It’s supposed to be nice this weekend, Andrew. Want to go to the playground?” I asked him.
He just shrugged.
He had his moments, like I figured he was having now, when he felt too old for ‘kid’ stuff like the playground or even some video games. I hated that my sister deprived him of the childhood he deserved. Luckily, the more time he spent here, the more he realized it wasn’t his responsibility to care for his baby sister. I just wanted him to enjoy his childhood.
“Well, I don’t want to go alone,” I told him over my water glass.
“So, take Nat then.”
He was going to play hard ball. I sighed.
“Is there something you’d like to do this weekend? I don’t have to work, and I’m gonna be really bored. I was hoping we could hang out.”
A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips.
“Or you can go shopping with me and Natalie, if you’d rather,” Mom said as she sat down a plate of her famous chicken casserole and mashed potatoes in front of him with a fork.
“No, I’ll stay with Aunt Amy.” He took a bite of his food and grinned.
I laughed. “Let me go and change and I’ll be right back to eat with you,” I winked at him.
I stood, took my glass to the sink, and returned to my room, almost forgetting Natalie was still asleep. Grinning, I watched her for a moment before gathering my clothes and going to change in the bathroom.
My heart broke a little as I thought about Andrew and Natalie and the kind of life they have to live. If it were possible, I’d take them in a heartbeat. I’d been thinking about it for years. Maybe it was time to get more information on it. I didn’t think I was ready to be a mother, but I’d do what it took to make sure they were taken care of.
I walked back in the kitchen just as Mom was sitting Natalie in her booster seat. She grinned at me, and I walked right over to her and kissed the top of her head.
“Hey, Nat. Where did you come from?”
She giggled. “Aunt Amy, I got to take a nap with you,” she said with a big smile. It was amazingly cute what she got excited about.
“You did, didn’t you?” I winked at her and went to make myself a plate.
My mom bustled around the kitchen, taking care of everyone like she always did. Tears stung my eyes. I’d been guilty of taking my mom for granted before, but I tried my hardest to show my mom how much I appreciated everything she did for me and everyone else.
I moved my plate to where she usually sits and went to her side. After taking Natalie’s half-made plate from her hands, I sat it on the counter and guided Mom by the shoulders to her seat. She frowned in confusion, but I just smiled and went about my business.
I finished making Natalie’s plate and quickly made my own before sitting down putting her plate in front of her. Andrew was almost finished with his by the time we all sat down to eat, but he politely pushed his plate back and stayed seated while we ate.
It wasn’t much, but I knew the time we had together would impact their lives a little better if we acted like a family should. We tried to eat all of our meals together at the table, and we reserved time to play games or watch movies together.
In our little two-bedroom apartment, my room usually became their room when they were here, but I didn’t mind too much. I was okay sleeping on the couch, and it wasn’t like I ever had guests. While my mom knew I’d date, I didn’t find it very respectful to even think about inviting a guy over.
While I’d been dating Marcus, the times I stayed at his house, the kids pretty much completely moved into my room. When I’d come home that Sunday I broken things off with him, I was so upset I didn’t really notice it until later that evening. I couldn’t help but laugh.
That was j
ust something else that made me love them that much more. With all the stuff going on between Marcus and me, I had these kids to distract me. I had spent a couple of days moping, a little depressed, but now I didn’t have time.
Yes, I was still hurting, but at least they didn’t give me a chance to get depressed. It was a huge plus that they kept Marcus off my mind. For that, I’d be forever grateful to these kids.
i just stared up at marcus as he slowly made his way around my bed. What did he mean that he came for me? I wasn’t stupid enough to think he meant it in any way other than friendship, though I couldn’t be sure we were still friends.
“Why?” I frowned as I gazed up into his gorgeous blue eyes. A tear rolled down my face.
He gave me a crooked grin and held his hand out to me. “Come here.”
That was all it took for me to feel something other than the complete despair I had suffered for the last two weeks. I only hesitated for a second before taking his hand. I slid out from under the covers and let him pull me up. I barely got completely upright when he pulled me hard against him and wrapped both of his arms around me. My God, he felt so good.
My arms circled around his waist, my head buried into his chest, I finally let myself cry for something good. No matter what the reason was, he was here with me now. Maybe he wanted to be friends. Maybe he wanted more. I didn’t care. I was just glad he was here.
“Oh, Marcus, I’m so sorry,” I cried against his chest, clutching his shirt in my fists behind his back.
“Shh, Han, don’t apologize.” He went to pull away from me, but I held him tighter, half because I was afraid he’d leave me again and half because I was sobbing embarrassingly against his chest. He pulled away just enough to look at me but kept his arms around me, thankfully. “Hannah.”
I bit my lip and looked up at his handsome face smiling softly down at me. I couldn’t believe he was here, and I couldn’t imagine why he would be. I was afraid we were done and I’d never really see him anymore. But here he was.
“Hannah,” he said softly, bringing one of his hands from around my waist to gently wipe my tears away with his thumb as he cupped my face. “I’m sorry.”
My first thought was that he realized he made a mistake in coming here and he was telling me he was sorry before leaving, but as I stood there in his arms, I could see the pain and confusion on his face. This was as hard for him as it was for me. I had no idea what he would say or do, but I didn’t want to scare him off again.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I whispered, leaning into his hand as he caressed my face.
“I did.” He sighed. “There are a lot of things I did wrong. I handled all of this terribly. Will you forgive me?”
I blinked up at him, his words stunning me, and I actually gasped.
I was the one who ruined everything. I was jealous of Amy and caused fight after fight. Hell, I’d even fought with Amy, which he had to know about by now. I was a complete baby in all of this, and he was asking for my forgiveness?
“There’s nothing to forgive,” I finally choked out. “I’m the one who should be asking you for forgiveness.”
He chuckled lightly. “Hannah, there are a lot of things we both need to work on, but we’ll figure it out.”
I braced myself for what could be coming. I just wanted my best friend back. He was here, asking for forgiveness for something he didn’t do. I had him back. I just hoped I wouldn’t keep continuing to screw it up.
“That night…I shouldn’t have asked you to leave.” He took a deep breath, still looking into my eyes, the seriousness back in his expression. “You weren’t wrong that night. I was.”
My heart completely stopped. Tears rolled down my face. Before I could clarify what he said, he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I thought I was going to die.
The kiss was innocent but every bit the sweet kiss I dreamed it would be. Closing my eyes, I couldn’t help myself. I pulled him closer to me by his shirt. He smiled against my lips, and I felt all my cares just lift away.
His thumb continued to caress my cheek as he kissed me, slowly moving his lips against mine. My head was spinning already when he licked at my lips, asking for permission to deepen the kiss. I couldn’t opened my mouth for him fast enough and sucked his tongue gently into my mouth. He tasted so good, even better than I’d been imagining. I could only hope he felt the same way. My body was on fire, and I was shocked at how quickly I responded to him. He gently pulled away but not before kissing my lips a couple more times very sweetly.
I was speechless.
I kept my eyes closed. I was afraid that if I opened them, it would confirm this was just another vivid dream, and Marcus wouldn’t be right in front of me. Even though his hand was resting on my face and his arm was around my waist, his breath mixing with mine, I still didn’t believe it completely.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I said quietly.
He rewarded me with a laugh.
I opened my eyes then. There was nothing better than seeing Marcus laughing in a carefree manner like he was now. Okay, so I was sure there were some things that were better, but I left that up for my imagination. Hopefully, one day, I may find out if that was true or not.
His laugh was contagious, and I couldn’t help but smile up at him. My tears were drying on my face, and my heartbeat was slowing back to normal, or as normal as it could while I was in his arms.
“Do you want me to take it back?” He smirked.
“No. I want you to do it again.” I was so bold in that moment I was shocked.
But Marcus eagerly obliged.
I slid my hands up and down his chest. All the times I’d touched him before didn’t compare to this. Everything before had been strictly friendly, innocent. Now, we’d finally crossed that line. I knew I should ask questions. I had to, otherwise I would be right where I was before with Justin.
Before his lips could touch mine again, I whispered softly, “What about Amy?” I was almost scared of his answer. The idea that I could have been the side girl to someone else was even more heartbreaking.
“We broke up,” he whispered back, and then he looked deep into my eyes. It was almost like he could sense my worry. “Hannah, I would never do that to someone. Especially you.”
He brought his lips back down to mine as I wrapped my arms around his neck, extremely satisfied with his answer. My fingers ran through his short hair. His arms tightened around my waist, and I fought back a moan now that my body was completely flush against his.
I could feel his heartbeat against my body. I could feel his breath quicken like mine. God, I could even feel his body responding to the kiss. Instinctively, I pressed my hips harder against him. He moaned, and I smiled against his lips.
Marcus broke the connection of our lips breathlessly but didn’t pull away. Grinning, I kept my hands in his hair as he struggled to talk. He finally chuckled lightly, resting his forehead against mine.
“This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen,” he whispered with a smile.
I pulled my face away from his, looking up at him in shock. “What?” I whispered, scared.
He blinked down at me and shook his head. “No, Hannah. That’s now what I meant.” He kissed me again gently and brought my forehead back to his. “I just meant that I came over here to talk to you. This wasn’t what I planned. But,” he added with a grin, “I’m not complaining.”
“Neither am I.” I bit my lip as I smirked as well. “I can’t believe you’re really here. That this is happening.”
“I know.” He sighed contently.
We stood like that for what felt like forever, but neither of us seemed to mind. I absentmindedly played with his hair as he rubbed my lower back underneath my shirt. When had he snuck his hands up there? I just kept smiling up at him, enjoying being in his arms when a realization hit me. It suddenly felt like a bucket of ice water had been poured over my head. I went to pull away, but he held onto me with a frown.
&nbs
p; “What about Amy?” I raised an eyebrow.
My heart started to race for an entirely different reason than before. I refused to be that girl again, no matter how much I wanted him. I’d been horrible to Amy before, but I wouldn’t be cruel like this. She didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve that.
“We broke up. A couple of weeks ago,” he said softly.
I gasped again. He could always take my breath away, but today, he was becoming the master of surprises for me. I shouldn’t have been that shocked. Marcus wasn’t the kind of person to cheat on anyone, not matter how powerful the moment was.
“You did? Why?” I asked. Did that make me his number two? His back up? The idea made me want to throw up.
“This is where I’m supposed to be. I was just too chicken shit to come sooner than this.” He seemed calm, but I could see his chest rising and falling a little faster again.
He was nervous.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled him, a little roughly, back against me, crushing my lips to his. There were still a lot of things to discuss, but they could all wait. I couldn’t. I’d wanted this man practically my whole life, I just didn’t think I could have him. Yet, here he was, right in front of me, and I was going to take full advantage of it.
He groaned into my mouth, tightening his hold on my waist. I drew him back with me until the backs of my knees hit my bed. Without breaking contact, I leaned backward. He followed my lead, gently lowering me down on the bed, hovering over me. It was then that he finally pulled his lips from mine.
“Hannah, if this is too fast, we can stop. Slow down,” he said calmly, but his heavy breathing and hooded eyes were anything but calm.
I stared up at him in awe, my fingers still in his hair. His body was lying almost completely on top of mine as we lay sideways on my bed. I still couldn’t believe that he was really here and wanted me in a way I’d only dreamed of since I was old enough to realize I wanted it.
Without speaking, I slid my hands to the top of his shirt on his back and slowly started pulling it, inch by inch, over his head. He still looked uncertain whether or not he should continue so I pulled it completely off, hoping he would take that as my cue for him keep going. I tossed his shirt to the side and let my hands run along his muscular back, smirking up at him.
Ripped (Divided, #2) Page 6
