“Don’t stop,” I pleaded.
He finally brought his lips back down to mine, kissing me hungrily and a little rougher than before. His hands ran along my waist beneath my shirt. My breath caught as he boldly brought his hands a little higher, pushing my shirt up as he did. He groaned a little against my lips when he trailed a hand between my breasts and noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra. He broke the kiss just long enough to finally pull my shirt completely off.
There was no going back now, and I didn’t want to.
i lay there in hannah’s bed, one arm behind my head, the other wrapped securely around her. I wasn’t sure I even went to sleep. Absentmindedly, I stroked her bare back as I stared up at the ceiling.
It was amazing how much things had changed already. There were no words to describe how I was feeling. Confused, content, worried, happy, sad, guilty, and a million other emotions all rolled into one.
I sighed quietly, not wanting to wake Hannah from where she lay on chest, her legs tangled with mine. Last night had been amazing. Hannah was everything I imagined she would be and more. After the initial awkwardness we felt when I first arrived, things began to flow just as easily as they had before. Maybe even better.
But she wasn’t Amy.
I felt extremely guilty about my train of thought the entire time I was with Hannah.
I didn’t come over here with the intent of taking her to bed. I wanted to talk about everything and finally work it all out with her. In a way, I’d say that’s what we did anyhow. I knew she was happy about it, and I couldn’t say I wasn’t happy. It was just confusing.
Stroking her back, I smiled down at her as she slept peacefully on my chest. The sheet was pulled up just enough to cover us from the waist down. Should Erica walk in, Hannah was hiding her breasts from the world against me.
I came here knowing I needed to be with Hannah. A relationship. Not necessarily sex.
I came here mostly for Amy, but once I was here, things changed. While I still wanting to be with Amy, I realized I did want to genuinely be with Hannah as well. It all just happened so fast.
When I was finally able to push Amy out of my mind, no matter how brief, everything I ever felt for Hannah came back full force. I could forgive all the fights and arguments we’d been having lately. Hell, I could forget them. It was just me and her, both willing to give this a try.
One thing led to another, and, well, it kept leading to another. A few times, actually. I was impressed and a little intimidated.
I knew Hannah was sexually active even before finding out about her and that asshole, Justin, just recently. Just because I knew it didn’t mean I wanted to think about it. I wanted to keep thinking she was innocent little Hannah that I’ve known my whole life. That wasn’t to say I didn’t fantasize about her from time to time. Okay, a lot.
When I kissed her last night, my whole body felt like it was on fire with desire. It was incredible and frightening at the same time. I wouldn’t say I wanted Hannah more than I did Amy, but it was different. Almost familiar. Which scared me because Hannah and I hadn’t so much as seen each other naked before.
Okay, there was that one time when she was really drunk and changed her clothes in front of me, but she didn’t remember that. Of course, I didn’t tell her. I didn’t want to embarrass her.
On impulse, I leaned down and pressed my lips gently to her forehead. Her lips turned up in her sleep. Could this have been our life all along had we just admitted our feelings? There was still a lot of talking to do, but the sex was pretty incredible. I couldn’t deny it.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she blinked a few times like she wasn’t sure where she was or who she was with. I chuckled a little. I knew the feeling. It still seemed a little surreal.
“Good morning,” I said with a slight smirk.
“Morning,” she replied, bushing before scrunching up her face in confusion. “Is this real life?”
I blinked and laughed loudly, letting my head relax on the pillow. I brought my arm from behind my head and threw it over my eyes. I could practically feel her glare, which only made me laugh harder. My laugh died down when she pulled my arm from my face, and I looked up at her serious expression.
“I’m sorry. I guess I was just expecting a different reaction this morning,” I said.
She returned my grin. “Well, forgive me for thinking this might be a dream.”
She buried her face in my chest after she said it. Her reaction made me think that maybe she had dreamt about this before.
“Hey,” I said quietly, running my fingers through her hair. “I asked myself that question when I first woke up too.”
She looked up, and I stared into her big green eyes. At that moment, I’d have done anything to see her happy. She’d had that effect on me my entire life without even realizing it. Now that I knew how she felt, it was intensified.
“That makes me happy.” She leaned down and kissed my chest right over my heart.
I cupped her face in my hand and brought her lips to mine in a soft kiss. Her quiet moan did nothing to help me get rid of my morning wood. Her lips moved in perfect sync with mine, and I almost flipped her on her back to take her again. But we had a lot of things to talk about, and it wasn’t getting done in bed.
“Let’s get dressed. I’ll make you breakfast,” I said as I pulled away.
“Well…” She bit her lip and gave me one of the sweetest yet sexiest looks I’d ever seen from her. “I was kind of hoping…”
I sucked in a breath as her hand found my growing cock under the sheet, only solidifying her point for her.
I did what just about every man would do in my position. I smirked and rolled her onto her back and gave her exactly what she wanted.
after another couple of hours in bed, I finally put my foot down. “Okay, enough is enough.” Hannah looked at me a little confused. “I am not a piece of meat for you to use for your pleasure whenever the heck you want.” I stated as serious as I could.
Hannah busted out in laughter, covering her mouth with her hand for a moment. “Oh, is that so?” She said when she moved her hand away.
“Yes. I’m not going to let you objectify me anymore!” I dramatically got out of bed and stomped to the bathroom. I could hear Hannah’s laugh from where she still laid in bed.
We were already so comfortable with each other that getting dressed together didn’t seem like a big deal. I enjoyed watching her dress if only to see the way her body moved as she wiggled into her favorite pair of jeans or the way she stretched to pull her shirt over her head. I was about to let her objectify me all she wanted when she turned to smirk at me.
“Come on. You promised me breakfast.” She held out her hand to me after I put my glasses on.
I grinned as I took it and let her lead me into the kitchen. “Breakfast was over an hour ago.”
“Fine,” she whined dramatically. “Want to order something for lunch?”
“Sure.”
She grabbed her phone and made the call while I went to the refrigerator for something the drink. I groaned when I opened the door and saw nothing but pop and alcohol. I sighed and turned back to her with a grin, and she shrugged. I shook my head and got a glass from the cabinet to fill with water from the faucet. I swear these girls lived on junk food and take out.
I turned to watch her as she ordered our food and grinned when I heard her ordering me an Italian sub. She must have called Pete’s Pizza. Their subs were my favorite, though I didn’t eat them often. Hannah and I knew each other so well that we never really had to ask what the other wanted, but I didn’t realize how much it really meant to me until someone else did it. Amy had been getting to that point before we broke up.
Fuck. I didn’t want to think about Amy right now.
“It’ll be here in twenty minutes,” she said as she laid her phone down on the counter.
“Perfect.” I sat my glass down and grabbed her hand to lead her into the living room.
Her grin was
adorable. She probably assumed I was using this time to get a little more intimate with her, and I probably would have if we didn’t have bigger things to discuss.
“I think we need to talk.”
She sat down on the couch next to me with a frown, which I tried to ease with my palm against her cheek. She did smile a little, and I grabbed her hands in mine.
This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. All these years of being so comfortable with Hannah and I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say. There was so much I needed to get out, but my mind suddenly went into overdrive, and it was hard to straighten my thoughts.
She was chewing on the inside of her cheek nervously. I could tell she was thinking the worst, probably that I’d just had sex with her numerous times and decided I didn’t want to be with her. After everything she’d been through lately, I couldn’t blame her doubts, and the look on her face just screamed that she was doubting us right now.
“I’ve thought a lot about what happened,” I began and then stopped.
The guilt was still there. The fact that it was Amy who got me thinking about Hannah like this at all would crush Hannah’s spirit even more. Yes, it was Amy who initiated it, but I truly felt something for Hannah. It wasn’t because we’d just had sex. That intimacy was that much stronger between us considering how strongly we felt about one another. It was incredible.
“Hannah.” I squeezed her hands. I wanted to ease her nerves. “I’ve been in love with you since the first time I kissed you.”
She gasped at my words. She knew I didn’t mean our kiss from yesterday.
“But when I kissed you…” she started.
I shook my head to cut her off. “I didn’t know what to do, Hannah. I was confused, and I didn’t want to betray Amy.” I cringed. I felt like I was betraying her in a way.
Hannah blinked a couple times, like she was fighting back tears as she looked down at the mention of Amy as well, making me wish I hadn’t. This needed to be about me and Hannah, not Amy. But I couldn’t lie to her about how I’d felt, just like I didn’t lie to Amy about my feelings for Hannah.
“I’m such an awful person.” She fought back a sob, trying to pull her hands from mine. I wouldn’t let her. “I wasn’t even thinking about Amy. There are a lot of things I did where I didn’t consider Amy’s feelings at all. How could you still want me?”
“I want to say I understand, and maybe I would if the roles were reversed, but that’s why I was confused. Hannah, I thought you were just upset about Justin and needed that… contact.” I sighed, not wanting to hurt her. By the look on her face, I knew I wasn’t succeeding. “I thought you might have been trying to piss Amy off, you know, given everything that happened when you were around her.”
Hannah stared at our hands. I caressed her hands with my thumbs. There was still so much to say, so much that I know she needed to say too. It honestly felt like this conversation would never end.
“I can see where you thought that,” she finally said, her tear-filled eyes staring into mine. “Marcus, I am so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, Hannah.” I grinned, hoping to break some of the tension. “We’ll get through this. We always do.”
She giggled a little through her silent tears. “Yeah, but this is different now.”
“True,” I said as I pulled her hands so she’d meet me halfway as I leaned toward her. “But it’s a good different, don’t you think?”
She brushed her lips against mine, and whispered her agreement. It was amazing how easy this seemed to come to the both of us. I expected some resistance and a whole lot of awkwardness, but as of now, it was easy.
I just hoped it stayed that way.
after some begging and my best puppy dog eyes, I finally talked Andrew into going to the playground with me. He acted like it was a chore when we first walked out of the building, but he smiled as we approached the swing set.
We spent the entire afternoon together, goofing off while we went from each piece of equipment on the playground. I’d be twenty-six next month, and I was more childish than this boy was sometimes. It was really sad, all the responsibilities he must have at home. This was a really nice distraction for the both of us, I would say.
It started to get cold as the sun began to go down, and Andrew excitedly asked if we could make some hot chocolate. I couldn’t deny that boy his request when he asked in such a carefree way.
We went inside, and I cleaned him up. Then I started making hot chocolate for everyone. Natalie was sad she missed out on the playground fun and proceeded to tell me how much fun she and Mam had while they were out running errands. She even made me bend over so she could whisper that Mam bought her some ice cream, but she wasn’t supposed to tell. I smirked. Mom was shaking her head like she honestly couldn’t believe a four-year-old would rat her out.
We all sat down to watch a movie on Disney Channel with our hot chocolates, all squeezing together on the couch.
Suddenly, Natalie looked up at me with wide eyes. “Aunt Amy, why can’t we live with you forever?”
My heart broke all over again for these kids. Tears stung my eyes. I looked over at my mom for help. Mom was trying to hide her emotions for the sake of the kids.
She sighed and put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder, pulling her attention from me. “Honey, don’t you think your mommy would miss you if you stayed with Aunt Amy? And wouldn’t you miss your mommy?”
I took a deep breath, her words hurting me a little.
Of course, they would miss their mom, but her asking to live here wasn’t because she had fun here. It was because she didn’t like being at home. She’d told us before. Kids really would say the darnedest things.
Andrew was more reluctant to talk about home. He was at that age where he knew things were happening, and he wasn’t supposed to say anything. He may not want to live with his mom, but he loved her and didn’t want her to be mad at him.
It made me hate my sister. She used that to make sure he didn’t openly talk to us. What little boy or girl would say something they knew it made their mom mad or upset? It was a cruel tactic she used whatever the hell she was doing in that house without anyone finding out.
Natalie sighed, “I would miss my mommy,” then went back to watching the movie.
Mom reached over behind Natalie’s head and squeezed my shoulder. Although I couldn’t fight the tears, I did keep from sobbing. I sucked it up when the movie ended and they were ready to move around again.
It didn’t take long for Natalie to be ready for bed. I got her dressed and laid her in my bed. She was out within minutes. When I came out of my room, Andrew was lying on the couch with his blanket, already dressed for bed.
“Squirt, you wanna sleep with Nat tonight?” I hated the idea of him sleeping on the couch when there was a perfectly good bed in there.
He looked uncertain.
“I’m not tired and thought Mam and I might watch a movie. Unless you want to watch it with us?”
I wouldn’t have minded a bit if he did. We could have easily found something he would enjoy. Plus he’d sleep better in the bed, although he was too polite to ask. I had no idea where he picked up on the politeness. It exceeded every other nine-year-old on the planet.
“No, that’s okay. I’m tired anyways.”
He stood, leaving his blanket on the couch. He went over to hug my mom goodnight, and she kissed his cheek. When he walked to me, I kneeled in front of him and wrapped him tightly in my arms. I wanted to cry again at the love I felt for this boy, but I didn’t want to upset him. Andrew was too observant.
“Night, Squirt. I love you.”
He smiled when he pulled away and mumbled, “I love you.”
I stood and watched him go to my room before taking his place on the couch. Mom gave me a sad smile. It was hard not to think about how bad things could be and how there wasn’t a lot we could do about it.
Those kids were my world. I wanted nothing more than to make sure they were saf
e and happy. Without them, all of my thoughts would be on Marcus and our failed relationship.
sitting on the couch with Mom Sunday afternoon had us both a little depressed. Alisha had picked up Andrew and Natalie a couple of hours ago, and even though they could both be handfuls at times, we really missed them when they were gone.
“Mom? Have you ever thought about…” I looked up to see her give me a sympathetic look. It wasn’t the first time I’d brought it up. “Legally adopting them?”
She sighed and patted my knee. She was trying to break this to me gently like she had in the past. Maybe I just figured if I brought it up enough times, she’d change her mind and help me.
“Amy, it’s a hard process, one we might not even win if we did pursue it.” She sighed and took my hand.
“I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately,” I admitted, looking down at my lap. I could hear her sigh again. “They need a stable home, Mom.” I looked back up at her. “I could be that for them.”
She shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. She took a deep breath, and her brows furrowed. I’d heard it all before, really.
“Amy, before when you’d asked about it, you were with Josh. I’m sure looking back now, you can see where that wouldn’t have been a good place for them.”
I cringed hearing his name. I’d never told mom anything in particular about my time with my ex-boyfriend Josh, but she wasn’t stupid. She could see the way he treated me even if he was a perfect gentleman in her presence.
Josh was an overbearing, controlling man who’d rather eat glass than let a woman think she was his equal.
Had I known that when I met him, we never would have had a first date, but he was so wonderful, so attentive. I couldn’t believe this attractive, successful man was single. He completely won me over, and I fell head over heels for him way too quickly.
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