“What do you want me to know, Hannah?”
I looked up at him, his gaze still on my stomach and the smile on his face. He sounded annoying, but maybe it was just my imagination.
“Do you still want me?” I blurted the question out before I could stop myself.
He looked at me then, and I was happy to see shock in his eyes. “What? Why would you ask me that?”
“I don’t know.” I looked down for a minute, just staring at our hands. “We haven’t had sex in over a week.”
I knew I sounded petty and I refused to look at him. He probably thought I was petty too, and I didn’t want to see it on his face.
“Hannah.” He sighed, and my stomach twisted because I just knew he was trying to think of a way to tell me he didn’t want sex. “That isn’t because I don’t want to be with you, that I don’t want you.”
When I still didn’t look up, he used his free hand to place under my chin and turn my head to look at him.
“Then what is it?” I whispered, sure I didn’t want to know the answer.
“I…” He blinked like he didn’t know what to say. That was only making it worse. “It’s not you. I swear.” He bit his lip, looking away briefly. “It’s the baby.”
“What?” I blinked over at him, not sure what he meant by that.
“I don’t want to, you know…hurt it.”
I blinked again, before chuckling lightly.
“Marcus. You’re not going to hurt the baby. I promise. It’s perfectly safe to continue with our sex life.”
“Are you sure?”
I gave him a look, and he laughed.
He knew how sexually frustrated I’d been, but instead of telling me why he wasn’t taking care of me in that way, he’d pretended to be too tired or pretended to not notice my hints. I flicked his arm, but he didn’t stop laughing.
“I’m sorry, Hannah,” he said when he finally caught his breath. “I really had no idea.”
“I need our sex life, Marcus.” I glared at him when it looked like he might laugh again.
“This is a weird conversation, isn’t it?”
“I don’t care. My body is not my own right now. It’s been demanding sex, and I haven’t been able to satisfy that need.” I said it all in a rush, knowing that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have the balls to finish my thought.
“Hannah,” Marcus said, his voice suddenly thick with lust.
Thank God. He still wanted me. I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice.
Without replying, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him, my lips finding his. We devoured each other. It was as if we wouldn’t survive without having each other right now. My body was about to explode without even touching because I was already so worked up.
Without any words, Marcus lifted me from the couch and took me to the bedroom where I knew he would satisfy my needs. At least for now.
i laid back on the bed, listening to Marcus murmur against my stomach as he trailed kisses down my body. It was like a private conversation between him and his child so I kept my head on the pillows so I wouldn’t intrude. It didn’t stay there for long.
I gasped and lifted my head when I felt his tongue against me, my clit still sensitive from my climax just moments ago. He wrapped his lips around my swollen clit, and I arched off the bed. The feel of his warm mouth on me was enough to make me almost come again, but it wasn’t until he moved just a little lower and thrust his tongue inside me, his nose rubbing against where his tongue had just been, that I came again, crying out his name.
When I came back down, I moaned softly when he kissed my inner thighs before coming back to rest his head on my stomach and continuing his conversation like he hadn’t just taken a break to make me come on his mouth.
That was how it had been for the last hour.
When Marcus brought me to bed, he made sure to show me just how much he still wanted me. After having sex the first time, he laid on my stomach to bond with our child for a little bit before pleasing me yet again by burying his face between my legs. And then he started the cycle.
I was out of breath, and my legs felt like Jell-O. There was no way I was getting out of bed any time soon, and by the way I could feel Marcus’ heavy breath on my belly, I didn’t think he would be either.
“Come here,” I said to him, holding my hand out.
He took it and crawled up and over my body to lie beside me on the bed. He was still gloriously naked. I was too until he pulled the sheet up over my lower half. He didn’t cover himself up, for which I was grateful. I loved looking at him. Especially after sex.
“Do you still have doubts that I want you?” he asked, running his fingers through my messy red hair.
“No.” I blushed a little. “Thank you.”
He smiled, laying his head down on the pillow. “What made you think that? Besides the fact that we hadn’t had a lot of sex lately?”
I took a deep breath, trying to think about how to approach this.
I could tell him the truth, but I knew how whiny the truth sounded. I didn’t want to annoy him, especially after making so much progress about the news of our baby.
But I couldn’t lie to him. He wouldn’t lie to me.
“I don’t know. You just seemed to be trying to distance yourself from me lately.”
He frowned, his hand pausing in my hair, and I suddenly wished I hadn’t said anything.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like that.” He moved his hand from my hair and rolled onto his back, his arms behind his head. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you, Hannah. It’s just that…we jumped so suddenly into our relationship I needed a slow down.”
I let out a breath. It wasn’t really me? Well, it was, but not the way I was thinking? Or was it?
“So, I was smothering you, wasn’t I?”
He turned to look at me with a sigh. “Yes and no.”
My head fell at his words, but his finger was there, under my chin, to lift it back up.
“Like I said, it was such a sudden transition, I needed time to adapt. That’s all.”
“But you still wanted to be with me? Still want to be with me? Right?”
“Of course. We’re going to have a baby.”
His words should have comforted me, but instead, they stung. Maybe it was my stupid hormones, but I didn’t fail to notice that he mentioned the baby like it was the only reason he was still here. What if he was? I knew Marcus well enough to know he’d want to do the right thing. He might have convinced himself he wanted to be with me for the sake of the baby and not even realize he’d done it.
I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Instead, I just leaned into him and laid my head on his chest. His arms came around me, holding me to him. Even with the stupid doubts in my head, I still felt comforted in his arms. This was where I always wanted to be. That would never change.
“Can we just talk?” I asked him, running my finger lightly over his chest.
His chest rumbled with a chuckle. “Sure. About what?”
“I don’t know. Anything. Tell me something I don’t know.”
He laughed now, making me giggle a little too. “Hannah, you know more about me than anyone.”
He started to play with my hair. I loved that he remembered that it was a comfort for me when I was a little girl.
“Okay, then let’s play twenty questions,” I said, and he laughed again.
“Fine. You start.”
“All right, do you want a boy or a girl?”
His hand stilled in my hair. I already knew the answer.
“Boy. Are you nervous to tell my parents about the baby?” he asked.
I glared at him. He already knew that answer as well. “We’re not very good at this game.”
We both laughed.
“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “How many guys have you slept with?”
I looked up at him with wide eyes, blinking in shock. “Marcus…”
“Just answer the question.” H
e grinned to reassure me. “This is supposed to be about learning about one another, right?”
He had a point.
“All right.” I laid my head down on his chest again so I wouldn’t have to look at him. If we were going to ask these kinds of questions, I didn’t want to see his face. “Four.”
“Who were they?”
I couldn’t tell if he was shocked or angry.
“Nope. My turn.” Maybe this wasn’t a bad idea. We should be able to talk openly about these things. “Okay, how long had you gone without sex before Amy?” I cringed saying her name and hoped he wouldn’t notice.
After a minute, I was convinced he didn’t want to answer, but then he cleared his throat again. Apparently, he was cautious about this one.
“A month.”
I looked up. A month? He hadn’t been dating anyone. It had been like two years or something since he was in a relationship.
He sighed, laying his head back on the pillow. Yeah, he definitely didn’t like answering that one.
“Remember Sondra?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. Of course, I did. I remembered everyone he ever dated. She was one I tolerated a little more than the others, probably because everyone had a feeling they’d been better off as friends.
“She and I…kept hanging out. After we broke up.”
“Hanging out?” I didn’t really want the confirmation, but I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “Like hooking up?”
He nodded.
I was shocked. I’d never known Marcus to just have casual sex. I couldn’t help but feel jealous at the same time. I just couldn’t believe it.
I laid my head back down so he wouldn’t have to keep avoiding my eyes, and the game continued as I tried to hide my reaction from that particular question. This was a good idea, apparently. We needed to get to know these things about one another.
after our christmas party at work, I sat next to Chad and Devon in the party room of Los Muchachos. Quite a few people from work showed up, but Amy wasn’t one of them. I tried not to let that bother me. Today had been our last day of work. Chances were, I wouldn’t see her again until next week when we were back from break.
Hannah and I were leaving tomorrow morning to go to Tennessee for the rest of the week to spend Christmas with my parents. I was excited to see them, and so was Hannah, but there was one huge problem.
We still hadn’t told them about the pregnancy.
I’d be lucky if my mom didn’t kick me out when I told her. No, she wouldn’t do something like that, but I expected a lot of tears from her and disappointed looks from my father. They loved Hannah, and they were warming up to the idea that we were together now. But a baby? Now of all times? That wouldn’t really fly with them.
The biggest plus about staying with my parents? Having an excuse to not have sex with Hannah for a few days. How bad was that? How many guys looked for reasons not to have sex with their girlfriends?
The sex wasn’t the problem. Sex had never been the problem. It was the amount. Ever since Hannah told me she thought I didn’t want her because we’d went without for a few days, I’d tried to reassure her. She’d taken that as a green light to jump me whenever we were together. Literally.
I’d read online—yes, I’d been researching pregnancy to try and get a leg up—that Hannah would be going through a lot of hormonal changes, one of them being a highly increased sex drive. That didn’t seem like an issue.
Until it was.
I felt like a complete dick. Seriously. I should want to have sex with my girlfriend. All the fucking time. But I didn’t. It wasn’t Hannah, not really anyways. I just didn’t want it as much as she did. Never mind the fact that I felt like she was trying to keep ahold of me again, only now she was using sex. I guess that would have worked with most guys, so A plus for trying, I supposed.
Fuck. What was I supposed to do?
“Hey, you okay?”
The sound of Chad’s voice brought me out of my thoughts, and I looked over at him.
“What? Yeah, I’m good.” I smiled to make it seem like I was better than I actually was.
“You sure?” He nodded to where my hand was on the table. “You’ve been staring at that thing for like an hour.” I looked at my hand and frowned. I hadn’t even realized I’d been turning it over and over in my hand.
At our Christmas party, we’d exchanged gifts for Secret Santa. We had a five-dollar limit. I’d gotten Greg, the nutritionist and gave him a gift card to his favorite coffee shop down the street.
When I was handed my small present, I smiled. It was a small box wrapped in red Santa Claus paper. Not that you could see the full image of old Saint Nick because of how small the paper had to be, but still.
I’d torn off the paper. It was a ring box. I laughed, looking around to see if any guilty parties were looking for my reaction. They weren’t. Still in the dark as to my Secret Santa, I opened the box and blinked.
The present was from Amy. I was sure of it.
In the slot where the ring would have been was a key ring, an Oldsmobile model dangling on the chain. I couldn’t hide my grin. It wasn’t a ’72 Nova, but to someone who didn’t know anything about cars, it was pretty damn close. It was even mint green.
I’d glanced through the small crowd of employees, but I couldn’t find Amy. When I’d asked Devon, she said she went home a little early because she had things to do to get ready for the holidays. I’d wanted to text her and tell her I loved my gift but decided against it for now.
Here, I’d been twirling the tiny car in my hand and hadn’t even realized it. If it wasn’t painfully obvious before that I was hung up on something, or more accurately, someone, it definitely was now.
Amy knew how much I loved that car. My dad and I had rebuilt it together. It meant a lot to both of us. I hadn’t even really had a chance to truly mourn its loss. Amy knew that.
It took me a minute to realize Chad had said something to me.
“Hmm?” I asked, raising my brows at him when I looked up.
He just laughed, shaking his head while Devon giggled at his side. “Got something on your mind?” Chad asked, smirking.
Ass. He already knew exactly what I was thinking about.
“No. Not really.” I pretended not to notice Devon looking between us, wondering what we were talking about.
She and Amy were practically best friends, but I had no idea if Amy had told her about the break up in detail. Or if she knew that was how Hannah and I got together.
Fuck. That sounds bad.
“Why didn’t Hannah come tonight, Mark?” Devon asked once I finally put the keychain away.
“She said the thought of Mexican food made her want to puke.” I shrugged.
She laughed. “Yeah, I hear those pregnancy hormones are crazy.”
“You can say that again. Just the other day, all she wanted was food from here,” I said with a laugh.
Devon excused herself to find the waiter for refills, and Chad turned to me. I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say since he was waiting until Devon walked away, but I didn’t want to hear it. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t listen. I just had to hold my tongue. The last thing I needed was to piss Chad off.
“Okay, seriously. What’s up?” he asked.
“Just a lot on my mind. I’m worried about taking Hannah home for the holidays and telling my parents about the baby.” I sighed and pulled the keychoin out of my pocket. “And every time I think I’m okay with Amy and I being friends, she does something like this.”
“You think Amy gave you that?” he asked.
“I know she did. No one else would have thought of something like that except maybe you.”
“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Chad sighed back. “I’m sure she isn’t trying to make this hard on you.”
“No, that’s just it. I know she’s not. That’s just not who she is.” I leaned forward, pushing my empty plate forward out of my way, my elbows on the table. “I wish she wer
e just being vindictive, though. It would make this a hell of a lot easier.”
“I’m glad I’m not you.” Chad laughed, clapping me on the back.
“I’m glad you’re not too.” I nodded towards Devon, who was making her way back to use with the waiter in tow, to let him know that’s what I was meaning.
I was glad Chad was happy. He didn’t need to worry about me.
i didn’t text amy. it felt wrong to want to text her when I had Hannah. We weren’t doing anything wrong, but it still felt like cheating. Hannah had asked about her a couple of times, and I told her we still talked. She even knew about me helping Amy with the bed last week. She wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, but she knew nothing happened.
Amy and I were friends.
I looked over to the passenger seat where Hannah was curled up as much as she could be against the door. I smiled, moving my gaze back to the road. We still have a half hour or so until we got to my parents’ house. I wouldn’t wake her just yet.
I couldn’t get over how her body was changing right before our eyes. She had a cute little baby bump that I couldn’t stop touching. My baby was growing inside of her. It was an amazing feeling to know that we created a new life.
Speaking of not being able to stop touching her belly, I reached over and placed my palm right on the middle of her belly. She grinned and covered my hand with hers, her eyes never opening. That was my kid. I kept my hand there for the remainder of the trip.
Eventually, I saw the sign for the road we turned on before getting to my parents’. I moved my hand from Hannah’s belly to her side, wiggling my fingers into her flesh. She laughed and swatted my hand away.
“Come on, Han. We’re almost there.” I tickled her again, laughing when she hit me.
“Stop that!” she said through a yawn, hitting me again until I pulled my hand away. She groaned, finally sitting up in her seat and running her fingers nervously through her hair. “I don’t want to do this anymore. Let’s go back home.”
I laughed. “I’m not driving back home. This was a six-hour trip after all the stops we made!”
She groaned again, laying her head back on the seat and looking over at me.
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