Just Like Heaven

by Clarissa Carlyle

  “Is that the last of it?” Conrad asked.

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “Well we’d best go, need to make an early start to avoid the traffic.”

  “One minute,” Arthur dashed back in to the house, up to his room where he hastily made a phone call.

  After three rings, Demi picked up.

  “Arthur?” her voice sounded unsure when she answered.

  “Yeah it’s me.”

  “Why are you calling?”

  “I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m leaving for Duke now.”

  “Yeah, Hayley said you were leaving today.” Demi’s voice sounded tight and angry as she spoke.

  “She did? Yeah, term starts next week so I need to settle in and all that.”

  “Lucky for you.”

  “Don’t be like that.”

  “How am I supposed to be? You’re leaving for college while I’m staying in Collinswood to rot and raise the baby you don’t even want!” Demi was almost crying as she spoke.

  “I didn’t want to argue, I just wanted to say goodbye,” Arthur sighed.

  “Fine, goodbye,” and Demi hung up the phone and the line went dead as tears streamed uncontrollably from her eyes.

  Making My Way Back To You

  Four years later…

  Demi waited patiently for her son, Logan, outside the nursery. She’d stopped feeling self-conscious about how much younger she looked than the other mothers a long time ago. All she cared about was her beautiful, bubbly little boy who would soon come running out of the sky blue double doors to greet her.

  She loved how he would smile up at her with unbound love, wanting nothing more than to be swept up in her arms and smothered with kisses. It was the single most important thing in her life.

  The sounds of squealing children pre-empted the departure from the nursery. All of a sudden a sea of cherub faces came tottering out to the waiting parents. Logan was always at the head of the throng, eagerly galloping over to his mother.

  “Mommy, Mommy!” he called gleefully, holding a piece of paper before him like a baton which he clumsily passed on to Demi.

  “What’s this?” Demi asked, taking it from him and noting the stick characters in the picture, one tall and female, the other short and male.

  “It’s me and you, Mommy,” Logan explained, already pulling on her hand to lead her to the park where they always went to play once nursery had concluded.

  “So it is. It’s very good. I’ll put it up on the fridge when we get home.” Demi smiled fondly.

  “We were told to draw our family,” Logan explained.

  “Oh?”

  “And so I drew you and me. I wanted to draw Grandpa but he doesn’t count.”

  “He’s family too though.”

  “Yes but it was meant to be Mommies and Daddies.”

  Demi felt stung by the word Daddy but continued to walk as though she were completely unaffected.

  “Josh Robun teased me for not having a Daddy,” Logan said sadly, his bright demeanour immediately disappearing.

  “But you do have a Daddy,” Demi protested, desperate to console her son and not have him consider himself different in any negative way.

  “Not at home. And I’ve never seen my Daddy.” Logan looked up at her with wide, sad eyes, desperate to know everything but unable to comprehend any of it at such a young and vulnerable age.

  “Just because you don’t see your Daddy doesn’t mean you don’t have one,” Demi explained, grateful that they had just reached the park and Logan forgot all about their conversation and instead scrambled over to the swings.

  Recently he’d been asking about his absentee father and it made Demi unbearably sad. She didn’t really know what to say, or how to explain to a three year old that their father hadn’t hung around to raise them. What legitimate reason could she possibly give when there was none?

  Her mind heavy with questions, Demi was glad to turn her attention to pushing the swing in which Logan now sat.

  “Higher, higher!” he squealed happily.

  As she stood there Demi thought of Arthur, and wondered wherever he was, whatever he was doing, couldn’t be better than this; to see pure joy upon the face of your child. She pitied him for all that he was missing out on.

  ####

  Arthur straightened his tie and reassessed his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked handsome, smart, yet slightly rugged with a slight amount of stubble. He looked exactly as his boss, Marie, had told him to look. She said if he appeared too clean cut then they wouldn’t get the account.

  Nervously, he gave himself yet another once over.

  “First meeting?” a senior colleague, Gary Stetts asked as he came out of a nearby stall.

  “Third, but I’m still getting the hang of it,” Arthur admitted.

  “It’s all about looking the part. You look good and appear confident; the company will have confidence in us. It’s all just a stupid corporate dance we have to play.”

  “Yeah,” Arthur agreed though he was really struggling with the self-confidence part. He had only been working at Sterling Steel for three months and still felt hugely intimidated by the job. It was all he’d ever wanted; a successful job in the heart of New York City. Yet still he felt like a fish out of water, unable to erase Collinswood from his roots.

  “Just go in there and give them the whole spiel you’ve been working on,” Gary suggested his tone friendly.

  “Yeah man, thanks.”

  “No problem. Make sure you do good though, I really need my Christmas bonus this year, my kid just turned six and he wants an X-box! Can you believe it? They grow up so fast these days.” Gary shook his head, a broad smile on his face before drying his hands and leaving.

  Arthur stood stone still as though frozen to the spot. This happened every time someone mentioned their child; it resurrected the baby from his own past.

  Demi had a son; he knew that much from his connections in Collinswood. He would be around three years old now, starting to develop a personality. So many times Arthur had wanted to call and ask about him but how could he? He’d acted so appallingly, just leaving and never getting in touch. There was no way Demi would ever forgive him, she was far too stubborn.

  College had been such a blissful distraction from the great wide world and adulthood. In college, no one had children; they just wanted to have fun and get drunk and go wild. But at Sterling Steel, almost everyone had a family and assumed that Arthur would be eager to start one of his own. If only they knew he had a family back home which he’d neglected for four years they would surely think so much less of him, resent him even.

  Gary Stett’s wife went through three rounds of expensive IVF’s before she conceived their first child, or so he had heard. To them, the birth of a baby was a miracle, something to be taken very seriously. They’d shun Arthur if they knew how callously he’d rejected his own son.

  But he’d been young, or so he’d told himself. He’d had no idea how to be a father. His son is better off not knowing him at all.

  “Here you are,” Marie Larst swept in to the men’s bathroom, not caring that she wasn’t supposed to be there. The scent of her exotic perfume entered with her.

  Confidently, she strode over to Arthur, briefly checking if the stalls were empty as she did so. Once she was beside him she ran a long, elegant finger down his cheek, then his arm, playfully hovering near his waist before withdrawing it.

  “Stop it, I’m nervous,” Arthur berated her.

  “You don’t look nervous, you look troubled,” Marie noted.

  “Whatever, I’m tense about this meeting.”

  “I know a good release for tension,” Marie said playfully, delving for the buckle of Arthur’s belt, but he pushed her away.

  She recoiled and pouted playfully, her lips slicked red with lipstick which accentuated her pale skin and high cheekbones. In heels she was almost as tall as Arthur with white blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. He often wondered how she�
�d ended up in an office job when she could easily have been a catwalk model. But then her father did own the business so he guessed that she had a pretty comfy set-up there in terms of money.

  “Not now,” Arthur pushed her away, her perfume clinging to his clothes from their brief contact. Usually he’d relish the opportunity to have her during work hours but at the moment his mind felt haunted by the image of the son he’d failed to know.

  “What’s wrong, did your brother have a fit again?” Marie asked, sounding slightly concerned.

  “He isn’t epileptic, he’s got kidney disease,” Arthur corrected angrily. “And he’s fine anyway, since the transplant a couple of years ago he’s doing well.”

  “Why don’t your family come visit you in the city more? I’d love to get to know them?”

  “They don’t like cities,” Arthur lied, when in reality he’d kept his family away, ashamed of his bachelor lifestyle when every day they witnessed Demi back in Collinswood raising the child he’d left behind.

  “Shame,” Marie said, the word sounding more like a purr, as she went once more for his belt buckle, leaning in and darting her tongue in to his ear as she did so.

  This time Arthur didn’t resist her advances, longing for a distraction from his own thoughts. He kissed her hard and pressed her up against the sink while skilfully removing her panties.

  In the throes of passion he forgot about everything; about Demi, about his son, he could just lose himself to the moment which was what he dearly craved. Sex and drink were where he found solace from his demons and he enjoyed both in abundance.

  ####

  “Weee!” Logan cried merrily from his swing.

  “You having fun, little man?” Demi asked from behind him as she continued to push.

  “Higher, higher!” he cried euphorically.

  “Not too high,” Demi said, forever cautious with the little bundle of life which meant the world to her.

  As she stood pushing she noticed her Dad appear at the edge of the small playground, ready to collect Logan from her.

  “Why is Grandpa here?” Logan asked, his tone sour as he noticed his Granddad coming in through the bright yellow gate.

  “Grandpa’s going to watch you for a few hours while Mommy goes to work,” Demi explained.

  “Noooo! Not again!” Logan wailed mournfully and Demi felt a stab of guilt surge through her stomach. Not matter how many times they had this argument; the pain was always just as sharp.

  “I’m sorry sweetheart, but I’ve got to go and work,” Demi said, her voice filled with regret.

  Demi was in the final year of her studies to become a nurse which meant that she had to conduct work based learning. Luckily she could do it at Collinswood Grace but it meant time away from Logan and lots of gruelling night shifts. But her Dad was always on hand to help; she’d be lost without him.

  “Hey, champ,” her Dad called brightly when he got up close to Logan.

  “Grandpa I want Mommy to stay!” Logan declared.

  “She’s got to work I’m afraid bud, but she’ll be back in time to have breakfast for you.”

  Logan glanced between his mother and his grandfather, his face bright red and his eyes agitated.

  “Logan, Grandpa will take you to see the ducks and then cook you mac and cheese for dinner,” Demi said, kneeling down beside her son so that she was at his eye level.

  “Mac and cheese!” Logan immediately brightened at this and began trying to leave the confines of the swing.

  “Here you go,” his granddad deftly lifted him out and swung him around playfully before finally placing him on the floor. Logan giggled happily, so easily forgetting his previous woe.

  Demi watched on fondly, smiling, but pained by the constant thought that her own Dad shouldn’t have to play the role of father to her son. Arthur was out there somewhere, living a life and neglecting the small wonder which was Logan; who had his father’s eyes and hair, a complete mini-replica of him.

  She noticed the way Conrad Cooper looked at Logan whenever he passed him around town. His eyes would mist over, lost to the memory of when Arthur was a small child.

  Sighing, and fighting exhaustion, Demi made to leave her father and her son and embark upon a long night shift. It was hard and it was tiring but she was fulfilling her dream of becoming a nurse and something about that felt so great that it helped her forget how much her limbs ached or how she hadn’t eaten for almost twelve hours. Her time was no longer her own, it was spent raising her son and caring for others and she couldn’t think of a better, more satisfying way to spend her days.

  ####

  Arthur awoke as he did most mornings with a raging hangover. The sun streaming through his open window made his eyes burn and he winced and delved beneath the covers. As he did so, he realized that he wasn’t alone.

  As the effects of the previous night’s alcohol began to fade, he tried to recall what exactly had happened. He remembered getting drunk, very drunk. The meeting yesterday had gone exceptionally well and Marie had insisted upon taking him out to celebrate.

  They had wandered from bar to bar, downing cocktails and expensive champagne. Arthur enjoyed the numbing effect the liquor had on him; it helped him forget the man he had once been and the ghosts of his past which continued to haunt him daily.

  As he stood in his suit, drinking champagne in a busy New York he should have felt happy or at the very least content. But the shadow of Collinswood refused to let him enjoy his moment in the sunshine, leaving him forever shrouded in darkness. At the center of that darkness was Demi.

  Each woman he kissed, or made love to, or even checked out, failed to compare to her. He found her entering his thoughts even when in trysts with others but he did his best to drown it out and he’d been getting good at it.

  “Morning sexy,” Marie purred as her eyelids fluttered open.

  “I need to shower,” Arthur declared, making a hasty retreat from the bed. The only intimacy he liked was sex. Talking about feelings made him uncomfortable.

  “Wait,” Marie said, pouting in displeasure as she leant and grabbed his arm as he made to leave the bed.

  “What does this even mean?” she asked, noting the tattooed lyric running up it.

  “I promise you, I promise that I’ll run away with you?” she said the words aloud, sounding confused.

  “It’s just a song lyric,” Arthur said defensively, snatching his arm away from her.

  “You don’t need to be so touchy,” Marie said, sounding hurt. “I’ve got a tattoo too, want to see it?” her tone was more playful now.

  “No thanks,” Arthur said flatly as he got up. He’d already seen the tattoo and he’d been unimpressed.

  “I’m going to shower,” he said as he left the bedroom. He heard Marie audibly sigh behind him and he wondered for the millionth time what he was even doing with her when they had nothing, except for work and a love of the high life, in common.

  ####

  “I know this hurts and I’m sorry,” Demi said apologetically as she fitted the cannula in to Mrs. Tipson’s feeble arm.

  “Ow!” the old woman protested as the needle sunk in to her papery skin.

  “Like I said, I’m very sorry,” Demi said again, attaching the cannula in place with medical tape as the old woman sighed with relief that the ordeal was over.

  “It’s okay dear, you are just doing your job,” the old lady said fondly but her face was still pinched from the previous pain.

  “How about I go and find you some more pudding to ease the pain of it all?” Demi suggested mischievously.

  “Oh, would you!” Mrs. Tipson’s face lit up. “I’d love that.”

  “I’ll see what I can do.” Demi smiled.

  Three patients and thirty minutes later, Demi returned with the promised pudding. Mrs. Tipson had been dozing off in her bed but she soon woke at the prospect of a deliciously sugary treat.

  “Oh wonderful!” the old lady beamed.

  “Here you go,” D
emi opened the small pot of pudding and lay the spoon beside it, making sure it was well within Mrs. Tipson’s limited reach.

  “You really are a star,” the lady smiled warmly. “You make things much better here. But I feel bad to keep you from your husband.”

  “Oh no, I’m not married,” Demi said quickly as she got up to leave.

  “Nice girl like you? How can that be?” Mrs. Tipson tutted to herself as she plunged her spoon in to the gooey pudding.