by Alisha Cole
On my drive home, I’m hurt so stop at the liquor store. I watch my liquor gulps and almost hit a car as I pull into my street. I shut off the truck’s engine and slump over, drinking until I feel like making the walk to my apartment door. A buzz from my phone tells me it’s well after midnight, so I stumble out of the truck and almost fall on my ass.
I stagger all the way to my apartment door, and struggle with the lock as I to cling to the building when I feel myself slump over. Fucking women. Every time I fall for one, they lead me along—as if they care. Every-damn-time, I slur to myself as I continue to try and unlock the door. I try every key on my key ring to get in, and fail miserably. I huff, “Fuck it,” and slide down the wooden entry and then slump against it. I search my pocket for my phone, and when I find it—I scroll through my contacts and land on Bathroom Buddy. It pains me seeing her beautiful face appear on the screen. I hit dial. It rings once before she answers; but not with a hello, just heavy breathing. “I fucked up. . . I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. It just fucking happened . . . I’m not sorry for beating his ass, but I want you to know—I’m done playing games. I’m done being a doormat; I can’t be that guy.” I hang up before she can say a word. I’m sure I didn’t make sense, and she probably hates me, but at least she knows what she did to me. Fuck love.
Chapter Nine
Mistakes
Lyly
Since knowing him, I’ve never seen Ethan that emotional . . . and his phone call—hit a nerve. But every detail he spat was right. Our off-and-on relationship has hurt more than just us, and Ethan has just become another broken heart . . . in this pointless game.
When we arrive at Jesse’s dorm, I open the door and find his ex- Melissa on his bed. “Get out,” he spits at her. “What happened?” she questions with concern. I go to tell her, but he screams again. “I said get-the-fuck-out!” he interrupts me before I’m able to say a word. She covers her mouth as tears fill her eyes, and I know she’s hurt. “What the hell is your problem, Jesse?” I demand. “What’s my fucking problem? What’s yours? You think that us being on a break means you can go fuck whoever you want?” He’s pissing me off.
“I didn’t fuck anyone, but you sure as fuck don’t have a problem with being with Melissa—huh? How long have you been with—her, Jesse? How fucking long?” He’s caught, and the truth is etched in his brow. “You want the truth, Ly—you want it?” He stalks towards me, backing me into the wall. “I’ve been fucking Melissa for the past two years. Are-you-fucking-happy? There’s your reality check . . . I haven’t been in love with you for a while—you’re always tagging along; you don’t have friends and we don’t even have the same interests anymore. What did you want me to do? I’ve been with you forever, Lyly! I can’t just let you go . . .” The truth springs from his mouth and rips out my heart. I’m speechless. Two years. Two years that I’ve been miserable and too scared to break it off.
He leans in, and puts his hands on the sides of my face. “I will be here for you . . . until I take my last breath. And unlike our relationship, my love for you will never change. I love you, Ly. But I’m not in love with you . . . not anymore. I’m sorry.” Tears roll from my eyes as my heartless chest aches for what I thought was a forever love. Our ugly truth is out, and no matter how much I try—I can’t deny it . . . we’re done. Relief washes over his face when he realizes, we’re over. He pulls me into a hug. “I’ve always had scattered feelings for you, Lyly . . . and they just blur as we go on. I never meant to hurt you; I hate to see you cry. I even hate to see you all over another guy. Please just say something.”
I have nothing to say, except: “Just hold me close—one . . . last . . . time.” I should be seething, I should hit him, hate him, and scream for answers. But I know it’s been a long while coming and we need to say goodbye. His arm is snug around my back as we walk to his bed. He’s my first smile . . . My first kiss . . . My first everything. “Can we still be friends?” I whisper, and my voice is as small as I feel in his arms. “I will always be your friend, Ly. You and I are better at being friends. We always have been.” He’s right.
As my first love holds me close, thoughts of my bathroom buddy form. I can’t cry anymore tears for Jesse, but I can feel my eyes heat up with tears for Ethan. I wasn’t ready for us because I didn’t have the closure with Jesse. If Ethan was just some random guy, I probably would have slept with him the first night we met. But he’s not because he’s different. Ethan listened to me, comforted me, and made everything okay. I will make this right tomorrow, even if I have to beg him. I close my eyes and let sleep take over. Tomorrow will be a fresh start and a new Lyly.
*
I awaken to silence, and there’s no longer an arm around me. And for the first time in forever, I’m okay with it. I get out of Jesse’s bed and check the bathroom, but he’s not there. I wanted to say goodbye before I left, but I guess we already did that last night. I leave his dorm, head to my shower, and free myself from my uncomfortable dress. After I shower, I lazily apply my makeup. I put on some jean shorts and a flowy floral pattern tank top, and then leave for my walk to Ethan’s. My phone is dead and I don’t have a car. Jesse had always been my driver. And now, getting around is a hassle. After a half an hour walk, I arrive at his house and find him sound asleep on his doorstep. Not good. “Hey.” I shake him. “Ehhh?” He just mumbles something in gibberish. I struggle to lift him, and he’s too out of it to just wake up.
He must have gotten very drunk. Seeing him out cold against his apartment door is all the proof I need. I search his pocket for his cell phone. I need to call Tommy because he can help. When I find his cell, my heart aches because his wall paper is a picture of me. A simple picture he must have taken the night of the carnival. I quickly dial and Tommy answers on the first ring. “Hey, bro—you . . . okay? I can’t believe shit got as bad as it did last night.”
“Tommy, I need your help. Ethan’s passed out in front of his apartment, please come help me.” He agrees to help, rushes us off the phone and then hangs up.
*
Tommy’s hair bobs up the stairs, and I shout, “Hey!” I hug myself as I scratch at my arm, and admit, “I don’t know what happened after he left last night, but I’m pretty sure he’s still drunk.” My gaze drifts from Ethan to Tommy. “Yeah, he was pretty fucked up—last night. I’ve never seen him so pissed off before; he usually keeps a level head.” It’s all my fault. I take Ethan’s keys and unlock the door. Tommy picks Ethan up and carries him into his room. I don’t know how he’ll react when he sees me, and that’s scary as hell. I say goodbye to Tommy, and return to Ethan’s room. He’s face down on his bed with his shoes and jacket still on. He looks uncomfortable, so I slip his shoes off and then carefully pull his jacket off his shoulders and arms. He moans at the relief and turns on his side. His youthful face is adorable, almost child-like, as he sleeps. His features are soft and sweet as he breathes heavily. I just watch him, and it takes a lot to restrain myself from cuddling up with him, but I hold back.
I sit on the side of the bed for a while, until he starts to stir. It’s around five in the evening; and I’m starving, tired, and restless as hell. “Lyly?” he says, rubbing his eyes. “Hey, you . . . How ya feeling?” I give him a half smile. “Like I got hit by a bus . . . I’m sorry, Lyly. I didn’t mean all that shit I said.” He reaches out for me to climb in next to him. “It’s my fault. You were right about everything. I shouldn’t have agreed to get him back, nor used you as a ploy. I should have let him go and ended it that night.” I snuggle against him tighter. He asks about Jesse, how much damage he did, and about our night, so I tell him about us officially breaking up.
My favorite part about Ethan is the way he cares, he holds me and listens to my every word. He doesn’t have an ignorant comment, and keeps his negative thoughts to himself. He bites his tongue, at least while sober. “I’m going to give you time to think of all that’s happened, and I want you to know that I’ll be here for you—okay? Find yourself, and f
igure out what it is you need. Just know I want all strings attached and I will fight for your love—regardless of the time I have to wait. You’ve already marked my heart with all your cuteness.” He runs his fingers across my stomach and then lightly tickles me. I jump and it makes him laugh.
“Ticklish?” He grins and tickles me even more. “No—stop,” I scream playfully. He slowly comes to a stop and then hugs me tighter. “Thank you for this . . . I don’t know how I got here or half of what I’ve said last night, but thank you.” God he melts my heart. I don’t want to jump into bed with him . . . I mean—I do, but lord help me—I desperately want to kink up in the sheets with him. But I can’t, not until I know for sure that I won’t hurt him with my stupid feelings.
I nudge his firm abs, and say, “Go shower so that we can start fresh. Plus, I’m starving.” He laughs at my demands, but he follows through.
Chapter Ten
A Fresh Start
Ethan
Tomorrow is the beginning of summer break, and I’m really hoping I can talk Lyly into coming home with me. But I’m unsure what she’ll say or if it’s too soon to meet my family. I will ask her today, and try to keep my family out of the question.
Happy Endings Resort is a romance heaven, with so many different things to do there. I think over all the possibilities as I rinse off in the shower. I shrug into some faded jeans and a wife beater, and then find her asleep in my bed. The curve of her hip pushes out of the sheet: damn—I love her hips, they’re so alluring. When I make it around to the side she’s facing, I see her plump, pouty and soft lips. My eyes scan further until I reach her full tits—and I imagine what it would feel like to have my dick in between them. Jesus, I need to stop . . . To avoid waking her, I silently back away, and decide that buying takeout is a good idea.
I stop off at the small made-from-scratch café, hoping to find something simple. I know she’ll like a cheeseburger—who doesn’t? I order two burgers and some fries; and then quickly make my way back to her. When I return, she’s still sleeping so I wake her up with a French fry. I place it under her nose, until she breathes in, and then I double over in laughter when her eyes pop open. “You—brought me food? Thank god . . .” she sighs. I wear a grin, the entire time, as I watch her scarf down her meal. When she finishes everything, I take a deep breath and ask, “Will-you-come-home-with-me-for-summer-break?” I rush it out in one burst. I felt afraid that if I didn’t . . . I would never have the balls. I have to go home. I promised my mom I would. I just hope she says yes because I don’t want to spend the summer without her. “I— Are-you-sure? I mean . . . isn’t your family there?” She stutters as her eyes widen. “Yes, my family will be there—but we don’t have to stay there. I have my own separate trailer, which we’ll share. I will be leaving tomorrow, so just let me know. I won’t be back for two months.” Her shoulders slump as she stares and picks at her food. “All right . . . just let me sleep on it,” she whispers as she lifts one of my fries out of the bag and then nibbles on the tip.
Our night flew by, and we didn’t feel like going anywhere else. We spooned on the couch and watched chick flicks for most of the night. I held her close as we cuddled to all the rom-coms I’ve grown accustom to. “I love this movie; I can’t believe you’re watching it with me.” It’s just Ten Things I Hate About You. I’ve probably seen it a thousand times with my sisters. But I’ll never tell her that, though. I squeeze her tighter as she laughs at the part when the guy unknowingly falls for the girl.
Summer Break
“You got everything?” she questions, as I toss my bag in the back seat of the truck. “Everything but you,” I joke. Although I want her to come, I didn’t want to push her into anything she’s not ready for. I don’t want her to jump from his bed to mine. As we climb into the truck, I try to hide my sadness. The rejection dulls as I know seeing my family will lessen the ache from her refusal. We stop at her dorm, and I kiss her forehead before she steps down from my truck. It’s probably my imagination, but I see tears form at the corners of her eyes. Maybe she’ll change her mind? Once I’m at her side, she wraps her arms tight around me and holds on longer than usual. And just like that, any hope I had of her coming—quickly fades away. “Promise me you’ll think about it,” I beg her. “I Promise.”
While I drive home, every song that plays on the radio reminds me of her smile, laugh, and all the crazy shit I’ll do just to see her next to me. An hour later, and I pull up outside the resort’s gates. Before I left, I called my mom and mentioned I’d be home like I promised. Of course, my little twin little sisters wait for me at the entrance. Ruby and Riley are fraternal twins and the closest individuals—they take twinning to the extreme. They’re only thirteen, and constantly dress the same. Ruby and Riley are the type of twins who wish they were identical, and they are my biggest fans. “Hey, brats—wanna ride?” I laugh playfully. They think I’m the funniest guy alive, and I eat that shit up. As they climb in, they talk over each other and tell me about school. “Ruby likes a boy at school, but I tell her he’s no good. Oh, and I made honor roll this month,” Riley says.
“And Paula has a big’ol boyfriend—and he freaks me out. He’s a really big biker dude.” Ruby goes on-and-on about everything. My sister Paula is two years older. And none of the guys she’s ever dated deserved her. Especially, when they had her on motorcycles without a helmet.
I reach the driveway to my mom’s trailer, and the girls jump out of the back of the truck before I can put it in park. “Hey!” I yell at them. “My boy is finally home.” My mom screeches when she comes out of the trailer door. “No little lady?” she asks as her lips crease into a frown. “She wasn’t ready mom. Can’t force the pieces if they don’t fit.” Mom shakes her head, pulling me into a hug. “If the pieces don’t fit, trim those suckers ‘till they do, son.” She smiles. I told my mom all about Lyly. She believes Lyly will want to be with me and that she just needs time to get her head on straight.
“Where are all my sisters?” Mom drifts her gaze down to the driveway’s rocks and then looks back up. “Well, let’s see—Ellie went home with her boyfriend for the summer; Paula is off doing god knows what—she’s in love with a biker again. And Claire is around here somewhere. I keep telling her to stay away from Kiki, but she wants to be just like her. Bless her heart, she doesn’t know half of what she wants.”
Kiki is the resort slut, and yes, my first everything. My sister has been her groupie-follower for a few years now. They constantly go out and party. Kiki is a stripper now—not that it’s surprising. And now my sister wants to be a stripper too; they flaunt around in bikinis all summer long.
I let that flame burn out a long time ago, but Kiki still thinks she is lighter fluid to my flame. It’s not going to be exciting to deal with that. “Okay, mom—I’m gonna go to High Bar and see if Hunter is around.” I climb into my truck, and drive the short distance to the bar. When I park my truck, I see that the scenery is the same. I’ve had to spend my last few summer breaks without him, since I haven’t seen him in years. Last I heard, he finally fell for a city girl, which is great because he was starting to make a name for himself.
A familiar friend greets me as I walk through the bar’s doors. “Hey, Stixx—how’s life treating you?” Stixx is the main bartender at the bar and great company when you need to vent. She tells me about her old man, Cyber, and her life, just as her busy lunch rush starts. There’s no signs of Hunter, so I give up and head back to Mom’s.
“Well, hey there—stranger! Haven’t seen you in a while.” Kiki’s in a tiny bikini and leaning against my truck. “I don’t have time for your bullshit, Kiki. Move away from my truck.” I sound like an asshole. But after she slept with half of my friends—while we were dating—I now hate looking at her face. When it comes to her, there’s really no nice guy left. “Fine—asshole.” She stomps off, and it doesn’t faze me. I’m curious: if Claire isn’t with Kiki—then where in the hell is my sister?
Once I’m back at my mom�
��s, I see Claire sunbathing in lawn chair—and her bikini is worse than Kiki’s. I can feel a growl building in the back of my throat. Not only the swimsuit, but seeing her with Bear, the trailer park pothead, makes my blood boil. I get out of my truck, slamming the door shut behind me and stomp towards her. “Put some goddamn clothes on, Claire—for fuck’s sake!” She rolls her eyes and greets me. “Good to see you too, bro.” To avoid beating Bear’s ass, and march past them and into the house. Being back home for only one hour makes me regret leaving Lyly, and on impulse I text her.
Me: Come save me.
Lyly: Already? Lol.
Me: I miss you.
She never replies.
Chapter Eleven
Taking Chances
Lyly
As soon as Ethan left . . . I felt alone. I couldn’t go because I was too scared. What it would have meant if I would had gone—left me frozen with fright. I’ve been lying on my bed for hours, contemplating if I should go. And then, I get his message. I laugh out loud at it for a minute—until he sends another one:
I miss you.
Those three words, make all the pondering vanish. I belong with him, not here alone in bed. Nothing feels right with him there and me here—and I need him. I don’t answer back because I’m too busy packing for a two-month vacation. I love him; it may have taken this long to realize it, but nothing else compares to the feeling I get when I look into his eyes. Once my bags are full, I phone Tommy. “Hey, I know we don’t really know each other, and you probably think I’m a crazy bitch. But I need a favor, and I will do everything I can to repay you.” When I tell him I’m after Ethan, I hear him gasp in shock. “It’s about damn time. He’s practically been your stalker, Lyly. Even before you met him . . . I’ll be right over.” Tommy’s revelation and agreeing to help me excites me even more to see Ethan.
