Forgotten Love (Derrien Island Trilogy)

by Simmone Thorpe

  As the car continued along its path, Natasha saw Lucinda’s place through the semi-frosted glass all dark and closed for the night. Being so far out in the mountains, her restaurant mainly served breakfast and lunch so that she could take evenings off to relax at her own home. Lucinda had been so good to her from the first day that they met and she knew that when she found out what she did to Marcus she would be so disappointed. Natasha felt the full conflict of what she was about to do rise up in her so powerfully that she thought she would throw up. Once the plane left Derrien she would have to stick with her decision, one she prayed that she would not regret anymore than she did already.

  Chapter 4

  Arriving at the airport twenty minutes later, Lucas went to get a trolley for their bags, while Natasha walked to the ticket counter to hold a space for check-in. As she prepared for her turn, rummaging in her shoulder bag for her passport and transit documents, she heard a familiar male voice call out to her with surprise and she froze with recognition.

  “Natasha?”

  Busted!

  Natasha would know that voice in her sleep, having heard it so many times over the years. Lifting her head slowly she looked over her shoulder behind her to where Marcus’ best friend Sheldon was standing. Sheldon Archer was the last person that she wanted to see tonight and she had secretly hoped that he would have been off-duty given the late hour and the volleyball tournament in the morning. He was head of security at the airport and managed their team of over one-hundred and fifty security personnel.

  As he walked over to her she did not miss the look of shock on his face at seeing her there. A look that demanded answers!

  “What are you doing here? Marcus didn’t tell me that you were travelling tonight. I thought you guys went to Courtney’s and Ramon’s vow renewal? ”

  “Uh, hi Sheldon, no, um this trip was a sudden thing that came up,” she hedged.

  “Is everything’s alright with you? You look terrible by the way, what’s up?” he said with his eyes taking in with growing suspicion her slightly dishevelled appearance, and red puffy eyes with dark smudges, considering how neatly she was usually attired.

  “I’m fine Sheldon, thanks for asking.”

  “Okay Natasha, I got us a trolley and the bags are secured, hey who is this?” asked Lucas as he approached Natasha and Sheldon.

  “Us?” echoed Sheldon. “Okay, Natasha, you have some explaining to do before I have to represent my boy Marcus up in here! Who the heck is he?” asked Sheldon pointing an accusatory finger at Lucas.

  “Sheldon, you don’t understand,” began Natasha.

  “Like hell, I don’t understand Natasha! But I sure am listening right now!” responded Sheldon forcefully.

  “Listen, this is Lucas Johnson, a talent scout from the US!” said Natasha trying to diffuse what could become a volatile situation without giving away too many details. Sheldon was fiercely loyal to his friend Marcus, in fact they were more like brothers and he could make her departure from this airport very difficult if he chose to.

  “Talent scout?” Sheldon replied sounding very unconvinced as his narrowed eyes locked in on her shifting ones examining their movement with practiced sharpness. He could pick up on a lie in seconds so she didn’t dare tell him one.

  “Yes, and you are?” replied Lucas extending a handshake to Sheldon, seemingly unaffected by the barely veiled hostility emanating from him.

  Sheldon grasped his hand briefly and replied, “Sheldon Archer,” before he returned the full weight of his attention to Natasha.

  “So where is Marcus? Why isn’t he here with you? This doesn’t seem like him to let the one person he loves most in the world just leave the country without being here to see her off!”

  “That is a long story Sheldon, I think you should ask him that,” she said without looking him in the eyes.” The less Sheldon saw the better for her!

  Sheldon was getting a bad feeling about this scene. Natasha was looking extremely nervous, as though she would rather be anywhere else but there talking to him. She was clearly giving him half-answers and now some guy called Lucas Johnson was here with her to catch the late night flight together to the US? Something was not right at all. He did not want to jump to conclusions but Natasha was not helping him to see things any differently.

  “Look Sheldon, I know that you are surprised to see me but I really cannot explain what is going on right now. Just trust that everything is going to be okay!” pleaded Natasha.

  “Natasha, it’s our turn!”said Lucas as he wheeled their suitcases up to the counter and lifted the bags on to the scale.

  “Natasha if that man says “our” or “us” to you again in my presence I am going to deck him on Marcus’ behalf,” said Sheldon.

  “Sheldon no, please”, pleaded Natasha “I’m sorry but I have to go, I really can’t explain right now,” repeated Natasha to her friend as she walked away from him and joined Lucas at the travel desk. Natasha cringed inside as she repeated to herself that everything would be okay.

  Sheldon, despite his usual fun-loving and competitive nature was Marcus’ best friend and she could see that he did not like what he was witnessing here one bit. She also instinctively knew that Sheldon hadn’t moved an inch from where he was standing and she could literally sense his eyes boring into the back of her head like two red-hot steel pokers. All through the check-in process she knew that he was still there and it took all of her resolve to continue pretending he wasn’t. Seeing Sheldon was the last thing that she needed now. She knew that any moment he would call Marcus and let him know about where she was, when she had painstakingly tried to conceal it from him. She had hoped that her trail would have had some time to go cold first before anyone could figure out where she was. She’d hoped that Marcus would check in with her parents first and then perhaps hotels on Derrien, which would have given her enough time to leave quietly. What was worse, she could see both of them coming to all the wrong kinds of conclusions about her relationship with Lucas.

  Although Lucas was an extremely handsome man and he did express more than a platonic interest in her, she had made it clear that this was a business arrangement and nothing more. He was fifteen years older than she was at forty-one and stood about the same height as Marcus but had a lighter brown complexion with steel grey eyes. Like Marcus, he too had a muscular youthful physique and it was clear that he took a lot of care in managing his appearance. Right now, he was wearing a pair of dark blue slacks and a long sleeved grey shirt slightly opened at the collar creating a picture of male success and affluence. Despite all of his charms, she just was not interested in him romantically. In fact, when she did compare him to Marcus she always found herself preferring to think about the things she did like about her husband instead. That thought always unnerved her because no matter how much she tried to push Marcus out of her thoughts he still dominated them, and she knew that she still loved him, still wanted him and that no other man would probably ever compare.

  Waves of guilt and shame began washing over her heart because she knew that she would be hurting a lot of people, people that she had grown to love over the past six years. One of them was now standing behind her looking on at the scene unfolding before him with incredible confusion. Someone she now considered to be one of her closest friends.

  As if reading her anxious thoughts, Lucas moved to stand behind her and placed both of his hands on her shoulders massaging them gently. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “It’s going to be fine, just relax,” and Natasha groaned inside because she was now sure beyond all doubt that Sheldon would think she was having an affair with Lucas.

  She was right!

  That intimate play was all Sheldon needed to see! Shaking his head he slowly walked backward before turning and walking briskly back over the security station where he had left his duffel gym bag earlier in the day. If he hadn’t forgotten it earlier, chances are he might have missed this sickening display. As he walked briskly toward the station, he pressed n
umber 2 on his phone and it speed dialled Marcus’ number. He listened to the phone ring and disconnect and called again and again until he had dialled his friend’s number at least ten times and left ten messages. Now he was officially worried. Should he drive up there and check on him now? Feeling the tiredness of the day in his muscles he decided that first thing in the morning he would drive up to Manderley and find out why Marcus’ was not answering his phone.

  Forty minutes later as she boarded the plane, Natasha breathed a sigh of relief that she did not run into any other people she knew. Her nerves were frayed enough and she just wanted the plane to take off. She was leaving behind her life, her friends, and many memories. This was a hard trade off in her attempt to reconnect with who felt she really was inside. Completely exhausted, she leaned against the window, and within minutes fell asleep into the land of dreams.

  July 13, Eight months earlier

  Exhausted, frustrated and dirty were all words Natasha used to describe herself as she gazed at her reflection in the mirror in her bathroom. It was a far cry from the image that she had imagined for herself and the reflection looking back at her felt like she was somehow having a kind of out of body experience.

  As much as she loved art, teaching it part-time to preschoolers was not what she had envisioned at all. However, it was the next best thing to do to keep her occupied during the day and to keep her parents off her back. Sometimes she swore they forgot that she wasn’t a child anymore.

  Sure she still painted on weekends but somehow every time she allowed herself to feel that she could do that full-time, a little voice always reminded her that she’d already missed her chance. So her art pieces were only seen by her and sometimes Marcus before they were stowed away in the storage room.

  Usually, teaching her class of twenty-eight four to five year olds was mildly fun but today it was like a nightmare.

  The Marshall twins were at it again today. First, they spilled paint all over her desk when she was helping some other students in the class and from then it was a litany of complaints about stolen lunch and someone hitting someone else to her ripping a part of her skirt on a piece of wire jutting out from the storage cupboard. Then the parent teachers conference after school was heart-wrenching to say the least for her after she had to sit and listen to one particular parent complain about what they considered her, ‘ ineffective teaching’.

  Natasha, trying to force the images from her mind splashed water onto her face and pinched her cheeks before drying off her face on the nearby face towel. Thankfully, the day had come to an end and she was finally at home. Feeling relieved that it was all somehow over at least until tomorrow. At times like these, when she desperately needed cheering up, a song that she loved often came to mind. Looking over her shoulder in the mirror to make sure that the door was closed and feeling satisfied that Marcus was not home as yet she decided to sing.

  “It’s gonna be, it’s gonna be, a lovely day! There’s love and joy coming my way...”

  Her rich voice filled the room, and as she sang she began to feel alive again, and felt a sense of joy returning to her. Spying her hairbrush on the counter, she picked it up and held it to her lips as she moved her hips to the beat in her mind and closed her eyes as she became totally enveloped in the song. As she did so her happiness was bittersweet, because like her art, having a career in singing was the biggest dream that she had given up any hope of coming true. A lone tear escaped her right eye and she suddenly sensed a presence behind her. She did not need to open her eyes to know who stood behind her, because she recognized the warm, woodsy aroma of the man she had fallen in love with and married, Marcus Nicholls.

  “I always love to hear you sing. Your voice is so beautiful honey!” he whispered softly now that she’d caught him.

  As she opened her eyes she saw him leaning against the bathroom door, devastatingly handsome as ever in a black jeans and off-white short-sleeved shirt that exposed the lean toned muscles in his arms as he crossed them over his chest, watching her with clear admiration in his eyes.

  Clearing her throat, Natasha fidgeted with the top button on her blouse.

  “I didn’t hear you come in!” she said.

  “I knocked twice but I figured you were too into your song to hear me, so I decided to enjoy the show,” he said.

  “Perhaps!” replied Natasha withdrawing instinctively into the shell of protection she kept around her heart. She did not like Marcus to see her sing anymore, it was just too painful.

  “I wish you would sing more often to me like you used to. You seem so happy when you do!” he commented. “In fact, I wish you would reconsider singing at the restaurant again. The customers have been asking for you.”

  “I’m sure they are,” she said a little too crisply.

  Marcus knew when to back off on the issue and chose not to respond to her final statement.

  “I wanted to share some news with you!” he said instead.

  “What is it?”

  “Well, I would rather not say, here in the bathroom, so if you don’t mind Mrs. Nicholls, will you follow me to the living room?” he said invitingly while wiggling his eyebrows.

  Natasha could not help the laugh that rose out of her. Marcus could be so funny sometimes and she always thought his eyebrow wiggling impression was hilarious.

  “Okay, let’s go!”

  After she sat on the sofa, Marcus drew up a foot rest so that he could sit directly in front of her.

  “I have some really good news to share with you,” he said with barely veiled excitement.

  “What is it?” asked Natasha searching his face with her eyes.

  “I did not tell you about all of this up front because I wasn’t sure how it would all work out. But, I submitted my novels to a literary agent in California and they managed to get my books to Emerald Publishing House. I finally got a book deal! He exclaimed excitedly.

  “Really, Marcus, that’s great! Wow, you’ve been hiding this all this time?” squealed Natasha with delight.

  “Yes, but I did not want to get my hopes up too high, just in case it all fell through. The publishers loved my work so much that they want more books and will fly me in next week to discuss the contract.”

  Natasha could see Marcus’ excitement and she felt so proud of him in that moment. It had been his dream to become a published author for years and now his hard work and those late nights and early morning’s spent at the computer were finally paying off for him. She leaned forward instinctively and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him as he encircled her waist with his arms. It felt so good to hug him and it almost felt like it had in the beginning.

  “Let’s celebrate, I am going to take you out to dinner Mr. Nicholls, you deserve it!” she said genuinely happy for him.

  “Nat, this is a real dream come true for me and I know that you know just how much all of this really means to me. Thanks for your support, I could not have done it without you!” he said sincerely.

  As he said that, a thought crossed her mind, one that she had been trying to push away for a while now; one that always painted her green and sallow with envy. What was wrong with her? She needed to focus on what her husband managed to accomplish. She fought within herself but the more she allowed herself to feel happiness for him, it deepened the chasm of sadness that she felt for herself. What about her dreams and goals? Would she ever realize them?

  After their baby girl was stillborn, she had been devastated for months but she had recovered with the help of her therapist Dr. Moreno. During those sessions they had discussed the possibility of her going to finish her degree and still launching a singing career. But, when she broached the topic of moving to the US with Marcus, his response was always the same. He was satisfied with being in Derrien and never wanted to return to living there. Every time he said no, she felt a little angrier and a little more trapped, because she knew that if he would just cooperate a little she could get some of the things that meant a lot to her back on trac
k too. Now he was here thanking her for her support in achieving his goals again.

  Her support? What about his support?

  Suddenly, she drew away from his arms, stood up and walked across the room.

  “Nat? What’s wrong?” inquired Marcus noting the abrupt change in his wife’s demeanour as she walked away from him and went to stand beside the window.

  “You know, Marcus I really am happy for you! I really am!” she said as a hard edge crept into her voice despite her efforts to suppress it.

  “Well you have a strange way of showing it!” he retorted. “Why did you just walk away from me?”

  “It’s just that once again our achievements seem so one-sided! I am glad that the world will see what a great author you are, after all you have written me some really wonderful poetry over the years but, I just can’t help feeling stuck!”

  “Are you saying that’s my fault?”

  “No, well yes, in a way! I don’t know what I am saying Marcus! I just don’t like feeling this way. ”

  “I can’t believe that you are blaming me again for how things turned out. I thought we put all of that behind us! I was not alone in my actions that night we made love for the first time and I have never regretted one moment of our time together. I know that your getting pregnant was not the plan but...”

  “That’s an understatement,” said Natasha interrupting what she knew would be another attempt to placate her and emphasize that they both made the decision to have sex that night in her apartment. This conversation always began the same and ended the same every time.

  “No Marcus, you put it behind you! I’m still stuck at the same place I was six years ago.”

  “But Natasha, surely you don’t expect that everything in your life would have turned out exactly as you planned it? Things change and we all have to adjust to suit,” said Marcus hoping that they weren’t on the verge of rehashing the past again. Natasha just needed to learn that she just couldn’t have it all. Everyone had to deal with unexpected changes in life, and she was no exception.