Locked in Silence: Grimm's Circle, Book 5

by Shiloh Walker

  She was only barely aware of his departure, too focused on Silence’s still face. Reaching out, she touched his arm.

  Softly, her voice hesitant, she started to talk. Her voice trembled, but then steadied.

  Sina said he’d learned that he was better off alone? She was about to show him otherwise.

  The darkness had grown quiet, so quiet and complete.

  When he first heard her voice, he didn’t trust it.

  A dream, perhaps.

  Or the fitful longings of his own foolish heart.

  Despite himself, though, he found himself listening. As he listened, her voice grew louder. As he listened, he found it harder to pull away.

  Was she truly there…?

  Hands touched him.

  In the darkness, he should have hated it.

  But they were her hands, stroked through his hair, taking a cloth and running it along his face, his chest. Her hands, linked with his. And her body—pressed next to his.

  Silence suspected he dreamed, though. He wanted to call out to her, but if he did, and there was no answer, he knew it would shatter him. He’d chased her away, and he had no reason to hope that she’d come back now. Why would she be here?

  So he clung to the dream…because it was safer. He clung to the dream because at least there he didn’t have to be alone or worry that he’d wake and find her gone.

  Two days and two nights passed.

  Vanya talked until she was sick of the sound of her voice, until she only wished she could talk herself hoarse.

  Thanks to the healing properties her body now possessed, though, that was almost impossible.

  As twilight crept closer on the third night, she lay beside him, twining her hands through his hair, her heart heavy, she said quietly, “You asked me to come back. I’m right here, Silence. Right here. So where are you?”

  Exhaustion wrapped around her, claimed her. But even in her sleep, she held him close.

  I’m right here.

  He felt her.

  Her body was warm and soft, pressed against his.

  That wasn’t a dream, surely.

  He didn’t want to reach out, find her gone. Didn’t want to speak and not be heard.

  But the desolation in her voice made his heart ache.

  Battling against the fatigue and the darkness, he forced himself to speak. It was hard, though—so hard. “Vanya.”

  He felt her stir. Felt her hand drift up to rest over his heart. And she sighed.

  But she didn’t speak.

  He’d have to try harder…

  He woke in darkness.

  It was so thick and complete, for a moment, he barely realized he had woken.

  But then he felt a soft puff of air against his chest.

  With an arm that felt heavy and stiff, he shifted and reached down…and found Vanya curled around him, her head pillowed on his chest, one hand fisted just above his heart.

  Sleeping.

  You came back…

  He closed his eyes, shaken. For a moment, he could do nothing but simply lie there and hold her as he let himself acknowledge that she was there. That she was with him. That she had come back.

  Then, because the muddle of his mind was driving him mad, he forced himself to open his eyes, to look around.

  Where was he?

  There was something familiar…his eyes adjusted and immediately, he knew where he was. Will’s cabin. Right after that, he remembered. The club. The ambush—how had they fallen for that?

  Arrogance. Plain and simple. Both he and Will were both old and arrogant, convinced they could handle anything placed before them. And they’d been horribly wrong. They hadn’t planned well enough, hadn’t thought to look over their environment well enough before they made their attack, and they had underestimated their enemy—it hadn’t just been the succubae lying in wait but orin as well.

  In short, they’d fucked themselves.

  He’d gone down. He remembered that now, remembered tasting his own blood in his throat, remembered even the look on Will’s face as the other Grimm called up a power he rarely used and wiped the room clear of anything that breathed, save for Silence.

  And Silence hadn’t had much breath or life left in him.

  Then he used another gift, the one he had for healing, holding Silence to life for so long it had damned near drained Will as well.

  You won’t die, damn it, Will had told him. Not now—

  Silence had wondered if maybe it wasn’t for the best.

  Now he closed his eyes and buried his face in Vanya’s curls. Either he’d almost made a terrible mistake or he was going to hate Will for holding him to life long enough for his body to heal the damage.

  Silence didn’t know which one.

  Why was she here?

  He stroked a hand up her narrow back and asked himself if it really mattered. Part of him didn’t care. The other part, the part that desperately needed her to be there for him, because she needed him as he had come to need her, knew it mattered.

  But she’s already told you she loves you.

  And yet he didn’t know if she’d meant it…

  That was what he needed to know.

  First, before all else, he had to know that.

  Setting his jaw, he eased out of the bed. He wore no clothes. Frowning, he glanced around for something to wear. He imagined what he had been wearing had been destroyed—bloodied and ruined.

  He spied something thrown over a chair by the fireplace and he snagged it. A worn pair of loose cotton trousers. They were long enough, although he had to tie the drawstring tightly to keep them from sagging down over his arse. There was nothing else unless he wanted to raid Will’s monochromatic wardrobe of white—and he had a few inches on Will, both in height and width. There was also a closet that held a female’s wardrobe—certainly not an option.

  The cabin, although clearly occupied, was empty now. Save for him and Vanya, who slept on deeply.

  Closing his eyes, Silence waited by the fire.

  When she woke, he’d have to decide.

  Either he reached for what she’d offered…or he turned away from it.

  He thought back over the past few centuries—thought of the loneliness, the emptiness.

  He thought back farther. To his mother and father. To the man they’d allowed to take him. To the years he’d spent on his own…and then Louis and his mistress, the woman he’d one day take to wife, the sweet Françoise. She, more than Louis, had been his first true friend. He’d spent all these centuries hating Louis’ treachery and not thinking of how she’d tried to stop the other man, how she’d tried to save the poor, mute boy he’d been.

  Louis, the fool, had thought to use Silence for his own ends—in endless wars, in political intrigues. Françoise had seen the wrongness of it. Instead of focusing on Louis’ wrongs, Silence should have made himself think on what she’d risked, how she’d save his life, even that first day, how she’d befriended him.

  But because he’d been hoping to find another friend in Louis, and when Louis had instead tried to use him, Silence had withdrawn. Spent all these years alone.

  It wasn’t how he wanted to spend the next three centuries, not even the next three decades—not even three months.

  Not when he could spend them with Vanya.

  There was a sigh behind him. Followed by a sudden cry.

  He turned around just as she sat up, her hand resting on the spot where he had lain only moments earlier. Her eyes searched the room, and when they came to rest on him, it hit him like a fist to realize there were tears there. She would cry…for him.

  After he’d all but rejected the love she had offered him.

  She pressed her lips together, dipped her head. When she looked back at him, the tears were gone and her face was composed. “You’re awake.”

  He started to answer but stopped himself. Instead, he just nodded.

  She shifted around, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. “You feeling okay?”
>
  No—I hurt, I ache for you. But he didn’t tell her that. Not yet. Why had she come? He needed to know that—needed to know if she had come for him…or out of some sense of duty.

  Slowly, his hands feeling so clumsy and unsure, he signed, Why are you here?

  Vanya looked away. A strange, bitter smile twisted her lips. “I was told you needed me. Apparently all you needed was your beauty sleep, though. I’ll get out of your hair.”

  Frowning, he watched as she slid out of the bed, straightened clothes that were hopelessly wrinkled. She was careful never to look at him, never to so much as glance his way and how could he speak to her if she wouldn’t look at him?

  She started toward the door. Frustrated, he blocked her way. She still wouldn’t look at him, staring at the floor, staring past his shoulder, anywhere but at him. “If you came here for me, then why are you in such a hurry to leave?”

  She shot him a quick look, but so quick, like she didn’t dare connect with his eyes. “You’re awake. You’re fine, obviously. And I’d left before—you weren’t in any hurry to come after me before. We’ll just carry on. As you were, you know.” She smirked as she said it, but he caught the unsteady waver in her voice.

  Stop being a coward, he told himself. As she went to go around him, he caught her arm. She jerked against him, but he didn’t let go. Instead he turned, crowding her up against the door, bracing his arms on either side of her. “Look at me,” he ordered, lowering his face until it was on level with hers. “Look at me, Vanya…please, love…”

  Her breath hitched in her throat. Her lashes lowered over her eyes.

  But she didn’t look at him.

  Sighing, he dipped his head, skimmed his lips along her neck. Her scent called to him, the same way her voice did, the same way her heart did. Pressing his mouth to the curve between her neck and shoulders, he told her, “I was coming after you. I didn’t know what I was going to do when I found you, but I wasn’t just going to let you walk away, and I wasn’t going to let things become some simple student-teacher thing between us. We both know it’s far more than that.”

  She turned her head away. “Yeah, I’m the student who drops her pants the minute you look at her. I can see why you don’t want to let that go,” she muttered. “Too bad. I’m done with this—”

  “Don’t.” He pushed his hand into her hair, fisted it. Gently, he tugged, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Don’t make what we have into that—it’s more, and we both know it.”

  “Do we?” she demanded. “I don’t. I told you I was falling in love with you, and you pushed me away. You made me feel like I was some stupid, foolish kid and you were just humoring me. I don’t know what we have.”

  “I was wrong—you terrify me.” Lowering his head, he pressed his brow to hers. “You terrify me, Vanya. I’ve lived lifetimes—so many of them, and I’ve never known anybody who could terrify me the way you do. You weaken me, make me doubt…make me wonder. I’ve never wondered what it would be like not to be alone before you. It scares the life from me. And I don’t handle fear well. I didn’t know what you wanted from me.”

  She shook her head. Tears, once more, sparkled in her eyes. “I didn’t want anything. All I did was tell you something—you didn’t have to do anything.”

  “I know. I figured that out.” He pressed his lips to her eyes, kissed away the tears that had fallen. “I pushed you away—I know that, but I did it out of fear, not because I didn’t care for you.”

  Vanya swallowed. So he cared for her.

  That was something…right?

  But it wasn’t enough.

  Swallowing, she ducked out from under his arm, escaped the tempting cage of his body.

  “I’m sorry it scared you. I guess I shouldn’t have dumped it on you like that,” she said stiffly. The knot in her throat made it almost impossible to speak, and she had to clear her throat just to manage that single sentence. Moving away from him, she stared out the window at the sprawl of mountains and trees. She had no idea where she was. No idea how to get away from here. She just hoped once she got out the door that either Will or Finn would show up—because she needed to be away from Silence, and fast.

  He came up behind her, stroked his fingers down her neck. She shuddered, closed her eyes, resisted the urge to melt.

  “You care for me,” she said softly. “But that’s not enough for me. You want to be alone. So fine—you get what you want. You can be alone. I’m not going to be some ‘friend with benefits’ while you decide if you want to risk not being alone.”

  Setting her jaw, setting her shoulders, she told herself to walk away. To leave.

  She eased away from the window, but as she turned around, Silence continued to stand there. His hands came up, framed her face. “I’ve already decided that…alone may be easier, but I will not be without you.”

  His voice echoed in her mind, harsh, demanding. Pleading…

  And even as she tried to grasp what he was telling her, his mouth covered hers. “I love you, Vanya. I love you—and I don’t want to be without you.”

  She tore her mouth from his, shoved her hands between them so she could stare at him. “What?”

  Tears blurred her eyes. Burned them. His hands came up and captured hers, lifting them to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to each balled up fist then guided them around his neck. Then, staring at her intently, he mouthed “I love you” even as he said the words into her mind. “I love you. Now…are you still going to make me let you walk away?”

  Dumbly, she stared at him.

  “No.” She shoved away from him. “You’re…no. This isn’t happening. Damn it, you’re not going to fuck with my head like this, damn it.”

  “Vanya—”

  He caught her arm but she jerked away from him, desperate. Shaking her head, she backed away. “No. You can’t tell me that I don’t love you and then a week or so later, decide to tell me that you love me, that you want to be with me…”

  She was shaking.

  And he was stalking her, stalking her through the cabin as she backed away from him, his pale blue eyes intent on her face. “Am I not allowed to fuck up? I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. I’ll beg your forgiveness if you want me to—I have no pride when it comes to you.”

  She was trapped now. Trapped by another window, between the huge sheet of glass and his body. As he went to his knees in front of her, she realized his image was blurring. “I beg you, Vanya. Forgive me—I made a mistake and I’m sorry for it.”

  He held her hands in his, pressing his lips to the inside of her wrists, first one then the other.

  Then he lifted his head, staring at her. “Am I to let you walk away now? You’re my heart, my soul. If you don’t want to be with me, I will not force you to stay. But I want you with me.”

  A sob escaped her.

  Tearing her hands away, she covered her face. “Shit. You’re confusing me. What is this? What is this all about?”

  His hands closed around her wrists and he eased them down.

  “Somebody made it clear I can sit around and do nothing and lose you. I can think that you don’t know your mind, although it’s rather obvious you do, and have for quite some time. I can cling to my solitude. Remain alone. And you’ll move on.” His hand touched her face, stroking her hair back, tucking it behind her ear. “You’re strong and you do not fear solitude, nor do you fear giving your heart. You’ll move on and likely find a better man to give that amazing heart of yours to.”

  His lips skimmed along her cheekbone. “But I’m a miserable, selfish bastard. I don’t want that—you’re mine. I love you, damn it, and you’ve already given your heart to me. You’re mine…unless I’ve already lost you.”

  A breath shuddered out of her as he lifted his face and stared at her. “If you tell me that you wish to walk out of here, I’ll let you do it, Vanya. It’s your decision. Have I already lost you?”

  She closed her eyes, her heart all but shuddering in her chest. Lost her?

  N
o.

  Even if she had walked away, she would have still been his—her heart would have been his, whether he wanted it or not. But he wanted it…wanted her…

  Looking back at him, she reached up and cupped his face in her hands, staring into his impossibly blue eyes. “You lose me when you decide you don’t want me,” she said honestly. “I thought you didn’t want me, didn’t need me…I was just trying to give you that.”

  “Then I’ll never lose you because I’ll always need you, always want you. Fuck, I love you.”

  She heard a rasping sound and barely realized he’d dragged the zipper of her jeans down. Then he caught the thick fabric, shoved it to her knees. She sagged against the window sill, her hands braced against it, staring at him as he tore at the drawstring that held up a pair of loose gray sweats.

  “You…” She licked her lips. “You really mean it, right?”

  He moved in, bent his knees. One hand fisted in her hair, tugging her head back. As he kissed her, she felt the rounded head of his cock nudging at her entrance. Instinctively, she tried to widen her legs, but the jeans around her knees wouldn’t let her.

  He pushed inside, past the resistance of her body, his body shuddering against hers. Tearing his mouth away, he gasped, mouthing her name. “I love you—always you, only you,” he told her.

  A soft, broken cry escaped her. She arched against him, seeking to deepen the contact even as she reached up, her fingers curling around his neck, digging into him, clutching him tight.

  “You love me…”

  “I love you. And you…you came back. You called me back…”

  “Because I love you.” She slanted her mouth over his and once more, struggled against the jeans trapping her legs.

  Silence growled soundlessly, stooping to tear them away. She cried out as he left her, but then he was back, hooking his arms under her knees and lifting her.

  He pushed inside, hard, demanding, and fast—she screamed.

  “Scream again for me…let me hear it,” he told her, his voice in her mind hot and smoky with approval. One hand came between them, his thumb stroking over her clit.