Mental Contact

by Beth Martin

  At least that was what I had been led to believe. My father had preached it all the time when I was a boy. In fact, each time we were about to enter warp, my father would do a manual check of our position before sending the ship into drive. I had learned to do this in academy, before it had all gone wrong. What I needed to do was show Greene that I could navigate better than Paradido’s computers.

  Instead of sleeping like I should have, I spent my entire sleep shift in the rec room. At first, I had tried to use grains of rice carefully suspended in space to mark each star and planet location. But whenever I moved, just the disturbance of my hand waving through the air alone would make a grain or two float out of place. Then I had decided to use string. I ended up transforming half of the room into a web of red string with little washers tied on to mark celestial bodies. I used a black string to mark the correct trajectory of Paradido and a blue string to show our actual trajectory. Looking at the array from the side, the change in trajectories easily showed the slight deviation of Zeta in the ship’s view.

  Next, I went to the observation deck with a grease pen. I knew Greene would be angry at me for marking the windows up, but as the member in charge of keeping the spaceship clean, I knew I would be the one washing it all off. I carefully traced out where Zeta should be.

  By the time I had my map set out and the window marked up, my sleep shift was over. I didn’t feel tired; I was energized. This time, I would go to Ford before talking with Greene.

  After I had gone to my cabin to wash up and get dressed in fresh coveralls, I went by the bridge to find Ford. Normally, he would have been here going over duties with Officer Cory, but the bridge was empty.

  My next guess was the mechanical room. He did periodic checks on the systems in there. I went to the back of the ship and peeked in the room, but no one was there. Perhaps he was in the medical room with Doc.

  Adam saw me from the mess hall as I flew by. “Hey, Metcalf! Come back. You need to eat some breakfast.”

  Reluctantly, I headed into the hall. “Hey, man. You know it’s not called breakfast in a spaceship.”

  “Just because spaceships don’t have a day cycle doesn’t mean you can’t start your shift with a hearty meal.”

  “Could I get my hearty meal to go?” I looked back out to the hall to make sure I wasn’t missing Ford walking by.

  “You in a rush or something?” Adam asked.

  “Kind of, yes. I need to talk to Ford. It’s pretty urgent.”

  “Fine, go ahead.” Adam waved his hand, and I noticed that his fingers were covered in some sort of yellow goo. “Just come back after your urgent meeting and eat a proper meal.”

  “Yes, sir,” I said as I hurried out of the mess hall. I made my way back toward the front of the spaceship.

  As I approached the medical room, I saw Doc sitting on his little stool. “Hello, Doc.” I was about to ask where Ford was when I saw him in the corner with a small pad in his hand.

  “Well hello there, Jake. How are you doing?” Doc asked.

  “I’m fine. Uh, Commander Ford? I need to show you something.”

  Ford glanced at Doc and they shared a look before Ford replied, “All right Jake. I would like Dr. Whipple to come with us if that’s fine with you.”

  “Yes, sure. I set something up in the rec room.” I led the way to the back of the spaceship. As we went down the hall I explained what I had done. “I wanted to make a star map to show how we’re navigating. Paradido is off course by about three degrees.”

  I entered the rec room first. My map was still there with the two trajectories strung out.

  “What is this?” Doc asked. “It doesn’t look like any map I’ve seen.”

  “You need to look at it from over here.” I positioned myself behind the washer which denoted Paradido.

  Ford looked at Doc briefly before coming into the room and getting a good look at my map.

  “You did this all from memory?” Ford asked.

  “Yes, Commander.”

  “Where’s Trappist?”

  “Right there.” I pointed at the middle of our crowded planetary system depicted in my model. Instead of looking at the placements of the stars and planets, he continued glaring at me, and I wasn’t sure why. “Right here… here’s Zeta.” I pointed to where we were supposed to be heading.

  “Where’s Delta?”

  “Right here.” I pointed at another washer in the system.

  “It is an impressive star chart,” Doc said.

  Ford nodded. “Yes, it is. But ultimately misleading. The stars are almost static compared to the planets in our system. Star relations are important for traveling on a warp spaceship, but the constant motion of the planets, which is crucial for interplanetary flights, can’t be represented with a stationary map. I’m sure a simple Trappist model would have sufficed.”

  I had to get Ford on my side. “Yes, I could have made a smaller diagram. The point, though, is the relationship between Zeta, Acubens, and our trajectory.”

  Ford looked at me sternly. “We’ve been facing the dark side of Zeta for a day now. That alone indicates that there is no error in the spaceship’s navigation.”

  I shook my head. “It sounds like a small error, three degrees, but I guarantee even that amount is enough for Paradido to miss Zeta and get pulled into Trappist unless our path is corrected soon.” I pointed at the blue string to prove my point. “I can show you on the bridge. I’ve also mapped it out on the observation deck.”

  Doc plucked at one of the red strings holding two stars. At least he seemed impressed. “Shall we go to the bridge?”

  Ford looked from me to Doc, then back to me. “Yes. Let’s go see this other diagram.”

  I led the way to the bridge with Ford close behind and Doc taking his time. My jaw dropped when I went in. Greene was at the observation deck, wiping away my markings with a towel.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, panic creeping into my voice.

  He turned to see me and the others enter the bridge. “Commander Ford. Dr. Whipple. I hope Mate Metcalf hasn’t bothered you with his wild theories on navigation.”

  Yet again, Ford and Doc shared a look. “He’s already made you aware?” Ford asked.

  “Yes.” Greene scrubbed harder at the windows. “He awoke me during the middle of my sleep shift to do some stargazing with him.”

  “Metcalf, why did you seek me out after already consulting with Pilot Greene?” Ford asked.

  The discussion was getting away from Paradido’s trajectory. We didn’t have time to discuss my grievances, I knew I was right. “Pilot Green would rather rely on faulty navigation systems than use his own eyes.” I pointed sharply toward the window, which probably looked like an accusatory finger at Greene. “You can clearly see that we are traveling in the wrong direction.”

  “My responsibilities are limited to managing the crew, not navigating,” Ford said. “Why don’t you come with me, and we’ll sit down and chat about what’s going on with you?”

  Something inside of me snapped. The heat of rage boiled from my gut up to my neck. I had looked up to these three men—particularly Ford—since the first day I had started working with them. But now, their inadequacies were glaringly apparent. If our pilot couldn’t be bothered with a huge navigation mistake, then I didn’t want to be on his ship any longer.

  Ford grabbed my arm to lead me out of the bridge, but I recoiled, yanking out of his grasp. “No!” I yelled. “I’m not sitting down for a chat! We’re going the wrong way.” I looked up at Greene, whose face was still stern. “You need to turn the ship before we no longer have enough fuel to correct our path.”

  Then Doc placed a hand on my shoulder. “Jake, you need to calm down. Nothing can be resolved while you’re hysterical.”

  “Listen to Dr. Whipple,” Ford said. “If you don’t go with him to the medical room willingly, I’ll have to get the other mates in here to forcibly take you. It’s up to you, Jake.”

  I hung my head down. Eve
n though I had clearly been dismissed, I knew it wasn’t over.

  I slowly drifted through the halls to the medical room with Doc staying by my side the entire way. When we got in, Doc said, “Please take a seat,” and gestured to the cot. I sat down in the middle with my legs hanging off the side, and instead of buckling in, I held onto the frame.

  “I’m quite impressed with the star map you made,” Doc said. “You did that from memory?”

  “Yes.”

  “When did you learn so much about the positions of the stars?”

  I gripped the frame harder. “At Theta Academy.”

  “It’s rare for someone to memorize that level of detail on such a large scale.”

  “You must know it too,” I said. I kept my head down, staring at my knees. I didn’t want to see the inevitable look of pity on Doc’s face. “You recognized that my map was good.”

  “Ah, but I didn’t. Commander Ford pulled up a star map on the entertainment panel. We were both able to see that every bit was exactly where it belonged.”

  “Everything except for us,” I muttered.

  “You’re a smart man.”

  I gave out a dry laugh. “Sure thing, Doc.”

  “You stopped taking your pills.”

  My head jerked up to look Doc in the face. He said it as a statement, like he already knew it to be true. “No, I’m taking two a day like you told me to.”

  “Then to what do you attribute your sudden increase in mental acuity?”

  My mind was racing, trying to put together a plausible story. “The delusions distracted me, but the extra pill took them away completely, and I’m finally able to focus.”

  Doc scratched his chin, which had gotten scruffy since we had launched. “If you were still having delusions with your regular dose, you were supposed to notify me.”

  Shit. I needed to back up. “No, not delusions. Just… voices here and there.”

  “Voices are delusions.”

  I rubbed my hands over my face. He had me stuck.

  “I’m concerned you’ll become a threat to yourself or the crew. You had a pretty violent outburst just now on the bridge. If something like that happens again, I’ll have to put you under for the safety of everyone on board.”

  My stomach turned at the thought of being sedated. Just the idea of being knocked out at all made my heart begin to race. And if I were sedated, Greene would never figure out where we were. Paradido would run out of fuel and then succumb to the gravity of Trappist. We would burn up from the intense heat from the star if we didn’t asphyxiate from low oxygen levels first. As soon as Doc sedated me, I would be as good as dead.

  “Did you hear me?” he asked.

  “Huh?”

  “You need to keep taking two pills a day. If there’s the slightest indication that you aren’t taking them, I’ll have no other choice.”

  I nodded solemnly. “May I go?”

  “I’m on your side, Jake. If anything is worrying you, or you have concerns, I’m here for you.”

  “I know, Doc.”

  He looked at me for a long minute before saying, “You may leave now.”

  I pushed against the cot and drifted out to the hallway, then propelled myself to my cabin. Even though it was the middle of my work shift, I was exhausted. I hadn’t gotten any rest during my sleep shift. My body felt beyond tired, and my brain was worn out. Hopefully, everything would be a bit clearer after getting some sleep.

  •••

  The doctor’s steadfast glare was making me uncomfortable. This entire trip to the hospital wasn’t necessary. Everyone was overreacting; I probably just got dehydrated.

  “I heard the situation escalated pretty quickly in your dorm room. Can you tell me what happened?” He had a grim face which reflected his overall demeanor.

  “I did poorly on a test,” I lied. “I was upset and in a foul mood, so I kind of lost it and started trashing my room. I must have been hyperventilating, too, which is probably why I passed out. But I’m fine now. You can let me leave.”

  The doctor glared at me. He could clearly see through my ruse. “All this emotion over an exam? How has your mental state been recently? Harboring any negative thoughts?”

  How could I communicate my current state of mind for the doctor? I was seeing things that clearly weren’t there. Her voice was in my head all the time. She was steadfast and wouldn’t go away. I despised her. I didn’t mean to inflict this on you. Trust me, your mind is fine.

  Even now, she was talking to me while I tried desperately to prove my sanity. My mind and body already felt weak from my collapse. I couldn’t take any more.

  The doctor’s face softened as he sat in his chair next to my bed. “There’s something you’re not telling me, I can see it under the surface.”

  I looked at his attire. He wasn’t wearing a lab coat and didn’t have a stetho-meter in his pocket. Instead, he wore a visitor tag on his blazer. “What kind of doctor are you?”

  “I’m a psychiatrist. What happened in your room doesn’t sound like a fit followed by passing out. It sounds more like a psychotic break.”

  I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

  “Jake—do you mind if I call you Jake?” I nodded my head. “All of the people present at your dorm heard you. You were yelling at someone, telling the person that they weren’t real.”

  Hot moisture collected at the corner of my eye. The tear slowly slid down my cheek. “She won’t leave me alone. She’s always there. I just wanted some peace and quiet, and she… she…”

  I’m so sorry Jake. I didn’t mean to.

  “Is she here right now?”

  “I can hear her.” Oh, Jake, don’t tell him. I’ll give you some space if that’s what you need.

  The doctor looked down at the panel set on the foot of my bed. “I’m going to take you under my care, Jake. We’ll start you at an inpatient facility, and once we find a regimen that works and doesn’t have too many drawbacks, we’ll see how you can function outside the facility.”

  I closed my eyes. “Regimen?”

  “Yes. Most likely a mix of mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.”

  “Will I be able to come back before the end of the semester?”

  “That depends on how you do,” the doctor admitted.

  I resolved to get better as quickly as possible so I could get back to the academy and finish my degree.

  “I want to tell you now before you find out later. Managing your symptoms is going to be a rough road. It takes time. And there’s never a full cure. It’s more of a balance between symptoms that aren’t bothersome and side-effects which don’t overly impact the quality of your life. There’s a very good chance that you won’t be able to continue attending the academy. I’m sorry, Jake, but you will need to face the hard truth that your mental condition is going to greatly affect the trajectory of your life.”

  I bit my lip. I was smart. I’d be the exception. I would sail through treatment in no time and come right back to the academy and gets my pilot certification. I was born to be a pilot. “Let’s just get this started.”

  “All right, I’ll book your transfer.”

  I was already awake, but continued to lay atop my cot in the darkened cabin. Now that I was rested and a little calmer, I was able to think a bit more clearly. I now had two problems on my plate: my mental state, and Paradido traveling in the wrong direction. Since there wasn’t really anything I could do about the first one, I focused my energy on the second. Greene relied completely on the navigation system. I needed to demonstrate that it was faulty, but wasn’t sure how. Perhaps in a few days I would be able to see holograms and could find out for myself where the control panels thought we were going.

  I heard the smooth swoosh of the door opening. “Metcalf? Are you awake?” Adam whispered.

  I unbuckled the top strap so I could sit up. “Yes. What’s up?”

  He came in and the door closed behind him. He slid onto his
own cot, not bothering to activate any of the lights. “I heard you’ve been pestering the higher-ups. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. It’s nothing.” I let out a heavy sigh.

  “It’s never nothing with you. You’ve been acting really strange the past few days. Fill me in. I’ve got your back.”

  For a moment, I weighed in my mind whether I should tell him about the navigation. No one on the crew aside from Doc knew the true nature of my condition. According to Adam and the rest of the crew, I was just dull and took pills to manage a related condition.

  “It’s embarrassing,” I said. “I had another episode when we almost hit that asteroid.”

  “Another one, back-to-back? Are you going to keep having more of them?”

  “I don’t think so. Doc adjusted my medication.” I laid back down on my cot. I wasn’t sure what shift it was now. Probably my recreation shift. I should have gotten up and started the work I had missed while sleeping, but cleaning felt like the least important thing at the moment.

  “You know we didn’t almost hit that rock. We actually hit it.”

  I jerked up again. “We hit it? Really?” I reached above my head and flipped the switch to activate the lights.

  Adam held his hands up. “I would never lie. Well, not about that.”

  “Where exactly did it hit?”

  “The ship.”

  “Yes, but where on the ship?”

  He rubbed his chin for a moment. “I think it was port-side. Maybe near the front.”

  “Upper port-side or lower port-side?”

  “I don’t know, Metcalf. It hit. The ship shook. I was strapped in my little seat in the mess hall. You’d have to ask Greene to get the exact impact location.”

  I lowered my head. “I’m on Greene’s bad side right now.” Then I looked up at Adam. “Could you ask him for me?”