Castle Perilous

by John Dechancie

  After a pause that contained much bafflement, Snowclaw said, “What sea?”

  “What …? Now, wait just a minute …” Gene left the window.

  “Where in the world are you looking?” Linda asked as Gene came into the first alcove.

  “Move over, Snowclaw.”

  “Sorry.” Snowclaw edged aside for him.

  The three of them looked out.

  This window opened onto a different world. A drop of only a few feet ended on the grassy slope of a high hill. Below was a valley through which a tree-lined stream meandered. The day was bright and sunny, a stiff breeze stirring the tall grass.

  “That’s what we were talking about,” Snowclaw said, pointing up.

  Gene looked.

  It was a city in the clouds, moving slowly and majestically across the sky. The main structure was a lens-shaped silver disk at least a mile in diameter, studded top and bottom with clear bell-shaped bubbles that housed complex structures within them. The silver disk gleamed brilliantly. The city had come out of a bank of puffy clouds, and now its leading edge cut into another. Gene watched as the clouds enveloped it. The city soared through and began to exit into a clear patch of blue-violet sky.

  Gene shook his head slowly. “I’ve never …” He shrugged.

  “Yeah,” Snowclaw said. He looked at Gene. “Now, what was that about a sailboat?”

  Still transfixed, still awed, Gene delayed answering for a moment. Then he said, “Huh? Oh.” He scratched the stubble on his chin. “You better go look for yourself.”

  Snowclaw left the alcove. Linda stayed, leaning her hip against the windowsill and absently resting a hand on Gene’s shoulder.

  “Beautiful,” she murmured. “I wonder who they are and how they came to build such a thing.”

  “And how the hell they did it,” Gene said. “Your genuine antigravity-type flying city. My God.”

  “Or is it magic, I wonder?”

  “Great White Stuff!” came Snowclaw’s shout from the next alcove. “Linda, you’ve got to see this.”

  Gene continued to gaze at the airborne marvel until Linda’s squeal drew him away from the window. He walked past his companions and went into the third alcove down.

  Here, again, was a totally different vista, this one of a vast desert of yellow sand wind-combed into furrowed dunes. Dark needles of rock poked up here and there, throwing stark shadows across the sand. Huge winged creatures — they were too big and too strange-looking to be birds — wheeled in a sky washed out by a searing, blue-white sun. With great batlike wings they soared on rising thermals, circling, searching. For some reason Gene didn’t think the object of the search was something that had died.

  The next window looked out on forested mountains, and the drop to the ground was over a hundred feet.

  The three of them began running from alcove to alcove — there were fifteen in all — oohing and ahing, yelling for each other to come look at this or that. There was another seascape, this one of an ocean washing a bone-white beach under a sky of bilious yellow. And another forest, though the vegetation was unearthly, funguslike and strangely colored. There were mountain views, wide aspects of parched wasteland, nightmarish landscapes with odd-colored skies, pleasant vistas of scenic countrysides. One window looked out into almost total blackness — nothing out there but a vague suggestion of looming shadows.

  When Gene went back to catch one more glimpse of the flying city, it was gone. He noticed that the window was slightly higher over the hilltop now. These aspects, it seemed, were not entirely stable.

  He left the alcove and went to join Linda on the divan.

  Snowclaw sat with one leg up over the arm of a carved wooden chair, still musing over what he’d seen. “Crazy,” he said, shaking his head, massive white brow creased into a frown.

  “Yeah,” Gene agreed. He sat down heavily.

  Linda said, “I was wondering why every time I looked out a window, things looked different. I thought it was just because the castle was so big.”

  Gene said, “You’ve run into this before?”

  “Yes, but the castle was under me when I looked out. Not like this, floating along up in the air and all. I would have totally lost my mind.”

  Gene considered it. “That might mean that the castle itself exists in other worlds. But not in all of them. Like the one we come from, for instance.”

  “No big castle in my world either,” Snowclaw said. “Leastwise, none that I know of.”

  “But it’s only under siege in one of them,” Gene said. “So far as we know.”

  “We know nothing,” Snowclaw muttered. “We can’t even find our way to the pisser.”

  “What was it we’re supposed to be looking for?” Linda asked.

  “The armory,” Gene said. “Dalton suggested we might need weapons.”

  “Oh. I’d like some clothes. It gets cold here sometimes, and this thing …” She plucked at her T-shirt disdainfully.

  “Yeah, I’d like to get out of this monkey suit,” Gene said.

  Smiling toothily and rubbing his white pelt, Snowclaw said, “I’m rather attached to this coat.”

  Linda giggled. “It must keep you really warm.”

  “Yeah, too warm for this climate. I should begin to shed some of it soon, though, if I stay here much longer.”

  “Unfortunately,” Gene said, “it looks as though we’re going to be stuck here for a while.”

  Linda’s face fell. “Yes. It is unfortunate, isn’t it.” She stared moodily into her lap. “I don’t know how long I can last before I go completely to pieces.”

  “Sorry, Linda. I didn’t mean it to sound as if we’d never get out. If anyone thinks we’re going to stay lost in this funhouse on a permanent basis, they have another think coming. I intend to find a way back home. Somehow.” He reached and gave her shoulder a playful shake. “So buck up.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’m scared shitless myself.”

  “Want a Valium?”

  “Huh? Are you still conjuring those things?”

  “I haven’t taken it yet,” Linda said. “I’m debating.”

  “If you think you need it, go ahead.”

  Linda looked at the white pill in the palm of her hand. She closed her fist over it. “I don’t think I will … just yet.”

  “Good.”

  “I could use a drink,” Snowclaw said.

  “Alcohol, you mean?”

  “I don’t mean snow melt. I’ve been looking for a drink ever since I came into this place. Didn’t care for that smelly flower water they had upstairs.”

  “What do you drink usually?”

  “It’s called shrackk. Made from the blubber of a big land mammal.”

  “Something like a seal?”

  “What’s a —” Snowclaw regarded the ceiling with a look of mild surprise. “Yeah, I guess I do know what a seal is. Or at least I know what you mean. Right, it’s sort of a seal but with big teeth and claws. Pretty dangerous if you let one corner you. They can be outrun pretty easily, though. I hunt ’em. That’s my trade.”

  Gene asked, “Is there civilization where you come from?”

  “Oh, sure. I make it into town about two, three times a year. I sell my pelts, get drunk, kick some butts, rip a few heads off, generally have a good time.” He snorted sarcastically. “And lose all my money and wind up strapped again.” He yawned and snapped his massive jaws shut. “What a life. What a life.”

  “Sounds like a colorful occupation,” Linda commented.

  “It’s a living.”

  They rested awhile, then left the room to continue down the winding stairs.

  They reached a landing and went out into a hallway. Turning right, they walked for a while before coming to an intersecting corridor. To the left a short way down was a doorway spilling light. They went in.

  “I don’t believe we found it,” Linda said.

  Looking like a museum, the room was filled with ancient and odd
-looking military apparel. Suits of mail hung upon wooden dummies, suits of armor stood by themselves. The walls were festooned with shields of various shapes and sizes. At the far end of the room was an opening and a counter. Behind the counter stood an elderly man dressed in a red-hooded shoulder cape. He was smiling, leaning on the counter with hands folded.

  “Good morning,” he said pleasantly.

  “I guess this is the armory.”

  The man nodded. “It is, sir. And I am the armorer.”

  “Uh-huh.” Gene glanced around. “Do we just take what we need?”

  “If you wish, sir. However, I am available to serve you should you need assistance. If you desire a weapon, I must fetch it from the storeroom.”

  “Oh.” Gene knocked a knuckle against an iron breastplate. “Thanks.” He stepped over to examine a shield emblazoned with a particularly interesting coat-of-arms.

  “Do you have any clothes?” Linda asked the man.

  “I’m afraid I have nothing but military apparel, which would hardly befit a gracious lady such as yourself.”

  “Oh. Do you know where I could —”

  “I think you’d be wanting to see the seamstress, my lady.”

  “Oh, good. And where —”

  “I’m afraid her shop is a long way from here. It’s on the other side of the keep, on the twentieth floor of the Queen’s Tower.”

  “Oh.”

  Gene came back to the counter. “I want a sword,” he said. “And a knife.”

  “A sword … and a knife.”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  The man sighed. “Would you have any idea as to the type of sword or knife you’d be wanting?”

  “Well …”

  “There are many varieties, you know. All lengths and sizes, all used for various and sundry purposes.”

  “Well, I sort of want a general … you know, sword.”

  “A sword befitting a general?”

  “No, no. Your average all-purpose, general-utility thing.”

  The man frowned. “Hmmm.”

  “Something about yea long.”

  “Ah, a longsword. Two-edged, then?”

  “Uhhh … yeah. Two-edged.”

  “Two-handed or one-handed haft?”

  Gene shrugged. “Whatever. Two-handed.”

  “Cross hilt or decorative?”

  “Um.” Gene crossed his arms and rubbed his chin.

  “I might not have the decorative in a two-hand-hafted longsword, come to think of it. One moment, sir, and I will look.”

  The man went back to a row of free-standing shelves, returned with a huge sword and laid it on the counter. “Will this do, sir?”

  “Holy heck.” Gene picked the thing up, grasping the haft with both hands. The sword was heavy and unwieldy, almost impossibly so, and about half again as long as it needed to be. He glanced at the elaborately wrought hilt and laid it back on the counter. “You have anything a little easier to handle?”

  “Many things. Perhaps a shortsword would better suit you.”

  “Yeah. What do you have?”

  “Many kinds.”

  “Uh-huh.” Gene shrugged. “Like … what?”

  “Well, there are two-edged shortswords and one-edged shortswords. There are swords of various curvatures and of various blade widths. There are swords used for hacking, and there are those more suitable for thrusting at one’s enemy. And, of course, there are swords suitable for both. There are blades of various tempers and degrees of strength. There are broadswords and sabers, court swords and backswords. We have rapiers and épées, we have falchions and scimitars. There are swords with cup hilts, cross hilts, decorative hilts, basket hilts, and hilts molded to the individual hand.”

  “Uh —”

  “There are ceremonial swords, calvary swords, infantry swords, swords for infighting, and swords to keep a distance. Now, as far as knives —”

  “Hold it.”

  “— there are many different kinds. We have various styles of dirk and dagger, stiletto and poniard —”

  “Hold it! Look, all I want is a sword about that long.”

  “Are you sure a sword is what you want, sir? It may be you’d be better off with an ax or mace.”

  “No, a sword.”

  “A morning star? Perhaps a good, heavy club.”

  “A sword.”

  The armorer took a deep breath, folded his hands and smiled pleasantly. “And what kind of sword would you be wanting, sir?”

  Gene’s shoulders slumped. “Morning star?” he said weakly.

  “A spiked ball affixed to a short chain which is in turn attached to a handle.”

  “Oh, yeah. No, I don’t think so.”

  “A lance, then? Or a pike?”

  “Umm …”

  “A halberd, perhaps? Or a broadax?”

  “Well —”

  “Could you use a spear?”

  “Spear?”

  “I would, however, have to know if you intend to use it for throwing or for thrusting.”

  “Not a spear, for crying out loud. I want something that I can fight with. Something that’ll do some damage.”

  “Do some damage.” The armorer thought it over. “Perhaps an ax, then. Would you like to see one?”

  “I guess.”

  “Broadax, poleax, or taper ax?”

  “Oh, boy.”

  “Do you want something that will unseam a man from nave to chaps, or simply wound him mortally?”

  “I —”

  “This …” The armorer turned and walked off, then returned bearing a large ax with a long wooden handle. “… is a broadax.”

  “Look, could you show me a couple of different swords?”

  “Certainly, sir. What kinds would you like to see?”

  “Oh, for Christ’s sake.”

  Snowclaw, who had been browsing the room, stepped up to the counter. He picked up the broadax, looked it over once, raised it with both hands and crashed it into the countertop directly in front of the armorer, who shrieked and danced back just in the nick of time. The ax cleaved the counter in two, continuing down to split the boards underneath almost to the floor.

  Snowclaw wrenched the ax out and examined the blade, running his thumb delicately over it. He looked at the armorer sharply. “This’ll do for me. How about taking care of my friends, and we’ll be on our way.”

  Face paling, the armorer nodded. “Yes, sir. Anything you say.”

  “And get some clothes for the lady, here.”

  “Immediately, sir. Will there be anything else, sir?”

  “Do it.”

  “I will fetch the seamstress. She will be glad to come.”

  “Fine. And if you don’t come back, I’ll come looking.”

  The armorer swallowed. “I shall return at once, sir.”

  Outer Curtain Wall — Southeast Tower

  From an embrasured window Melydia looked out at the long line of belfries lumbering toward the inner curtain wall. The assault was going well, but she knew Incarnadine had yet to act. She was prepared for anything he might do. She had been preparing for years.

  She watched as siege engines hurled boulders, some as big as a house, over the inner curtain wall, there to crash into the forebuildings and other structures of the ward. A few stones fell short, bounding off the wall or smashing into the crenelated battlements, to the dismay of the few defenders who manned them. The engines were working well. They would not have worked at all were it not for Melydia’s magical assistance. Each engine was under a spell that enabled it to violate those natural mechanical laws which ordinarily would have precluded handling such massive projectiles. By rights, a trebuchet’s throwing arm should crack like a toothpick under the weight of stones that size. Even if the strain could be borne, mundane engines simply lacked the power to throw these projectiles, or any projectiles, over a thirty-story wall. Only magical ones could do the trick.

  The spell was a difficult and subtle one, but it worked.

  She h
eard the clack of hard-leather soles coming up the spiral staircase behind her. She turned to see Vorn mounting the landing.

  “There you are, my lady. I had wondered …”

  She smiled and turned back to the window. Vorn came up beside her and gazed out.

  “The lookouts report nothing brewing,” Vorn told her. “Of course, that means little. Incarnadine is sure to play his hand now.”

  She nodded. “He will.”

  They watched. The moving towers, now very close to the battlements of the high inner wall, were almost completely manned. Archers, occupying the topmost platforms, were still keeping the walls clear of defenders. Incarnadine’s castle guards weren’t showing their heads. The Guardsmen had chosen not to engage the invaders at close quarters along the wall; they were outnumbered and they knew it. There were fifteen belfries and five thousand men to flow from them and spill over into Castle Perilous proper. No, the mopping up would proceed from tower to tower all the way around the perimeter until the entire inner curtain wall was secured — slow, dirty work, but it must be done. And it would be done.

  “Have you slept?” Vorn asked. When Melydia gave her head a shake, he said, “You must be exhausted.”

  “After taking on six thousand soldiers in one night? Why would I be?”

  Vorn was taken somewhat aback. A voluntary grunt of laughter escaped him, though he did not smile.

  Melydia did. “You are shocked by my coarse humor,” she said.

  Vorn’s mouth softened. “A bit. Forgive me.”

  “No, it was inappropriate. I must beg pardon.”

  “I shouldn’t have been shocked. Though you are a lady, you ought not to be judged by the usual proprieties applying to women of quality. You can’t be. They are much too limiting. You are an individual of power, and …”

  She turned slightly, one eye peeking around the edge of her blue headdress. “And?”

  “I admire that.” He smiled.

  “In a woman?”

  “In you.”

  Her hand, wrist hung with folds of her white cloak, came up to caress his beard. He seized it and kissed her palm.

  “Melydia,” he said.

  “In the midst of a battle, Vorn?”

  “In the middle of Hell, if the occasion warrants.”

  She made to withdraw her hand, and he reluctantly let it go.