Freedom to Love

by Carole Mortimer

  She had no choice! ‘I am,’ she said softly.

  ‘Okay. We’ll be basing at Jasper and taking trips out, if that’s all right with you?’

  Katy shrugged. ‘It’s your camper.’

  ‘And it’s your damn holiday,’ he said impatiently. ‘You missed quite a lot by sleeping most of the way up here. I’ve filmed all of that, it’s just Maligne Canyon and Lake that I don’t have.’

  Katy gave another shrug. ‘I’ve enjoyed what I’ve seen.’

  ‘That isn’t really the point. I’ll stop at the places you missed on the way down.’ Adam drove into a campsite.

  ‘Wh-when will we be driving back down?’ she asked.

  ‘In time for you to catch your plane back to England.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Aren’t you going home too?’

  ‘Jud’s invited me to stay on. I’ve decided to take a holiday, maybe even stay on for the skiing.’

  ‘Oh.’

  Adam turned to smile at her. ‘I haven’t had any time off for two years.’

  ‘I wasn’t criticising,’ she prickled.

  ‘Okay,’ he sighed, ‘so you weren’t criticising. It just sounded that way. We’ll book in here for a couple of nights and then drive down into the town. I’ll buy you lunch.’

  ‘I can buy my own lunch,’ she told him haughtily. ‘It’s enough that you’ve been landed with me, I don’t expect you to provide me with food too,’

  ‘I offered to buy your lunch, not your body. I don’t think the matter warrants this fuss. Accept gracefully, there’s a good girl.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘It’s only lunch, Katy. If it makes you feel better you can buy dinner and cook it. Deal?’

  ‘Deal,’ she agreed reluctantly.

  She sat silently at his side while he chatted easily to the girl on the campsite gate, noticing how the girl blossomed under his lazy charm, an invitation in her eyes.

  Katy turned away, feeling something like a physical pain shooting through her. She must be mad! Minutes ago she had been telling herself not to become interested in Adam, and now she had realised she was more than interested—she had fallen in love with him! When had it happened? How had it happened? He was a hardened cynic, had an arrogant attitude to women that made her blood boil. And she had been stupid enough to fall in love with him!

  ‘You’re very quiet,’ he remarked on the short drive to the town.

  ‘Am I?’ Was that squeaky sound really her voice?

  ‘Yes.’ He shot her a sharp glance. ‘Are you feeling all right?’

  Katy forced a smile to her stiff lips, feeling strangely numb after her recent discovery. She was acting like one of those besotted teenagers she most despised, had let herself fall in love with a sex symbol. ‘Yes, fine,’ she lied. ‘What are you going to buy me for lunch?’ She made her voice sound eager.

  ‘Whatever you want,’ he returned her smile, visibly relaxing.

  She never knew afterwards how she managed to force the food past her lips. And she couldn’t begin to tell what she had eaten; her numbness was still with her.

  Every movement, every expression of Adam’s now seemed more vivid to her, and she was glad she hadn’t known of her feelings before she had slept beside him last night. God, to lie so close to him and know she loved him! It would have been beyond bearing!

  ‘Katy?’

  She mentally shook herself, and looked up into Adam’s handsome face, the cynicism so much a part of him, a cynicism that precluded any woman ever meaning more than a body to him. ‘Yes?’ she asked dully.

  ‘You’ve gone very pale, are you sure you’re feeling well?’

  He would go pale too if he knew the girl he had had wished on him had been stupid enough to fall in love with him! It was pure madness on her part, and Adam wouldn’t like it one little bit. To have an affair with her was one thing, to have her bring emotion into the relationship would be another.

  ‘Katy!’ he said with sharp impatience.

  ‘Sorry. Maybe I’m still tired. I—I didn’t sleep very well.’ She had slept like a baby, the warmth of Adam’s body had acted like a drug.

  ‘That isn’t the way I remember it,’ he drawled mockingly. ‘By the way, you were right about the snoring. You sleep very quietly.’

  ‘Which is more than can be said for you,’ she snapped in her embarrassment. ‘You snore like a pig!’

  ‘Liar! I have it on good authority that I don’t,’ he taunted.

  ‘By one of your women, I suppose!’ God, she thought, he had slept with hundreds of women—and she hated every one of them.

  ‘By more than one of them, that’s why I consider it good authority.’

  Katy pushed her chair back noisily and stood up. ‘That’s disgusting!’ She turned and walked out of the restaurant.

  Adam caught up with her seconds later, swinging her round, a dark frown on his brow. ‘Why the hell did you do that?’ He didn’t sound angry, just puzzled.

  She shook off his arm, glaring at him. ‘Because I’m sick and tired of hearing about your women,’ she told him with unwarranted vehemence. ‘You talk about them all the time. Don’t you ever get tired of boasting of your conquests?’

  ‘Katy…’ He looked even more puzzled.

  ‘Oh, shut up!’ she said shrilly. ‘You make me sick!’

  ‘Katy!’ He spun her back to face him, and his mouth descended on hers with a savagery that took her breath away. She struggled against him, aware that they were standing in the middle of the sidewalk, people walking past them smiling and staring.

  When Adam finally lifted his head her anger was all the deeper. ‘Are you satisfied now?’ she snapped. ‘Does it make you feel good to dominate me with your superior strength, to prove how omnipotent you are?’

  ‘What the hell is the matter with you?’ he sounded exasperated. ‘We were having a perfectly normal meal when you—’

  ‘Normal!’ she repeated scornfully. ‘The meal might have been normal, but your conversation certainly wasn’t. I don’t call your obsession with your sexual exploits in the least normal.’

  Adam shook his head dazedly. ‘I thought I knew all there was to know about women, but your sudden changes of mood baffle me. Just tell me what I did wrong.’

  ‘I just did! I don’t want to hear any more about your numerous girl-friends.’

  ‘Okay, no more girl-friends. Satisfied?’

  ‘No!’

  Katy marched into a shop and began searching through the denims with sightless eyes. Overbearing, conceited—oh, she hated him! She couldn’t stay with him for the next week and a half, she just couldn’t bear it. If he—

  ‘How about these?’ Adam held up a pair of brown corduroys, obviously having followed her.

  ‘I can choose my own clothes, thank you,’ she returned with cool politeness.

  ‘Okay, that’s it!’ His eyes were darkly blue. Suddenly he turned on his heel and walked out, leaving Katy staring after him with dismay.

  Had he actually left her here, just gone away and left her? She couldn’t believe he would do such a thing. But he had gone, hadn’t he? And it was all her own fault! She was behaving childishly, taking her bewilderment over her sudden love towards him out on the man himself. It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t be the nice uncomplicated young man she had always thought she would fall in love with. It wasn’t Adam’s fault that he had suffered one disillusionment after another over women, from childhood to the adult he now was.

  She put the corduroys back on the rack and hurried after him. She saw him coming out of a store farther up, and rushed over to him. ‘Adam!’ her relief glowed in her eyes. She put her hand through the crook of his arm, hugging it to her. ‘I’m glad you didn’t leave without me.’

  ‘I think being deserted once in a strange country is enough,’ he said distantly.

  Katy bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry about the way I just acted, Adam. I was very rude to you.’

  ‘You were,’ he agreed grimly.

  �
�Will you forgive me?’

  He didn’t answer the question. ‘Did you get your clothes?’

  ‘No. I—’

  ‘Then get them.’ He extricated himself from her hold on his arm. ‘I’ll meet you back at the camper in an hour.’

  ‘Oh, but, Adam—’

  ‘An hour, Katy.’ He walked off, his dark head held at an arrogant angle.

  She couldn’t really blame him, he had tried to be reasonable and she had thrown his offer back in his face. Now he had gone off, to goodness knows where, making it perfectly obvious he didn’t want her company.

  She bought her new clothes, the pair of brown cords and two extra jumpers, plus two other sets of underwear. It should be enough to get her through, and anyway, she couldn’t afford any more. She also bought chicken for their dinner, remembering her deal with Adam.

  He was waiting for her as he had said he would be, putting the paperback he had been reading to one side. ‘Did you get everything you wanted?’ His tone was still cool.

  ‘Yes, thank you.’ She put the chicken in the refrigerator. ‘Adam, I’ve said I’m sorry,’ she twisted her hands together nervously, ‘and I am, very sorry.’ She looked at him pleadingly. ‘I don’t know what else to say.’

  ‘Just tell me what was wrong with you?’ The coldness left him. ‘Did you suddenly realise that you’re in a precarious position alone here with me, is that it?’

  Katy licked her lips. ‘Precarious?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said abruptly. ‘Because this morning I told you I wasn’t sure I’d let you sleep alone.’

  If only that were all! ‘Yes,’ she eagerly agreed to this excuse. ‘I—You frightened me.’

  ‘You’re safe from me,’ he told her harshly. ‘You can sleep in your own bed.’

  She only wished she could sleep, but it was something she found impossible to do. She tossed and turned in the bunk bed, the cold getting to her again. She longed to be in the warmth of Adam’s arms, to feel the long length of his naked thighs against her once again.

  She groaned into her pillow. She was acting like a wanton! Even if she did share his bed, let him make love to her, she would just be another willing female to him, another woman to add to his disillusionment.

  But she longed to be with him, needed him. Was he sleeping out there, as dead to the world as he had been the night before, his face relaxed and almost boyish as all bitterness left him? She felt sure Adam wasn’t aware of how vulnerable he looked when he was asleep; if he did he would make sure he always slept alone. And Katy wanted him to sleep alone if he wasn’t to sleep with her, wanted him never to want any other woman.

  Oh God, she couldn’t stand these tortuous thoughts any longer. She had to get up, get dressed, maybe go for a walk. She thought of Adam’s anger the last time she had gone out walking. But this time it would be in daylight, it was almost six-thirty, and she wouldn’t need to tell Adam she had been out.

  The sight that met her in the living area put all thought of a walk out of her head. Adam was sitting at the dinette, the paperback in his hand, his clothes very creased.

  He looked at her with weary, bloodshot eyes. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’

  ‘I—er—’ Katy bit her lips, unwilling to evoke his anger. ‘I couldn’t sleep.’

  ‘That’s obvious,’ he drawled. ‘You’ve been moving about all night.’

  ‘I didn’t keep you awake, did I?’

  He scowled. ‘No.’

  ‘Then you—you’ve been up all night?’

  ‘Yes.’ He stood up, stretching tiredly. ‘I found I couldn’t sleep without my—pillow. I’ll get changed and we’ll go into town for breakfast,’ he added as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

  ‘Adam…’

  ‘Yes?’ he raised one weary eyebrow.

  ‘I—Nothing. I’m sorry you couldn’t sleep.’

  ‘I think it was mutual,’ he gave a bitter smile. ‘Maybe you need a man as much as I need a woman. Care to oblige?’

  Hot colour flooded her cheeks. ‘No,’ she said huskily. ‘Not like this, not like this!’

  ‘I thought not,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll take a wash and then change. Make me some coffee, hmm?’

  She did so, willingly. She might not be able to give him herself, but she could take care of him. But he must never know she loved him. Never!

  CHAPTER SIX

  BREAKFAST was a silent affair, Katy opting for the traditional bacon and eggs of England, Adam having pancakes and maple syrup. He ate them with obvious relish, looking up to find Katy’s amazed gaze on him.

  A smile lightened his harsh features. ‘Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,’ he mused.

  ‘Pancakes for breakfast!’ she shook her head. ‘My father would have a fit!’

  ‘Not healthy, you mean. But there’s eggs and milk in them.’

  ‘And flour,’ she derided, ‘and butter, and all that syrup. You ought to be fat,’ she complained.

  ‘But I’m not,’ Adam drawled.

  No, he wasn’t, he was lean and firmly muscled. ‘I don’t suppose you always eat that much.’

  ‘You suppose right. Jud introduced me to these little delicacies when I was here earlier in the year. I haven’t been able to get the memory of them out of my mind.’

  ‘They’re really nice?’ She sounded doubtful.

  He grinned at her. ‘Fantastic! You’ll have to try them tomorrow morning.’

  Katy grimaced. ‘I’m not sure my stomach’s up to it this time of morning.’

  Adam shrugged. ‘It’s your loss.’ He stood up to pay the bill.

  Katy followed him outside. ‘Where are we going today?’

  ‘Maligne Canyon.’

  ‘Is the lake up there too?’

  ‘It is, but I intend doing it in two trips. I have a lot of shots to Jake. We’ll make the trip out to the lake tomorrow. You could find it very boring watching me take hundreds of photographs, would you rather stay here and I’ll pick you up later?’

  And miss being with him for one minute longer than she needed to? ‘Certainly not. I’m looking forward to it.’

  ‘I’m warning you, when I work I work with a vengeance. You’ll be bored after an hour or so of that.’

  ‘No, I won’t,’ she insisted stubbornly.

  ‘All right,’ he shrugged resignedly. ‘But don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

  The road to Maligne Canyon started out all right but after a few miles it became rough and bumpy, although the beauty of the scenery more than made up for this. With the severe weather they had here in the winter it wasn’t surprising that some of the roads were in need of attention.

  They parked in the car park, then walked down the pathway to the canyon below. It wasn’t a pathway as such, more of a mud track with a few rocks to occasionally give a foothold.

  Standing on the bridge that crossed over the canyon they could see the Maligne River as it gushed over the rocks before going down through the narrow canyon. Adam stood on the bridge and took numerous photographs, standing in places not really meant to be used for such a purpose, and Katy caught her breath in her throat as he leant right over the narrow bridge to get a photograph of the canyon floor.

  He was triumphant as he turned round. ‘That should make a fantast—Katy!’ his smile faded as he saw her white face. ‘What’s wrong?’ He moved to her side concernedly.

  ‘You hang over the side of the bridge and then ask me what’s wrong!’ she snapped angrily. ‘My God, you could have fallen over!’ she groaned.

  ‘Frightened you were going to lose your driver?’

  She glared at him. ‘That was a despicable thing to say!’ she choked, turning away.

  She heard him sigh and then his arm came about her shoulders. ‘Stop being so sensitive, Katy. I’ve done far more dangerous things than hang over the side of a bridge.’

  ‘That isn’t the point, I didn’t witness them.’

  ‘It’s my job, Katy, and I like it. I don’t take conventional shots. You don
’t get anywhere in my profession by taking photographs everyone else is taking, it isn’t good enough just to get a clear shot, you need to get the unusual.’

  Katy made a determined effort to pull herself together. She was making a fool of herself, leaving her emotions wide open. Adam would regret letting her stay with him if she kept making scenes like this. ‘Did you get the photographs?’ She forced enthusiasm into her voice.

  ‘Yes. Are you ready to go on now?’

  ‘Of course,’ she said with dignity.

  Adam led the way, giving Katy even more time to get herself under control.

  If she wasn’t careful Adam would start to put two and two together and come up with the right answer. And she couldn’t take the humiliation of that.

  Luckily the pathway here was quite rocky, taking all of Adam’s concentration to negotiate, the spray from the canyon making the ground slippery. Where there were no rocks to get a foothold logs had been deliberately placed in the earth, the log steps taking them down to their second bridge.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Adam eyed her mockingly, ‘I’m not going to lean over this one.’

  ‘You can if you want,’ she told him coolly. ‘I just won’t look.’

  He gave a throaty chuckle. ‘Spoken like an old-timer!’

  ‘You just carry on and take your photographs and I’ll walk over here and look at the canyon from the other side.’ That way she could turn her back on him while he did it.

  She watched the way the water seemed to be forced through the narrowness of the rocks, boulders forced against the side, the limestone walls eroded into smooth curves. It was beautiful, pagan, and it held her fascinated for several long minutes.

  She finally walked back to where Adam was still clicking away with his camera. ‘Maybe you’ll be able to let me have a few of those,’ she said shyly. ‘I left my camera with Gemma and Gerald.’

  ‘Give me your address,’ he said absently, ‘and I’ll send you some.’

  ‘It’s—’

  ‘Not now, Katy,’ he murmured. ‘Tell me when I can write it down.’

  He cared so little for her he wouldn’t even remember her address if she told it to him! ‘Are we going on the rest of this walk?’ she asked waspishly.