Forever Wild: A Camden Ranch Novel

by Jillian Neal

  “Tuck?” he quizzed.

  “What the fucking hell is Ernie talking about? Melony’s his daughter my left boot. I swear, when I get there I’m gonna kick his ass.”

  “What?” Panic rocketed up Luke’s spine. “How the hell did you hear about that?”

  “What do you mean how the hell did I hear about it? Bastard called my cell at five fucking thirty in the fucking morning on my wedding night to inform my wife that she ain’t actually my wife since her name’s wrong on the wedding certificate or some dumbass shit. I swear, I’m gonna kill him.”

  Keeping his gloved hands in Lulu, Luke swallowed back vomit and bile. Ernie had gone through with it. Holy shit. He’d done it, and there was no going back. Luke hadn’t even kissed Indie goodbye when he left and now …

  “Tuck, I gotta go. I’m sorry about all of this. I’ll call you later. End the call, Aaron.”

  Aaron complied.

  “Okay, now can you call Indie for me. She’s the first one on my favorites list.”

  “Sure thing.”

  Luke listened to her cell phone ring endlessly with no answer.

  “Hey, Luke, are you okay? You don’t look so good. Lulu’s gonna be okay, right?”

  “She’ll be fine. Just let me finish,” he managed. His life was over. No reason he couldn’t save the dog’s. “Uh, could you try to get Ben Harper on the phone for me.” For some reason he needed someone to say the words, ‘she left’ out loud to him. Damn his heart and his hopefulness fully to hell.

  He stayed with Aaron until Lulu woke from the anesthesia. When Luke heard her bark and made sure she could hobble around on the bandages, he left to go face whatever hell Ernie Perkins had rained down on everyone’s lives.

  Locating Tucker and a weeping Melony out on Kilroy farm, he got partial bits of the story.

  “Clarke arrested Ernie.” Tucker cringed and then eased Melony onto Wesley’s shoulder. Bewildered but willing, Wes patted Mel’s back and let her ruin his shirt. Tucker led Luke out onto the front porch.

  “Arrested him for what?”

  Tuck’s eyes were still spinning. Luke doubted he’d gotten much sleep the night before. “What do you mean for what? For attempted extortion, blackmail, abuse of power, a whole bunch of other shit. Apparently, he was under some delusion that Pleasant Glen could be like that little town where they found all that niobium, whatever the hell that is. He was looking to get rich. When nobody would sell him their land he went about trying to find ways to take it. That’s what he was doing out in my cornfield — looking for mineral deposits. According to Sheriff Wilheim, his plan was to tell me about Mel being his kid, and he figured I’d keep that from her, so to keep him quiet I’d give him a few of my fields. I didn’t get a chance to point out to the dumbass that corn won’t grow if there’s hard rock under ‘em. There’s nothing but dirt out there.”

  Luke attempted to rectify everything he’d just learned. Nothing would compute. All he really wanted to know was if Indie was all right.

  “Luke,” Melony’s timid voice beckoned him.

  “Yeah?”

  “Miranda said Indie left. She ran away again.” A harsh swallow of raw emotion took her breath for a moment. Tuck eased beside his wife, letting her recover in him. “It’s none of my business I guess. It’s just … Indie needs you. She’s always needed you. She wanted you to come after her when she left when you were in college, and … you didn’t. I just think you should this time.”

  “I was thinking the same thing. Just not sure she really wants me anymore. I flat out lied to her over and over again last night.” Luke admitted.

  “Yeah, I know. When she calms down she’ll understand that trying to tell anyone that would be really difficult. She loves you so much. Just try. Please.”

  “I will.” He doubted there was a chance in hell that she’d even speak to him after this, but he had to try. He’d give up everything he was or ever hoped to be to have her, even his home.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Ben Harper was sitting on his front porch when he finally made it to the ranch. He longed to go get J.J. and drive him all over every acre of Camden Ranch so he could memorize it all over again. He never wanted to forget the land that had raised him. But there was no time. He had to go.

  “You look about as good as I feel,” Ben tried for a joke.

  “I’m so sorry, sir. Really.”

  “I know you are, son. I didn’t say this when you called me, but I’m gonna speak my mind now. My little girl needs you.”

  “I’ve been calling her all day. She ain’t answering. I’m gonna go after her.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that, but you and I both know keeping something from Indie probably wasn’t your best move. I can’t say as I blame you. I mean, how the hell do you announce some’um like that? Just gonna take some big talking to get her to listen.”

  “Can I ask you something, Ben? It’s kinda personal.” Luke had no idea why he wanted to know, but his nerves were shot and this was by far the worst day of his life.

  “Yeah, I suspected all along. Never really mattered to me though. I love ‘em all just the same. Carolyn and Ernie dated when we were in high school. I thought she was good lookin’ so I asked her out after we graduated. They’d broken up ‘cause he was cheating on her even back then. Uh, Indie wasn’t … planned. We weren’t married ‘til she found out.”

  A forcible collision of terrorizing thoughts scrambled Luke’s mind. Holy hell, she could be pregnant. She might be carrying his child now, and he’d let her run away again because he’d been too chicken to tell her what he’d found in that motherfucker’s office. And now he was sitting there talking to her dad. He had to move. Now.

  His father was right. Indie had always been a storm, the most beautiful storm in the entire world. But she wasn’t the kind of storm you ran from. She was the kind you chase.

  “I’m leaving now,” he declared startling Ben.

  “You mind if I come with ya, son?”

  “Get in the truck. We ain’t stopping ‘til we’re in Oklahoma City.”

  “That’s what you should’a done back at the fancy school she followed you to. Right there is that fire she’s after, Luke. You just gotta show that to my girl.”

  ***

  Ev Camden watched his son’s truck fly up his driveway. His gut clenched. He knew what was coming. Hell, he’d told him to go, but that would never make watching your child leave home any easier. Luke was made to be a cowboy. He’d be miserable in any city anywhere. Ev wanted nothing more than to watch Ernie Perkins burn for all of this.

  When Luke leapt from the cab, Ev’s stomach churned. A weight settled on his chest he wasn’t certain would ever leave.

  “Dad, what you said last night about me leaving the ranch. I’ve got to. I’ll try to come back in a few weeks and help you sell off my steers.”

  Shaking his head, Ev focused on the business to keep the pain at bay. “Don’t worry about it, son. We’ll take care of it all. Just go get your Indie. That’s the way it’s meant to be.”

  Luke’s firm jaw trembled, betraying his own horror over leaving. “Would you mind tellin’ Mama for me? I don’t want to see her cry.”

  “Uh, yeah, okay. Maybe give her a call when you get there tonight, though.”

  “I will.”

  When his oldest son’s arms closed around his chest, it was all he could do not to break down. “Take care of yourself, son. You know your mama and I love you more than life itself.”

  “I know, Dad. I never wanted it to be this way. I thought I could get her to stay this time.”

  “Life don’t always work out just the way we want it. It will work out one way or another though.”

  Luke managed a single nod before Ev watched him take a visible inventory of the land that had raised him.

  With a wave, he headed back to the truck and drove away.

  “Well, they up and ran a second edition of the paper. Would ya look at that? Ernie Perkins behind bars. Ne
ver thought I’d see the day. I may frame this,” Jessie handed the paper to Ev. “Luke goin’ after Indie?” She gestured to his truck, just visible down the long dirt road that led off of Camden Ranch.

  “Yeah, honey, he is. Said to tell ya he loves you, and he’ll call tonight.”

  “If he hurries, they might make it back by tomorrow morning.”

  Confused, Ev took his wife’s hands. “He ain’t coming back, Jess. Not tonight. Not ever.”

  “What?!”

  “I told him he needed to be with Indie. That we understood.”

  “You told him what?”

  “He’s planning on settling in Oklahoma City with Indie, assuming she takes him back, which I ‘spect she will.”

  “Everett Camden, I’ve a good mind to take my fryin’ skillet to your head. Why in God’s name would you tell him that? They both belong here on this ranch. This is their home. It always has been. Why do the boys always talk to you and not me? Ain’t got sense God gave geese the whole lot of ya. Go get your truck.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “We are going to get my children and to bring them home.”

  “Can we come too, Mom? We kinda figure Luke’s gonna need some help talking Indie into coming back.” Holly asked. She was standing with Natalie and Miranda. Tucker Kilroy and Melony came from the other side of the porch.

  “I told him to go after her and then realized it wasn’t just him that needed to go get Indie. It was all of us,” Melony urged.

  “Ain’t that the truth. Fine, we’ll take my Suburban. Let’s give ‘em a little head start. Let Luke try it on his own ‘fore we barge in and save ‘em both. Told him we understood. Sweet Jesus, Everett, I swear.”

  The sinking sun reflected off a billboard advertising for the Colcord Riding Club Rodeo just outside Oklahoma City. The image was of a barrel racer taking a tight turn around the second barrel. “A good friend of mine told me that I had to realize I was worth saving. Kind of like I had to figure out what I was running from so I’d know who to run to.” Summer’s words quaked through Indie’s weary heart.

  She’d thought an hour before that she’d asked Luke not to use a condom because she wanted desperately and ridiculously to have some permanent tie to him, but that wasn’t it. A baby would’ve been something worth saving. Indie had never really thought herself valuable enough to save. She was more screwed up than she’d ever realized. Luke deserved better, even if he had lied to her.

  Her body was limp with exhaustion after the ten-hour drive. It shouldn’t have taken so long, but she’d had a flat and lacked the energy to change it with any speed. Then she’d come up on a thunderstorm that had added an hour to her trip. Now, she was back home and had no more tears to cry, so she’d given herself over to the dry convulsions and hated herself for crying in the first place. Her heart just wouldn’t give up the fight. Oklahoma City will never be your home, not really.

  Luke, her father, Jessie, her half-sisters, and even her own mother had phoned dozens of times. Indie wasn’t speaking to anyone. Pleasant Glen could just keep all of the pain it housed. She was never going back. No one there needed her anyway. Apparently, her father wasn’t even going to have a home for her to go back to.

  Another round of ire irked her blood when she pulled into her designated parking space outside her ancient apartment. Blinking through the residual cloud the endless tears had left scarred on her eyes, she could make out the oppressive graying sky settling over the industrial buildings that surrounded her. There were no wide open spaces here. She tried to tell herself it was fine. It always had been.

  Half of her belongings were at Luke’s. The other half still at her daddy’s. She was going to have to at least replace her toiletries at some point, but just then all she wanted was to collapse in her bed and pretend her world hadn’t actually ended that morning.

  As soon as she stepped into her tiny kitchen, she officially figured out that you never really get just what you want. The rest of Summer’s adage tumbled through her head. What she’d been running from was currently sitting at her kitchen table and what she’d always wanted to run to was five hundred miles the opposite direction.

  “Mother, what in God’s name are you doing here?” She clutched her heart that had been beating sluggishly all damn day, right up until the moment she discovered that she wasn’t alone in her apartment. “Better question — how the hell did you get in here?”

  “Your landlord let me in. I told him I was your mother.” Despite everything, it seemed Carolyn hadn’t lost the trilling disdain she used when speaking to Indie.

  “Got to move somewhere with higher security. Okay, now back to my original question — why the hell are you here?”

  “Well … I mean … isn’t it obvious?”

  “Uh, no, no it isn’t obvious, and I’ve had a really shitty day, so if you could spill it and then ice it with how the hell you even know where I live, you can leave, and I can get on with enduring the rest of this life I have no choice but to live.” Edging her mother to the side, Indie slammed her keys and purse down on the kitchen table. “Still waiting, Mama.”

  “Obviously I know where you live. I send you Christmas cards. And those horrible people put my Ernie in jail. They made me leave the house. I had nowhere to go. I phoned to tell you my plane would be landing at three. I thought you might actually put forth a little effort and pick me up at the airport. I decided I’d come visit you until Ernie gets this whole mess straightened out and that ridiculous town figures out how much he did for all of them.”

  Indie lifted her head, and in that moment caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror the tenants before her had left hanging on the wall over the sofa. She’d avoided looking in it the entire time she’d lived there, but hadn’t bothered to take it down.

  The image reflected back at her caught her off guard. Suddenly, she looked nothing like her mother. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, but there in the deep green depths she saw something she’d only concisely noticed once before. There was enduring strength and stamina. There was empowered vitality, and with her next blink that cleared a little more of the haze of emotion she saw her own power and her own beauty. The last time she’d been forced to look at herself in a mirror it had been under Luke’s urging. Now, she forced herself to really note every single thing penned with indelible ink on her soul. Turning to stare at her mother, she forced herself to notice all of their many differences instead of focusing on their identical eyes.

  “Those horrible people?” She shook her head, almost angrier at herself than her mother … almost. “Those horrible people? That’s who you’re blaming for all of this? You are standing in my apartment because your husband is in jail and you have no home and blaming Pleasant Glen?”

  “I blame Tucker Kilroy most of all. I told your sister she had no business marrying the likes of some lowly farm boy with no prospects at all. And she’s such a pretty thing. It’s a waste. Anyway, Tucker had that ridiculous sheriff and his lackey deputy in my home charging Ernie with blackmail and extortion or some other nonsense. All over that ridiculous land your father owns.”

  “Oh, I see. You got scared, and you were embarrassed, and you ran away. We’re so much more alike than either of us would ever care to admit, but that stops right here and right now. I have a choice. God, why did I never understand that before? I’ve always had a choice not to be like you. I have the power to be whoever I want to be, and I’m not going to continue to make the same mistakes.

  “And, you know what, I don’t think you should either. I’m not going to run away anymore. Look at me, Mother. Look me in the eye, because I’ve been screaming and yelling and raging against you my entire life, and I finally figured out that I was doing nothin’ but shouting into my own wind.” ‘Take a deep breath for me, sugar.’ She heard Luke’s calming, reassuring command in her head. The only man who’d ever understood how to make her calm and how to keep her breathing. “I’m going to take a deep breath, and stay calm this
time, and you are going to listen to me.

  “You are a selfish, ungrateful, bitch, Mother. There I said it. And I’m not finished, so keep your huffing and puffing down. So, you what, you screwed around on Daddy the entire time you were married, or did you give him the nine months it took to get me here? ‘Cause I can assure you that as soon as I arrived you wanted to have nothing to do with either of us. Quite frankly, you and Ernie deserve each other.

  “I’ll tell you this, too — the people of Pleasant Glen are not horrible. They are just people. We all have faults, and flaws, and good, and bad, and no amount of makeup, or hair care products, or money changes what’s inside of us. We all make mistakes. We all say things we wish we hadn’t or don’t say things and wish we had. We are all ashamed of things, or have things about us that we wish were different, but that doesn’t make them — or even you — horrible.

  “And it doesn’t matter if you’re here or in the Glen if you can’t figure out how to appreciate people and how to find something inside of yourself that makes you smile, genuinely smile, that makes you proud when you look in the mirror, then you’ll be a miserable cow for the rest of your life. And despite everything you’ve put me through, I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life with a no-good asshole like Ernie. But I really think you need to figure out who the hell you are before you jump in another man’s bed, because other than me, and Mel, and Miranda, that hasn’t ever gotten you anything worth having because you were incapable of seeing what you had when you had it.

  “I don’t really believe deep down in your soul that you blame Tucker any more than I believe you don’t understand exactly why Ernie is in jail. You’re not stupid, Mom, but denial is a powerful thing. I would know. I’ve been swimming in it for the last decade or more. So, you want to stay here in my apartment, you got it. You get a job and take over the rent. It would be really good for you. I’ll even put in a good word for you at some places around town. But I’m going back to the Glen. I’m going back to fight for the life I’ve always wanted and somehow stupidly allowed myself to believe that you were right — that I wasn’t pretty enough or small enough to deserve the life that’s been right there waiting on me. Because you know what? I am beautiful inside and out, and I will never, ever be small. I don’t want to be small. I want to live and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about me. I may not be pretty your way, Mama. I’m beautiful my way and that’s the only way I ever want to be. I will never ever try to shrink myself to your ridiculous standards ever again.