This Time

by Amy Reece

  She fished her laptop out of her bag and set it up on her desk, along with the coffee and remainder of the bagel. She sipped the gourmet dark brew while she checked her email, noting a time change for the weekly faculty meeting and several student drops from her U.S. History survey course. She reached for the remote for her iPod and clicked it on. As the soft classical music filled the small space, she took another bite of the bagel and chewed, enjoying it more than anything she’d tried to eat since Seamus and Finn had showed up here Monday morning. She glanced around at the overflowing bookshelves, her eyes pausing lovingly on several of her favorites: Blood and Thunder, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, Virgin Land. The shelf above was entirely devoted to Annie Oakley and Calamity Jane. Nina got a kick out of shelving the two together: one so prim and proper and the other anything but. Although she wouldn’t say no to an office with a window, she adored this room and knew she was surrounded by friends—book friends that never expected her to dress up and go to fancy cocktail parties to schmooze with publishers and agents. She finished her bagel and settled in to work on a new article for a few hours until her next class. She read what she’d written so far and felt the tension and stress of the last few days melting away as she focused on the words she’d crafted detailing Annie Oakley’s life and career, and how she embodied the myth and spirit of the wild west. She’d proposed the article to True West magazine six months before on a whim, hoping to use a small portion of what she’d researched so deeply for her dissertation as a pathway to a wider audience. She’d been shocked when they offered her a feature article. She knew her colleagues in the history department would sneer at her writing for a popular, non-scholarly publication, but she was thrilled with the thought that regular people—rather than rarified academics—might read about a topic so near and dear to Nina’s heart. For a precious hour, she lost herself in writing, surrounded by the scent of books old and new with the faint overtone of her rapidly cooling coffee.

  The buzz of her cell phone alarm jolted her out of the old west, reminding her she had a class in thirty minutes. She turned it off, noticing she’d missed a text message from Seamus.

  Seamus: Hey, how’s your first day back going?

  She smiled and composed her response.

  Nina: Rough start, but good now that I’m here and focused. Be safe. Come by when you have a day off if you can.

  She stood and stretched, trying to decide if she wanted to grab a quick sandwich before her afternoon classes. She opted for a protein bar from her desk drawer instead and ate it while she went over her lecture notes. Her cell phone buzzed insistently, pulling her away yet again from her comforting, academic focus. She grabbed it without checking the caller ID.

  “Hey, Nina. It’s Gordy. Sorry I haven’t called yet. How, uh, how are you doing?”

  Oh, God. She rubbed her forehead as she grimaced. She’d been dreading this conversation. Gordy and Neal had been college roommates and continued their partnership after college when they started their cyber security business. They’d started small, just the two of them in a tiny back room in Gordy’s uncle’s spare office space. Gordy was the computer genius of the pair and had written what would eventually become a highly sought-after program to detect cyber hacking attempts. Neal was the business side of the partnership. Gordon Sanderson was a great guy, but he’d followed Nina around like a puppy dog whenever Neal had brought him home for the weekend during college when Nina also happened to be home. She and Neal had each been awarded academic scholarships, he at New Mexico State in Las Cruces, and she at Davidson College in North Carolina. Being separated from her twin had been hard at first, but both had decided it was for the best if they were ever to develop their own identities. When she’d first met Gordy, she knew immediately he liked her and, although he wasn’t bad-looking, he didn’t hold a candle to Seamus or Ben, the guy she’d recently begun dating in North Carolina. Ben had been her first real relationship and the first guy she’d ever slept with. They’d dated all through college and she figured they’d get married eventually, but he got accepted to a grad program in Washington, D.C., and she’d gone to the University of Nebraska for her master’s degree. Long distance proved to be too much, and they’d drifted apart and eventually broke up. She’d met David soon afterward, clearly while she was still on the rebound from Ben.

  “Nina? Are you there?”

  “Sorry, Gordy. Yeah. Of course. How are you holding up?” Guilt crashed through her; she should have called.

  “Um, I guess I’m okay. I opened the office today since the police are finished in Neal’s…” His voice faded, and he coughed softly. “Anyway, I thought I’d give you a call and see how you’re doing. I’m so sorry, Nina.”

  “Oh, Gordy.” She squeezed her eyes shut against the sudden tears. There had been too many tears in the last few days and she couldn’t handle anymore at the moment. Why did he have to call and disrupt the only peace I’ve managed to find? Irrational anger burned through her and she fought to sound civil. “Listen, I have a class in a few minutes, so I need to go.”

  “Sure, of course. Listen, I was wondering if I could swing by for a few minutes later this evening?”

  Crap. That’s the last thing I want to deal with right now. But she knew he had to be hurting nearly as much as she. “That would be nice. Why don’t you come for dinner? I know the girls would love to see you.” She didn’t know any such thing, of course. Neither Lily nor Iris had ever seemed terribly interested in their uncle’s business partner.

  “Oh. Okay. Yeah, that would be great. Can I bring anything?”

  She assured him he didn’t need to bring a thing and hastily said goodbye. If she didn’t hurry, she’d be late for her afternoon class.

  ***

  “Do you remember the time you visited us in Las Cruces and we drove down to Juarez? God, we used to have some great times, huh?”

  Nina smiled weakly over her glass. She remembered that Gordy had assumed he was welcome to tag along the whole weekend when she had wanted to spend some time with her brother. She also remembered the vast amount of tequila they had all consumed and certainly didn’t want to share her drunken college exploits with her small daughters. She also seemed to remember a lapse in judgment that led to a slow dance and a rather lingering kiss with Gordy. Yikes, Gordy. Don’t you dare bring that up now! It hadn’t been terrible, but she had nothing in common with him except her brother, and she hadn’t been at all interested in pursuing a relationship with him. “We had some times, that’s for sure. Lily, aren’t you going to finish your chicken?”

  Lily shook her head and looked at her twin. “May we be excused?”

  “Don’t you want dessert?” Nina was not a proponent of the ‘clean plate’ club. As long as the girls tried a little of everything, she was satisfied. Against her instructions, Gordy had arrived with a cherry pie and vanilla ice cream.

  Both girls shook their heads and slipped out of their chairs. Iris sidled close to Nina and whispered in her ear. “When is Seamus coming over?”

  “He’s at work, sweetie. Remember, I told you he has to work really long shifts as a fireman?”

  Iris nodded and turned to follow her sister out of the dining room.

  “Sweet kids,” Gordy murmured and reached for another helping of the roast chicken Nina had prepared.

  “Yes, they are.” They’d been quiet during dinner, though, and Nina missed the giggles and chatter they usually brought to the table. Gordy insisted on talking about Neal almost constantly and she knew it upset the girls. They shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of issue at such a young age and Nina was relieved they had left the room.

  “So, Nina. I’ve been thinking. I’d like to buy out Neal’s half of the business.”

  She forced herself to swallow the chicken, which had suddenly gone bone dry. Jesus, Gordy. We haven’t even buried him yet! “I’m not really ready to think about all that right now, okay? Could we just focus on getting through the next few weeks before we make any busines
s decisions, please?” She could feel the pressure building behind her eyes and wanted nothing more than to get rid of her unwanted guest and spend the rest of the evening with her girls.

  “Sure, sure. Sorry. It’s just that we’re at a crucial point with the new program and I can’t afford to lose momentum.”

  “I know. I just need some time to figure things out.” She wondered if he was aware that she, not Neal, had controlling interest in the business, due to the loan she’d given him. She’d had no intention of getting involved and was content to let Neal pay her back over the next few years. But now she would have to decide what she wanted to do, and if she was willing to stay in contact with Gordy in order to keep her interest, or if she wanted to sell to him outright. She had no idea how he would come up with the money to purchase her half if she decided to offer it to him. She stood to clear the plates. “Are you ready for pie?”

  He took the hint. “I guess I’ll take a rain check on dessert, if you don’t mind.”

  Her relief was palpable, but she tried not to let it show on her face. “I understand.” She saw him to the door, trying vainly to contain her impatience to have him gone.

  He turned on the front step and put his hand against the door before it closed completely. “Maybe we could get together again, Nina. Just the two of us?”

  Shit. Could your timing be any worse, Gordon? Like I could possibly be romantically interested in anyone just days after my brother died? Against her will, Seamus’s face flashed across her mind, but she shoved it aside impatiently. “I don’t know, Gordy. I can’t think about that right now, okay?”

  “Yeah, of course. Sorry. I’ll, uh, I’ll call you soon. Bye.” He waved tentatively as he walked toward his car.

  She shut the door and turned the deadbolt, then leaned her forehead against the wood. I so did not need this! Seamus, I wish you could come tonight. I never feel stressed around you. She turned to find the girls.

  Chapter Six

  Seamus

  The hot water stung his burned arm and he figured he would have to get Shella to give him some more ointment before he left the station. The shower felt amazing, though, rinsing away the dried sweat and soot from the fire. By the time he dried off and changed into clean jeans and the ever-present fire department t-shirt that made up the bulk of his wardrobe, the second shift had arrived and was setting out breakfast items for their exhausted colleagues. Seamus grabbed a packet of Pop-Tarts and leaned against the counter to wolf them down along with a huge glass of milk as he joined the general conversation about the apartment fire. Shella redressed his burn and covered it with a bandage.

  “It would be great if you didn’t get it wet again for a couple days, Seamus. You really don’t want an infection.”

  He grinned and offered half his second pastry. “Aw, don’t be mad, Shel. I promise I’ll keep it dry from now on. It stings like a bitch, you know.”

  “I can imagine. It’s pretty damn nasty. You’re going to have one hell of a scar, DeLuca. Might even interfere with your photoshoot for the firemen’s beefcake calendar.”

  “There goes my dream of a modeling career.” He spoke around the mouthful of Pop-Tart Shella had refused. He’d actually been approached several years ago about modeling for the calendar, but had stated unequivocally that he would not even consider it. “I heard they’re doing a female version of it this year. I nominated you, of course.”

  “I will if you will.” She tweaked his nose and walked away.

  “So much sass, Shel.” One by one the rest of his shift wandered away, all of them obviously feeling the afterburn of the adrenaline from the fire. It was difficult to come down after such an intense experience and he knew he’d never be able to get to sleep, although he’d only gotten a few hours the night before. He finally took his leave of the station but didn’t want to go back to his apartment. He checked his phone and noticed several text messages from Sloane, which he ignored. He wasn’t ready to talk to her yet. The break from her constant nagging was nice. He had a flash of guilt, but shoved it aside as he unlocked his car. He planned to take a long drive to calm his nerves but found himself driving to Nina’s house before he even realized where he was going. It wasn’t quite seven o’clock, but he figured she’d already be up and getting the girls ready for school. He skirted around to the side yard and peered in the kitchen window, hoping none of the neighbors would call the cops and report a peeping Tom. She was measuring grounds into the coffee maker. Her long brown hair fell messily around her face and she wore a baggy t-shirt with a kitten on it and plaid shorts. She looked tired, and Seamus worried she hadn’t slept well. He rapped softly at the window, hoping he didn’t scare her to death.

  She jumped slightly, but didn’t appear too startled. She hurried to open the side door for him. “Hey. What are you doing here? Did you just get off work?”

  “Yeah. I thought I’d stop by before I head home. Sorry about the skulking. I didn’t want to wake anyone.”

  She finished preparing the coffee and pushed the start button. Within seconds, the fragrant aroma of fresh brew filled the kitchen. “We can have some coffee before I need to wake the girls.” She narrowed her green eyes at him for a long moment. “What’s wrong? And what did you do to your arm?” She gestured to the bandage.

  He shrugged and fiddled with the edge of a placemat. “It’s just a little burn. We had a fire last night—this morning really—and I guess I was too keyed up to head home yet. I thought I’d swing by and see if I could do anything for you.”

  She smiled and pushed her hair behind her ear. “You’re sweet, Seamus. Stay for breakfast?” She stood and poured them each a cup of coffee, then turned to the refrigerator for the creamer.

  “On one condition.” He sipped the steaming beverage, which was ten times better than the station coffee.

  She raised an eyebrow as she sipped her own coffee. “Condition?”

  He grinned. “Yeah, condition. I’ll cook while you get the girls ready.” He raised his own eyebrow, daring her to disagree.

  She waved her hand. “Fine. If you think I’m going to turn down the chance to not cook a meal, you’re crazy.” She sipped, then set her mug down and covered his hand with hers. “Thanks, Seamus.”

  He turned his hand over and squeezed her fingers lightly, enjoying the soft warmth too much. He pulled his hand away and stood. “No problem.” He opened the fridge and perused the contents. “Do the girls like pancakes? You do have flour, right?”

  “Yes, to both.” She was silent for a moment. “My parents should be back in town this afternoon.”

  He closed the fridge and opened cabinets until he found her flour canister. “Are you taking the day off?”

  She shook her head. “No. I may leave work a bit early, but I need to go in to teach my classes. I hate canceling.”

  He found a large bowl and measuring cups and began mixing up a batch of pancake batter. “I’ll bet you do. What’s the plan for tonight? Do you think they’ll expect to gather here?”

  “I imagine they’ll want to be home, so I’ll take the girls over there. I’ll probably take something for dinner, so we don’t have to order in.”

  Seamus stirred and wondered why Nick couldn’t handle dinner duty. He didn’t have a job to go to since he was visiting from out of town. Why did everything seem to fall on Nina’s shoulders? “Do you mind if I tag along? Or would I be intruding? You can be honest, Nina.”

  “Of course I don’t mind. You’re like family. But are you sure you want to spend your day off hanging around us? You’ve got to be exhausted, and it’s not going to be pleasant. My parents are undoubtedly freaking out.”

  He had been like family once, but he hadn’t spent much time with Neal’s parents since he’d graduated from high school. He had no great desire to see them under these circumstances, but Nina needed him, and he was determined to be there to support her through this. “I’m sure. I’ll go home and grab a few hours of sleep this afternoon, so don’t worry about me.” He s
et the bowl aside and searched in the cabinet under her stove top for a griddle. He set it on the burner to heat and turned to her. “Listen, what if I see about the girls spending a few hours at Janey’s house tonight while we’re at your folks’? Your parents are going to want to talk about the details of Neal’s death and the girls don’t need to hear it.”

  She bit her lip and frowned. “I’ve been worried about that too, but I hate to impose on your sister. Why don’t I call a babysitter?”

  “I think they’d be more distracted if they got to play with Janey. Let me call Izzy and see if she can do it; if she can’t, we can get a babysitter. Okay?”

  “I guess.” She rubbed her hands on her arms as if she were cold. “I hate this, Seamus.”

  He stepped behind her and massaged her neck gently, pushing her soft hair over one shoulder. “I know. One day at a time. It will get better, eventually.”

  She groaned softly, a sound that went straight to his gut—and places further south, if he were totally honest. “I hope so. I can’t tell you how glad I am that you’re here. I don’t think I could do this without you.”

  He leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then decided the conversation had waded into deep enough waters for this early in the morning. “I am pretty great, huh?” He stepped away and returned to the stove. “Go wake the girls. The first batch will be up in five.”

  A few minutes later, Lily and Iris stumbled into the kitchen, each clutching a ragged stuffed animal. Lily caught sight of him and stopped in her tracks. “Seamus!” She ran to him, animated now, and hugged him, her arms not quite reaching around his thighs.

  “Hey, Squirt.” He hugged her back with one arm as he flipped the last of the pancakes in the first batch. “Hey, Iris.” The other girl smiled at him but said nothing as she took a seat at the table and set her stuffed bunny beside her plate. She might not be as effusive as Lily, but it was better than the last time he’d fixed them breakfast, when her glare could have singed the hair on his head. He’d take what he could get at this point. While the girls ate, he made another batch of pancakes for himself and Nina, then made sure she ate what he placed in front of her. Nina insisted on stacking the dishes in the dishwasher while Seamus cooked up the rest of the huge batch of batter he’d mixed.