This Time

by Amy Reece

  Seamus considered her suggestion. “That doesn’t sound like Neal.”

  She patted the cushion next to her. “I agree, but I need to know what was going on. Please, Seamus.” She put her hand on his arm and looked up from under her dark lashes.

  He swallowed past the sudden awareness her touch caused. “I’m worried about you. I don’t think it’s healthy to…spend a lot of time on this.” He brushed the pad of his thumb gently under her eye. “You look tired. You’re still not sleeping?”

  “Some,” she said with a shrug. “But it’s hard to shut my mind off. Will you please just take a look?” She slid the laptop over to him.

  He sighed and pulled it on his lap. “How did you even figure out the password?” He clicked open folders as he asked.

  She scooted closer to him and pulled the afghan higher on her lap. “It took a lot of trial and error, but he tried to teach me how to create strong, super-secret passwords a year or so ago. It didn’t sink in for me, but I was finally able to figure out what Neal had used.”

  “Yeah, he tried to teach me the same shit, but I glazed over within a couple of minutes. God, Neal sure could rant, huh?” He chuckled and looked at her. “You figured it out, though? Jeez, Nina. I knew you were smart, but this is impressive.”

  “Thanks. I found a bunch of financial records, but I’m not sure how to read them.” She pointed to the file folder icon on the desktop and waited while he opened it. “Do you think Izzy might be willing to take look? I’d pay her, of course.”

  “I’m sure she will, and she won’t take any money for it.” He squinted at the spreadsheets and frowned. “Yeah, I don’t know how to read accounting ledgers, either. I’ll talk to Izzy.” He closed the laptop and set it on the coffee table. “Will you promise me to stop spending your nights searching through this until after she’s had a chance to check the spreadsheets out?”

  “Seamus,” she objected. “Don’t ask me to do that. Please.” She implored him with those big, green eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “If it’s keeping you from sleeping, it’s a huge deal.” He pulled her legs onto his lap and reached beneath the afghan; her bare feet were icy, so he took turns warming each between his palms. “Have you thought about talking to a doctor or a counselor?”

  She shook her head and crossed her arms. “I don’t want to take sleeping pills. I need to be able to hear the girls in the middle of the night, and I won’t if I’m drugged up.”

  “Hey.” He continued to rub her cold feet. “That’s not what I meant.” At her disbelieving glare, he rolled his eyes. “Okay, that’s not all I meant. I get that sleeping pills aren’t the best idea for you, but talking to a counselor couldn’t hurt, could it?”

  She stared at him for several long moments, but he refused to look away. “Ugh. Fine. Yeah, I’ll talk to someone, if you insist.” She reached for her wine. “I’m not crazy.”

  “Going to a counselor doesn’t mean you’re crazy, Nina.”

  “I need to know why Neal did it,” she whispered. “I can’t accept that I wouldn’t have known how he was feeling.”

  His heart broke for her, but he worried her obsession—which is exactly what it seemed like to him—would stop her from properly grieving her brother’s death.

  ***

  Nina

  Mental and Behavioral Health Benefits:

  Behavioral health treatment, such as psychotherapy and counseling

  Mental and behavioral health inpatient services

  Substance use/abuse disorder treatment

  Nina scrolled farther down the web page for the details. At least the university provides decent insurance coverage. I’ll give in to Seamus’s ridiculous demands that I see a counselor, but only if I don’t have to pay out-of-pocket. Further investigation revealed she had eight counseling visits on the house to figure out whether or not she was clinically depressed, or obsessed, or whatever. She blew out a resigned breath and did a Google search for local counseling centers. The university had one, but she had no intention of using it in case she was seen going in or out. Her parents had suggested counseling after her divorce, but she’d been much too busy finishing her dissertation and wrapping her head around single motherhood to even think about adding one more thing on her plate. Neal had also thought it would be a good idea. Had he been seeing a counselor or a psychiatrist? Is that who prescribed the antidepressants to him? And what kind of crappy counselor couldn’t tell their patient was suicidal? She remembered all the warnings she’d researched and wondered again if that’s what happened to Neal. Maybe I should call a lawyer instead of a counselor.

  The buzzing of her cell phone interrupted her thoughts and she glanced at it, surprised to see Chris Hart’s name and number. She’d exchanged numbers with both detectives, but had only spoken with Finn so far. “Hi, Chris. What can I do for you?”

  “Nina, hi. Sorry to bother you at work, but I need you to come down to the precinct.”

  Chills crept down her spine at the tone of Chris’s voice. “What’s wrong? What’s happened? Is it Seamus?” Oh, God, please let him be okay.

  “No, nothing like that.” Chris sounded confused. “But you might want to bring him with you. Listen, Nina, we’ve got more information about Neal’s death, but it would be better if we talked in person. Can you get away?”

  “Of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She hung up, heart pounding, and found Seamus’s number in her contacts. Please let him answer. She didn’t care to analyze why she needed him so badly; she simply knew she did.

  “Nina, hey.” He sounded sleepy.

  “I woke you up. I’m so sorry.”

  “No, it’s not a problem. Don’t worry about it. What’s up? You sound weird.”

  She huffed a brief laugh. “Yeah. Chris just called and said I need to go down to the state police precinct. She said they’ve got more information on Neal’s death. She suggested you come too. Please, Seamus. Can you go with me?” She wasn’t above begging, if that’s what it took.

  “Of course. Why don’t I meet you there?”

  “Thanks.” She ran her hand through her hair distractedly. “I really appreciate it. What do you think they’ve found?”

  He sighed and she could hear him moving around his bedroom. “I have no idea. Let’s just wait ’til we get there. Speculation isn’t going to help.” He paused. “Drive carefully, okay? You don’t need to speed or anything to get there. Promise me?”

  “Yeah, okay. I wish you’d stop worrying about me.” But she doubted the veracity of her own words; she kind of liked having someone worry about her.

  “I don’t think that’s possible. I’m gonna grab a lightning-quick shower and then I’ll head out. Meet you there in about twenty minutes. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  ***

  He was leaning against his shiny black sports car when she pulled into the parking lot twenty-five minutes later. It had taken longer than she liked to cancel her afternoon classes and let her department head know she would be missing the afternoon faculty meeting. Seamus’s dark brown curls glistened, still wet from his shower. He straightened as she parked next to him and exited her SUV. “Hey.” His smile was warm—the most comforting thing she’d seen in a long time.

  Without conscious thought, she walked straight into his arms and inhaled his clean, male fragrance. It should be illegal to smell so good. “I’m so glad you’re here.” She had a bad feeling about what was coming, a sort of sixth sense.

  He held her close for a moment. “Of course. Any time.” He gently extricated himself. “So, let’s do this?”

  She nodded and walked beside him to the precinct doors. They checked in at the front desk. The receptionist picked up the phone to call for Chris, who promptly came to meet them.

  “Hi, guys. Thanks for coming so quickly. Your parents arrived a few minutes ago, Nina.”

  Nina met Seamus’s frown. It must be serious if she called my parents in too.

  “Is Finn still ou
t on paternity leave?” Seamus asked as they followed Chris into the bowels of the precinct.

  “Yeah. He took a full two weeks off since Mel had to have a C-section. Little Ava sure is a cutie, huh?”

  “She’s a doll. Hard to believe Finn’s a father, though.”

  They’re chatting about babies? Seriously? But maybe it indicated this—dragging Nina and her parents down to the precinct in the middle of the day—wasn’t as serious an issue as she feared. Or maybe it was simply an indication of Chris’s ability to separate work and family issues.

  She led them to a small, private conference room and Nina wondered if it was normally used to interrogate suspects. The Bradens were seated at the Formica-topped table, drinking coffee from Styrofoam cups.

  Nina greeted them each with a quick hug and joined them at the table. Seamus opted to stand in the back of the room, behind the table, his arms crossed over his chest as he frowned at Chris.

  Chris took the empty chair at the head of the table and pulled a file folder toward her. “Thank you all for getting here so quickly.” She opened the folder and pulled out a piece of paper. “I’m sorry to be so dramatic and mysterious, but I didn’t want to tell you any of this over the phone.” She sighed. “The coroner’s report with the final autopsy results finally came back and they’ve discovered some discrepancies.”

  “What does that mean?” Mr. Braden set his coffee cup aside and leaned forward. “What sort of discrepancies?”

  Chris glanced down at the report in front of her. “Apparently the angle of the gunshot is not consistent with a self-inflicted wound. There’s more.” She held up her hand as several of the others started to interrupt. “Although they found gunpowder residue on Neal’s hand, the amount is also not consistent with a self-inflicted wound.”

  “What? Oh, my God!” Nina exclaimed. She stared at her parents, who appeared to be in shock.

  Chris nodded. “I don’t want to get too technical, but the void of gunpowder residue on his left hand, the one the gun was in, is indicative of another hand on top of his when the gun was fired. Because of these discrepancies, the OMI—that’s the Office of the Medical Investigator—did a much more thorough autopsy and investigation than normal. They ran an extended tox screen and found high levels of ketamine in his system.”

  “What is ketamine? Why would Neal take it?” Mrs. Braden asked.

  Chris shook her head. “Ketamine is a tranquilizer, often used to get high, but the amount Neal had in his system was fatal and it’s highly doubtful he took it willingly. It was most likely injected, although the coroner was unable to find evidence of this.”

  “Neal was murdered.” Seamus’s voice was hollow as his hands squeezed Nina’s shoulders.

  Chris continued to nod. “We are now investigating his death as a homicide. I’m so sorry.”

  Mrs. Braden was now crying softly. “I don’t understand.”

  Nina shook her head, trying vainly to stop the buzzing. She reached for Seamus’s hand, her one tenuous hold on reality in that moment. “Who?” She cleared her suddenly parched throat. “Do you have any suspects?”

  Now Chris’s expression went carefully blank and Nina knew she wasn’t about to tell them anything close to the truth. “We already have several leads, which we’re actively following up, but I’m afraid I can’t say anything more at this time.” She closed the folder and stood. “I promise to keep you all updated as soon as we know more. We’ll need to talk more about this to each of you, but I realize you’re all in shock right now.” She crossed to the door and held it open, a clear indication the conference was at an end.

  The four of them walked together to the parking lot in silence. Mrs. Braden turned to Nina as she reached her car. “I don’t even know what to say. Do you want to come to the house, Nina? We could talk about it there.”

  Panic set in as she thought about having to deal with her parents’ suppositions and continued grief. I just can’t deal with that right now. “Um, I don’t…I don’t think I can handle it right now, Mom. Could we meet up a little later?”

  Mrs. Braden pulled her daughter into her arms and kissed her forehead. “Of course, dear. I know this is hard for you. It’s hard for us all. Why don’t you go home and get some rest and come over later this evening?”

  Nina nodded and stepped away carefully. “Okay, yeah. I’ll see if I can get a babysitter or something. I don’t want the girls to know about this yet.”

  “All right.” Her mother smoothed Nina’s hair back from her forehead as she had so many times when Nina was growing up, then turned to Seamus. “Thank you for coming. Will you make sure Nina gets home safely?”

  He nodded and gave Mrs. Braden a quick hug. “Of course.”

  Nina watched her parents drive away, then sighed. “I just couldn’t deal with them right now. Does that make me a horrible person?”

  He put his arm around her shoulders and steered her toward their vehicles. “Not even close. Parents can be intense.” They reached her car and he turned her to face him. “What do you need from me right now, Nina?”

  She dropped her gaze and shrugged. So much. I don’t even know what I need from you. “Is there any way we could grab some coffee or something?”

  He smiled crookedly and reached for her hand. “Sounds good. Let’s take my car.”

  She nodded and followed him to his sports car. He held the passenger door open for her and she lowered herself into the black leather seat, noting how clean the interior was. It still smelled new. She sat back and prepared to enjoy the ride, determined to push the awful things Chris had just told them away for a few precious minutes.

  Seamus glanced sideways at her before he started the engine. “You okay?”

  She nodded and closed her eyes. “I need some time to process. Do you like to drive fast? Is there any way you could take us for a short drive before we find that coffee?”

  He chuckled and backed out of his parking space. “I love to drive fast and I know the perfect place, not too far from here.”

  She kept her eyes closed as he drove; she may have drifted off for a few minutes, but the smooth feel of the road beneath them soothed her. His fancy car had better suspension than her SUV. She’d always gone for the practical option, the one with the highest safety rating for carting her children around town; this brief escape in a sexy sports car was fun and surprisingly good for her sanity. When she finally opened her eyes, she was shocked to see they weren’t in Albuquerque. Tall pine trees towered over the small parking lot of Katrinah’s East Mountain Grill. “Where are we?”

  “Edgewood.” It was a small town in the mountains just east of Albuquerque. “I figured it would do you good to get out of town for a bit. Are you okay with that? I can take you back, if you want.”

  She smiled sleepily and reached for the door handle. “This is perfect.”

  Seamus held the glass door of the restaurant for her and the delicious aroma of coffee and cooking meat greeted them.

  “It smells great.”

  “Sure does. Let’s have lunch.” He winked at her.

  She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Mother. You’re worried about me not eating enough now?” She told the hostess it would be two for lunch.

  He pulled her chair out with a chuckle. “Maybe. I happen to know you only picked at your dinner last night.”

  “It was delicious, Seamus.” She put her hand on his forearm, enjoying the hard lines of muscle under a colorful tattoo. “It’s not that I didn’t like it. You’re a great cook.”

  He put his hand on top of hers. “I’m not insulted, Nina. But I do want to make sure you eat properly.”

  The waitress approached, glanced at their clasped hands, and flashed them an indulgent smile. Seamus and Nina quickly let go and sat back in their chairs. “Hi. My name’s Anna and I’ll be your server.” She handed them each a menu. “What would you like to drink?”

  Nina buried her head in the menu as she felt a blush creeping up her neck. “Coffee, please.”

>   Seamus ordered the same and waited until the waitress had retreated. “What’s wrong?”

  “She thinks we’re together. Together-together.”

  He stared at her, eyebrows raised. “So? Who cares? Relax, Nina. We don’t even know anyone here.” He set his menu on the edge of the table. “Can we talk about what Chris said, or would you rather wait until after we eat?”

  She set her menu on top of his. “We can talk about it now.”

  “You promise you’ll eat, though?”

  “Yes! Stop fussing.”

  “I rarely fuss.” He held his hand toward her, the little finger crooked. “Pinky swear?”

  “What are we—twelve?” But she linked her pinky with his. “Pinky swear.” He’s so good for me. I don’t think I could handle this by myself. She swallowed and forced herself to bring up the horrible topic. “Did Chris really just tell us Neal was murdered?”

  Chapter Nine

  Seamus

  “She did. The police are investigating Neal’s death as a homicide.” He kept her hand in his as they lowered them to the scarred wooden tabletop. He needed to hold on to her, to have physical contact as they discussed this unbelievable revelation. Ordinary people, people you knew, weren’t murdered, and Neal was the most normal guy he’d ever known! The waitress returned with their coffee and Seamus reluctantly let go of Nina’s hand as they placed their food order and put sugar and cream in their coffee.

  “Who on earth would want to murder my brother?” she said, echoing his thoughts. “Did Neal have any enemies?”

  He sipped his coffee, a wonderfully strong, dark roast, and shook his head. “Not that I know of, but he and I didn’t exactly move in the same circles. I really don’t know any of his other friends any more. We kind of drifted apart during college and only really started meeting up again for beers fairly recently. We met more often over the past few months since Tony moved to Portales.”

  She reached for his hand again. “You miss him, don’t you? Tony, I mean.”